I am still writing The Heart's Obligations
Jan. 8th, 2007 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
schemingreaderI picked up a notebook at work and shoved it in my purse again, so that I could write more on the train. Instead of just scribbling, I wrote another scene from the last chapter of The Heart's Obligations. I'm typing it into Googledocs right now.
The last chapter is just about 4K words. I figure it should be around 8 to 10,000 words, because the others are. So a little less than half finished.
I feel like I have given myself free reign to just, I don't know how else to describe it, wallow in angst in this entire story. It's like the fact that I'm writing about 19th century E. European Jews means we're all allowed to like to cry as much as they did. (Next: a novel set in Tokugawa Japan, entitled "Love's Ever Dampened Sleeves.")
The problem is that in this last chapter, I think I have lost my hold on what I was doing in the beginning. I have less description and more dialogue; the innner monologues seem to be there mainly so we'll know that the people constantly speaking have bodies. Except that I've also written two explicit sex scenes with these two Orthodox Jewish male characters. (If you haven't been reading my story, I made Snape and Lupin into gay 19th century Lithuanian rabbis. What?) I feel like the sex scenes are in there because 1. I had explicit het and 2. the readers want to see them get it on.
I have two contradictory feelings about this chapter. One is, I don't have to worry because I have beta readers now--which is nonsense, no one can rescue me from my schmoopiness. I can persuade them all against their better judgment by just bludgeoning everone with historical details. Argh! On the other hand, I feel like I have to worry more, because more people are likely to read this once it's done.
Aaaand it won't ever really be done.
The last chapter is just about 4K words. I figure it should be around 8 to 10,000 words, because the others are. So a little less than half finished.
I feel like I have given myself free reign to just, I don't know how else to describe it, wallow in angst in this entire story. It's like the fact that I'm writing about 19th century E. European Jews means we're all allowed to like to cry as much as they did. (Next: a novel set in Tokugawa Japan, entitled "Love's Ever Dampened Sleeves.")
The problem is that in this last chapter, I think I have lost my hold on what I was doing in the beginning. I have less description and more dialogue; the innner monologues seem to be there mainly so we'll know that the people constantly speaking have bodies. Except that I've also written two explicit sex scenes with these two Orthodox Jewish male characters. (If you haven't been reading my story, I made Snape and Lupin into gay 19th century Lithuanian rabbis. What?) I feel like the sex scenes are in there because 1. I had explicit het and 2. the readers want to see them get it on.
I have two contradictory feelings about this chapter. One is, I don't have to worry because I have beta readers now--which is nonsense, no one can rescue me from my schmoopiness. I can persuade them all against their better judgment by just bludgeoning everone with historical details. Argh! On the other hand, I feel like I have to worry more, because more people are likely to read this once it's done.
Aaaand it won't ever really be done.
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no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 04:20 am (UTC)I guess I can cut it if it doesn't work.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 04:20 am (UTC)I might also have an issue about "more than sex" because i think sex is a profoundly good thing. Throughout the novel I've described it as "kindness", especially when it's illicit. (I went back and reread a little to remember! )
But I'm also coming up against my own feelings about how gay sex isn't really allowed in Jewish law, and how are they going to deal with that.
and it's good that you are pushing me about it.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 04:29 am (UTC)And yes, I completely understand what you mean about the question of Jewish law and how it relates to gay sex. It's a difficult question. I know there are today Orthodox Jews who are gay, because I remember a documentary film I've been wanting to watch about that. (Title is...erm..."Trembling Before G-D" or something like that?) But I don't know how modern that is. I've really been enjoying this fic, and a very large part of that is the setting and the Jewish culture. And if you ignore that for a Happily Ever After full of blithe sex when that wouldn't be realistic...
Hm..I'm not really helping things, am I? *rueful grin*
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Date: 2007-01-09 04:39 am (UTC)But that doesn't mean they were guilt free about it. We aren't guilt free about sexuality now! it's not like things were easier back then. Don't worry, I won't make them enjoy easy, uncomplicated happiness from sex. I wouldn't do that, it would ruin the whole thing.
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Date: 2007-01-09 04:44 am (UTC)And I definitely didn't think you would make it easy and uncomplicated, because you're a good writer, and good writers don't do that. I think it was more me rambling on about the subject, thinking aloud over at your journal. *grin*
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Date: 2007-01-10 01:34 am (UTC)