ruminations | keep the earth below my feet

Entry tags:

keep the earth below my feet

WHO: older!Eren and Jean
WHAT: Jean gets a life-threatening injury. oops.
WARNING(S): violence and blood and things

It was always the worst when an excursion that was meant to be routine went horribly, horribly wrong. Despite having been commander of the Corps for quite a few years now, there were still days when Jean doubted himself and his image, wondering if the people who listened to his orders actually trusted him. They'd made a lot of headway over the years and gone through many successful missions, but there were also those days when plans did not go accordingly and he wondered if that placed wavering uncertainty in soldiers' minds.

Like today.

They had a solid plan as usual, not going forward until they'd made backup strategies upon backup strategies. It was better to be extra prepared than go in fumbling about, which was why it was so frustrating when even such meticulous planning couldn't have stopped rogue titans from ambushing them. Scouting was simple and well understood throughout the veterans of their group but unpredictable forces were something no one could truly do anything about until the moment came.

Jean's group managed to put down many titans but he knew they were in a tricky situation, out in a flat plane far away from the walls where they were at a disadvantage. To the north were some mountains, too far to be of any use, and to the west was a river... which they'd been following up until now, knowing the water had to lead to something. Unfortunately, they may not find out what for weeks to come. Jean felt confident up until the point where an Abnormal showed up, too fast and too smart for him to think straight before it was attacking. The commander managed to ride off with his horse, putting a good distance between them, before the titan leapt and that alone was enough for it to catch up with him. Jean reared back, shouting orders and tossing up a flare for the other groups, but he knew this was a bad situation. He was hoping Eren would get here before it was too late and they lost too many people.

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There were too many titans around. Eren was doing his best to conserve his energy, fighting hand to hand instead of in titan form while he could manage it. Provisions were harder to ration this far from the walls, and even though Jean made sure he set aside extra just for Eren, he always felt bad about eating so much when his squad mates were hungry.

Riding at a gallop, Eren shook the steaming titan blood from one of his swords and slid it back into its case. There seemed to be no end to them. They'd cleared what they could see, several midsize titans that went down with little trouble. The horses were getting tired, and he was debating turning back to camp, when something caught his attention. His squad saw it too.

"Jaeger!" his second said, pointing. "That flare..."

"An abnormal.." Who was that direction? They were riding south, which put that to their...Oh hell. He reined his horse to the side and spurred him on. The chestnut reared and whickered before charging off. "On me, the commander's squad's under attack."

He sat up in his saddle, throwing his jacket off in a quick motion. His 3D gear was next, hooking into a special harness attached to his saddle. After he broke too many sets in transformation, Armin (bless his heart) had finally rigged up a solution. The mechanisms fit into place, letting him get his feet loose from the stirrups. He tossed his horse's reins to his second.

"Follow me, stay close and keep formation."

"Yessir!"

Leaping back off his horse, Eren landed in a crouch. It did a number on his ankle, but fuck it, he didn't need that right now. Jaws stretched and snapped, biting into his tongue...and a moment later, he was charging passed his squad at a dead run. The legs of a 15m titan could cover a hell of a lot of ground in no time, and it wasn't long before he could hear the sounds of battle. He let out a roar, a sound the Survey Corps would recognize...and the only way he could call out to Jean and tell him he was coming.

It was a situation that normally would have been kept under control by calm deployment against the threats, their soldiers as experienced as ever. Considering the better survival rate of the Corps these days, more soldiers were experienced on the field rather than brand new recruits. It helped them make great headway on excursions with fewer losses and more information. However, some days just... didn't go well.

This Abnormal was fast and their horses could barely keep up before the thing caught up with them in a mere leap or so, and without the dense forest or a town full of tall buildings, they were just titan snacks to be played with until the inevitable. Jean's squad was doing a great job distracting it though the titan would constantly lash out at whoever circled it, arms and jaws snapping at wires and bodies alike. Jean watched as one person was slammed hard onto the ground, feeling his gut clench with that horrible feeling he hadn't been able to shake off since he was fifteen.

His plan was to keep distracting it until Eren showed up or someone landed a kill, though with this particular titan's intelligence and reflexes, he knew Eren was probably their better shot. His horse was getting tired running at full force and eventually, the Abnormal honed in on Jean again. He just barely managed to lift himself from the horse before the titan leapt once more and slammed onto the ground nearby, the earth trembling as his poor horse ran in a different direction, Jean latching onto the titan's body and swinging himself up and around. If he could just get a clear sight of its neck, just get that one winning shot...

Blades were out and ready, his swing perfected at this point in his career, with perfect range and handling to slice at the titan's sweet spot. It all would have worked out well... if the titan wasn't so fucking fast. Jean felt like he was floating in mid air longer than normal when the creature turned its head, big eyes pointed directly at him, and a split second later its huge hand slapped right for him. It was in that moment that Jean heard Eren's familiar cries from a near distance, but he had no time to look up or focus on anything but where he was. And excruciating pain.

Why didn't it try to eat me? Why did it hit me? He barely had time for his own thoughts, his body slamming against the ground, blades still in hand. He surely broke in more than one place but the worst of it was the way one of his own blades sliced right into his torso from the awkward fall, deep and long against his left, and he cried out in pain the moment he could catch a breath. Already, he registered the sticky warmth of blood pooling out against his uniform, one hand bent at a wrong angle, his vision fading in and out from the pounding in his head.

If this is how I go, I'll be so pissed.

The crashing about made them easy to zero in on. The fight wasn't going well..the smell of blood and viscera and death hung heavily in the air. Horses raced passed them without riders, too spooked to slow down. That was the only real issue with having a constant supply of good soldiers: good horses were a little harder to come by. Eren extended his stride, leaving his squad behind. They'd catch up. Bright green eyes had settled on the titan, and it seemed to notice him too.

Bellowing, Eren raised his arms and charged. The abnormal met him head on, knocking him to the ground. They rolled, the titan furiously ripping hunks of flesh from Eren's arms and chest. He countered by smashing his fist into its head. It was enough to make it let go and him to right himself. He made a grab for it, but the damn thing scuttled out of the way. Everything happened so fast it was hard to process anything...

And he heard Jean screaming.

The titan seemed to take the distraction as a chance and jumped on Eren again, once more sinking its blunt teeth into him. He slammed his elbow into its chest this time, the hollow cavity crumpling under the force of the blow. Eren threw the titan off of him again, his squad circling in now. They harried it, circling with their horses and getting it distracted enough for Eren to knock it to the ground. He stomped hard on its neck, crushing the vital point and leaving it a steaming carcass on the ground.

Looking to his second, he gestured toward Jean's squad, then hurried to where their commander had fallen. Glowing green went wide at the mess that Jean was. He was bloody, and turned at all the wrong angles. Kneeling, he cupped his hand around him, letting out several worried growls.

Jean could hear Eren's cries and feel the trembling in the earth but couldn't quite find the strength to lift his head. Hell, he could barely open his eyes without wanting to close them again. There was an odd sense of pained numbness running through him, even though he knew that made no sense. How could he be in pain but feel numb at the same time? Then there was the cold...

He wasn't sure how much time passed but when a large hand cupped around him, his initial reaction was to panic. It was only when he heard the familiar sound of Eren's titan form growling at him that he felt more at ease, though he couldn't quite move to look up at him.

"Awake... I'm awake..." he mumbled, cheek pressed to the meat of an oversized finger. Jean was still bleeding out though, bloodied blade laying on the ground uselessly somewhere nearby.

Moments later, the medic in his squad rushed over to take control and suddenly Jean was being turned over onto his back. Ow. That hurt. A lot. And he let it be known, squinting from the sun in his eyes as he squirmed and tensed and felt hands pressing into his wound, making him cry out even more. If he passed out right now it would be a gift.

Eren knelt over Jean, his back shading the sun as the medics worked. The wound looked awful. He made an almost pitiful little noise, one massive fingertip lightly brushing against Jean's hair. He was torn. He wanted to get out of this over-sized body and go to his lover's side, hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be alright...but Jean needed to get back inside the walls where it was safe, where there were doctors. And Eren was faster than any of their horses, and he could run a lot longer than they could, smoother too.

He let the medics work, trying not to impede them too much. Long ears pricked and twitched, trying to sort out what they were saying. Nothing made sense right now. Fear and worry mingled, and it was hard to make out much besides the bleak fact that Jean was in trouble.

A stretcher was brought out, and Jean was lifted onto it and lashed down. That could only mean one thing, they wanted to move him. Clicking his teeth, Eren held his hands out flat, fingers curling in a 'gimme' sort of motion. He'd carried wounded before, and none of them had been as precious to him as Jean. Of course..most of them hadn't looked this bad, either.

Wouldn't this be a stupid story retold down the line? Commander Jean Kirstein, killed by his own fucking blade. The thought in his pain-stricken, woozy mind was almost laughable but he could barely get out a chortle without his everything hurting. Pain meant he wasn't dead yet so that was a good sign. Eren's worried noises and soft touch were making him feel guilty for getting into this predicament yet they were comforting as well. It was always comforting knowing he was nearby, as if he'd somehow make things better even when they were absolute shit.

The head medic soldier looked up at Eren's prodding, unsure what call to make, though thankfully they knew what he was capable of in this form. Eren had come a long way from the unreliable experiments in his teen years after all. He was a true asset to the Corps.

"Alright, just be careful," they insisted, nodding to the other soldiers to finish up and step back enough for Eren to do his thing. "Try not to jostle him about, he has many broken bones and that wound needs to be stitched shut as soon as possible."

One massive hand stayed flat as they placed Jean into his palm. Already, he was looking about a little, getting his bearings and mentally plotting the quickest path back. It'd be a little maneuvering, but then a straight shot back to the gate. Clicking his teeth again, he nodded to Jean's second, who was a bit banged up herself. Still, she seemed to acknowledge the gesture. Right now, the only thing they could do was fall back. With the commander out of commission, it was too dangerous to be out here.

Standing slowly, Eren brought Jean's prone body close to his face, long nose pressing lightly to his side. The next part would hurt, and he felt bad for that...but it couldn't be helped. He moved his hand to is collarbone, fingers adjusting to prop Jean's stretcher against it. Then he cupped his hand around him, and braced himself to do something that would hurt a hell of a lot. He jabbed the thumb of his other hand into his shoulder, breaking it off with a sharp twist of his wrist. It steamed and almost immediately tried to start healing, but it would keep his arm immobilized for the most part...for now.

After taking a few careful steps to get away from the gathering of soldiers, Eren took off as fast as he dared. He curled his fingers and dug them into his flesh. He'd heal, after all. Jean though...Jean needed help. This was all he could do to help him, and he hated it. He should have been there, been with him, gotten there faster..

Not now. Just run, get to the wall, get to safety.

Jean was in a daze and kept falling in and out of consciousness, not completely sure what was happening. All he knew was he was screwed, he let down his team, his soldiers, over a single titan. Shouldn't he be better at this by now?

Irrational, muddled thoughts swirled through his mind. He registered being bound and kept safe in a dark, warm place, body minimally jostled as the ground (was it ground?) beneath him began to move, though he was completely out of it by the time he realized it was Eren. He passed out on the journey back to the walls, one that the pair of them would make far ahead of the rest of the Corps. Their seconds would have to take over and bring everyone back safely.

For now, Jean was content to fall unconscious.

There were medics ready at the Corps' grounds for any situation, though no one had been expecting their commander to show up again so quickly. Every time something like this happened morale was hit hard for a short while, even though they were far better at boosting it quickly these days. Still, injuries were injuries, even worse when caused by titans, but at least Jean still had all of his limbs attached.

Sharp bellows echoed off the wall, calling attention to the gate. The compound was just on the other side, he just had to get in there. The gate moved and he heard shouts as he drew close. It wasn't the first time he'd carried someone critically wounded back, but this...this was more important than anyone before. He stooped and put his shoulder under the slowly raising gate, forcing it up to get inside faster. It ripped hunks of flesh off his back, but again, whatever. He was going to shed this body soon anyway.

Getting out from under the gate, he freed his arm and lowered his hand to the ground. medics scrambled, running over and shouting. A pool of blood overflowed from his palm and stained the ground. He growled at them urgently, letting them take the commander from his hand.

He made himself back away, kneeling and bowing himself forward. It took more effort than usual to rip himself free. The burns on his face and arms were deeper, darker than usual, and some of his skin even ripped off. But it didn't matter. He had to go to Jean, be with him, look after him. He climbed down the titan's body, running back to where he'd left his lover.

"How is he!?"

Already, Jean's body was being picked up on the stretcher and hurried off to the nearest medical building, rushing past even with Eren in toe. One of the medics, an older woman who'd been around since they'd been recruits, put a hand on Eren's shoulder once in the building, stopping him from following any further while the others took Jean away into a different room.

"It's best for you to stay here, as much as I know you want to see him," she said, stern but understanding. "It's obvious he's broken bones in several places and that wound is bleeding fast, but we will do our very best."

Everything else sort of went into the background as he followed the doctors. Jean had to be okay, he had to. His heart was racing, hands shaking when the the woman caught him by his shoulders. He was bigger than her, but she was solid as the Walls. He blinked and looked passed her, chewing his lips and shifting his weight. He thought about running by her. He could do it...but...

"Keep me updated...I'll be back."

He turned sharply and headed down the hall. His vision clouded, and he blinked furiously to clear it. He could have gone faster, but maybe he'd gotten here in time. Once he was back outside, he looked toward the gate. No time now, don't think about it. They'll be here soon, with wounded. Their squads would take over, they had contingencies for this sort of thing. Jean's squad would get the wounded back, and Eren's would round up everyone else and bring them home. There was still time before they'd catch up. Might as well get prepared.

Once he was out in the compound, he started barking orders. They'd need space and supplies for wounded, at least a dozen people worth. Then the stables needed to be cleared, extra hands for the horses without riders. Food, water, blankets, damnit he hated damage control..But at least it kept his mind busy. And no one questioned the tear stains on his cheeks.

It took time, but the others returned at a breakneck pace. Their horses were drenched in sweat, and the riders looked haggard and exhausted. But the compound was ready for them. Triage, then the wounded were divided up by who needed what attention. Eren helped where he could, leading horses to the stables, fetching things, even holding a couple of soldiers down while the medics reset bones. One of them boxed him in the arm, then apologized profusely afterward. Eren just told him to get better.

When the commotion died down, he slipped away and headed back inside to the medical wing. He tried to keep himself from it, but his pace quickened to a run. He grabbed the first medic he saw by the arm.

"Where's the commander?" he said, talking a little too fast. "I need to see him."

Wounds like Jean's were life-threatening and important to get taken care of as soon as possible. Without convenient transport like Eren's titan form, or if they'd been weeks outside of the walls, Jean would have likely died from blood loss. Thankfully, his unlucky sense of luck continued its streak.

When Eren approached the medic, the young man was very flustered, clearly knowing who Eren was and not wanting to disappoint a superior... as well as someone who could very well turn into a titan and kill him if desired. Not that Eren would.

"H-He is still in surgery, sir," he answered after saluting him, looking apologetic. "We were told not to let you in until he's recovering. It... It will probably be some hours still. He's lost a lot of blood." Quickly realizing how bad that sounded, he continued with a slight stutter: "B-But the team is working their very hardest! Everyone wants to save the commander."

Eren realized how far past terrifying he must have looked, stalking up like that. His shirt was bloody and his clothes were a wreck, and just running up to someone liek that was kind of rude. He nodded slowly, taking a step back.

"I should...clean up." And eat, and rest, and do all the things Jean would smack him in the head over. Jean would be ok. Jean would be fine. He just had to..

Wait.

Jogging to their room, he tried to ignore the emptiness of it while he went to bathe. Normally he'd bathe with the troops after a mission, but right now...he needed to be alone. Sinking into the bath water, he put his head in his hands. Jean would be fine, he'd be alright, he had to be. No one could replace him, the corps needed him...slapping the water, he let go of his restraint and just sobbed. His tears were hot and dripped from his nose and cheek to the water. Jean always teased him for crying like a child, face scrunched up and snotty. "Really unattractive," he'd tease.

"Jean..."

Finally getting out of the bath, he dressed and headed back to medical. No one was around, but the opperating theater was still locked. He could hear voices, people scuttling around...surely they weren't still working. Well...fine. He could wait. He leaned against the wall, then gave up and sat, just staring at the door.

It was a couple hours more until someone finally emerged, clearly on the lookout for Eren. Everyone knew what kind of relationship the commander and his second had even if they weren't "supposed" to, and they also knew how pissed Eren would be if he went ignored. They immediately spotted him and walked over, still dressed for surgery and looking exhausted.

"The commander is stable. They'll be moving him to a room where he can be monitored and rest." Just then the doors opened again as the group carried a still-unconscious Jean in the stretcher, bandaged and bruised but breathing, toward the hallway where other injured soldiers who had returned from the excursion were also being kept in separate rooms. "You can go with them now, sir."

As if anyone could have stopped him now.

Eren dozed, unable to keep himself awake after the day's exertion. Gah he was hungry too...And he hurt all over, he realized. Pushed himself too hard, he supposed. Though faint, the burns on his face and arms were still visible, ghostly wings under his eyes.

But when the door opened he was on his feet in an instant. His heart jumped into his throat and his stomach did a neat little pirouette into a knot. Stable...stable, thank heaven. He almost visibly relaxed, looking passed him into the room as the others emerged.

"Thank you," he said, almost absently. He jogged to catch up, walking alongside the stretcher and taking the sleeping commander's hand. You're going to be okay, he thought, looking at Jean's unconscious face. He..didn't like that face. It was too still and lifeless, close to death, and he was sickly pale. It wasn't a relaxed face of sleep. His body was fighting...

He helped them settle Jean onto a bed, pulling a chair over for himself and sitting beside his bed. His hand slid back into Jean's, dusty skin looking even darker than usual by contrast. He rubbed his knuckles, watching the slow, shallow rise and fall of his bandaged chest. The childish optimism in him tried to will Jean's eyes to pop open and him to just suddenly be fine. But he'd sat this vigil before, and knew it didn't work that way. Once everyone was gone and they were alone, he moved the chair closer, laying his head on the bed, propped against Jean's arm. Closing his eyes, he sighed softly, gripping Jean's hand.

"Love you...you bastard."

Unfortunately, Jean didn't wake up that day or evening... or even the next. His body was still in a state of recovery, though at least he was still breathing, his body warm, though perhaps not as warm as it should have been. Doctors or nurses came in every few hours to check on Jean's vitals and change bandages, not even attempting to kick Eren out. The boy was so vigilant about staying by Jean's side that once his friends returned and got word, they began visiting as well if only to bring him food and company beyond Jean's silent self.

It wasn't until the third day post-surgery, sometime around 3:00 am, that Jean's body finally gave in.

At first, it was just a twitch of his fingers against the bed, feeling the weight of someone else's touch there, though in his dazed mind he thought he was dreaming. Eyes opened to the dark and he squinted toward the meager light of a candle by the bedside table, turning his head to look to his side and immediately regretting it. Pain blossomed from that simple movement, neck stiff from being in the same position for so long, and he groaned in discomfort, breathing a little harder. Where was he? What was this? Why did everything hurt?

"F...uck..." he managed to mutter, throat dry but he suppressed the urge to cough. In the dim light he managed to make out the hunched figure asleep on the side of his bed and holding his hand, immediately recognizing the fluff of hair and deep breaths. Eren. Jean tried to say his name but his voice caught in his throat, barely getting out a "-ren" before gently squeezing the young man's hand instead, hoping to wake him up. Everything hurt so fucking bad. He needed medication or to go back to sleep or something.

Days passed slowly...and being expected to be acting commander was just too much for him. He stayed at Jean's bedside, doing what paperwork he could and actively pushing it off on anyone he thought might do it for him. As long as it got done he didn't give a damn who did it. There were questions of course, and he literally chased a member of the MPs out and threatened to deck him if he got in arm's reach again. Words like 'internal investigation' always got his hackles up.

Tonight, he was just tired. His body still ached, only just now really recovering fully. He hadn't been eating enough, so his regenerative powers were being sluggish. That and sleeping bent over the side of a bed wasn't the most comfortable thing. But he wasn't leaving, he couldn't, wouldn't. What if something happened while he was out of the room? He couldn't take that chance.

Which was why he was there when Jean weakly gripped his hand. He heard the rasp of Jean's voice, and for a moment, thought it was a dream. But the fingers on his were real, a warm and familiar touch he'd know anywhere.

"Jean?" his head came up quickly, green eyes wide in the dim room.

It was a relief to see those big, worried eyes aimed right at him because it meant he was alive. Jean had no idea how long he'd been here or what happened after turning into titan bait, but the fact that he was safe right now... he knew a lot had to do with the person sitting with him.

"Hey..." he rasped out, clearing his throat and wincing. "Water?" It was the first thing he thought of, licking dry lips but still not letting go of Eren's hand.

"Hey," he said back dumbly, grinning like a big idiot. Jean's request earned a quick nod. He had a glass nearby he'd been drinking from slowly. Reluctantly, he let go of Jean's hand, opting to very carefully slide his arm under his head and neck just enough that he could drink. He brought the glass to his lover's lips, tilting it carefully.

"Here." Relief could wait. Jean needed him to help him, and he wasn't going to drag his feet one second on that.

Being moved hurt like a bitch and Jean groaned in pain again, even though he desperately needed to quench his thirst. Despite the ache in his joints and torso, he drank anyway, taking slow but long sips until he couldn't anymore. Coughing a bit, he slid back down onto his pillow, breathing hard.

"F-Fuck, everything hurts," he admitted in a gasp, closing his eyes with brows furrowed. He had a fractured wrist, a few ribs, and a terrible gash in his side; not to mention, he was bruised all over from being slammed into the ground. Of course he hurt.

"No shit," Eren said, setting the near empty glass aside. He refilled it from a pitcher, just in case. His hand found its way back into Jean's, holding just as before, but with more confidence this time. He felt Jean's fingers curl in reaction from the pressure, something they hadn't done since he'd been here. That had to be a good sign.

"They spent hours patching you up," he said softly. "We..thought we'd lose you the first night." He rubbed his thumb over Jean's knuckles. Tears stung his eyes and he looked away, rubbing at them with his sleeve. "I was so scared.."

"Crybaby..." he teased softly and affectionate, wishing he could sit up and hug his lover but that was near impossible at the moment. "I'm alive, you don't have to worry about that."

Jean never liked seeing Eren upset, especially when it was because of him. Unintentional or not, he didn't want to make Eren sad or worried yet he supposed in their line of work it was impossible. Hell, Jean worried about him just as much. Even so, when things got this real it still took them by surprise.

"How long has it been?" He asked, taking a deep breath and wincing at the pressure on his ribs. "Tell me you've at least gone home and slept." Of course he hadn't. Jean already knew he hadn't and a part of him selfishly loved him for it.

"Like I could sleep in that big ass bed alone while you're here." He rubbed his eyes, clearing his throat a bit. He wanted to just...jump in bed with him now, lay down with him and just be in his space...but the bed was too tiny for a couple of full grown men.

"Uh...it's been..two? Three days?" He scratched a this cheek, nails rubbing the dark stubble shadowing his cheeks and jaw. "I kinda lost track." Settling for scooting closer, he carefully raised Jean's hand and pressed it to his cheek, leaning into it and cupping his hand around it. Jean was alive...thank whatever powers that be, Jean was alive.

Brown eyes widened some at the thought. He'd been out of it for a few days? It was a miracle he was alive and Jean made a mental note to do whatever he could to thank those doctors who worked on him. For sure.

"So long that you're starting to grow a beard," he mused, thumb brushing against the scruff. "I kinda like it."

Despite being exhausted and in pain, he was so happy that Eren was alright as well. The distraction of being with him was much needed. Still, he could tell how drained Eren was as well, his chest tightening at the thought of him sitting here beside his bed for days, worrying and waiting. Jean had been on the other end so many times, he knew how awful it was.

"I'm sorry I made you worry," he said softer then. "And... And our mission was a failure, wasn't it? Because of me?"

"Hell no it wasn't," Eren said, very gently poking his side. "We got more info for the map together, and took down a lot of titans in the area.." Maybe within their lifetime, the'd have an outpost established out there. "You can't beat yourself up. That abnormal did a number on me, you guys didn't stand a chance."

He scooted to the edge of his seat, leaning over the edge of the bed to press his forehead to Jean's. He needed that, the closeness and comfort of just touching. He wanted to kiss him and hold him and never let him out of his sight again...

"We're not splitting up anymore," he said, voice firm. "I can't take this.."

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sorry to push NPCs no you aahaha

I don't mind! Jean's pretty unconcious so fff

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