Work, or something like it
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If you want me Just say the words
Please click-through to read my latest post on Medium:
https://ift.tt/6Tz2O8c
https://ift.tt/6Tz2O8c
Authentic pleasure vs. simulated pleasure
Moving Right Along
Birdwatching
My arms turn wings
Oh, thobse clumsy things
Send me up to that wonderful world
And then, I'm up with the birds
It took me many years to connect the dots, but it has become clear to me over the past few years that birds are some of my very favourite animals. I follow several dozen YouTubers, and over the past while my YouTube and TV/Movie watching have evened out to be about the same amount — which means there are dozens of YouTubers I follow now. There's very, very few who I take the time to watch nearly every single video, counting down the hours until the next one is released, and the one on the top of the list is White House on the Hill — a family that raises birds. Chickens. Ducks. Pigeons. Guineafowl. Emus. Peafowl. I mean, just to name a few.
Feed the birds,
Tuppence a bag
Novella
Everything changed, what was bright turned to bleak
Cause everyone seemed to get sick, 'cept for me
And my dad's final cough, where they carted me off
They stuck me in hell and they gave me a cross
And said "Son, the church is all you've got now, got now
Son, so give your life to God now
The week that the pandemic shutdown began in Canada blindsided me. I had been recovering from a (then) several week long depression caused by the steep drop-off of life activities after our anniversary trip to Hawaii, followed by the conference I was running as a first time solo professional conference planner. I landed home from Denver, exhausted and spent, and somewhat expecting a depressive episode, though without having properly prepared for one. Of course, giving myself grace, the truth was that at the time, I didn't have enough knowledge or skills to do that effectively. Then I went down to Medicine Hat to visit my Dad and we had a falling out.
I crashed hard into one of the roughest depressions I have ever experienced.
Fix the car, fix the house
Fix the flaws in my self
It's never done
Like local construction
I knew why. That wasn't a mystery. And I knew it had happened before, repeatedly. I just still, after all my searching, hadn't figured out how to kick it.
( Read more...Collapse )Air for Free
Every once and a while, a musical album comes along that absolutely and completely defines your life in the moment that you discover it, and the meaning for you is so much deeper than you can ever communicate. It has been a few years since that has happened to me. Some artists have stayed with me throughout the years, and none longer than Relient K, the band that made me fall in love with the driving speed, whimsy, harmonies, and play-on-words lyrical brilliance of really good modern pop punk, the genre that defines my listening more than any other.
I can remember defining albums for over 20 years now. To The Moon and Back by Savage Garden in 1998. The poetic sounds of Delirous? Mezzamorphis in 1999. the first three Switchfoot albums on my discman in 2000 were one album to me that year - the CDs are so scratched up that today you can barely play them even if you wanted to. 2001 was Audio Adrenaline's Hit Parade. 2002 was when Jordie shared Collective Soul's Gel with me on the band trip bus to Edmonton, and later I fell forThrive by the Newsboys, as well as The O.C. Supertones during my brief flirtation with brass in the form of ska - it was a year with a lot of musical exploration, more than one that was defined by one album, though Gel did truly come close. 2003 was Relient K's The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek.
( Read more...Collapse )Practicing Radical Acceptance
Go into the world, showing how much
He loves you
Walk in the world, in meaningful ways
He loves you
Every year at this time of year, without fail, I come back to LiveJournal. I keep thinking, “I wish I had done a better job. I wish I had catalogued my life more purposefully.” At least this year I had a few more months where part of what I was experiencing got posted at the time.
But then, the other more practical part of my mind often chimes in that my calendar does a good enough job of sparking my memory about all the different experiences that I have had.
( Read more...Collapse )#LakeLife
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the Word
Saviour I come, quiet my soul, remember
Redemption's hill where your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the Word
Most days now I wake up to the sound of a robin singing in the tree near our bedroom window. Sometimes, if I'm up either late or early enough, I'll hear all the birds in chorus. This is an actual recording of that sound.
Speaking of sound, I finally finished the stereo install in the car, and man is it nice to have great quality sound in there for all these long trips...
Speaking of sound, I finally finished the stereo install in the car, and man is it nice to have great quality sound in there for all these long trips...
Yesterday I was planning camping trips for two different weekends, and recently I was planning for a third weekend, and I’m just thrilled to be going out to celebrate water and fire and food and family and friendships this summer. It feels like a return to my Emma Lake days. When I’m at the lake, I sleep better, my mood improves. Cities aren’t particularly good for humans. Perhaps there’s a genetic component to that as well, since I’m from agrarian stock mostly.
Saviour I come, quiet my soul, remember
Redemption's hill where your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss
The Family Life Conference we attended this weekend was a wonderful chance to enjoy campfire conversations, excellent speakers, and lake life at the same time. The weather was hit and miss, with a storm on Friday, Saturday during the day, then a beautiful evening - finally a lovely day on Sunday all day - then to end things off, high winds and pelting rain for the camping takedown. I was exhilerated and called it an adventure. Paul was cold and wet and miserable and grouchy and protested that it was not an adventure. I asked to go out to the lake shore because the waves from the whitecaps were as big as an ocean, and “We’re never going to hear the ocean in Alberta again!” He humoured me!
The biggest difference from the last few years, when Paul has gotten really seriously ill from allergic reactions to something, was that this year we stayed with Paul’s former co-worker Yvonne, who has now retired out to the lake with her husband Lance. They have a gorgeous lake house with an actual lake view (not just a view of another lake house across the street) and she has a very big streak of hospitality - so we stayed in a King-Size bed bedroom with ensuite washroom and a lake-view window and got fed crepes and fruit and fresh whipped cream every morning, and Yvonne and I traded stories about thrifting and fixing things. It was a joy to get to know her better and she reminds me of my Grandma (and you all know how much I love my Gran!)
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
Hmm, what else has been happening... I hosted a Plant Afternoon (as opposed to a Plant Night) at my house with several of my girlfriends attending. I now have a large selection of succulents and other desert plants that I need to find time to pot.
It has been raining quite a lot, and one day in the evening after a lot of rain I went outside and spent nearly two whole hours weeding. I paid for it in exhaustion, but honestly it was a great accomplishment! I’m not quite done (when is one EVER done weeding honestly) but I got a ton of work done to help my perrenials thrive. I found out recently that hollyhocks are biennials - they grow one year with a crappy little plant, and the next year they shoot up 5+ feet and bloom beautifully and seed. I’m glad to know that now, but I really set myself back a few years ago pulling the “crappy” ones out. You live and learn.
I went out to Red Deer on Monday to help a friend deal with some anxiety - and to review my own information about it. I got there too early so I ended up taking a long stroll through Costco to check out all their offerings. Also, their Costco is laid out exactly backwards and upside down in comparison to all the main ones I have used, so it felt sort of fresh in a weird way. I'm trying a new giant towel and bought us a couple more completely normal dishtowels (not microfiber or rags, just basic, the kind you can leave hanging around to dry your hands or dishes easily.)
Creepy Crawly alert: I spent some of last night and this morning dealing with an infestation of warehouse beetles in Murphy's stuff. Sadly it means I've had to say goodbye to a bunch of nostalgic toys (his blueberry, pizza monster, and Grumpy Cat toys to name a few.) Happily, we caught it before they infested our food! So yay to early interventions and I'm going to try my best not to feel like things are crawling on me for the next few weeks.
How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom, with His light in her eyes
How beautiful when humble hearts give
The fruit of pure lives so that others may live
I shot a last minute wedding on Friday night at the Muttart with a crowd of awesome nerdy people. I found out that the Muttart Conservatory is closing for several years for renovations - I fully intend on being high on the list if anyone Googles weddings at the Muttart, haha.
I've been getting a pretty steady stream of inquiries lately actually, which I greatly appreciate.
Here's a collection of things I've done recently:
I did my first oil change at home after having picked up a new but cheap oil pan and old and therefore cheap but indestructible ramps. It's going to save me a boatload of cash.
I met with some of the other Young Adult leaders for a casual chat about our community and how to continue to connect people. It was a great chat and we are planning to do it on a more regular basis. We've decided to open the invitaion to the community at large to come out camping later this month, and to start having brunches or potlucks on Feast Days!
We attended two lovely housewarming parties! We went to Saskatoon and got to see both of our baby nephews - and to finally play board games with Ricki and Philip at King Me, which we had been trying to do for over a year! We also had a giant anniversary dinner, and it was a great experience. The bad thing that happened in Saskatoon is that Murphy somehow got a paw-nail caught in his crate, and ripped it out (shiver) and we had to take him to the Small Animal Hospital in Saskatoon for care - a big orange bandage around his paw - and subsequently a few days later to the vet here to take that off and check him out. Thankfully he's back to himself and ready to go running these days. Actually he's been whining at me most of the afternoon, but I honestly have a fair bit of work to do so I might have to get someone to walk him... or bite the bullet myself anyway.
Early in June I had the opportunity to walk through Confirmation on the Feast of Pentecost with one of the young adults, and it was a great experience! I've also been steadily having coffee or meals individually and getting to know people, which is fantastic. That actually brings me back to my last post! Hurray!
I went out to Red Deer on Monday to help a friend deal with some anxiety - and to review my own information about it. I got there too early so I ended up taking a long stroll through Costco to check out all their offerings. Also, their Costco is laid out exactly backwards and upside down in comparison to all the main ones I have used, so it felt sort of fresh in a weird way. I'm trying a new giant towel and bought us a couple more completely normal dishtowels (not microfiber or rags, just basic, the kind you can leave hanging around to dry your hands or dishes easily.)
Creepy Crawly alert: I spent some of last night and this morning dealing with an infestation of warehouse beetles in Murphy's stuff. Sadly it means I've had to say goodbye to a bunch of nostalgic toys (his blueberry, pizza monster, and Grumpy Cat toys to name a few.) Happily, we caught it before they infested our food! So yay to early interventions and I'm going to try my best not to feel like things are crawling on me for the next few weeks.
How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom, with His light in her eyes
How beautiful when humble hearts give
The fruit of pure lives so that others may live
I shot a last minute wedding on Friday night at the Muttart with a crowd of awesome nerdy people. I found out that the Muttart Conservatory is closing for several years for renovations - I fully intend on being high on the list if anyone Googles weddings at the Muttart, haha.
I've been getting a pretty steady stream of inquiries lately actually, which I greatly appreciate.
Here's a collection of things I've done recently:
I did my first oil change at home after having picked up a new but cheap oil pan and old and therefore cheap but indestructible ramps. It's going to save me a boatload of cash.
I met with some of the other Young Adult leaders for a casual chat about our community and how to continue to connect people. It was a great chat and we are planning to do it on a more regular basis. We've decided to open the invitaion to the community at large to come out camping later this month, and to start having brunches or potlucks on Feast Days!
We attended two lovely housewarming parties! We went to Saskatoon and got to see both of our baby nephews - and to finally play board games with Ricki and Philip at King Me, which we had been trying to do for over a year! We also had a giant anniversary dinner, and it was a great experience. The bad thing that happened in Saskatoon is that Murphy somehow got a paw-nail caught in his crate, and ripped it out (shiver) and we had to take him to the Small Animal Hospital in Saskatoon for care - a big orange bandage around his paw - and subsequently a few days later to the vet here to take that off and check him out. Thankfully he's back to himself and ready to go running these days. Actually he's been whining at me most of the afternoon, but I honestly have a fair bit of work to do so I might have to get someone to walk him... or bite the bullet myself anyway.
Early in June I had the opportunity to walk through Confirmation on the Feast of Pentecost with one of the young adults, and it was a great experience! I've also been steadily having coffee or meals individually and getting to know people, which is fantastic. That actually brings me back to my last post! Hurray!
Concerts and Photoshoots and Eggs, Oh My!
Could everyone agree that
No one should be left alone?
I did something a little different to start last week, I went to a nifty little greenhouse/art store/coffee shop to try out my friend Sonia's paint markers on Dollarama canvass. I was telling Sonia that it was like going on vacation after a crazy weekend, because she picked me up and drove me there and back and brought all the stuff we needed. All I had to do was enjoy my relaxation time for nearly three hours. We traded canvasses at one point and both of us now have a piece of art we both worked on, which is pretty cool. I actually gave Paul one of the pieces to put some art in his office, since he doesn't have enough office art yet.
Tuesday last week I went to the dietician and got a massive list of alternatives to deli meat sandwiches. On my next grocery trip I got a few new things to try, but the biggest breakthrough was figuring out that I could make egg salad sandwiches by just slicing up boiled eggs and putting a little lettuce, salt, pepper, mayo and mustard on them. It's so fast and tastes so much like chopped up, proper egg salad - but with less mayo and more time saved! I also realized that a single slice of smoked gouda cheese makes any sandwich so much better, and I should try that more often. I have lots more to try in future, but for now I'm glad to have made one more easy food discovery, since I'm a huge egg salad fan.
My every-other-Tuesday D&D Pirate crew is one of my very favourite things. Like others there, it doesn't even matter how hard or easy life stuff has been the rest of the week, going to play pirate for a few hours is like hitting the reset button on life. I needed a reset, because my busy week continued with a heavy conversation about life at LOVEPIZZA downtown, followed by picking up my long-awaited copy of This Is the Mass from St. Andrew's and praying the rosary there with a friend. The book was a real highlight, because my favourite portrait photographer, Yousef Karsch, collaborated with Fulton Sheen and a talented writer to create a wonderful walk-through of the Latin mass, and I am looking forward to studying my way through it. The photos are incredible, and just make you FEEL the Mass, and that's the level of art I want to aspire to. It was pretty cool learning that Karsch was Catholic, I had known he was religious but for some reason (probably his name and heritage) I thought he was Jewish.
On Thursday I met with a friend from church who I hadn't had the chance to get to know very well before, a lovely woman who, back home in Nigeria, Africa is a doctor, and here is busy with her five wonderful sons while her husband heads back to Africa to get his final ticket as a Doctor himself. It was a joy to get to know her better, and I greatly appreciate her strong faith and pragmatic approach to life and networking. I am looking forward to spending more time with her in future. Thursday was the first day that the apocalyptic smoke starting rolling into Edmonton, and I had to wear a mask to keep the smoke from invading. It felt weird to, but honestly my main takeaway is that I should probably go full gas mask in future if we're going to keep dealing with so much smoke every year. I'm just sad for all the people who need to be evacuated and all the damage the fire is causing to their homes and livelihoods... if all I have to deal with is smoke I'm not dealing with much. I did a quick grad shoot for a lovely young man that evening, indoors, thankfully, and then did not manage even a little bit of focus to get work done, though this week is already better, thank goodness. (I know, I know, I'm typing this out now, but I'm just doing it to space out the editing, not to avoid it.)
Yesterday I shot my final shoot of four days of shooting in a row. Granted, each day was only one shoot and I have had way crazier times as a photographer, but I started that stretch tired, and I'm so grateful to have gotten through it with an amazing set of images and some great shooting memories.
During this crazy week, I shot a boudoir shoot which unfortunately for me is fully private, because I did some of my very, very best work. Maybe she'll let me have just one silhouette!? But I don't want to pressure anyone into giving me their images as much as I do, sometimes. I nearly teared up at the end though, because it was exactly the kind of session I love very much - the kind where I know that the woman is feeling empowered, losing her lifelong sense of body shaming, and finding sides of herself she hasn't explored yet. That's what boudoir is about for me, and I love seeing the success of it.
I also worked with two grade 12 grads and their families, they were both great to work with and I love the photographs we made together. I'm excited to have so many great photos from last week, but I confess that editing everything I have on the docket is a shade daunting.
I envision the third ghost from the Muppet Christmas Carol, in a fogged version of my office, with slanted pen cups and piles of paper:
Me: But I don't have to do ALL this editing right NOW, right? Ghost of Editing Yet To Come: *silently points to my computer*
Me: I will live a virtuous life! Anything but that!!
We cry out
For your love to refine us cry out
For your love to define us cry out
For your mercy to keep us blameless until you return
On Saturday I was having so much fun getting groceries with Paul that I just about forgot I had a concert to go to... and subsequently at the concert, I was so tired at intermission I contemplated just going home to sleep. Teenage Twyla would have been SO horrified. Though, I did stay, and it was worth staying, as some of my very favourite songs were played after the break...
On Sunday I slept in and then spent most of the day binge-watching Brooklyn 99 because the next season came out... and then my last session of the four in a row...
...and here I am on Monday. I'll be on the computer pretty much all week, which is good, because Paul needs the car 3/5 days. I just need to focus enough to get several zillion hours of editing done and earn my keep!
No one should be left alone?
I did something a little different to start last week, I went to a nifty little greenhouse/art store/coffee shop to try out my friend Sonia's paint markers on Dollarama canvass. I was telling Sonia that it was like going on vacation after a crazy weekend, because she picked me up and drove me there and back and brought all the stuff we needed. All I had to do was enjoy my relaxation time for nearly three hours. We traded canvasses at one point and both of us now have a piece of art we both worked on, which is pretty cool. I actually gave Paul one of the pieces to put some art in his office, since he doesn't have enough office art yet.
Tuesday last week I went to the dietician and got a massive list of alternatives to deli meat sandwiches. On my next grocery trip I got a few new things to try, but the biggest breakthrough was figuring out that I could make egg salad sandwiches by just slicing up boiled eggs and putting a little lettuce, salt, pepper, mayo and mustard on them. It's so fast and tastes so much like chopped up, proper egg salad - but with less mayo and more time saved! I also realized that a single slice of smoked gouda cheese makes any sandwich so much better, and I should try that more often. I have lots more to try in future, but for now I'm glad to have made one more easy food discovery, since I'm a huge egg salad fan.
My every-other-Tuesday D&D Pirate crew is one of my very favourite things. Like others there, it doesn't even matter how hard or easy life stuff has been the rest of the week, going to play pirate for a few hours is like hitting the reset button on life. I needed a reset, because my busy week continued with a heavy conversation about life at LOVEPIZZA downtown, followed by picking up my long-awaited copy of This Is the Mass from St. Andrew's and praying the rosary there with a friend. The book was a real highlight, because my favourite portrait photographer, Yousef Karsch, collaborated with Fulton Sheen and a talented writer to create a wonderful walk-through of the Latin mass, and I am looking forward to studying my way through it. The photos are incredible, and just make you FEEL the Mass, and that's the level of art I want to aspire to. It was pretty cool learning that Karsch was Catholic, I had known he was religious but for some reason (probably his name and heritage) I thought he was Jewish.
On Thursday I met with a friend from church who I hadn't had the chance to get to know very well before, a lovely woman who, back home in Nigeria, Africa is a doctor, and here is busy with her five wonderful sons while her husband heads back to Africa to get his final ticket as a Doctor himself. It was a joy to get to know her better, and I greatly appreciate her strong faith and pragmatic approach to life and networking. I am looking forward to spending more time with her in future. Thursday was the first day that the apocalyptic smoke starting rolling into Edmonton, and I had to wear a mask to keep the smoke from invading. It felt weird to, but honestly my main takeaway is that I should probably go full gas mask in future if we're going to keep dealing with so much smoke every year. I'm just sad for all the people who need to be evacuated and all the damage the fire is causing to their homes and livelihoods... if all I have to deal with is smoke I'm not dealing with much. I did a quick grad shoot for a lovely young man that evening, indoors, thankfully, and then did not manage even a little bit of focus to get work done, though this week is already better, thank goodness. (I know, I know, I'm typing this out now, but I'm just doing it to space out the editing, not to avoid it.)
Yesterday I shot my final shoot of four days of shooting in a row. Granted, each day was only one shoot and I have had way crazier times as a photographer, but I started that stretch tired, and I'm so grateful to have gotten through it with an amazing set of images and some great shooting memories.
During this crazy week, I shot a boudoir shoot which unfortunately for me is fully private, because I did some of my very, very best work. Maybe she'll let me have just one silhouette!? But I don't want to pressure anyone into giving me their images as much as I do, sometimes. I nearly teared up at the end though, because it was exactly the kind of session I love very much - the kind where I know that the woman is feeling empowered, losing her lifelong sense of body shaming, and finding sides of herself she hasn't explored yet. That's what boudoir is about for me, and I love seeing the success of it.
I also worked with two grade 12 grads and their families, they were both great to work with and I love the photographs we made together. I'm excited to have so many great photos from last week, but I confess that editing everything I have on the docket is a shade daunting.
I envision the third ghost from the Muppet Christmas Carol, in a fogged version of my office, with slanted pen cups and piles of paper:
Me: But I don't have to do ALL this editing right NOW, right? Ghost of Editing Yet To Come: *silently points to my computer*
Me: I will live a virtuous life! Anything but that!!
We cry out
For your love to refine us cry out
For your love to define us cry out
For your mercy to keep us blameless until you return
On Saturday I was having so much fun getting groceries with Paul that I just about forgot I had a concert to go to... and subsequently at the concert, I was so tired at intermission I contemplated just going home to sleep. Teenage Twyla would have been SO horrified. Though, I did stay, and it was worth staying, as some of my very favourite songs were played after the break...
On Sunday I slept in and then spent most of the day binge-watching Brooklyn 99 because the next season came out... and then my last session of the four in a row...
...and here I am on Monday. I'll be on the computer pretty much all week, which is good, because Paul needs the car 3/5 days. I just need to focus enough to get several zillion hours of editing done and earn my keep!
