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transcriptsI've seen several blog posts linking to this YouTube video titled "Aspies don't have emotions...???", but hadn't seen a transcript of it posted anywhere. The poor acoustics made it difficult for me to make out what was said (ironic, given that I'm a rather emotional Aspie myself and thus it's very relevant for me). YouTube user markleerose has transcribed it and given me permission to post it here. So without further ado...
Hey guys.
It's really difficult to... actually make this video because it's... it's hard to say everything that I need to say... as fast as I would like and as direct as I would like.
Umm... People often tell me that I'm too normal to be an aspie. But that's not actually the issue. The issue is that I act too neurotypical to be recognized as an aspie. What people don't realize is that I've spent around twenty years learning how to imitate neurotypicals. I didn't always seem as normal as I can seem. Umm... I play a character every day. I play neurotypical, I act neurotypical. And I'm really good at it. But that doesn't make me neurotypical. It just makes me a really good imitator. A really good actress.
It took a team of two psychologists and a doctor, and a couple of months of testing, before I got this diagnosis at age 16. Two years later, I spoke to a psychiatrist who then gave me three extra diagnoses. And for the past five years or so, I've spoken to and know the probably leading expert in Asperger's Syndrome in Denmark. She's a fantastic person. Really great. She's actually... she's the only really religious person that I know and respect. I... I have other slightly religious friends. Don't mind it at all. I think it's... nice to talk about. But, but this woman is the only one that's really, really religious that I still respect.
Umm...
It's really, really difficult to make this video. I... I don't know why. It just... I can't explain this right. The only thing that I can really tell you is that I spend my life acting. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fall flat on my face. And... you don't see those days. I... I would never record a video on one of those days where I just completely run out of energy, and have nothing left and can't uphold this masquerade. I would never record a video like that. Ever. You just, you won't see me on those days. No one sees me on those days. I don't invite friends over, I dont take phone calls, I don't do anything on those days. I just lock myself up on those days. You will never see that. Ever. And... it is that way with every single "well functioning" aspie. Yeah, we function really well normally. Those of us who are really good at pretending to be neurotypical, we can uphold this thing for months at a time. But then suddenly, there's a week where we just can't. There are weeks when I cannot go to work because I don't function well enough. There are... there are days when I won't go out of my apartment.... because I've gotten so used to be accepted as normal... so I can't face the world when I'm an aspie.
[Maya becomes more emotional.]
You can say that I'm not an aspie all you want. But you don't have a fucking clue what I've been through. You don't have a clue what it's like. Life is a stage, yeah. To me it really, really is. And I'm a really good actress. Mostly. But aspies have emotions. They're right here. [Maya waves hands in front of her face.] Okay? We feel. We're people. And just because we have a syndrome that sometimes causes us to not be able to express emotions properly... or normally... doesn't mean that we're fucking robots. We have emotions, we can intonate our voice, we do have facial expressions, and we do have body language. But some days, especially the days that you don't see.... those are the ones, where you can really tell. The days when... when we can't pick up our phone because we can't.... stand the thought of having to listen to a person speak and actually pay attention and listen and give the proper response. Those are the days you will never see.
[Maya becomes calmer.]
It is so very ignorant to assume... through a ten minute video... that you know more about what it's like in here [Maya taps the side of her head] than all of the experts that have... evaluated me, tested me. It's... it's ridiculous, really. But it's kind of a compliment, as well. I mean... telling me that there's no way I'm an aspie because I'm just too normal... that's kind of like giving me the Oscar. It's, it's kind of like just handing me an Oscar for my performance as a neurotypical. So thank you. Thank you for thinking I'm normal. But fuck you for thinking that you know that I am. 'Cause I'm not. It's like.... [Maya exasperates]. Watching a YouTube video is like watching a movie. I have my moments where I'm completely real, in a YouTube video. But most of it... is me just trying... to express thoughts. And hopefully getting them across. [Maya exasperates.] I hate make this video. I'm going to stop now. [Maya waves.] Have a great day.
Hey guys.
It's really difficult to... actually make this video because it's... it's hard to say everything that I need to say... as fast as I would like and as direct as I would like.
Umm... People often tell me that I'm too normal to be an aspie. But that's not actually the issue. The issue is that I act too neurotypical to be recognized as an aspie. What people don't realize is that I've spent around twenty years learning how to imitate neurotypicals. I didn't always seem as normal as I can seem. Umm... I play a character every day. I play neurotypical, I act neurotypical. And I'm really good at it. But that doesn't make me neurotypical. It just makes me a really good imitator. A really good actress.
It took a team of two psychologists and a doctor, and a couple of months of testing, before I got this diagnosis at age 16. Two years later, I spoke to a psychiatrist who then gave me three extra diagnoses. And for the past five years or so, I've spoken to and know the probably leading expert in Asperger's Syndrome in Denmark. She's a fantastic person. Really great. She's actually... she's the only really religious person that I know and respect. I... I have other slightly religious friends. Don't mind it at all. I think it's... nice to talk about. But, but this woman is the only one that's really, really religious that I still respect.
Umm...
It's really, really difficult to make this video. I... I don't know why. It just... I can't explain this right. The only thing that I can really tell you is that I spend my life acting. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fall flat on my face. And... you don't see those days. I... I would never record a video on one of those days where I just completely run out of energy, and have nothing left and can't uphold this masquerade. I would never record a video like that. Ever. You just, you won't see me on those days. No one sees me on those days. I don't invite friends over, I dont take phone calls, I don't do anything on those days. I just lock myself up on those days. You will never see that. Ever. And... it is that way with every single "well functioning" aspie. Yeah, we function really well normally. Those of us who are really good at pretending to be neurotypical, we can uphold this thing for months at a time. But then suddenly, there's a week where we just can't. There are weeks when I cannot go to work because I don't function well enough. There are... there are days when I won't go out of my apartment.... because I've gotten so used to be accepted as normal... so I can't face the world when I'm an aspie.
[Maya becomes more emotional.]
You can say that I'm not an aspie all you want. But you don't have a fucking clue what I've been through. You don't have a clue what it's like. Life is a stage, yeah. To me it really, really is. And I'm a really good actress. Mostly. But aspies have emotions. They're right here. [Maya waves hands in front of her face.] Okay? We feel. We're people. And just because we have a syndrome that sometimes causes us to not be able to express emotions properly... or normally... doesn't mean that we're fucking robots. We have emotions, we can intonate our voice, we do have facial expressions, and we do have body language. But some days, especially the days that you don't see.... those are the ones, where you can really tell. The days when... when we can't pick up our phone because we can't.... stand the thought of having to listen to a person speak and actually pay attention and listen and give the proper response. Those are the days you will never see.
[Maya becomes calmer.]
It is so very ignorant to assume... through a ten minute video... that you know more about what it's like in here [Maya taps the side of her head] than all of the experts that have... evaluated me, tested me. It's... it's ridiculous, really. But it's kind of a compliment, as well. I mean... telling me that there's no way I'm an aspie because I'm just too normal... that's kind of like giving me the Oscar. It's, it's kind of like just handing me an Oscar for my performance as a neurotypical. So thank you. Thank you for thinking I'm normal. But fuck you for thinking that you know that I am. 'Cause I'm not. It's like.... [Maya exasperates]. Watching a YouTube video is like watching a movie. I have my moments where I'm completely real, in a YouTube video. But most of it... is me just trying... to express thoughts. And hopefully getting them across. [Maya exasperates.] I hate make this video. I'm going to stop now. [Maya waves.] Have a great day.
