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Fic as exploration of identity, or as escapist fantasy
I've been reading a really interesting article on online fandom culture and sexual/gender minorities: “It’s Like a Safe Haven Fantasy World”: Online Fandom Communities and the Identity Development Activities of Sexual and Gender Minority Youth by Lauren B. McInroy and Shelley L. Craig, published in Psychology of Popular Media in 2020.
In short: The study asked sexual/gender minority fans aged 14-29 years how fandom has contributed to their identity development process. For fans who were in fandom when they realised they were minority, fandom was a safe place where they felt validated and could explore their identities. Fans who had identified as minorities before entering fandom didn't feel fandom was important to their identity development, but they also saw fandom as valuable for the same reasons.
What shook me when I was reading was this: for many fans, fandom offered a place where to explore their identities and experiment via reading, writing and role-playing. They read or wrote fic with a character whose identity they were exploring, and at the same time, they explored and experimented with their own identity. Same with role-play, naturally. For example, when a fan in the study was planning to come out to the people in their life, they read coming out fic extensively, to see how they might do it, how people might react, and what options they had then.
The reason this was such a big deal for me is: I don't think I've ever done that with fiction. Fiction has always been detached from (my) reality for me. It has nothing to do with my every-day life. For me, fiction is this fantasy realm where fantastical things happen: exaggerated, dramatic, or simply things that happen to someone who's nothing like me.
It was a huge revelation to come face to face with the fact that other people might use their fiction in a wholly different way.
I also recognised the two desires in the fandom history that I've witnessed: the posts (that suddenly came to my attention) that characters should use lube and condoms in fics, that the BDSM scenes should be more realistic, that the scenes in Twilight are really creepy when Edward watches Bella sleeping without her knowing he's there.
The thing is, I'd mostly find fic with realistic BDSM scenes boring. If I want realistic BDSM, I can do it myself; I don't want to read about it. Same with realistic coming out scenes. Falling in love with someone so hard you have to be there at night to watch them sleep is incredibly invasive, creepy, criminal and horrible -- but I understand the love language of doing drastic, crazy things you're just compelled to do. Some of them I'd deeply enjoy reading in fiction. Much better to enjoy them in fiction than doing them in real life!
But some readers, I now realise, want to read about more realistic scenes. And that's great! If I were to write and post exaggerated, larger-than-life fic now, I might add a tag in AO3 to indicate it's not realistic. Not because the readers couldn't tell it themselves, but to save some of them the trouble of starting to read a fic only to find that it's not enjoyable to them because it's not realistic enough.
It also occurred to me that there's an odd juxtaposition in my reading tastes: I love to read about a (male) character who falls in love with another man for the first time and struggles internally with it. I love it when the object of the character's desire is just so beautiful that he's confused; I love it when he's in denial, when he's helpless, when he has a crisis of identity. But in real life, I've never actually had a similar experience. When I was 14, a girl caught my eye at school and I realised right away I was bisexual. My reaction was mostly, "huh"; maybe a little intrigued, a little thrilled.
I've actually felt a bit guilty about this proclivity. I've worried if it's homophobic somehow. And it certainly feels outdated: when I try to find romantic fic, I usually come across fics where the characters have sex right away, or otherwise make it clear that internal struggle over a sexual preference is the last thing on their minds.
Now I feel at peace with it, though. I feel like reading is (or can be) about satisfying a need, and this need is just a different one from reading coming out fics to reflect on how to come out yourself. We all have our histories both as readers and as people, and they affect what kinds of things we want to read.
In short: The study asked sexual/gender minority fans aged 14-29 years how fandom has contributed to their identity development process. For fans who were in fandom when they realised they were minority, fandom was a safe place where they felt validated and could explore their identities. Fans who had identified as minorities before entering fandom didn't feel fandom was important to their identity development, but they also saw fandom as valuable for the same reasons.
What shook me when I was reading was this: for many fans, fandom offered a place where to explore their identities and experiment via reading, writing and role-playing. They read or wrote fic with a character whose identity they were exploring, and at the same time, they explored and experimented with their own identity. Same with role-play, naturally. For example, when a fan in the study was planning to come out to the people in their life, they read coming out fic extensively, to see how they might do it, how people might react, and what options they had then.
The reason this was such a big deal for me is: I don't think I've ever done that with fiction. Fiction has always been detached from (my) reality for me. It has nothing to do with my every-day life. For me, fiction is this fantasy realm where fantastical things happen: exaggerated, dramatic, or simply things that happen to someone who's nothing like me.
It was a huge revelation to come face to face with the fact that other people might use their fiction in a wholly different way.
I also recognised the two desires in the fandom history that I've witnessed: the posts (that suddenly came to my attention) that characters should use lube and condoms in fics, that the BDSM scenes should be more realistic, that the scenes in Twilight are really creepy when Edward watches Bella sleeping without her knowing he's there.
The thing is, I'd mostly find fic with realistic BDSM scenes boring. If I want realistic BDSM, I can do it myself; I don't want to read about it. Same with realistic coming out scenes. Falling in love with someone so hard you have to be there at night to watch them sleep is incredibly invasive, creepy, criminal and horrible -- but I understand the love language of doing drastic, crazy things you're just compelled to do. Some of them I'd deeply enjoy reading in fiction. Much better to enjoy them in fiction than doing them in real life!
But some readers, I now realise, want to read about more realistic scenes. And that's great! If I were to write and post exaggerated, larger-than-life fic now, I might add a tag in AO3 to indicate it's not realistic. Not because the readers couldn't tell it themselves, but to save some of them the trouble of starting to read a fic only to find that it's not enjoyable to them because it's not realistic enough.
It also occurred to me that there's an odd juxtaposition in my reading tastes: I love to read about a (male) character who falls in love with another man for the first time and struggles internally with it. I love it when the object of the character's desire is just so beautiful that he's confused; I love it when he's in denial, when he's helpless, when he has a crisis of identity. But in real life, I've never actually had a similar experience. When I was 14, a girl caught my eye at school and I realised right away I was bisexual. My reaction was mostly, "huh"; maybe a little intrigued, a little thrilled.
I've actually felt a bit guilty about this proclivity. I've worried if it's homophobic somehow. And it certainly feels outdated: when I try to find romantic fic, I usually come across fics where the characters have sex right away, or otherwise make it clear that internal struggle over a sexual preference is the last thing on their minds.
Now I feel at peace with it, though. I feel like reading is (or can be) about satisfying a need, and this need is just a different one from reading coming out fics to reflect on how to come out yourself. We all have our histories both as readers and as people, and they affect what kinds of things we want to read.
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That's all I can manage before coffee. :D
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