3 Ducks went into a bar

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

A Fear

 EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE hiding under my
 bed!
  SO I WENT
 TO A SHRINK  AND TOLD HIM
 'I've got problems. Every time I go to
 bed I think there's somebody
 under it.  I'm scared.  I think
 I'm going crazy.'

 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the
shrink.     'Come
 talk to me three t imes a week and we
 should be able to get rid of
 those fears..'
'How much do you charge?'
 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
 doctor.   'I'll sleep on
 it,' I said.

 Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why
 didn't you
 come to see me about those fears you were having?' he
 asked.
 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an
 awful
 lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to
 have
 saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude the Dr. said, 'and how, may I ask,
 did a
 bartender cure you?'

 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't
 nobody under there now!!!'

 SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A
 DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

What is that in your pocket?

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking
It, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again

And asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender
Asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there.
When she looks good enough, I'll go home."