Wired

zvi made a really good point about multiplesex in her help_pakistan meta post.

Her point was that in fic-writing, it is different to write three people coming together for the purpose of sex because they happen to be on the same team, and to write an established couple inviting a third person into their dynamic. (For me, this is the appeal of White Collar fic. Seriously, I watch the show so the fic makes sense. Yum.) Anyway, I agree that in fic, starting everything up simultaneously avoids all sorts of awkward writing/characterization problems where people are trying to figure out the stability of their triangle, or V.

In real life, having done both, I find that the hardest configuration for me is being the new party introduced into an established couple. I have personal relationship rules about this, and they come down to the stance that I am dating A and B who are in a relationship with each other, but I am NOT dating AB, as a couple. In fact, I am doing that now, and it works out pretty well, but almost every one of my communications is to either A or B, but not both, because they are different, and I relate to them differently, and for her I am a beloved friend and for him I am more of a fulfilled daydream, and guess who I talk to more, but really, it seems to work.

In fact, 2/3rds of the relationships that are tagged in my head as "drastic failure" had me in exactly that position. I was hot for A, I was hot for B, they came as a package, threesomes ahoy! Only couples have secret languages, and prejudices, and they will always love each other more than you (or if they don't you'll be a wedge, ugh). When we had fights, they ganged up on me, and 2-1 is only really fun for sex. When they had problems, they shut me out.

I'm not going to say this is true for everyone, but even though I'm poly, I am also fundamentally dyadic. My relationships all consist of two people, me and the other person. There may be more people in our lives, people in the room, people in the bed, but when I engage in a relationship, it is with one other person.

And with that, I leave you with some fic recs:
lightgetsin wrote Always Starts the Same, with a Boy and a Girl which is an AU where Neal and Elizabeth have an established relationship and seduce Peter. For purposes of this post, it addresses some of Peter's awkwardness at intruding into the couple. And hits an ironclad kink of mine, but that would be telling.

shaenie wrote Contractual Obligations: A Love Story in Three Traffic Lights in which a very established couple, Peter and Elizabeth, invite Neal in, EXPLAIN THE RULES TO HIM, prove that they have been in love with him for a long time, engage in poly-partner supportiveness, and generally act like the dream couple to be seduced by. Did I mention they explain the rules? Hearts in my eyes forever.