Anders (
magerights) wrote in
savevoid2013-09-24 09:45 am
Entry tags:
Is it any wonder why I'm scared [OPEN]
CHARACTERS: Anders (
magerights) and OPEN, particularly to people on the first floor who might go to the common room.
DATE: 24/09 (Week 4, night 5)
RATING: Gen, will change as necessary
SUMMARY: Having lost a few games of cards, Anders' fears of darkness and close spaces are suddenly making it difficult to sleep.
Darkness and small spaces have always given Anders a sense of unease since that more memorable punishment he endured in the Circle, made worse after joining the Wardens, which turned out to be all about rushing into dark caves deep underground and trying to fight things that would actively try to kill and possibly even eat him, and not necessarily in that order.
But he'd usually been able to manage, even if that meant summoning a small wisp of light to circle the area and provide something reassuring to focus on. Now, things were markedly different and while he could guess that COMPASS had a hand in it, it didn't help him much to know that when turning out the lights to sleep made his pulse spike and feeling just the blankets around him brought on the overwhelming feeling that he needed to fight and escape now, before it was too late.
It had been so bad that Anders had found himself struggling to breathe properly, the mild weight of the blankets pressing down on his chest and body, and eventually he'd flung them off and fled the room, uncaring for how that might sound to others nearby. He only stopped once he reached the common room, turning on every light in the room and adding a couple of wisps of magelight to the mix as well until the whole room was lit up almost enough to seem like daylight. Then finally the fear began to fade and Anders' breathing started to even out.
Of course, now he was out of bed and wearing only his trousers and smalls, the cold already starting to chill him, but there was no way he could make himself return through the dark just to fetch a blanket or something. Perhaps there was something he could set on fire instead...
DATE: 24/09 (Week 4, night 5)
RATING: Gen, will change as necessary
SUMMARY: Having lost a few games of cards, Anders' fears of darkness and close spaces are suddenly making it difficult to sleep.
Darkness and small spaces have always given Anders a sense of unease since that more memorable punishment he endured in the Circle, made worse after joining the Wardens, which turned out to be all about rushing into dark caves deep underground and trying to fight things that would actively try to kill and possibly even eat him, and not necessarily in that order.
But he'd usually been able to manage, even if that meant summoning a small wisp of light to circle the area and provide something reassuring to focus on. Now, things were markedly different and while he could guess that COMPASS had a hand in it, it didn't help him much to know that when turning out the lights to sleep made his pulse spike and feeling just the blankets around him brought on the overwhelming feeling that he needed to fight and escape now, before it was too late.
It had been so bad that Anders had found himself struggling to breathe properly, the mild weight of the blankets pressing down on his chest and body, and eventually he'd flung them off and fled the room, uncaring for how that might sound to others nearby. He only stopped once he reached the common room, turning on every light in the room and adding a couple of wisps of magelight to the mix as well until the whole room was lit up almost enough to seem like daylight. Then finally the fear began to fade and Anders' breathing started to even out.
Of course, now he was out of bed and wearing only his trousers and smalls, the cold already starting to chill him, but there was no way he could make himself return through the dark just to fetch a blanket or something. Perhaps there was something he could set on fire instead...

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She arrived not five minutes before Anders did and began to walk the perimeter, arms crossed as her face displayed that she was deep in thought.
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Once it was bright enough that the tension in his chest began to ease, he settled down on a chair and considered the common room again. It was a pity there didn't seem to be a fireplace here at all. That way he could have had more light as well as heat. The best he could really do was drag a chair closer to the metal heat source and curl up near it.
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"It's freezing by the window," she explained. "So, night owl or just couldn't sleep?"
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"I just wanted to get up half-naked in the middle of the night and see how bright I could make a room," he said after a moment. As soon as he'd said it he knew it was overreacting and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly and shaking his head. "No, sorry, that wasn't fair. I suppose the latter is technically true. In the same way an avalanche is technically the same as heavy snowfall. Both involve a lot of snow all at once but the reasons, severity, and effects are very different."
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But after his apology, her face softened a little. It wasn't unusual for Ellie to lie awake at night, staring at her ceiling. She had just wanted a new location this time.
"It's all right. I obviously can't sleep, and the light's a good thing here. If there was anything new ready to strike, we would have seen it by now."
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He shivered more from fear than the cold but shuffled closer to the heat source to cover for it. A different topic was what he needed, something to try and distract his mind from such things. Fortunately he did have company and she'd also mentioned something that caught his attention.
"Why do you have trouble sleeping?" he asked, hoping the answer would do more good than harm.
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"I suppose it's because I'm not used to the way things run here. I keep expecting something to slip into my room from under the door and attack me. Or infect me. Like when I couldn't get warm." Her fingers curled in and splayed out a few times towards the heat. Heat she could now feel. "I've never experienced anything like that before, but apparently body transformations are common when COMPASS is involved. It gives me paranoia that keeps me awake."
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Erik had been out wandering, unable to sleep; his own fears of failure had robbed him of sleep, leaving him to walk the halls, to try and sort out ways that he could have made things go right, in any situation that had gone wrong for him--since the death of his mother, to their second failure against their captors on the Charon.
Perhaps he was not thinking on things correctly. Perhaps there was some avenue that he had not been able to foresee--that he could have if he had been just thinking clearly.
And yet, so few answers game.
So after making himself a pot of coffee, he carried a mug with him, letting the metal carafe float with him as he headed down to the common room--a bit surprised to see Anders there, and so clothed.
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"I wouldn't mind, but it looks like you only have the one cup," he pointed out, sinking down onto a chair. The coffee might actually be helpful, keeping him up longer from what he understood of it. Then he could sleep during the day, somewhere in the open perhaps... it wouldn't be too difficult. Working at night might even be a better idea, letting others get their rest.
But without a cup it was all a bit of a moot point where the coffee was concerned. And related to that... "Why are you up anyway, Erik? Trouble sleeping?"
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Turning to look at Anders, he pressed his lips together, "Yes. Seems the Charon has it's own way of bringing back things that we would rather not think on."
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Dust could be the least of Erik's concerns, especially considering some of the mice and rats Anders had seen around the place.
For that reason Anders just nursed the mug for a while, in case Erik wanted it back, and considered the mutant's comment. "I suppose it might be linked to that, or something else in this city," he said with a shrug. "But I can't really point the finger anywhere beyond just COMPASS in general, really. What makes you so certain it's the ship?"
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At the inquiry, Erik moved to find a seat, shaking his head. "I was feeling fine before I stepped onto that ship. I can't imagine that they aren't linked, somehow. Process of elimination."
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Now with how Erik was shaping it anyway. He had to admit, it was nice to see the other man using his powers so freely as well. Reminded Anders that they could do such things here and while some people might get a little judgmental depending on how such things were seen in their worlds, it wasn't as though they were being locked away for it.
He shrugged a bit at Erik's comment, certain COMPASS was behind it but not as certain about how the ship would matter. "I don't know, myself. My... problem only got bad when I was trying to sleep. Either there's a delay or it could be a coincidence."
Taking a sip of the coffee at last, Anders sunk further back in the chair, trying and failing to suppress a shiver as he did so.
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Sitting down in the common rooms wasn't the best idea, either, not when there were so few people awake. Every noise made her look up from the book she tried to read but could not focus on, her mind everywhere else. She started typing out messages to Anders and Isabela at least twice and deleted them, afraid she'd sound hopeless and utterly childish. She swallowed down the terror that built in her chest and tried to think of other things.
The lights suddenly went on and she drew her blade, climbing to her feet. But her eyes settled on the new occupant and her shoulders relaxed, the blade put away. "Anders?" And...Anders without a shirt, no less. "Maker, aren't you freezing?" she asked.
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"I suppose it's a bit cold," he muttered, sending a couple of wisps to the corners of the room and to any other large dark places he could see. Once they were in place, he settled down again and sat on the edge of a chair.
"I'll be all right now, Hawke," he said, feeling his heartbeat slowing more and offering her a tired smile. "Why are you up still? I thought you'd be in bed."
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"I couldn't sleep." Hadn't been able to for very long, not since those poker games. She settled her chin in the palm of her hand. "I figured I'd read and maybe that would help." Or it would at least calm her nerves for a little bit. "What brought you down here in such a hurry? Is everything all right?"
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And he'd had to rush out barely clothed and turn on every light in the blighted room, as well as make a few more. Yes, that didn't sound suspicious in the slightest.
Anders heaved a sigh and raked his hand through loose blond hair, wishing he had slept with his tie in his trouser pocket or something. He'd just have to do without, it seemed. Just as it seemed that he might have to give Hawke a slightly better explanation, or just admit he didn't want to talk to her about it.
"I've never really had reason to mention it to you before but... I'm not fond of the dark. Or close spaces. Usually it's not too much of a problem but tonight..." Anders shrugged loosely. "I'm certain it's just COMPASS and it will pass."
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Her frown was quick to form when he spoke and she shook her head. "No, I didn't know." But shouldn't she? He'd been in solitary confinement once, he'd said. But Anders, as in all things, always brushed off the pain he endured. She should have realized it sooner, though she would never have wanted to draw attention to it.
But it made her think of her own nightmares and her inability to sleep, the agitation she'd been feeling earlier - and still did, though it was somewhat subdued with Anders now with her here - and wondered. "It wouldn't surprise me if it was COMPASS. I...haven't been feeling right, either."
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At least Hawke seemed to pick up on it more now. He wasn't certain if that bothered him or made him feel relieved, really. She wasn't drawing attention to it anyway, which gave Anders a little more time to think about if he wanted to talk about it more or not, though that last comment had him glancing at her sharply.
"You haven't? Are you all right?"
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He'd thought maybe he'd head outside, but before he got there the warm-looking glow of the common room drew him in. "Oh," Alec said when he stepped inside, the light feeling like a tangible thing with the way it emphasized the size of the room, and the potential exits.
When he saw Anders in it, though, his shoulders hunched up and he went a little stiff. "I'm staying," he declared, refusing to ask for permission, afraid that it would be refused.
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"All right? Did you think I'd really throw you out?" He drew in on himself a little further as the cold sank into his skin, and rose to pull his chair closer to the metal heat source in the room.
"Why are you up anyway, Alec? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
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"This is no more your place than it is mine," Alec said, with a certain tone of lofty disregard, although his body language continued to scream out that yes, he had been afraid of that, was afraid of it still.
"And that is no more your business than your status is for me. Or do mages keep different hours?"
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"And I suppose I could leave if my presence here bothers you so much, but you are aware that I'm making most of the light in the room, so it would come with me. I get the feeling you're as against that as I am."
Indicating another chair, Anders shuffled a little closer to the heat, trying to warm up enough that lighting something on fire would seem less appealing. "You may as well join me otherwise. I could do with the conversation."
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"I didn't ask you to go." Jumpy as Alec was, he still preferred people to pay attention to his words rather than his body language, to listen to what he said and how he said it, and nothing more than that.
Still, Alec led himself to the other chair, settling in there and hunching in on his own too-thin body. He wasn't cold -- not the coldness of weeks prior, at least, but that wasn't much of a comfort. His eyes darted around the room, testing the corners to make sure the walls stayed far from him.
"Is your magic easier to perform at night?" And there was a note of genuine curiosity there, underneath the usual arrogance, because Alec was reaching for any fact to focus on, was willing to accept magic for the sake of learning about it.
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He shifted, trying to both pull in closer to the heat source and curl up to retain as much heat as he could manage.
"Also I would often work with the Mage Underground of a night, so I needed to be active for that as well. Lets just say that I'm well and truly used to not sleeping much at all."
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