Prologue: wrote this post 2 days ago at midnight and never hit post.

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The past few weeks - I'm calling them weeks here, but really this is all about work, so actually in my head now there are no more weeks, there are just Q1 and Q2 (////o\\\\\) - but anyway, the weeks have been this terrible cycle of:

-being overworked on weekdays
-not getting enough things done
-feeling crappy about not getting enough things done
-telling myself I'll work over the weekend
-not actually working over the weekend but very much feeling the anxiety and guilt of not working over the weekend
-starting the week still lagging behind with extra guilt
-setting alarm clocks on weekdays for anywhere between 2AM to 5AM to try and get more work done in the morning
-usually failing that and feeling guilty
-disappointing upper management by the results I'm bringing in
-feeling like I'm disappointing whenever I say I can't take on a responsibility

...and the cycle. On weekends really most of what I do is either try to clear out my brain by watching TV, meet friends or, for the past few months, go on an occasional trip to nature which is still an option before the weather gets too hot, and then spend half of it feeling guilty for not sticking to my 'plan to work' plans *shrug emoji*.

Anyway. We will get through this mildly hellish period at work, someday, I hope. MEANWHILE at the same time, work - being an eternal source of wtf hanging on the whim of our CEO - is ALSO taking the entire company (or, as many as can join) to a few days on a resort in the Maldives this weekend. I have very mixed feelings about this for various reasons but at this point I'm trying to just push them all aside and be excited for it. Which like, I *am*, but I am also bummed for all the people who can't or won't come, and for the amount of work I need to get done before and there, and for the amount of work so many people will have to do WHILE there, and also for the so far rainy forecast.

BUT. I am about to head out to get my first Covid test ever as a pre-flight requirement, which does feel like a milestone achieved.

I know I won't be able to get a data package when I'm there and while I'll have wifi, it does mean that I need to download books/fic in advance so I guess I will start scouting for those tomorrow.

A few good things, because when it comes down to it I have nothing but things to be grateful about and this negative mindset I've had recently, especially this week, is not helping anyone:


1. I have a new smoothie blender and have made (2) fruit shakes
2. I haven't done it enough to say that I've "started running" again, but in the past week and a half I have gone jogging 3 times: 2km, 2.5km, and 3km.
3. I have run many errands and purchased things I've been meaning to forever, from household stuff to a new TV, new internet and new car stuff that I needed
4. lol okay just putting this here in the HOPES that it might go somewhere but a very real understanding that it might go nowhere and that's fine - you know what never mind the history, the bottom line is that I just found out a dude I was interested in a while back is available so who knows, maybe I can work up the courage to reach out to him via a mutual friend who is terrible at matchmaking *shrug emoji*

This entire post has been nothing but packing procrastination. Okay. Let's go.

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Epilogue: test was super simple and futuristic and yay negative, am now 2 hours pre-airport and just finished packing, still have a shit ton of work to do and I will navigate through that I guess. In any case: I'm sure it will be an adventure.