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i was in bed. my bed is next to the kitchen. my apartment is small, dont ask. anyway it was dark and movement catches the corner of my eye and i glance over and there's this weird disc-shaped dog coming towards me, sneaking, staring, as if it didnt realize i saw it
so i just call for xan to come over to turn on the kitchen light bc LolNo
she turns on the light and there's nothing there, obv. i knew it was a hallucination immediately but it was the first unnerving one in a long while. o_o also the most vivid. afterwords my head immediately began to throb with pain. thanks
anyway i thought about it and tweeted about it and like. hallucinations are so much like dreams. non-psychotic people are always like ":^) ive never hallucinated" but Buddy, you have. dreams are hallucinations, they're just while you sleep and thus dont really interfere with anything.
but hallucinations? they're waking dreams. dreams happening when they shouldn't. They make just as much sense as sleeping dreams too. You know how in a dream you'll just /know/ stuff about something in a dream without really seeing it or anyone telling you? Same with hallucinations. A lot of my hallucinations are less visual and more me "acquiring" information about said hallucination. Sometimes my hallucinations are pure information and not visual at all. also a lot of them are really hard to visually describe, like dreams... and sometimes you forget what they look like after the hallucination ends, like when you wake up and immediately forget your dream. It's hard to explain, i think, idk if im making sense here
anyway, back to the dog. it's was white. and flat. like a squished 3d-model. but it was squished length-wise, and was pointing at me, so i couldnt really see it was flat, but i /knew/ it was flat. also, it had big teeth, and a big mouth, which i knew it had but didnt get a chance to see that well.
i also knew it was watching me and sneaking towards me.
i knew it wasnt real but goddamn is it unnerving. xan rescued me tho. luv u bby
i wish people didnt think hallucinating is some strange and scary and extreme thing The Crazies did but honestly i'd take hallucinating over most of my other symptoms any day
so i just call for xan to come over to turn on the kitchen light bc LolNo
she turns on the light and there's nothing there, obv. i knew it was a hallucination immediately but it was the first unnerving one in a long while. o_o also the most vivid. afterwords my head immediately began to throb with pain. thanks
anyway i thought about it and tweeted about it and like. hallucinations are so much like dreams. non-psychotic people are always like ":^) ive never hallucinated" but Buddy, you have. dreams are hallucinations, they're just while you sleep and thus dont really interfere with anything.
but hallucinations? they're waking dreams. dreams happening when they shouldn't. They make just as much sense as sleeping dreams too. You know how in a dream you'll just /know/ stuff about something in a dream without really seeing it or anyone telling you? Same with hallucinations. A lot of my hallucinations are less visual and more me "acquiring" information about said hallucination. Sometimes my hallucinations are pure information and not visual at all. also a lot of them are really hard to visually describe, like dreams... and sometimes you forget what they look like after the hallucination ends, like when you wake up and immediately forget your dream. It's hard to explain, i think, idk if im making sense here
anyway, back to the dog. it's was white. and flat. like a squished 3d-model. but it was squished length-wise, and was pointing at me, so i couldnt really see it was flat, but i /knew/ it was flat. also, it had big teeth, and a big mouth, which i knew it had but didnt get a chance to see that well.
i also knew it was watching me and sneaking towards me.
i knew it wasnt real but goddamn is it unnerving. xan rescued me tho. luv u bby
i wish people didnt think hallucinating is some strange and scary and extreme thing The Crazies did but honestly i'd take hallucinating over most of my other symptoms any day
