Somedays, I wanna go into hiding too.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Chicken Stock Cube
It's Monday again and I'm tired again. Somehow I get so tired out every weekend that Mondays are always my super-sleep-in day. Plus, I had trouble sleeping last night again.
...
Last Thursday I almost lost my temper at my aunt.
It was ALL her idea to meet at 6.30pm at Carrefour. I could have gone by myself to get everything at once but she kept insisting on coming "because she had the grocery list". I had to arrange a specific day that she and my dad were both free which is very difficult when my dad has so many things on his schedule.
At 7pm she called to say "Eh, I didn't bring the grocery list, and then I don't think I'm coming down la...."
I was like, "WHAT?! I'm already here lor! Don't care about the grocery list lah - just buy the stuff we can remember. I'll get the rest myself..."
I think she knew I was on the verge of exploding already. So she came down, I think she took a cab. The whole time she kept digressing to look at her own stuff. And everything I suggested to buy was not good enough. Not fresh enough(?!).... (Hello? Frozen food?)
In the end I gave up suggesting and just started plonking. As in plonking the stuff directly into the cart.
I was way beyond irritated when she kept complaining about the roasted duck from Carrefour. I mean it is only 16 bucks lah. What you expect right. If you don't like it, then don't buy lah -.-"
So she kept nagging me to go order the stupid roast duck. I kept telling her we will settle that with the other items like Fried Bee Hoon on Saturday when us and the rest of the family gets together for Grand-dad's birthday.
But she kept on nagging about the damned roast duck, and I kept having to remind her we will settle it on Saturday -.-" Until I got so fed up I actually told her, "Ah, you go and order the duck lah!! I already said Saturday we settle liao!"
That shut her up nicely about the freaking duck. If there is anything my aunt hates, is to be delegated any tasks. She is one lazy lazy lazy person.
...
Friday I met Rz and JL for dinner. Sol was supposed to come too, but he got held up at work. We went to get Taryn's birthday pressie together :) My niece is turning 1!!! How time flies!
Junk is also super busy, moving her belongings back to her in-laws and planning the party. I haven't seen her since our bold foray into the insane throngs of shoppers at Vivocity.
Everyone is busy, I guess.
...
Saturday was grand-dad's birthday :) We went to a different restaurant this time. Long story, and part of the consequences of my aunt's silly argument with my uncle :s
I almost lost it when my aunt mentioned, "Actually ah, you no need to cook the soup leh. You can always just boil hot water and put in chicken stock cube...." (From day one, I was already planning to boil the chicken soup from scratch.)
I was like, "................................... like this you go out and eat yourself. I'm not serving my grandfather and my father pure MSG."
It was past eleven when we finally got home, but we managed to settle the Fried Bee Hoon issue, as well as the Spare Chairs issue, and I have to settle the stupid Roasted Duck issue and the Lack of Bowls issue.
I will also have to go do another round of groceries because we went so early to appease my aunt, that I can't get the fresh food yet. So I will have to make another trip.
This time without the aunt. I think every moment spent with her shortens my life by 10 minutes.
...
I was supposed to pay a visit to Phy's grandmother's wake on Saturday night. But the dinner and discussion ended so late, and it started raining, so I pushed it to Sunday instead. So energy sapping!
I went alone yesterday to Phy's uncle's house at Kovan :) Very touching experience. I guess I was reminded about my own grandmother and my own mother. It's funny how I can remember everything so clearly even though both funerals took place 8 years ago.
Finally met Phoebe after so many years. I think the last time I saw her was when we were choosing her dowry! She is still the same cheerful, bubbly and cuddly god-sister of mine :) And Phy, always the melancholic one.
I also met Vincent for the first time. I think we were instant friends because we both enjoyed teasing poor Phy together hahaha..
I'm more relieved now that I've met her husband to be, I guess. At least I can tell he is the stable one in the relationship and will be her rock and anchor.
As for Godma, I think she is the one truly affected by this sudden loss. I suppose she is feeling very alone now, even though both her daughters are with her in this ordeal. I think the loss of her mom is like losing a comfort zone. She has always had a lonely mind, I felt.
I suppose she also feels like life has no meaning. After a difficult marriage and then a divorce and all of life's struggles, I suppose she feels scared and jaded. What would add to her bewilderment is the clash of two religions in her life right now. I can bet she feels the lost of faith in the old and the lack of faith to embrace the the new.
...
As for me, I think I shall just stay at home today and rest. I am feeling so drained. I don't even dare to contemplate the starting of term. Just let me settle the damned reunion dinner first.
- 29 January 2007 2:55pm -
...
Last Thursday I almost lost my temper at my aunt.
It was ALL her idea to meet at 6.30pm at Carrefour. I could have gone by myself to get everything at once but she kept insisting on coming "because she had the grocery list". I had to arrange a specific day that she and my dad were both free which is very difficult when my dad has so many things on his schedule.
At 7pm she called to say "Eh, I didn't bring the grocery list, and then I don't think I'm coming down la...."
I was like, "WHAT?! I'm already here lor! Don't care about the grocery list lah - just buy the stuff we can remember. I'll get the rest myself..."
I think she knew I was on the verge of exploding already. So she came down, I think she took a cab. The whole time she kept digressing to look at her own stuff. And everything I suggested to buy was not good enough. Not fresh enough(?!).... (Hello? Frozen food?)
In the end I gave up suggesting and just started plonking. As in plonking the stuff directly into the cart.
I was way beyond irritated when she kept complaining about the roasted duck from Carrefour. I mean it is only 16 bucks lah. What you expect right. If you don't like it, then don't buy lah -.-"
So she kept nagging me to go order the stupid roast duck. I kept telling her we will settle that with the other items like Fried Bee Hoon on Saturday when us and the rest of the family gets together for Grand-dad's birthday.
But she kept on nagging about the damned roast duck, and I kept having to remind her we will settle it on Saturday -.-" Until I got so fed up I actually told her, "Ah, you go and order the duck lah!! I already said Saturday we settle liao!"
That shut her up nicely about the freaking duck. If there is anything my aunt hates, is to be delegated any tasks. She is one lazy lazy lazy person.
...
Friday I met Rz and JL for dinner. Sol was supposed to come too, but he got held up at work. We went to get Taryn's birthday pressie together :) My niece is turning 1!!! How time flies!
Junk is also super busy, moving her belongings back to her in-laws and planning the party. I haven't seen her since our bold foray into the insane throngs of shoppers at Vivocity.
Everyone is busy, I guess.
...
Saturday was grand-dad's birthday :) We went to a different restaurant this time. Long story, and part of the consequences of my aunt's silly argument with my uncle :s
I almost lost it when my aunt mentioned, "Actually ah, you no need to cook the soup leh. You can always just boil hot water and put in chicken stock cube...." (From day one, I was already planning to boil the chicken soup from scratch.)
I was like, "................................... like this you go out and eat yourself. I'm not serving my grandfather and my father pure MSG."
It was past eleven when we finally got home, but we managed to settle the Fried Bee Hoon issue, as well as the Spare Chairs issue, and I have to settle the stupid Roasted Duck issue and the Lack of Bowls issue.
I will also have to go do another round of groceries because we went so early to appease my aunt, that I can't get the fresh food yet. So I will have to make another trip.
This time without the aunt. I think every moment spent with her shortens my life by 10 minutes.
...
I was supposed to pay a visit to Phy's grandmother's wake on Saturday night. But the dinner and discussion ended so late, and it started raining, so I pushed it to Sunday instead. So energy sapping!
I went alone yesterday to Phy's uncle's house at Kovan :) Very touching experience. I guess I was reminded about my own grandmother and my own mother. It's funny how I can remember everything so clearly even though both funerals took place 8 years ago.
Finally met Phoebe after so many years. I think the last time I saw her was when we were choosing her dowry! She is still the same cheerful, bubbly and cuddly god-sister of mine :) And Phy, always the melancholic one.
I also met Vincent for the first time. I think we were instant friends because we both enjoyed teasing poor Phy together hahaha..
I'm more relieved now that I've met her husband to be, I guess. At least I can tell he is the stable one in the relationship and will be her rock and anchor.
As for Godma, I think she is the one truly affected by this sudden loss. I suppose she is feeling very alone now, even though both her daughters are with her in this ordeal. I think the loss of her mom is like losing a comfort zone. She has always had a lonely mind, I felt.
I suppose she also feels like life has no meaning. After a difficult marriage and then a divorce and all of life's struggles, I suppose she feels scared and jaded. What would add to her bewilderment is the clash of two religions in her life right now. I can bet she feels the lost of faith in the old and the lack of faith to embrace the the new.
...
As for me, I think I shall just stay at home today and rest. I am feeling so drained. I don't even dare to contemplate the starting of term. Just let me settle the damned reunion dinner first.
- 29 January 2007 2:55pm -
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Ungrateful Days
My life is full of ungrateful people.
After so many years of friendship there is still doubt over my integrity. After all these years, you still don't know me, so why bother calling me your friend?
If you look back and think about it, have I ever judged you? Even when your life was in a mess, did I even comment or discourage you?
NO.
I've only ever tried to support what you have been doing. Bought you stuff, write you notes, even when I was overseas, I remembered you. I've even tried to support stuff that your mum and sis were involved in. Now I feel so stupid.
If you cannot handle the things people say about you then don't do things to make people talk. Don't turn around on me and accuse me of spreading rumours about you. I am not as free as you think I am.
Do you remember when you asked me about someone and I told you it's all just rumours? Do you remember how I defended her? What makes you think I won't defend you if it were you people were asking about? In fact, I've known you longer than I've known her.
I have a life to live and I know you do too. Don't suddenly SMS me and interrupt my day and then disappear when I reply. You are not a kid anymore. It's not as though I am irresponsible for my actions. If I have done or said something offensive, I will admit it. I don't run from adversity.
You just don't SMS this kinda thing and then keep quiet when people respond. It's just simply rude.
Thank you for spoiling my entire day.
**Edit: No, you have not spoiled my day.
I will not allow something so trivial touch me at all, God willing. Since you have ignored my replies, I'll take it as this matter is settled henceforth. I suppose I have learnt to let go of certain things in order to grow in faith everyday. Today your ungratefulness will be the one thing I let go.
- 25 January 2007 3:59pm -
After so many years of friendship there is still doubt over my integrity. After all these years, you still don't know me, so why bother calling me your friend?
If you look back and think about it, have I ever judged you? Even when your life was in a mess, did I even comment or discourage you?
NO.
I've only ever tried to support what you have been doing. Bought you stuff, write you notes, even when I was overseas, I remembered you. I've even tried to support stuff that your mum and sis were involved in. Now I feel so stupid.
If you cannot handle the things people say about you then don't do things to make people talk. Don't turn around on me and accuse me of spreading rumours about you. I am not as free as you think I am.
Do you remember when you asked me about someone and I told you it's all just rumours? Do you remember how I defended her? What makes you think I won't defend you if it were you people were asking about? In fact, I've known you longer than I've known her.
I have a life to live and I know you do too. Don't suddenly SMS me and interrupt my day and then disappear when I reply. You are not a kid anymore. It's not as though I am irresponsible for my actions. If I have done or said something offensive, I will admit it. I don't run from adversity.
You just don't SMS this kinda thing and then keep quiet when people respond. It's just simply rude.
Thank you for spoiling my entire day.
**Edit: No, you have not spoiled my day.
I will not allow something so trivial touch me at all, God willing. Since you have ignored my replies, I'll take it as this matter is settled henceforth. I suppose I have learnt to let go of certain things in order to grow in faith everyday. Today your ungratefulness will be the one thing I let go.
- 25 January 2007 3:59pm -
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Made in Twenty
Met up with E yesterday. Eeeeks our photos turned out horrible and insalvageable!! So no photos again :( Hahahaha!!
But it's really funny how attached I am to her. Sometimes I feel she's like my little sister - a very similar extension of me.
The weirdest thing is how I used to lament to Bernard in the very distant past that I didn't have a girlfriend in the world that shared the same kind of thinking as I did/same kind of shopping habits as I did, and then now, I got to know E because we both broke up with Bernard.
How weird is that? Makes me wonder that if we put all those norms and awkward feelings aside, would everyone get along with the ex-es of their ex-es? Er..? Hahaha!
Everytime I think of it, I am reminded of how this friendship started because of so much pain. I suppose "shared" pain can bring people together. I guess I understand a lot of the loneliness involved - it's not exactly loneliness, I guess, but more like suffering alone because the people around you can't comprehend completely.
It is also ironic that although both our lives revolve around two separate spheres - geographically speaking as well as socially; there are so many links and connections between them. I know so many people she knows, even though some of them have never set even a fraction of their skin in Australia. Suppose, people are the same everywhere. Gossip-mongers especially :)
As for me, I still miss Brisbane a lot. It is funny that though it's on another continent, there are so many similarities between Singapore and Brisbane. Of course I'm not saying they are identical.
Perhaps one day I can finally move my life over. Without having to worry about the people at home.
Sigh.
Talking about the people at home ... I have just about given up on this family. No one seems to want to talk directly to each other even though they are siblings. Even when I was abroad, my aunt will phone me in Brisbane to get me to tell my dad stuff.
That is my aunt for you. (Hahahaha, another thing I just realised we have in common is that E and I have very, ahem, special aunts! Hahaha!)
Hmm tomorrow I'll be meeting my aunt and my dad for reuinion dinner grocery shopping. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I already can't wait for it to be over. Sigh.
- 24 January 2007 2:16pm -
But it's really funny how attached I am to her. Sometimes I feel she's like my little sister - a very similar extension of me.
The weirdest thing is how I used to lament to Bernard in the very distant past that I didn't have a girlfriend in the world that shared the same kind of thinking as I did/same kind of shopping habits as I did, and then now, I got to know E because we both broke up with Bernard.
How weird is that? Makes me wonder that if we put all those norms and awkward feelings aside, would everyone get along with the ex-es of their ex-es? Er..? Hahaha!
Everytime I think of it, I am reminded of how this friendship started because of so much pain. I suppose "shared" pain can bring people together. I guess I understand a lot of the loneliness involved - it's not exactly loneliness, I guess, but more like suffering alone because the people around you can't comprehend completely.
It is also ironic that although both our lives revolve around two separate spheres - geographically speaking as well as socially; there are so many links and connections between them. I know so many people she knows, even though some of them have never set even a fraction of their skin in Australia. Suppose, people are the same everywhere. Gossip-mongers especially :)
As for me, I still miss Brisbane a lot. It is funny that though it's on another continent, there are so many similarities between Singapore and Brisbane. Of course I'm not saying they are identical.
Perhaps one day I can finally move my life over. Without having to worry about the people at home.
Sigh.
Talking about the people at home ... I have just about given up on this family. No one seems to want to talk directly to each other even though they are siblings. Even when I was abroad, my aunt will phone me in Brisbane to get me to tell my dad stuff.
That is my aunt for you. (Hahahaha, another thing I just realised we have in common is that E and I have very, ahem, special aunts! Hahaha!)
Hmm tomorrow I'll be meeting my aunt and my dad for reuinion dinner grocery shopping. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I already can't wait for it to be over. Sigh.
- 24 January 2007 2:16pm -
Monday, January 22, 2007
Jewellery Box
After a very hectic past few days, I was very glad to be able to snooze in today :P
It's all very ironic that I have two minds about the year ahead. On one hand I'm like: "Oh no, this year is going to be a very difficult one!!" And on the other hand I'm like: "No, our heavenly Father can not but bless us. He will make sure this year will be even better than last year!"
I know it's a serious case of lag, but usually the implications of a brand new year only hit me a few weeks after New Year's day. Guess I'm trying to make the most of this quickly diminishing summer break before term starts again too, so I am feeling a little bit disappointed that I can't kick back and relax as much as I would like to, with so many things hogging up my to-do list.
Anyway I'm feeling rather fortunate all around. Hair is rebonded, no more fluffy outback styles and for the first time since my childhood, I've even got new everything, clothes, shoes, right down to a smart, new, leather jewellery box from Everbest.
The lower compartment can be used for travelling :)
With stuff :)
I have decided not to use it yet :) Hehe..
Meeting E again tomorrow :P Quite excited hehe :) I'll miss her when she goes back - no one to shop with me!! Oh wells :P
Should be meeting Sol and JL on Fri too. And my aunt wants us to go shopping for abalone and other dried stuff on Wednesday.. So it's going to be another busy, busy week.
- 22 January 2007 4:08pm -
It's all very ironic that I have two minds about the year ahead. On one hand I'm like: "Oh no, this year is going to be a very difficult one!!" And on the other hand I'm like: "No, our heavenly Father can not but bless us. He will make sure this year will be even better than last year!"
I know it's a serious case of lag, but usually the implications of a brand new year only hit me a few weeks after New Year's day. Guess I'm trying to make the most of this quickly diminishing summer break before term starts again too, so I am feeling a little bit disappointed that I can't kick back and relax as much as I would like to, with so many things hogging up my to-do list.
Anyway I'm feeling rather fortunate all around. Hair is rebonded, no more fluffy outback styles and for the first time since my childhood, I've even got new everything, clothes, shoes, right down to a smart, new, leather jewellery box from Everbest.
The lower compartment can be used for travelling :)
With stuff :)
I have decided not to use it yet :) Hehe..
Meeting E again tomorrow :P Quite excited hehe :) I'll miss her when she goes back - no one to shop with me!! Oh wells :P
Should be meeting Sol and JL on Fri too. And my aunt wants us to go shopping for abalone and other dried stuff on Wednesday.. So it's going to be another busy, busy week.
- 22 January 2007 4:08pm -
Thursday, January 18, 2007
$ for $plurge
I guess if there was anyone I'd call my favourite shopping khaki, it'll be E hands down :) She's back and we met up at Orchard today. Was really good to just spend some girly time with her again :) I really enjoyed myself :)
We were supposed to take photos today, but we decided to take them next week when we meet up again :D
We started our shopping trip at Far East Plaza, finished walking through all the levels there, walked through Tang's first level, went through Heeren, crossed to Takashimaya basement for Mos Burger, then headed on over to Isetan Wisma and Topshop, before going over to Wheelock for dinner. After dinner we even combed through Isetan Shaw :s
I got myself a simple cloth bag from Topshop [$7] for when I need to carry my notes around, and a black lace halter [$27.90] for CNY today :)
Well, I don't think I'll be buying any more bags for a long time :P
I still have my furry teal green bag from Animal and the massive brown chunky thing I bought to replace my white bag from Zinc last year that is beginning to age rather ungracefully. Hehe :P
I think that's all I'll be buying for my CNY wardrobe too, because I already got a new pair of jeans from Tian to replace my old, hole-y pair from Giodano :s And speaking of Giodano, I even got a pair of three-quarter jeans at half price - but I can't wear that to go bai nian, my aunt will have a lot to say, so no three-quarter anything at CNY..
I even have new shoes this year, like wow. Usually I never find shoes that fit for CNY, so I always wear old ones :s Not this year :D
Last sunday I even got a colourful new set of bangles and a new set of bracelets in hot pink :P Not for CNY, though, my family has this strict "no-fake-jewellery" rule at CNY..
Tomorrow I'll be going back to Far East Plaza to get my hair rebonded and trimmed by Ivan, my trusty hairstylist. (Note, I said trusty not trusted. I could never trust him after he suggested I tinge my hair green! I say trusty because I know he'll surely have a lot to comment on this time - jocular reliability, you know.)
Yup, finally going to get my hair done. I admit I kinda feel like an overgrown bush that would only belong somewhere deep in the Australian outback.
I hope this time, I'd succeed in finally getting Ivan to cut me a fringe!! I've been asking him for the past few years to cut me a fringe, but the shortest my forelock ever gets cut is chin-length.. which is 'useless' as a fringe because it doesn't look like one!!
So that is more money flying away.
I suppose this semester will be a very harried one, it being my last. I'll have to settle the damn previous studies credit application once and for all, and settle on my course major too. I hope I don't screw up. No wait, I hope QUT doesn't screw up :s I haven't forgotten how crabby they can be.
Tired, think I shall sleep early :)
I'll leave you with Sashimi and Salami :P
- 18 January 2007 2:08am -
We were supposed to take photos today, but we decided to take them next week when we meet up again :D
We started our shopping trip at Far East Plaza, finished walking through all the levels there, walked through Tang's first level, went through Heeren, crossed to Takashimaya basement for Mos Burger, then headed on over to Isetan Wisma and Topshop, before going over to Wheelock for dinner. After dinner we even combed through Isetan Shaw :s
I got myself a simple cloth bag from Topshop [$7] for when I need to carry my notes around, and a black lace halter [$27.90] for CNY today :)
Well, I don't think I'll be buying any more bags for a long time :P
I still have my furry teal green bag from Animal and the massive brown chunky thing I bought to replace my white bag from Zinc last year that is beginning to age rather ungracefully. Hehe :P
I think that's all I'll be buying for my CNY wardrobe too, because I already got a new pair of jeans from Tian to replace my old, hole-y pair from Giodano :s And speaking of Giodano, I even got a pair of three-quarter jeans at half price - but I can't wear that to go bai nian, my aunt will have a lot to say, so no three-quarter anything at CNY..
I even have new shoes this year, like wow. Usually I never find shoes that fit for CNY, so I always wear old ones :s Not this year :D
Last sunday I even got a colourful new set of bangles and a new set of bracelets in hot pink :P Not for CNY, though, my family has this strict "no-fake-jewellery" rule at CNY..
Tomorrow I'll be going back to Far East Plaza to get my hair rebonded and trimmed by Ivan, my trusty hairstylist. (Note, I said trusty not trusted. I could never trust him after he suggested I tinge my hair green! I say trusty because I know he'll surely have a lot to comment on this time - jocular reliability, you know.)
Yup, finally going to get my hair done. I admit I kinda feel like an overgrown bush that would only belong somewhere deep in the Australian outback.
I hope this time, I'd succeed in finally getting Ivan to cut me a fringe!! I've been asking him for the past few years to cut me a fringe, but the shortest my forelock ever gets cut is chin-length.. which is 'useless' as a fringe because it doesn't look like one!!
So that is more money flying away.
I suppose this semester will be a very harried one, it being my last. I'll have to settle the damn previous studies credit application once and for all, and settle on my course major too. I hope I don't screw up. No wait, I hope QUT doesn't screw up :s I haven't forgotten how crabby they can be.
Tired, think I shall sleep early :)
I'll leave you with Sashimi and Salami :P
- 18 January 2007 2:08am -
Friday, January 12, 2007
Sekai
I haven't exactly been very cheery since Sesame's passing. And I haven't taken very many photos either. I supposed these are linked to each other.
Oddly, I miss worrying about her and telling Rz how absolutely tiny she is and hear him say "I think she's put on some weight"..
After an entire week of 'negative' news and events, Tuesday was obviously a very depressing day. I spent the most of it cleaning after my hammies and cuddling them all. In the end I suppose I wasted the entire day doing all the things that didn't require doing (other than the cleaning which I saw as utterly important).
It was so sordid that I promised myself that Wednesday would be better.
It was. I went to catch Death Note 2 with Sol and Rz. I enjoyed myself until I got onto the NEL home. I felt all the pressure come back to me again.
All these feelings are good for one thing though. CounterStrike. (No, G, I don't care if you roll your eyes until they pop....it's true.) When I stopped playing my score was 103 kills to 64 deaths - nothing too fantastic, but the best score I've had in months, I think.
...
I sometimes get the impression that my mind is an infinite wilderness and that I have to spend my life wandering around it trying to understand and make logical sense. Sometimes when things happen too fast, and I don't mean just Sesame's passing, I find myself retreating into that wilderness again.
I know better now, than to joke around about being bi-polar, but sometimes, in the middle of the night when I am lying sleeplessly awake, I don't doubt the possibility of it at all.
I know I am sounding rather depressed. I guess I'm already feeling much better than I was on Tuesday, but I kinda need to relieve my brain of some of these thoughts before they drive me mad.
I took about 2 hours just choosing my nail polish just now and I was mulling over the task my family has put me up to. I seriously detest my aunt for dragging me into some feud that is so ridiculously trivial. Especially right now, when the Lunar New Year is approximately one month away.
At times like these, I feel I've had it with this family. I mean, what can I do? Why drag me into the picture when you adults have made the mess? Now I am left with a family reunion to plan without the co-operation of the family. Zzz.
I suppose because I am still studying it is readily assumed that "I have a lot of free time". Zzz.
Free time or not, I really do not know how to face my uncle. Neither do I know how to stop my aunt from bugging me. Nor do I want to be seen to stand on either side in this ridiculous argument. I have prayed for wisdom about what to say and what to do and how to do it, but all I have is a growing frustration.
If the adults can't see eye to eye, why can't my grandfather step in? Why was I called to this "duty"? You know, I think my grandfather has given up on them too. Although it must be said, this is the first time he did not fault my aunt for losing her stupid temper.
Well you must know, I get my own stupid temper from several people - my own mother, my dad, my dad's sister, and my impatience from my mother's sister. Hence I think I am the worst person (with the worst temper) to bring in to resolve a family feud.
...
Goodnight. I hope I won't have to wait too long to fall asleep.
- 12 January 2007 2:49am -
Oddly, I miss worrying about her and telling Rz how absolutely tiny she is and hear him say "I think she's put on some weight"..
After an entire week of 'negative' news and events, Tuesday was obviously a very depressing day. I spent the most of it cleaning after my hammies and cuddling them all. In the end I suppose I wasted the entire day doing all the things that didn't require doing (other than the cleaning which I saw as utterly important).
It was so sordid that I promised myself that Wednesday would be better.
It was. I went to catch Death Note 2 with Sol and Rz. I enjoyed myself until I got onto the NEL home. I felt all the pressure come back to me again.
All these feelings are good for one thing though. CounterStrike. (No, G, I don't care if you roll your eyes until they pop....it's true.) When I stopped playing my score was 103 kills to 64 deaths - nothing too fantastic, but the best score I've had in months, I think.
...
I sometimes get the impression that my mind is an infinite wilderness and that I have to spend my life wandering around it trying to understand and make logical sense. Sometimes when things happen too fast, and I don't mean just Sesame's passing, I find myself retreating into that wilderness again.
I know better now, than to joke around about being bi-polar, but sometimes, in the middle of the night when I am lying sleeplessly awake, I don't doubt the possibility of it at all.
I know I am sounding rather depressed. I guess I'm already feeling much better than I was on Tuesday, but I kinda need to relieve my brain of some of these thoughts before they drive me mad.
I took about 2 hours just choosing my nail polish just now and I was mulling over the task my family has put me up to. I seriously detest my aunt for dragging me into some feud that is so ridiculously trivial. Especially right now, when the Lunar New Year is approximately one month away.
At times like these, I feel I've had it with this family. I mean, what can I do? Why drag me into the picture when you adults have made the mess? Now I am left with a family reunion to plan without the co-operation of the family. Zzz.
I suppose because I am still studying it is readily assumed that "I have a lot of free time". Zzz.
Free time or not, I really do not know how to face my uncle. Neither do I know how to stop my aunt from bugging me. Nor do I want to be seen to stand on either side in this ridiculous argument. I have prayed for wisdom about what to say and what to do and how to do it, but all I have is a growing frustration.
If the adults can't see eye to eye, why can't my grandfather step in? Why was I called to this "duty"? You know, I think my grandfather has given up on them too. Although it must be said, this is the first time he did not fault my aunt for losing her stupid temper.
Well you must know, I get my own stupid temper from several people - my own mother, my dad, my dad's sister, and my impatience from my mother's sister. Hence I think I am the worst person (with the worst temper) to bring in to resolve a family feud.
...
Goodnight. I hope I won't have to wait too long to fall asleep.
- 12 January 2007 2:49am -
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Goodbye Sesame
Dear Sesame,
You were the bravest hamster I've ever known. All this time, your will to live touched me tremendously. And you were always so sweet, climbing onto my palm so unassumingly. Gently taking food from me.. How unlike a robo you were..
Now that you've gone, I am already missing you. You are finally free of pain. No more ingrown teeth and no more tumour.... Just a beautiful fluffy coat of fur like I always envisioned you'd have one day.
I love you. Goodnight dear. Please say hi to Tofu for me........
rx.
...
Sesame passed away at about 2:45am this morning. I think she had a heart attack. It was so sudden. One moment she was there. And she was gone the next.
There's a hole in my heart....
- 9 January 2007 4:06am -
You were the bravest hamster I've ever known. All this time, your will to live touched me tremendously. And you were always so sweet, climbing onto my palm so unassumingly. Gently taking food from me.. How unlike a robo you were..
Now that you've gone, I am already missing you. You are finally free of pain. No more ingrown teeth and no more tumour.... Just a beautiful fluffy coat of fur like I always envisioned you'd have one day.
I love you. Goodnight dear. Please say hi to Tofu for me........
rx.
...
Sesame passed away at about 2:45am this morning. I think she had a heart attack. It was so sudden. One moment she was there. And she was gone the next.
There's a hole in my heart....
- 9 January 2007 4:06am -
Monday, January 08, 2007
Two Desert Eagles Crossed at the Barrels
I really don't know why suddenly, after a few days of cheeriness and everything, I suddenly fell into a deep, dark hole of despair. I suppose I can only be thankful that Christmas and New Year's Day passed in a happy buzz. Well nothing exactly "happened", it's probably just self-induced.
This year doesn't look like it is going to be an easy one. I think I had it relatively easy last year, and I am quite wary because I know good things do not last long.
My brain is quite overworked with so many things to mull over. I wish I could talk about them here, but even then I don't think it will significantly minimise my brain activity. As expected, I've been losing precious sleep too. I can't get to sleep and I can't stay asleep. I need to stop obsessing about being a failure, I guess.
I felt so blue today all I did was hide in my room. I ate nothing but muesli and milk because I just couldn't stomach anything.
I am just such a weird person. I mean, I can feel nothing towards hurtful things some people have said or done, but then I can't allow myself to overlook my own weaknesses.
I need to just ignore my conscience once in awhile. Do what my heart is saying I should do.
Sigh.
I hope I get more sleep tonight.
- 8 January 2007 12:57am -
This year doesn't look like it is going to be an easy one. I think I had it relatively easy last year, and I am quite wary because I know good things do not last long.
My brain is quite overworked with so many things to mull over. I wish I could talk about them here, but even then I don't think it will significantly minimise my brain activity. As expected, I've been losing precious sleep too. I can't get to sleep and I can't stay asleep. I need to stop obsessing about being a failure, I guess.
I felt so blue today all I did was hide in my room. I ate nothing but muesli and milk because I just couldn't stomach anything.
I am just such a weird person. I mean, I can feel nothing towards hurtful things some people have said or done, but then I can't allow myself to overlook my own weaknesses.
I need to just ignore my conscience once in awhile. Do what my heart is saying I should do.
Sigh.
I hope I get more sleep tonight.
- 8 January 2007 12:57am -
Friday, January 05, 2007
Black and White
We seriously DO need to find a new apartment.
I have been telling dad that it is time to move, for the past, what is it, eight years? Well, the apartment is telling him to move too it seems.
Just this year, our lift has broken down about three times. Over Christmas, the tiles in the lobby managed to crack and uproot themselves. And then today, the crowning glory : Our main water pipe burst. So we have to go down to the maintenance area downstairs to collect water - one pail at a time ..
Right. There goes my nice hot shower tonight ~.~
I hope things go back to normal by the time I wake up tomorrow. And I SHALL wake up LATE on purpose! I seriously do not wanna go downstairs in my stinky houseclothes :(
Bahhh I can't even wash my properly face lah!!
*grumbles*
Also..
If you have noticed, I have not ported over my 2006 blog into an archive site like before :( Since the Google takeover, Blogger no longer accepts URLs that start with a -, like mine: -d.blogspot.com :s
So if I were to port over and recreate a new one for 2007, I'd lose my beloved URL - Well, I'm really fond of it, it's stuck with me since 2003!
Anyway I shall end my rants here, I'm tired and grouchy and my bed is calling :(
More photos, this time of my Christmas pressies ^_^ I must have been good in 2006, because I don't think I ever had this many pressies!! (Ok, I cheated, I bought myself a pair of new shoes and a bag! Hahahaha)
Thanks everyone!
New shoes from me:
New bag from me:
Shell necklace from E:
Swarovski earrings from R:
Handphone charms from Ai:
Swap from J:
Moravian Star from C:
Moravian Star hanging from my lamp :)
Earrings from Rz, pendant from myself :D
Sennheiser headphones from Uncle DT ^_^
And not forgetting Rz's gift of a Flickr pro account of course ^_^
- 5 January 2007 3:15 am -
I have been telling dad that it is time to move, for the past, what is it, eight years? Well, the apartment is telling him to move too it seems.
Just this year, our lift has broken down about three times. Over Christmas, the tiles in the lobby managed to crack and uproot themselves. And then today, the crowning glory : Our main water pipe burst. So we have to go down to the maintenance area downstairs to collect water - one pail at a time ..
Right. There goes my nice hot shower tonight ~.~
I hope things go back to normal by the time I wake up tomorrow. And I SHALL wake up LATE on purpose! I seriously do not wanna go downstairs in my stinky houseclothes :(
Bahhh I can't even wash my properly face lah!!
*grumbles*
Also..
If you have noticed, I have not ported over my 2006 blog into an archive site like before :( Since the Google takeover, Blogger no longer accepts URLs that start with a -, like mine: -d.blogspot.com :s
So if I were to port over and recreate a new one for 2007, I'd lose my beloved URL - Well, I'm really fond of it, it's stuck with me since 2003!
Anyway I shall end my rants here, I'm tired and grouchy and my bed is calling :(
More photos, this time of my Christmas pressies ^_^ I must have been good in 2006, because I don't think I ever had this many pressies!! (Ok, I cheated, I bought myself a pair of new shoes and a bag! Hahahaha)
Thanks everyone!
New shoes from me:
New bag from me:
Shell necklace from E:
Swarovski earrings from R:
Handphone charms from Ai:
Swap from J:
Moravian Star from C:
Moravian Star hanging from my lamp :)
Earrings from Rz, pendant from myself :D
Sennheiser headphones from Uncle DT ^_^
And not forgetting Rz's gift of a Flickr pro account of course ^_^
- 5 January 2007 3:15 am -
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