sim!

TS3 computer is being hogged for tax season purposes (BUT I DO HAVE PICS FOR AN UPDATE) and I needed even more to do while stuck in the campus library.

So this happened. Also FUCK YEAH, BIRTHDAY POSTS.

Meet our illustrious family head, Miss Cynthia Cohen. Her goals in life are humble: she's a knowledge sim who also aspires to one day build and nurture a family strong enough that their names and accomplishments would live on well into the future of her neighborhood. As illustrated in this picture, she certainly will not object to taking time away from her pursuits to ponder the nature that is around her. Just kidding, guys. This is the real Cynthia Cohen, who is...definitely not like anything I just said up there. Cynthia Cohen Pleasure/Popularity: Have 50 1st Dates Neat: 6 Shy: 0 Lazy: 1 Playful: 8 Nice: 10 Turn ons: Red hair, athleticism Turn off: Gray hair. OTH: It is a mystery. Also she sucks at the butterfly thing. Apparently that one time moments ago was just some fluke. Cynthia: But I caught some before, what happen. Reality. That happened. Failing that activity, she decides to wait for visitors by going inside and staring at her unfinished walls, mouth slightly ajar and probably dripping saliva. Now that is no way to exercise your ten nice points, Cynthia. Be nice to the dude who set up this neighborhood for you. Nice does not mean using your imagination to smash his face with some other townie and calling the result hideous. Nor does it mean complaining about telling him your undoubtedly hilarious jokes, a task that, oh by the way, I never told you to do in the first place. Does anyone remember that one Nicktoon Hey Arnold!? And that one kid who stalked Helga and breathed loudly through both his mouth and nose while doing so? Cynthia is that kid. Cynthia: ...I could probably be convinced to tap that! Random: Psh. Probably? Excuse you, no. Not interested. Wow. Are there any women in this neighborhood? So far it's been a straight-up sausage fest. Random: So maybe I was too quick to blow you off. It looks like you're the only woman this town's going to see in a while and... Random: ...you know what, somehow I am not desperate enough to date a little girl in a woman's body. Never mind. Screw you too. >: Looks like we have date number one! Nobody said they had to be good dates. But just in case something does go horribly wrong, Cynthia keeps spare dates locked inside her house. ;D Cynthia: WAIT WHAT you want me to HAVE SEX? What is WRONG with you?! I am too innocent for any such thing! ....I hope missing a chunk of flesh and spine from the back of the neck isn't genetic. :( Anyway, this guy moves in, because they are two bolts and he is kind of qtpie. His name is Sam; he's a romance/grilled cheese sim with an ltw to have 20 simultaneous ~lovers~ (OH JOY). He also brings in 10,000 bucks. He'd better, for all the anguish both their ltws will likely cause. Sam: THIS WILL BE PERFECT AND WE WILL LIVE IN HARMONY FOR EVER AND EVER. Whatever you say, Sammy-boy. Whatever you say. Gen 2-making~ OH MY GOD BATHTUB INTERACTIONS, HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU ;_; Freaky eyes, not so much. I can see where this is going. You two will keep on flirting until you starve to death, and it would only be ACR's fault some of the time. Time to nip this thing in the bud before it gets unbearable. NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND, BUT THIS COULD WORK TOO. Cynthia: Oh my god did I really let this lunatic sperminate me what have I done?? Sam: Hey, baby. I saw you standin' all fine-assed in that closet earlier today. So how about it? You, me, a bucket, and some dirty, dirty water. Sam: You like that, don't you? How about I take you to the bathroom and-- Cynthia: OH MY GOD, I JUST HAD THE WORST NIGHTMARE EVER. Cynthia: IT WAS LIKE A SWIFFER COMMERCIAL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG. ALL THE THINGS I'VE SEEN IN THIS DREAM, IT WILL TAKE YEARS OF THERAPY TO FORGET ABOUT. Preggers! There is a stove in the kitchen. Just putting that out there. ...this is at most slightly better. I call over this guy from Sam's phone book who I honestly thought was a woman. Which was alright until it became apparent that the guy isn't gay. Guess you'll just have to work a little harder for your LTW. Actually, no, the both of you will fail happily together. With the random family friend watching you every step of the way, of course. Cynthia: I THINK THIS RECURRING NIGHTMARE IS STARTING TO TURN ME ON A LITTLE. I .... ... Sam: Please don't tell me all about your sick dreams while I'm eating. Fuck, really. You're disturbing. Cynthia: OKAY FUN TIMES ARE OVER. CAN I GO BACK TO NOT BEING PREGNANT OR MARRIED? PLEASE?? THIS BEING POOR AND STARTING A FAMILY THING IS GETTING REALLY BORING REALLY FAST. What, as opposed to all rip-roaring good times you have doing nothing but sitting in a chair? Cynthia: GOD, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. THIS CHAIR SWIVELS, I WANT MY FUN, DAMN YOU. Cynthia: ...BUT I AM ALSO HUNGRY WHAT DO I DO?! How about not wasting two hours of your life waiting around for a chance to tell your husband how hot you think he is? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that I had installed the NEVER USE THE FUCKING STOVE hack. I'll be sure to get that out of my downloads as soon as I possibly can. Cynthia: HELLO? I AM STILL STARVING! Cynthia: AND TIRED. Cynthia: BUT MOSTLY ON THE VERGE OF STARVING TO DEATH, WHAT DO I DO? Oh, fuck me. Normally I wouldn't bother intervening, but our heroine here was about to die. SEE, GUYS, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO USE YOUR STOVE TOP FOR THIS. ...well, then. I expect you to not complain about being hungry or tired when you wake up. SERIOUSLY. THERE IS PROBABLY CEREAL IN THERE. CEREAL YOU HAVE NEVER TOUCHED. Good morning, Princess. Time to work on your LTW while your husband's out of the house. Cynthia: It's okay, though. It's not like you don't live in a neighborhood inhabited only by men. No, Cynthia. No. People with your LTW are not allowed to be picky. Townie: OMNOMNOM tastes like sour yogurt, rotten berries and drool. WHAT IS THIS SHIT, IT'S DELICIOUS! Oh, let me guess. It's the fly larvae, right? JUST ADDS A CERTAIN TEXTURE TO THE WHOLE DISH. I figured Cynthia could use a little help, because Lord only knows how well her method of trying to "admire" her way into dates works. Also twenty dollar men. Yes. Okay, Baby, show me some ~MAGIC~~! Specs: No wait what the hell ANYTHING BUT THAT, WHORE. Dancer Guy: Thaaaaaaat's enough, thanks. I don't know, either. But hey, as long as you're failing, Sam shouldn't care about anything, right? Pfff, wrong. They didn't even do anything romantic either, wtf. Dancer Guy: O, WELL, NOW THAT YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP IS IN SHAMBLES, I HAVE NO PROBLEM SLEEPING WITH YOU. Sam: IT'S NOT FAIR, SHE ISN'T EVEN A ROMANCE SIM AND SHE'S GETTING MORE ACTION THAN ME. ;_; Random men are always making stops at the Cohen household. Except apparently she grosses them all out. There is no need to pretend, now. Sam: Sorry, Toots, this ship has already passed. As revenge? Cynthia goes into labor. Sam: WHAT, NO. I'M SORRY I GOT MAD FOR NO APPARENT REASON, JUST PUT THAT THING BACK IT WILL RUIN MY LIFE. Just as planned, eh, Cynthia? Sam: Fuck that cheating whore. Fuck this family. Fuck my life. Cynthia: O HAY HOTTIE I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE THIS RIGHT HERE ALRIGHT? I made the mistake of thinking that maybe she wasn't having any luck with the men because she was pregnant. It turns out that she doesn't have any luck with the men because she is Cynthia. lmao, no. You only wish that was yours. Sam: WHY THE HELL IS THERE A MAN IN THE HOUSE STANDING SO CLOSE TO THE WOMAN I LOVE. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S REVOLTING HIM, THIS IS JUST WRONG AND I AM JUSTIFIABLY PISSED OFF. You and your jealousy issues, Sam. Cynthia: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ And holy shit, a woman! Or should I say, undercover social worker. I wanted Sam to stfu with his RAGE so badly that I got him a blind date to get his aspiration up. YOU TWO AND YOUR JEALOUSY. HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING MEET THE WOMAN, DAMN. DT Chick: It's ok, bb, I'm gonna make it feel all better~ Yeah, sure. Okay. Cynthia: ........................................................................................sounds like sex. Sam: HELL YEAH, I JUST CHEATED ON MY WIFE AND IT WAS AWESOME. Cynthiha: WAIT, THAT'S WHAT IT WAS?? HDU! Cynthia and her ten points decided to start up the first Cohen family fight. If anyone else down the line is anything like you two, there will undoubtedly be more to follow. Speaking of... Cynthia, meet your daughter, Monica. I know you haven't even touched her since her birth, but you've got to admit she is kind of cute, right? Sam: I FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE DESPITE MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. BITCH. >:| PARENTING AND CLEANLINESS, A+ GUYS. GOLD STARS FOR EVERYONE. Ooooh, more pregnant. /passes out more gold stars Yeah, it was only a matter of time. Cynthia was asleep (and hates him) and Monica's just a toddler, so the man maid's the only one to mourn Sam's death. Man Maid: Sigh. If only you had used your oven to cook every once in a while... Good-night, sweet prince.