Transcripts for Everyone!

Transcript is fast & dirty as I had to do it in a hurry, so if you want to use it for your site I recommend spell checking & confirming everything!

[Woman in black and white, making "achy" faces] My sinuses are so conjested I can't think.

Splash Page: TARGET: Women!

[Sarah Haskins, in Black & White, with a colour background] *cough* Hi there. I'm not feeling well. You can probably tell because I'm in black and white. I've got all the classic symptoms. Sleeplessness [Black & White image of someone tossing & turning in bed, from a Tylenol PM ad], staring out windows [Image of a man in black & white staring out a window, from an Abilify ad], and walking sadly in comfy sweaters [Woman in black & white pulling on a long sweater labelled Depression, from an Abilify ad].

[Sarah is standing in front of a picture with a stuffed bear, an ear-examining thingy, some giant Q-Tips, and a bottle of Pink Gunk] Should I go to the doctor? No! I can diagnose myself by watching t.v. [Image changes to a sillohet walking in front of a pill that 'helps control asthma day & night] Drug commercials are very instructive. They show you what pain feels like. [Image change sto a woman with a pained expression rubbing her face, labelled "My sinuses are: about to explode"] Many people I know have achy face.

[Image changes to a woman in black & white, rubbing her face, labelled "My sinuses are: congested", from Sudafed PE] My sinuses are so conjected I can't think.
[Image changes to another woman in black & white, rubbing her face, from Advil Cold & Sinus] Sinus pressure, nasal conjection, pain.
[Image changes to another woman rubbing her head, in black & white. From Tylenol] It's what doctors recommend most for headaches.

Sarah Haskins: Or even Bear Head.

[Image of a person with a very large stuffed bear head walking down the street, from Afrin]: Feeling stuffed up?

Sarah Haskins: Sometimes pain means you can barely drop off your kids at the bus stop!

[Woman in colour! standing in front of an orange school bus]: When I get a migraine, forget it. It's excruciating. [She rips her head out of the image]

Sarah Haskins: Lady, there's a bus full of kids right behind you!

[Image behind Sarah Haskins is of a nose with a cat, some sunflowers, and some dusters dancing around it] Symptoms of illness can be trigged by anything from cats to great art.

[Images of fields in black and white, from Patanase ad] Seasonal allergies can happen anywhere and any time, leaving you with a stuffy, runny, sneezy and itchy nose.

Sarah Haskins with a Groucho Marx mustache & accent: I gotta tell you doc, I think I'm alergic to Monet.
Dude I don't know with Groucho Marx mustache & accent: Monet? What gave you that impression?

Sarah Haskins: Pain isn't always physical. [Images of women in sweats behind Sarah] If you've been feeling down lately, you might want to think of checking yourself for sweat pants. Do this by patting your legs. Do you feel sweat pants? yeah, I have some bad news. You're depressed.

[A woman looking incredibly sad, from Cymbalta ad. There's also a picture of her dog who looks sad and depressed as well.] Depression is emotional. Sadness, loss of interest.

Sarah: You're so depressed, you made your dog depressed. Nice going.

So you're sick! Thus, your life is ruined. You're a stranger to your family, you live in black and white, you've got this sort of bleh discussion, You're killing your dog!

[Image changes to a hand with two tylenol pills in it] Well, here's my advice, Take those pills! And let your world transform. [Image of a woman smelling flowers and looking happy!]

[Woman putting on a life jacket on the water, from Claritin Liqui-Gels] I've got a great new way to hit back. I get clariten clear.

[Woman smiles and becomes colourful, labelled "I feel: relieved", from Sudafed PE]: My sinuses are relieved.

[Image of a woman's face in black & white is broken through by a woman running, with brigh tcolours!from Advis Cold & Sinus] You can suffer through them, or you can power through them. with advil cold & sinus.

Sarah: [Image of a woman and man helping a child on a bike, changing to a woman holding a child and laughing, sharing a family meal, making dinner] Just look! Drugs bring colour, nicer outfits, and Children back into our lives! I'm better just from taking drugs. And now that you're colourful you won't have to worry about any of those horrific side effects.

[Family helping child on bike, from Trexiet ad] A life-threatening problem may occur especially if used with anti-depressants.

[Woman shopping for clothes, from Cymbalta ad - I think this is the first non-white looking woman shown] Severe liver problems, some fatal were reported.

[Man looking at reports from an Abilify ad] Extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death.

[Woman walking from Patanase ad] Side effects may include bitter taste, headache, nose bleeds, sores in your nose.

Sarah: Got rid of the allergies, got the nose sores. Cabn't win them all. Oh, blood.

Turn on the t.v. and Get well soon.

[Off-screen narrator]: Warning: watching Target Women can lead to alcoholism, cycicism, and small amounts of Marxisim. [Groucho Marx voice] I mean Marxisim!