So, for a couple of weeks now we have been waiting to hear back from a job interview. It would have been a great opportunity--from our earthly perspective--but we found out yesterday that Scott did not get that job. God said no.
I believe he said no because that was not what was best.
It was a blow, for a little while, but we have gathered our thoughts and spoken truth to ourselves, and I have a new outlook today, and I feel excited again. Excited that God is taking us on an adventure, and we just have to hang on tight to Him and to each other and ride this thing out. God doesn't think like we think. That's an understatement, right?
So, will you pray that we can hear God's voice and direction as we figure out our next step?
Showing posts with label praying for. Show all posts
Showing posts with label praying for. Show all posts
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
And the bed time issue
First of all, thank you, friends, for all of the advice. I love blogging for this very reason, conversation among moms, via the Internet.
I am such a verbal processor (with those that I know well), and it helps me so much to be able to get it all out, thinking it through as I say it (and/or type it), and then continuing to think it through as I get feedback. I am loving the smoothie idea and the putting fruit in his sandwich idea. If he sees bread, he wants it, no matter what it is, so I think if I hide the fruit in the bread, he will be good to go. And, by the way, add cheese pizza to his list of favorite foods. As you know, our family is on a tight budget--have I mentioned that, ha:)--but I like to take one weekend night off from cooking. Pizza tends to be our cheapest "eat-out" option as a family. Well tonight we decided to try a local pizza place that we had never tried before, where we could order by the slice. It was near Publix, where we were headed, and we just spur of the moment decided to give it a go. And that is where John ate almost an entire piece of cheese pizza. A large piece. I had a piece of pizza, mine with toppings, but I didn't even eat my entire piece because the slices were very large. It was crazy the amount that John was able to eat. Ada opted for the "side" of spaghetti instead of pizza. She also enjoyed her meal. So, the restaurant was a hit.
Yes, Ada did feel the need to use both a fork and a spoon. Who knows why. That was the side of spaghetti by the way, and it was a very large portion. I can only imagine the size of the actual meal.
So, anyway, our bedtime situation...
every single night Ada comes up with a reason why I need to lie down with her until she falls asleep. Every. single. night. Her eyes itch; her nose is running; she heard a noise; there was a light outside; etc. etc. etc. When I tell her no, it turns into an all out, kicking, screaming, pitching a fit, battle. And that's from both of us. If you want to see me at my absolute worst as a mother, find me at bedtime. By 8:00 at night, I am done, ready to clock out, and if Ada decides that she is not done with the day, my flesh flares up and begins to demand my "right" of time to myself at night. It's not pretty. In fact, I have done away with spanking at bed time because I don't believe in spanking in a fit of anger, and when Ada won't go to bed, I am always in a fit of anger. So, last night, I was over it. I went downstairs, Ada screaming, Scott trying to deal with the situation, and my not trusting my response if I didn't remove myself from the room. So, there I sat on the couch, hearing Ada crying for me, and I just began to pray. I am out of ideas. We have tried every punishment under the sun, and none of it helps. As I was praying, I was reminded of the potty training situation, and how much I was at the end of myself with that. God absolutely showed up in the potty training and got it done. I really felt like God was telling me that I had to give up the fight. Continue with the consequences of disobeying at bedtime but give up the fight. So...I went back upstairs, got in the bed with Ada, who was hysterically crying at that point, and I just began to talk to her. I told her that we had a problem, that we were both dealing with yucky hearts, and that I didn't know what to do other than pray. I reminded her of the potty training situation, and she absolutely can tell you who took her fear away. She knows it was God. I told her we will pray every morning and night until God helps us with the bed time situation (though she will continue to deal with consequences if I have to lie down with her). So, finally she fell asleep with me beside her in the bed.
Tonight, before baths, before we were in the midst of the situation, Ada and I sat on the couch and prayed. She didn't want to, but I made her repeat after me, and then I prayed, and we proceeded with our normal routine. So...tonight she fell asleep while Scott and I were doing our nightly prayer. Answered prayer that I didn't have to lie down with her, yes, but it doesn't solve our problem of her being willing to go to bed without me in there with her. So...that is our bed time situation. I am out of ideas, so I am simply praying about it and praying that God is going to use this to sanctify me and perhaps draw Ada to himself.
Ada is so full of fears. Two nights ago, as we were tucking her in and getting ready to pray, I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to pray for. She said yes, "that I won't fall off the bed (she fell off a few weeks ago) and for the tigers." I said, "Okay, like that God will keep you safe from the tigers?" "Yes," she said very matter-of-factly. I replied," well, I really don't think you will be near any tigers, ever, so you really, really don't have to be scared of that." She was not convinced, and in fact, she went on to ask me to "pray about the dragons and the giants," and there was no convincing her that she need not be afraid of these things. Which, in the conversation it dawned on me that what we need to teach her is that God is bigger than her fears not just the things she is afraid of, and that is how we approached the tigers, dragons, and giants prayer--that God would free her from those fears and help her to feel safe. I am hoping that maybe this whole bed time situation, like the potty training, will teach her much about God and how in control he is of all of her fears. He is so much bigger than all of those things. And, in reality, much of what I am afraid of is just as ridiculous as tigers and dragons and giants. I mean, "we can confidently say, 'the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)
So that is where we are...very, very, very dependent on God to work this thing out. And, of course, open to suggestions. I feel like I have tried everything, but maybe not. Maybe you have something I haven't tried yet that will be just the thing to snap us out of this "situation."
I am such a verbal processor (with those that I know well), and it helps me so much to be able to get it all out, thinking it through as I say it (and/or type it), and then continuing to think it through as I get feedback. I am loving the smoothie idea and the putting fruit in his sandwich idea. If he sees bread, he wants it, no matter what it is, so I think if I hide the fruit in the bread, he will be good to go. And, by the way, add cheese pizza to his list of favorite foods. As you know, our family is on a tight budget--have I mentioned that, ha:)--but I like to take one weekend night off from cooking. Pizza tends to be our cheapest "eat-out" option as a family. Well tonight we decided to try a local pizza place that we had never tried before, where we could order by the slice. It was near Publix, where we were headed, and we just spur of the moment decided to give it a go. And that is where John ate almost an entire piece of cheese pizza. A large piece. I had a piece of pizza, mine with toppings, but I didn't even eat my entire piece because the slices were very large. It was crazy the amount that John was able to eat. Ada opted for the "side" of spaghetti instead of pizza. She also enjoyed her meal. So, the restaurant was a hit.
And the best picture I could get of John-John and his pizza.
every single night Ada comes up with a reason why I need to lie down with her until she falls asleep. Every. single. night. Her eyes itch; her nose is running; she heard a noise; there was a light outside; etc. etc. etc. When I tell her no, it turns into an all out, kicking, screaming, pitching a fit, battle. And that's from both of us. If you want to see me at my absolute worst as a mother, find me at bedtime. By 8:00 at night, I am done, ready to clock out, and if Ada decides that she is not done with the day, my flesh flares up and begins to demand my "right" of time to myself at night. It's not pretty. In fact, I have done away with spanking at bed time because I don't believe in spanking in a fit of anger, and when Ada won't go to bed, I am always in a fit of anger. So, last night, I was over it. I went downstairs, Ada screaming, Scott trying to deal with the situation, and my not trusting my response if I didn't remove myself from the room. So, there I sat on the couch, hearing Ada crying for me, and I just began to pray. I am out of ideas. We have tried every punishment under the sun, and none of it helps. As I was praying, I was reminded of the potty training situation, and how much I was at the end of myself with that. God absolutely showed up in the potty training and got it done. I really felt like God was telling me that I had to give up the fight. Continue with the consequences of disobeying at bedtime but give up the fight. So...I went back upstairs, got in the bed with Ada, who was hysterically crying at that point, and I just began to talk to her. I told her that we had a problem, that we were both dealing with yucky hearts, and that I didn't know what to do other than pray. I reminded her of the potty training situation, and she absolutely can tell you who took her fear away. She knows it was God. I told her we will pray every morning and night until God helps us with the bed time situation (though she will continue to deal with consequences if I have to lie down with her). So, finally she fell asleep with me beside her in the bed.
Tonight, before baths, before we were in the midst of the situation, Ada and I sat on the couch and prayed. She didn't want to, but I made her repeat after me, and then I prayed, and we proceeded with our normal routine. So...tonight she fell asleep while Scott and I were doing our nightly prayer. Answered prayer that I didn't have to lie down with her, yes, but it doesn't solve our problem of her being willing to go to bed without me in there with her. So...that is our bed time situation. I am out of ideas, so I am simply praying about it and praying that God is going to use this to sanctify me and perhaps draw Ada to himself.
Ada is so full of fears. Two nights ago, as we were tucking her in and getting ready to pray, I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to pray for. She said yes, "that I won't fall off the bed (she fell off a few weeks ago) and for the tigers." I said, "Okay, like that God will keep you safe from the tigers?" "Yes," she said very matter-of-factly. I replied," well, I really don't think you will be near any tigers, ever, so you really, really don't have to be scared of that." She was not convinced, and in fact, she went on to ask me to "pray about the dragons and the giants," and there was no convincing her that she need not be afraid of these things. Which, in the conversation it dawned on me that what we need to teach her is that God is bigger than her fears not just the things she is afraid of, and that is how we approached the tigers, dragons, and giants prayer--that God would free her from those fears and help her to feel safe. I am hoping that maybe this whole bed time situation, like the potty training, will teach her much about God and how in control he is of all of her fears. He is so much bigger than all of those things. And, in reality, much of what I am afraid of is just as ridiculous as tigers and dragons and giants. I mean, "we can confidently say, 'the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)
So that is where we are...very, very, very dependent on God to work this thing out. And, of course, open to suggestions. I feel like I have tried everything, but maybe not. Maybe you have something I haven't tried yet that will be just the thing to snap us out of this "situation."
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Rambling, as usual
I said that I wasn't blogging as much, and here I am, back again.
First, my pride feels the need to say that I didn't intend for yesterday's post to be about how busy I am or how hard I am working as a mom. I was afraid that it came across a little, what's the word?, "showy?" Anyway...I should probably just leave it alone, but it's been on my mind (and, again, it's probably just pride on my part). I really have just started recording my days for posterity's sake. Because it's fun to see at the end of the day what all the minutes and hours added up to.
Moving on.
My children's sleep habits are driving me NUTS.
I really, really, really, really want to get up before my family to exercise and read my bible. I wholeheartedly believe that it would get my day going in a positive, happy, peaceful direction rather than jumping in at 7 am when little Ada yells, "let's go downstairs, mama!!!! It's light outside!!!!" I even have a friend texting me everyday for accountability to see if I woke up. Monday, I had success.
Tuesday, as you know, started out successfully, but then both children woke up, and to insure that Ada didn't start her day at 5, I lay down with her. It seemed the wisest decision at that point.
And last night was disaster from start to finish.
I got in bed early-ish. 11, maybe? And I fell asleep fairly quickly. Then John woke up, loudly, at midnight. I was very frustrated. (Want to see me at my absolute worst? Wake me up in the middle of the night. Hence the throwing pillows at Scott during our first year of marriage.) Scott suggested that I go downstairs and sleep on the couch where I couldn't hear John. Turns out I could hear John from the living room couch. But he calmed down, and I went back to the bed and fell asleep. John woke up again about an hour later, and I was even more frustrated. Plus, Scott was sleeping right through the whole thing, and being totally honest, I took a lot of my frustration out on Scott. (I was totally in the wrong). Scott, probably for his own sake, suggested that I nurse John "just this once," so I agreed and that took care of that. And next thing I know, I am waking up at 7 am in Ada's bed. Well, that's a new one. Many, many mornings I wake up to find Ada in between Scott and me, and I can never remember how she got there, but this is certainly the first time that I have woken up in her bed with no clue how I got there. I still don't know. But all of this night time chaos is preventing my early morning time, and I am very frustrated. It's one of those times that I want to say to God, "isn't it a good thing for me to wake up and spend time with you? Can't you help me out with this?" Which I know isn't biblical, but it is how I feel. And I am clueless as how to solve the situation. If I let John cry-it-out, Ada wakes up. And everyone tells me that she will get used to it, but gut instinct tells me that she won't. And then we all end up awake at 1 am or 5 am or whatever. And John is supposed to be weaned, but I don't know how to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night without nursing him. It's becoming an all-night party around here, which is the exact opposite of what I am trying to accomplish.
I am going for early to bed, early to rise...you know?
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I still don't know what to do about the situation, other than the obvious--pray about it, and trust that if it really is best for me to wake up early, God will work out the details (like letting my children not wake up at 5 am just because I wake up at 5 am).
I am at a place, right now, where so many situations in my life (and not even major ones; mainly normal, daily stuff like my children's sleep habits) feel very out of my control, and, again, just being honest with you, I am not handling it very well. Control continues to be an idol of mine, and I am sensing that God is taking away a lot of control in my life so that I will rest in Him instead of my idol. Lately, I have two options, rest in God and the fact that he is working out the details of my life, or live in a state of constant anxiety. I am in a bit of a lonely place, feeling distant from my family because I am not able to visit them the way I used to be able to--it's just not a possibility with my current tutoring schedule and such. I am missing quality girl time because motherhood just doesn't allow that--I mean time with women apart from my children. I am wishing for more time alone with Scott (thank you, Lord, and friends, for a date this past weekend!!! I shouldn't complain). And there are other things that I could list--things I don't feel the freedom to go into in such a public place. Reality, though, is that I have been given so, so much, and I can't believe that I am even finding one thing to complain about. I mean, really. I wish I could grasp that and see the good, only the good. There is so much good. It is overflowing.
Okay, look at me, rambling on and on as usual. Bottom line, I am hoping my children will start sleeping better;)
First, my pride feels the need to say that I didn't intend for yesterday's post to be about how busy I am or how hard I am working as a mom. I was afraid that it came across a little, what's the word?, "showy?" Anyway...I should probably just leave it alone, but it's been on my mind (and, again, it's probably just pride on my part). I really have just started recording my days for posterity's sake. Because it's fun to see at the end of the day what all the minutes and hours added up to.
Moving on.
My children's sleep habits are driving me NUTS.
I really, really, really, really want to get up before my family to exercise and read my bible. I wholeheartedly believe that it would get my day going in a positive, happy, peaceful direction rather than jumping in at 7 am when little Ada yells, "let's go downstairs, mama!!!! It's light outside!!!!" I even have a friend texting me everyday for accountability to see if I woke up. Monday, I had success.
Tuesday, as you know, started out successfully, but then both children woke up, and to insure that Ada didn't start her day at 5, I lay down with her. It seemed the wisest decision at that point.
And last night was disaster from start to finish.
I got in bed early-ish. 11, maybe? And I fell asleep fairly quickly. Then John woke up, loudly, at midnight. I was very frustrated. (Want to see me at my absolute worst? Wake me up in the middle of the night. Hence the throwing pillows at Scott during our first year of marriage.) Scott suggested that I go downstairs and sleep on the couch where I couldn't hear John. Turns out I could hear John from the living room couch. But he calmed down, and I went back to the bed and fell asleep. John woke up again about an hour later, and I was even more frustrated. Plus, Scott was sleeping right through the whole thing, and being totally honest, I took a lot of my frustration out on Scott. (I was totally in the wrong). Scott, probably for his own sake, suggested that I nurse John "just this once," so I agreed and that took care of that. And next thing I know, I am waking up at 7 am in Ada's bed. Well, that's a new one. Many, many mornings I wake up to find Ada in between Scott and me, and I can never remember how she got there, but this is certainly the first time that I have woken up in her bed with no clue how I got there. I still don't know. But all of this night time chaos is preventing my early morning time, and I am very frustrated. It's one of those times that I want to say to God, "isn't it a good thing for me to wake up and spend time with you? Can't you help me out with this?" Which I know isn't biblical, but it is how I feel. And I am clueless as how to solve the situation. If I let John cry-it-out, Ada wakes up. And everyone tells me that she will get used to it, but gut instinct tells me that she won't. And then we all end up awake at 1 am or 5 am or whatever. And John is supposed to be weaned, but I don't know how to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night without nursing him. It's becoming an all-night party around here, which is the exact opposite of what I am trying to accomplish.
I am going for early to bed, early to rise...you know?
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I still don't know what to do about the situation, other than the obvious--pray about it, and trust that if it really is best for me to wake up early, God will work out the details (like letting my children not wake up at 5 am just because I wake up at 5 am).
I am at a place, right now, where so many situations in my life (and not even major ones; mainly normal, daily stuff like my children's sleep habits) feel very out of my control, and, again, just being honest with you, I am not handling it very well. Control continues to be an idol of mine, and I am sensing that God is taking away a lot of control in my life so that I will rest in Him instead of my idol. Lately, I have two options, rest in God and the fact that he is working out the details of my life, or live in a state of constant anxiety. I am in a bit of a lonely place, feeling distant from my family because I am not able to visit them the way I used to be able to--it's just not a possibility with my current tutoring schedule and such. I am missing quality girl time because motherhood just doesn't allow that--I mean time with women apart from my children. I am wishing for more time alone with Scott (thank you, Lord, and friends, for a date this past weekend!!! I shouldn't complain). And there are other things that I could list--things I don't feel the freedom to go into in such a public place. Reality, though, is that I have been given so, so much, and I can't believe that I am even finding one thing to complain about. I mean, really. I wish I could grasp that and see the good, only the good. There is so much good. It is overflowing.
Okay, look at me, rambling on and on as usual. Bottom line, I am hoping my children will start sleeping better;)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Reflecting on the past week
It's Sunday night, the eve of another week, and I am looking back over the past week to see how successful I was at achieving my goals. Let's be honest, the whole miralax and Ada situation sort of pushed all other "resolutions" to the side, but since Ada is 3 1/2 that resolution really did need to take precedence.
And the funny thing is, setting resolutions or goals or whatever you want to call them simply provides another opportunity for the truth of the gospel to shine through. It's inevitable that I will fail at meeting my goals. It's inevitable, and that is why we have the gospel. I am absolutely flawed, absolutely a failure, absolutely nothing but filth--even my best try, my best "works," are nothing but filthy rags--I will ALWAYS come up short. And that is when I fall flat on my face before God and beg for Jesus to do it for me. Literally.
Lately, the Lord is really teaching me that He has to do all the good. I am so sick of making goals and not reaching them that lately, I am simply going to straight to God with it. For example, I am sick of a messy house. Sick of it. I would love to have a wonderful routine that keeps my house clean and organized and functional instead of chaotic. But I have tried one thing after another only to end back at the starting point. So lately, I am simply praying about it, asking the Lord to show me the next step. And then, here is the kicker, I am obeying. I usually don't want to. I find myself praying, and then a thought pops into my head--now would be a great time to fold clothes or unload the dishwasher or exercise or read your bible or whatever thing you want to fill in the blank--and I usually want to do nothing but sit on the couch, but I am obeying. I am praying, listening, and obeying (and sometimes not obeying, obviously), but my point is that I am tired of the goal setting and the goal failing, so I am simply taking it to the Lord. And even praying that I would obey--you know? Just a whole lot of prayer. Desperate prayer.
So...how is this looking practically? Well this past Friday I attacked my master bedroom which is covered floor to ceiling with dirty and clean clothes--who knows which is which. I mean, really, it's a sight. But I just started chipping away at it, and Ada and John played with the suitcase that is still sitting on my floor--my suitcase from Christmas travels.
This little guy is so on the go, that my stinky camera phone just isn't quick enough to ever catch him. He wanted out of that stroller, so we took a break to play near the tennis courts (that have yet to be played on by anyone. Finished? yes. Accessible? no.)
So, we finished our walk, headed back inside, and went back to work in the bedroom. This time around, John entertained himself in the armoire.
And the funny thing is, setting resolutions or goals or whatever you want to call them simply provides another opportunity for the truth of the gospel to shine through. It's inevitable that I will fail at meeting my goals. It's inevitable, and that is why we have the gospel. I am absolutely flawed, absolutely a failure, absolutely nothing but filth--even my best try, my best "works," are nothing but filthy rags--I will ALWAYS come up short. And that is when I fall flat on my face before God and beg for Jesus to do it for me. Literally.
Lately, the Lord is really teaching me that He has to do all the good. I am so sick of making goals and not reaching them that lately, I am simply going to straight to God with it. For example, I am sick of a messy house. Sick of it. I would love to have a wonderful routine that keeps my house clean and organized and functional instead of chaotic. But I have tried one thing after another only to end back at the starting point. So lately, I am simply praying about it, asking the Lord to show me the next step. And then, here is the kicker, I am obeying. I usually don't want to. I find myself praying, and then a thought pops into my head--now would be a great time to fold clothes or unload the dishwasher or exercise or read your bible or whatever thing you want to fill in the blank--and I usually want to do nothing but sit on the couch, but I am obeying. I am praying, listening, and obeying (and sometimes not obeying, obviously), but my point is that I am tired of the goal setting and the goal failing, so I am simply taking it to the Lord. And even praying that I would obey--you know? Just a whole lot of prayer. Desperate prayer.
So...how is this looking practically? Well this past Friday I attacked my master bedroom which is covered floor to ceiling with dirty and clean clothes--who knows which is which. I mean, really, it's a sight. But I just started chipping away at it, and Ada and John played with the suitcase that is still sitting on my floor--my suitcase from Christmas travels.
So, I worked on my room, and then, aware of the beautiful sunshine outside my window, we headed out for a quick walk around the neighborhood. Fresh air and sunshine is so good for the brain, isn't it?
So, we finished our walk, headed back inside, and went back to work in the bedroom. This time around, John entertained himself in the armoire.
So, what is the point of all of this rambling? I guess just to say that I have thrown the list out the window--sort of--and instead I am just bringing a few requests before the Lord, often, without ceasing. Tonight I wish so badly that I could wake up before the kiddos and exercise. Just 20 minutes. It seems, from my perspective, that it would be a good thing for everyone. But Ada ends up in my bed and wakes up when I do or the alarm doesn't go off or whatever else. So, I am just praying that it would happen. I would love that quiet time in the morning, and the exercise is so good for my brain (and my body, obviously). And I also wish that I could finish cleaning my bedroom tomorrow. Lord, help me. What else is there to say? Just help me, Lord. Do what you want with my life and help me to glorify you in every moment--even in the dishes and the laundry and the exercising. The daily grind.
Sorry for such a long, rambling post. Is anyone even still reading? I would certainly not blame if you if you quit a while back. But...I wanted to update on the goals for the year. Diapers are gone, though, so check that one off the list. THANK YOU, LORD.
Okay, Monday, bring it on.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Painted!!!
I am sitting in a living room with no paint splotches on the walls. It's been a long time coming, but Scott worked hard all weekend long, and my walls are finally painted. I am beyond relieved that it is finally done.
The breakfast room and hallway are next on the agenda.
As for me, what was I doing all weekend? Dealing with Ada.
Things just keep escalating with that girl. I am absolutely at the end of myself in that situation. Will she ever be potty trained? I don't know. Tomorrow will mark week 3 of miralax, and tonight she went to bed in panties not diapers. She managed to "hold it" despite the miralax. To say that I don't know what to do is an understatement. My next step is to take her to the pediatrician.
The longer she goes without conquering her fear of the toilet, the more fear she experiences in other areas. The fear is starting to paralyze her. She doesn't even seem like herself, and she clings to me constantly, wanting me to hold her all of the time (which obviously I can't do). Tonight I told Scott that I haven't felt this claustrophobic since she was a newborn. Last Thursday night when it was time for me to leave for Bible Study, Scott literally peeled her off of me, as she screamed as loud as she possibly could.
Again, I just don't know what to do. I say it over and over to Scott.
I lay down with her tonight because she was feeling a bit traumatized about going to sleep without a diaper. As she was falling asleep, I just hugged her close to me and prayed for her. I would love it if God used this situation to draw her to himself. And I am sure that He is somehow using it to sanctify me. I have to confess that I find myself feeling frustrated with God, which I know is ridiculous. It just seems like it would be so easy for Him to step in to the situation and fix it. And in the whole scheme of life, potty training is not that big of a deal, I know, but it feels huge to me right now. Anyway...I just want to be transparent and say that a lot of sin is coming to the surface as I deal with this situation. I find myself frustrated with Ada, with Scott, with John (who knows why), and like I just said, even God. The tension is high around here. I repeat. I don't know what to do.
Okay, that's the end of this post. And I will close with a reminder of the exciting thing that happened this weekend--Scott painted the living room!!!!!!!
The breakfast room and hallway are next on the agenda.
As for me, what was I doing all weekend? Dealing with Ada.
Things just keep escalating with that girl. I am absolutely at the end of myself in that situation. Will she ever be potty trained? I don't know. Tomorrow will mark week 3 of miralax, and tonight she went to bed in panties not diapers. She managed to "hold it" despite the miralax. To say that I don't know what to do is an understatement. My next step is to take her to the pediatrician.
The longer she goes without conquering her fear of the toilet, the more fear she experiences in other areas. The fear is starting to paralyze her. She doesn't even seem like herself, and she clings to me constantly, wanting me to hold her all of the time (which obviously I can't do). Tonight I told Scott that I haven't felt this claustrophobic since she was a newborn. Last Thursday night when it was time for me to leave for Bible Study, Scott literally peeled her off of me, as she screamed as loud as she possibly could.
Again, I just don't know what to do. I say it over and over to Scott.
I lay down with her tonight because she was feeling a bit traumatized about going to sleep without a diaper. As she was falling asleep, I just hugged her close to me and prayed for her. I would love it if God used this situation to draw her to himself. And I am sure that He is somehow using it to sanctify me. I have to confess that I find myself feeling frustrated with God, which I know is ridiculous. It just seems like it would be so easy for Him to step in to the situation and fix it. And in the whole scheme of life, potty training is not that big of a deal, I know, but it feels huge to me right now. Anyway...I just want to be transparent and say that a lot of sin is coming to the surface as I deal with this situation. I find myself frustrated with Ada, with Scott, with John (who knows why), and like I just said, even God. The tension is high around here. I repeat. I don't know what to do.
Okay, that's the end of this post. And I will close with a reminder of the exciting thing that happened this weekend--Scott painted the living room!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
John Thomas
This little guy was baptized this past weekend. And he did great!! I was worried that he would have one of his breath-holding spells when the water hit his head, but he didn't even flinch!! Sadly, just at the moment in the service when Matthew (our pastor) began to explain the sacrament of baptism, Ada started jumping around saying that she had to go to the bathroom. I tried to brush her off, but she insisted, so I asked Edna (Scott's mom) to take her, and Edna and Ada both ended up missing the actual baptism. BUMMER!!! And I was so busy watching the door to see if Edna was going to make it back in time, that I almost missed hearing what Matthew was saying. But...he got baptized, and it was special, despite the mishaps.
Scott's parents were in town for the event, and after church we went to lunch at a restaurant on the square. At lunch John had one of his worst breath-holding spells yet, which involved my sticking my hand down his throat just to make sure he wasn't choking on an actual object. It was awful. I think he just wanted to make the day memorable;) I will be one happy mama when he outgrows the breath-holding. They seem to get worse as he gets older (and more strong-willed?)
It was a beautiful day--beautiful weather. And the baptism was such a reminder of what I am praying for John and for Ada and for any other children the Lord chooses to give us and even for generations to come.
Little John, you are so dependent on me now. You love to nurse and to cuddle and to be with me, immediately crying if you see me and can't get to me, but I know that I will blink, I will blink, and you will be a big, strong man. The years will fly by; I know that they will. And so I start now to pray, oh I pray, that you would Know God. That you would love Him and His word. That you would cling to His gospel. I pray that you would love righteousness and hate wickedness. That you will always delight to do God's will, and that God will work in you what is pleasing to Him.
This is what I cry out to God for (quoting R.C. Sproul Jr. from his When You Rise Up),
"If you are like me, you long to see your children exceed you in holiness. You want your grandchildren to do still better. If you're like me, you look for progressive familial sanctification, one generation standing on the shoulders of the previous generation and seeing further into the consummation of the kingdom...we start with the Bible and go from there, learning evermore of who God is, of what he has done, and of what he requires of us," (96).
On Sunday, I wore a bracelet that belonged to my maternal Grandmother. I slipped it on Sunday morning because I wanted a reminder of the generations before me and the generations to come, and I thought of the words that I typed above--of one generation standing on the shoulders of the previous generation. I pray that John will not only long to know God more and more, but that he will also long for the generations after him to know God more and more.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Getting things in order
I keep wanting to blog, mainly because it's my outlet of sorts, but I can't seem to find the time lately.
Or...I could find the time, but it would mean sacrificing something else, and I am working on putting "first things first," and most days, blogging doesn't qualify as a "first thing."
With the start of another school year, comes the start of another season of women's discipleship group, and, therefore, a new accountability question to pray about/work on for the year. For me, I am praying about SELF DISCIPLINE. I need it, oh so badly.
What does that look like? Well, I am trying to be SELF DISCIPLINED about bible study and prayer and exercise and house cleaning and nutrition and the list could go on and on. Things in my life just run more smoothly when there is an order to things.
Here is what the Bible has to say about that...
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young woman to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled...
For the grace of God has appaeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for hiw own possession who are zealous for good works," (Titus 2:3-5, 11-14).
It seems that every hour, every minute even, of my day is accounted for, so my little blog sits in the corner, forgotten, neglected. But...I pray that as "God's grace appears," and enables me to produce some self-discipline and order and routine around here, that a blogging time slot just might open up.
But, until then, I have to close this because my alarm will be ringing bright and early. I have a date with Scott and the P90X video. My health (and fitting into my old, pre-babies, pants) fits under the first things heading.
Or...I could find the time, but it would mean sacrificing something else, and I am working on putting "first things first," and most days, blogging doesn't qualify as a "first thing."
With the start of another school year, comes the start of another season of women's discipleship group, and, therefore, a new accountability question to pray about/work on for the year. For me, I am praying about SELF DISCIPLINE. I need it, oh so badly.
What does that look like? Well, I am trying to be SELF DISCIPLINED about bible study and prayer and exercise and house cleaning and nutrition and the list could go on and on. Things in my life just run more smoothly when there is an order to things.
Here is what the Bible has to say about that...
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young woman to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled...
For the grace of God has appaeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for hiw own possession who are zealous for good works," (Titus 2:3-5, 11-14).
It seems that every hour, every minute even, of my day is accounted for, so my little blog sits in the corner, forgotten, neglected. But...I pray that as "God's grace appears," and enables me to produce some self-discipline and order and routine around here, that a blogging time slot just might open up.
But, until then, I have to close this because my alarm will be ringing bright and early. I have a date with Scott and the P90X video. My health (and fitting into my old, pre-babies, pants) fits under the first things heading.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Feel the need to update
It's 11:00 pm at the end of another long day, so as usual, this might not be the clearest post ever. Plus tonight I am feeling somewhat emotional over the entire situation. Basically, I want my little boy at home with me so that I can be mom to both him and Ada, rather than switching back and forth. Tomorrow morning I will find out if he can come home on Sunday, which would be the best news in the whole world. Please pray for a good report.
John decided not to nurse tonight, but I am not so discouraged. I just want to get him home and we will go from there. My milk has come in, however, and I find myself a bit miserable at times. (If there happens to be any males that read this blog, I apologize for all the nursing talk). I have that wonderful hospital grade medela pump that also got me through the first month with Ada, so I do have a way of getting milk to John even when I am not at the hospital to feed him myself.
I think he's doing well today. The only thing we are waiting on is for him to coordinate eating and breathing. They took him off that one nose medication today, and they are still having to give him a small bit of oxygen when he eats. He just gets too excited and gulps it down while forgetting to breath. If his nose would just clear up, I think we would be in the clear.
Scott and I almost got stuck at the hospital tonight as the snow kept falling and falling. We left sooner than planned in hopes to make it home before the roads got icy. Poor Ada is really feeling the effects of this abnormal lifestyle we are living, and I am trying to be at home for chunks of time each day. I was here when she woke up this morning, and I was able to bathe her and put her to bed tonight. I know she needs a bit of stability in her life right now. She did a lot of hysterical crying tonight at bedtime, so I know that her emotions are somewhat unstable now. Who can blame her? Mine are certainly unstable;) At one point, I just cried along with her as I felt so out of control of this entire situation. But aren't we always ultimately out of control? Again, intellectually I know that the Lord holds each of my children in the palm of His hand and loves them more than I can even begin to imagine, but emotionally (and hormonally;)) I want to be in control of my children, and in this situation, I am NOT.
I took lots of pictures tonight so that I can give you a glimpse of what our days are like in the NICU, but I am too tired to download them right now. In fact, I think I have to end this and head to bed. I am planning to get a really good night of sleep tonight, because I continue to hit walls of exhaustion. Isn't it amazing what a good night of sleep can do?
Thanks for all of your prayers, and Bethany, if you are reading--thanks for the meal tonight. I can't wait to eat that yummy casserole. And the bow was just adorable. Loved it.
And Sarah L. G., you have been so thoughtful over the past few days. In fact, we enjoyed a Chili's lunch before the hospital today, thanks to you. And I did almost call to see if we could stay at your house tonight, but if possible I wanted to get home to Ada. (I got your message on our way home).
Again, praying, praying, praying that the doctor says that John can, in fact, come home on Sunday. What a sigh of relief that would be. Good night, everyone!!
John decided not to nurse tonight, but I am not so discouraged. I just want to get him home and we will go from there. My milk has come in, however, and I find myself a bit miserable at times. (If there happens to be any males that read this blog, I apologize for all the nursing talk). I have that wonderful hospital grade medela pump that also got me through the first month with Ada, so I do have a way of getting milk to John even when I am not at the hospital to feed him myself.
I think he's doing well today. The only thing we are waiting on is for him to coordinate eating and breathing. They took him off that one nose medication today, and they are still having to give him a small bit of oxygen when he eats. He just gets too excited and gulps it down while forgetting to breath. If his nose would just clear up, I think we would be in the clear.
Scott and I almost got stuck at the hospital tonight as the snow kept falling and falling. We left sooner than planned in hopes to make it home before the roads got icy. Poor Ada is really feeling the effects of this abnormal lifestyle we are living, and I am trying to be at home for chunks of time each day. I was here when she woke up this morning, and I was able to bathe her and put her to bed tonight. I know she needs a bit of stability in her life right now. She did a lot of hysterical crying tonight at bedtime, so I know that her emotions are somewhat unstable now. Who can blame her? Mine are certainly unstable;) At one point, I just cried along with her as I felt so out of control of this entire situation. But aren't we always ultimately out of control? Again, intellectually I know that the Lord holds each of my children in the palm of His hand and loves them more than I can even begin to imagine, but emotionally (and hormonally;)) I want to be in control of my children, and in this situation, I am NOT.
I took lots of pictures tonight so that I can give you a glimpse of what our days are like in the NICU, but I am too tired to download them right now. In fact, I think I have to end this and head to bed. I am planning to get a really good night of sleep tonight, because I continue to hit walls of exhaustion. Isn't it amazing what a good night of sleep can do?
Thanks for all of your prayers, and Bethany, if you are reading--thanks for the meal tonight. I can't wait to eat that yummy casserole. And the bow was just adorable. Loved it.
And Sarah L. G., you have been so thoughtful over the past few days. In fact, we enjoyed a Chili's lunch before the hospital today, thanks to you. And I did almost call to see if we could stay at your house tonight, but if possible I wanted to get home to Ada. (I got your message on our way home).
Again, praying, praying, praying that the doctor says that John can, in fact, come home on Sunday. What a sigh of relief that would be. Good night, everyone!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
False Alarm
Last night as I was cooking dinner, I began to have contractions in regular intervals. They didn't hurt though, so I just kept doing what I was doing. Then as I cleaned up dinner, bathed Ada, and got her into bed, the contractions continued, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as I became increasingly more panicky. I found myself making deals with God, ridiculous, I know.
"Lord," I said,"I need to clean the bathroom, and my bags are not packed, and I just want a good night's sleep tonight instead of labor. Can I please not be in real labor, please?"
I had planned to clean the master bathroom last night because it is in dire need, and I just could not imagine going to the hospital to have a baby without cleaning it first. Plus, the edges nearest the ceiling in John's room still needed to be painted. Being really honest with ya'll, at one point I was in tears, explaining to Scott all the reasons that I could not, refused, in fact, to be in labor. So...I decided to lie very still in bed and read a book, and sure enough they stopped. I thought if I ignored what was happening, it would just go away.
I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and the doctor assured me that contractions this early with the second one are normal, but it probably doesn't mean anything yet. Thank goodness. He wouldn't check my progress yet, though--he said we would start that next week. I love the doctor that I saw today--Dr. Sharon. He delivered Ada, and if by chance you find that the Lord places me on your heart in the next few weeks, please join me in praying that Dr. Sharon is on call whenever I do go into labor with John. I trust his judgement. I think it is because of all of the small decisions that he made that I had such a smooth labor with Ada. I prayed and prayed and prayed that he would be on call with Ada, and sure enough, he was. Could it happen again?
By the way--the painting is DONE. FINISHED. Pictures will follow soon, once the paint is dry and the furniture is in place. His little clothes are washed and folded and tucked into drawers, and blankets are stacked, because I imagine that a February baby requires many blankets. And Ada keeps saying, "John is coming to my house," so maybe she gets it just a little bit?
So, that's an update on the pregnancy. Hang in there, John, hang in there, there are still a few things I need to cross off the to-do list.
"Lord," I said,"I need to clean the bathroom, and my bags are not packed, and I just want a good night's sleep tonight instead of labor. Can I please not be in real labor, please?"
I had planned to clean the master bathroom last night because it is in dire need, and I just could not imagine going to the hospital to have a baby without cleaning it first. Plus, the edges nearest the ceiling in John's room still needed to be painted. Being really honest with ya'll, at one point I was in tears, explaining to Scott all the reasons that I could not, refused, in fact, to be in labor. So...I decided to lie very still in bed and read a book, and sure enough they stopped. I thought if I ignored what was happening, it would just go away.
I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and the doctor assured me that contractions this early with the second one are normal, but it probably doesn't mean anything yet. Thank goodness. He wouldn't check my progress yet, though--he said we would start that next week. I love the doctor that I saw today--Dr. Sharon. He delivered Ada, and if by chance you find that the Lord places me on your heart in the next few weeks, please join me in praying that Dr. Sharon is on call whenever I do go into labor with John. I trust his judgement. I think it is because of all of the small decisions that he made that I had such a smooth labor with Ada. I prayed and prayed and prayed that he would be on call with Ada, and sure enough, he was. Could it happen again?
By the way--the painting is DONE. FINISHED. Pictures will follow soon, once the paint is dry and the furniture is in place. His little clothes are washed and folded and tucked into drawers, and blankets are stacked, because I imagine that a February baby requires many blankets. And Ada keeps saying, "John is coming to my house," so maybe she gets it just a little bit?
So, that's an update on the pregnancy. Hang in there, John, hang in there, there are still a few things I need to cross off the to-do list.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A Favorite Book
When I found out I was pregnant with Ada, Scott and I were very much newlyweds. We were six months into marriage, and we were still figuring out how marriage worked. Let's be honest, we are now working on our fourth year and we don't have it yet, but it sure does seem easier now.
Anyway, it was quite overwhelming for us to face the task of parenting when we felt so young and insecure. How could we, hardly knowing each other yet, learn how to parent together? God has been so very gracious to us, by the way, as Scott and I seem more in harmony than ever before, and I think it is because God has used the parenting of Ada to sanctify our marriage. It has been such an encouraging experience.
So, there we were, dealing with the reality of my first pregnancy, and I was desperate for guidance and instruction and wisdom. So, I did what I always do in desperate situations, I began to read. I didn't know much about what mothering would be like, but I knew that I so wanted this child of ours to know and love the Lord and His gospel above all else. I wanted our family to be about making His kingdom known. And so I bought the book, Raising your children for Christ by Andrew Murray. It's a good one ya'll.
I sat in our tiny, concrete, basement apartment pouring over its pages, desperate to know how to be a parent. And it was as I read this book, that I first began to question what it meant for Ada to be a "covenant child." What did it mean that the Lord allowed Ada to be born into a believing family. And by believing family, I mean she is surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles who love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, and mind. She clearly was a blessed child.
So, as I think about Ada's baptism (and this is not that post; that will come in a few days, I think), I return to this favorite book. And now that I am once again carrying a child inside of me, I again think about what it means to parent in such a way as to bring glory to the Lord. This book is chock full of encouraging and practical words, and it opens with this thought, that I want to share with you,
The establishment of a home of love like that in Heaven was to be the highest privilege of man. However, sin came in and brought about man's ruin. The father makes the child a partaker of a sinful nature, and the father himself feels too sinful to be a blessing to the child. Then the homes become too often the path not to heaven, but to hell. But what sin destroys, grace restores! God's grace points back to the restoration of what he intended at creation. It was God's plan for the family with its love and its training of the children to reflect the fellowship of God's home and the love of the Father in Heaven.
Every parent who is aware of his own shortcomings and longs for wisdom and grace must look to the heavenly origin of family life. The God who created it has also redeemed it and makes it new. He watches over each family with tender interest, and gives his own Father-love to every parent who desires to be the minister of His holy purpose.
If this is your desire, begin by making God's thoughts your thoughts. Begin to see the fatherhood and the family on earth as the image and the likeness of the heavenly original. Look to God as the author of your family life and count on him to give you all that is needed to make it what it should be. Let his Father-heart and his Father-love be your security. As you trust in His adoring love, the assurance will grow that He will enable you to make your home the bright reflection of His own.
(Murray, 11-12)
Anyway, it was quite overwhelming for us to face the task of parenting when we felt so young and insecure. How could we, hardly knowing each other yet, learn how to parent together? God has been so very gracious to us, by the way, as Scott and I seem more in harmony than ever before, and I think it is because God has used the parenting of Ada to sanctify our marriage. It has been such an encouraging experience.
So, there we were, dealing with the reality of my first pregnancy, and I was desperate for guidance and instruction and wisdom. So, I did what I always do in desperate situations, I began to read. I didn't know much about what mothering would be like, but I knew that I so wanted this child of ours to know and love the Lord and His gospel above all else. I wanted our family to be about making His kingdom known. And so I bought the book, Raising your children for Christ by Andrew Murray. It's a good one ya'll.
I sat in our tiny, concrete, basement apartment pouring over its pages, desperate to know how to be a parent. And it was as I read this book, that I first began to question what it meant for Ada to be a "covenant child." What did it mean that the Lord allowed Ada to be born into a believing family. And by believing family, I mean she is surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles who love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, and mind. She clearly was a blessed child.
So, as I think about Ada's baptism (and this is not that post; that will come in a few days, I think), I return to this favorite book. And now that I am once again carrying a child inside of me, I again think about what it means to parent in such a way as to bring glory to the Lord. This book is chock full of encouraging and practical words, and it opens with this thought, that I want to share with you,
The establishment of a home of love like that in Heaven was to be the highest privilege of man. However, sin came in and brought about man's ruin. The father makes the child a partaker of a sinful nature, and the father himself feels too sinful to be a blessing to the child. Then the homes become too often the path not to heaven, but to hell. But what sin destroys, grace restores! God's grace points back to the restoration of what he intended at creation. It was God's plan for the family with its love and its training of the children to reflect the fellowship of God's home and the love of the Father in Heaven.
Every parent who is aware of his own shortcomings and longs for wisdom and grace must look to the heavenly origin of family life. The God who created it has also redeemed it and makes it new. He watches over each family with tender interest, and gives his own Father-love to every parent who desires to be the minister of His holy purpose.
If this is your desire, begin by making God's thoughts your thoughts. Begin to see the fatherhood and the family on earth as the image and the likeness of the heavenly original. Look to God as the author of your family life and count on him to give you all that is needed to make it what it should be. Let his Father-heart and his Father-love be your security. As you trust in His adoring love, the assurance will grow that He will enable you to make your home the bright reflection of His own.
(Murray, 11-12)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Comforting Words
Last night I couldn't sleep. I do this often. Last night was especially strange, however, because I had taken half a phenigran. I should have slept soundly.
My heart was very burdened for other people and difficult situations. I felt strongly that the Lord wanted me awake. He wanted me to pray. So pray I did. From 1:30 am to 5:30 am. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go to sleep. At times I prayed for sleep. But when sleep didn't come, I continued to pray for those things that were burdening me. Finally, around 6 am, when Scott woke up with Ada, I slept very soundly for two hours until it was time to get ready for church. And surprisingly, the Lord has given me much energy today. After all of that praying I did, I loved reading the following words. I just want to soak them in, and cling to them.
“Imagine that your prayer is a poorly dressed beggar reeking of alcohol and body odor, stumbling toward the palace of the great king. You have become your prayer. As you shuffle toward the barred gate, the guards stiffen. Your smell has preceded you. You stammer out a message for the great king: ‘I want to see the king.’
Your words are barely intelligible, but you whisper one final word, ‘Jesus, I come in the name of Jesus.’ At the name of Jesus, as if by magic, the palace comes alive. The guards snap to attention, bowing low in front of you. Lights come on, and the door flies open. You are ushered into the palace and down a long hallway into the throne room of the great king, who comes running to you and wraps you in his arms.
The name of Jesus gives my prayers royal access. They get through. Jesus isn’t just the Savior of my soul. He’s also the Savior of my prayers. My prayers come before the throne of God as the prayers of Jesus. ‘Asking in Jesus’ name’ isn’t another thing I have to get right so my prayers are perfect. Is it one more gift of God because my prayers are so imperfect.”
—Paul Miller, A Praying Life (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress 2009), 135
From, Of First Importance.
My heart was very burdened for other people and difficult situations. I felt strongly that the Lord wanted me awake. He wanted me to pray. So pray I did. From 1:30 am to 5:30 am. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go to sleep. At times I prayed for sleep. But when sleep didn't come, I continued to pray for those things that were burdening me. Finally, around 6 am, when Scott woke up with Ada, I slept very soundly for two hours until it was time to get ready for church. And surprisingly, the Lord has given me much energy today. After all of that praying I did, I loved reading the following words. I just want to soak them in, and cling to them.
“Imagine that your prayer is a poorly dressed beggar reeking of alcohol and body odor, stumbling toward the palace of the great king. You have become your prayer. As you shuffle toward the barred gate, the guards stiffen. Your smell has preceded you. You stammer out a message for the great king: ‘I want to see the king.’
Your words are barely intelligible, but you whisper one final word, ‘Jesus, I come in the name of Jesus.’ At the name of Jesus, as if by magic, the palace comes alive. The guards snap to attention, bowing low in front of you. Lights come on, and the door flies open. You are ushered into the palace and down a long hallway into the throne room of the great king, who comes running to you and wraps you in his arms.
The name of Jesus gives my prayers royal access. They get through. Jesus isn’t just the Savior of my soul. He’s also the Savior of my prayers. My prayers come before the throne of God as the prayers of Jesus. ‘Asking in Jesus’ name’ isn’t another thing I have to get right so my prayers are perfect. Is it one more gift of God because my prayers are so imperfect.”
—Paul Miller, A Praying Life (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress 2009), 135
From, Of First Importance.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Coupons and other ramblings
hey ya'll.
Good news is that I am feeling much better today. The past two days were the worst days of the pregnancy yet, and I prayed for relief. Relief is here. It is an absolute God thing that Ada was with my mom yesterday. Otherwise, we both would have been up a creek. And the report from home is that she hasn't even mentioned me. Who needs mom and dad when you have cousins and aunts and a huge fenced in backyard to play with?
Anyway...as I am feeling more normal today, I am straightening the house a bit, and I ran across some formula coupons that I received in the mail last week. One is for eleven dollars off of Nestle Good Start. Ann would you want this? I probably should have called you first before typing this;) Anyway, if anyone wants this, please e-mail me, [email protected], and I will send it your way. I would buy it for myself and the munchkin on the way, but I am fully trusting the Lord that this baby is going to be a champion nurser and we won't even need formula. I'm not kidding. I have a peace about it. I may be wrong, and we will cross that bridge when we get there, but for now, I am assuming that we will spend most of that first year nursing away. No five months of struggling for us--I am praying that this baby latches on like a champ right from the start, that my body produces milk like it's my job (because it is!!!), and that there is minimal pain. Sorry if that is too much nursing info. for anyone, but I am praying my little heart out about this on a daily basis. Again, the Lord may say no, and that's okay, but I am moving forward with confidence!!
In the mean time, an 11.00 coupon is too good to go to waste, so please, e-mail me, and I will send it to you. For now, I am getting off the couch, getting in the shower, and I am getting out of the house. I joked with Scott that I was going to have bed sores after staying all. day. long on the couch yesterday, so I am out of here. And tomorrow is the big ultrasound day, followed by a dinner date with Scott. That is, if I am not too sick to eat;)
Good news is that I am feeling much better today. The past two days were the worst days of the pregnancy yet, and I prayed for relief. Relief is here. It is an absolute God thing that Ada was with my mom yesterday. Otherwise, we both would have been up a creek. And the report from home is that she hasn't even mentioned me. Who needs mom and dad when you have cousins and aunts and a huge fenced in backyard to play with?
Anyway...as I am feeling more normal today, I am straightening the house a bit, and I ran across some formula coupons that I received in the mail last week. One is for eleven dollars off of Nestle Good Start. Ann would you want this? I probably should have called you first before typing this;) Anyway, if anyone wants this, please e-mail me, [email protected], and I will send it your way. I would buy it for myself and the munchkin on the way, but I am fully trusting the Lord that this baby is going to be a champion nurser and we won't even need formula. I'm not kidding. I have a peace about it. I may be wrong, and we will cross that bridge when we get there, but for now, I am assuming that we will spend most of that first year nursing away. No five months of struggling for us--I am praying that this baby latches on like a champ right from the start, that my body produces milk like it's my job (because it is!!!), and that there is minimal pain. Sorry if that is too much nursing info. for anyone, but I am praying my little heart out about this on a daily basis. Again, the Lord may say no, and that's okay, but I am moving forward with confidence!!
In the mean time, an 11.00 coupon is too good to go to waste, so please, e-mail me, and I will send it to you. For now, I am getting off the couch, getting in the shower, and I am getting out of the house. I joked with Scott that I was going to have bed sores after staying all. day. long on the couch yesterday, so I am out of here. And tomorrow is the big ultrasound day, followed by a dinner date with Scott. That is, if I am not too sick to eat;)
Friday, June 26, 2009
To Clarify
This morning I was awake at 4 am, something that is happening a lot these days, so I decided to use the time to pray.
I put my hand over my womb, and I began to pray for this life inside of me. I prayed for healthy development of the lungs and brain and all the other parts that are developing right now as we speak. I prayed for this life that is being knit together, this soul. And as I prayed I was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities of what can happen between now and forever. Making it to birth day is just the first obstacle. There is so much more after that. I was also overwhelmed by the fact that God and the gospel is the only sure thing, and for whatever reason, on this day he has chosen to make me a mom to this baby inside of me. He has not guaranteed tomorrow. And this sickness is a privilege, really, because it means that for this day I am a mom. I just want to clarify that in the midst of all the complaining that I am doing (trust me, I am so aware of my shortcoming. My glass half empty tendencies), I do understand that this pregnancy is a precious gift, and I am so thankful. I don't mean that I won't complain. I complain a lot about the challenges of raising Ada who is no longer in my womb. But overall, I am overwhelmed by what a joy she is to me. And that is true for this baby too.
And of course, I will continue to pray that the Lord would work in me to make his joy such a reality in my life. That is what I want to overflow out of me, not the complaints. Thanks for being patient with me, readers, as I tend to blog the lows rather than the highs.
I put my hand over my womb, and I began to pray for this life inside of me. I prayed for healthy development of the lungs and brain and all the other parts that are developing right now as we speak. I prayed for this life that is being knit together, this soul. And as I prayed I was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities of what can happen between now and forever. Making it to birth day is just the first obstacle. There is so much more after that. I was also overwhelmed by the fact that God and the gospel is the only sure thing, and for whatever reason, on this day he has chosen to make me a mom to this baby inside of me. He has not guaranteed tomorrow. And this sickness is a privilege, really, because it means that for this day I am a mom. I just want to clarify that in the midst of all the complaining that I am doing (trust me, I am so aware of my shortcoming. My glass half empty tendencies), I do understand that this pregnancy is a precious gift, and I am so thankful. I don't mean that I won't complain. I complain a lot about the challenges of raising Ada who is no longer in my womb. But overall, I am overwhelmed by what a joy she is to me. And that is true for this baby too.
And of course, I will continue to pray that the Lord would work in me to make his joy such a reality in my life. That is what I want to overflow out of me, not the complaints. Thanks for being patient with me, readers, as I tend to blog the lows rather than the highs.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
What a hard day we've had
Ada and I have had a hard day.
We started at Wal-Mart, where I attempted to buy a car charger for my dead phone. The charger was out of stock, and in the mean time I needed to pick up some advil for my aching mouth and some juice for the drive home. Ada, being the free girl that she is, hates (and I do mean hate) all things confining, be it a stroller, a grocery cart, or even the grip of my hand. When she decided to lie down on her back in the middle of Wal-Mart, however, I decided that enough was enough, and I proceeded to hold her hand/drag her through Wal-Mart while she cried all the way. People were staring, and it wasn't even 8:00 yet.
Next, on our way out of town, we stopped at a Verizon place (that was also out of the charger) and here Ada attempted to grab hold of the handle of the front door and climb (yes climb) up the front door. She had made it fairly far up the door using just the grip of the handle and her feet on the glass when I noticed her, and immediately grabbed her, of course.
We finally found the charger in a mall in Chattanooga, TN, and there I had to force a struggling toddler to stay in my arms while I talked to the sales guy and paid for my charger. Ada was so angry. I was so angry. We finally got back to the car, where Ada proceeded to kick and scream about getting into her car seat. After a good, hard pinch, she conceded (not without lots of tears), and I get in, crank the car, and realize that my cell phone is still sitting on the counter inside the mall. I almost started crying then and there. I finally got my phone and Ada both in the car, and we were on our way to Atlanta.
Soon after we got on the interstate, Ada was sound asleep, and tears were rolling down my face. I spent a long time praying through some truth--"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," Phil. 4:13 (all includes discipline and train and teach this child the gospel), and "Anything that I ask in his name, he will do it" John 14:14, John 15:16, John 16:23, and isn't it his will that I properly discipline Ada? I was running on empty, ya'll. After three days of single parenting a sick child all while tackling a root canal, I couldn't get home fast enough.
However, just as we were finishing up the bedtime routine, Ada was running around in circles, wired. She started climbing up her crib, and then jumping off of it, and saying "wheeeee". Scott thought this was funny, which I suppose it was, but I also thought it was dangerous. Scott (per my request) told her to stop, and she proceeded to throw her pacifier at him (all in the name of transparency). At this point, I tried to get in her face and calmly, but firmly tell her no, and she hit me in the face. I pinched her hard, which did break her spirit, but then she wanted nothing to do with me, as she wailed and wailed. Her feelings badly hurt, and my heart a little broken because Ada has never not wanted me because she was angry with me. She started asking to go night-night, still having nothing to do with me, and that is how our night ended.
Soo....it wasn't my best day of motherhood. It wasn't Ada's best day of daughterhood (?). I am thankful for the gospel, though. And God's grace that abounds in the face of my sin and inadequacy. Oh man, am I feeling inadequate.
But... The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in him and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank him. Psalm 28:7
I have to go, though. I hear a little voice crying and asking for "mama," and you better believe that I am responding to that.
We started at Wal-Mart, where I attempted to buy a car charger for my dead phone. The charger was out of stock, and in the mean time I needed to pick up some advil for my aching mouth and some juice for the drive home. Ada, being the free girl that she is, hates (and I do mean hate) all things confining, be it a stroller, a grocery cart, or even the grip of my hand. When she decided to lie down on her back in the middle of Wal-Mart, however, I decided that enough was enough, and I proceeded to hold her hand/drag her through Wal-Mart while she cried all the way. People were staring, and it wasn't even 8:00 yet.
Next, on our way out of town, we stopped at a Verizon place (that was also out of the charger) and here Ada attempted to grab hold of the handle of the front door and climb (yes climb) up the front door. She had made it fairly far up the door using just the grip of the handle and her feet on the glass when I noticed her, and immediately grabbed her, of course.
We finally found the charger in a mall in Chattanooga, TN, and there I had to force a struggling toddler to stay in my arms while I talked to the sales guy and paid for my charger. Ada was so angry. I was so angry. We finally got back to the car, where Ada proceeded to kick and scream about getting into her car seat. After a good, hard pinch, she conceded (not without lots of tears), and I get in, crank the car, and realize that my cell phone is still sitting on the counter inside the mall. I almost started crying then and there. I finally got my phone and Ada both in the car, and we were on our way to Atlanta.
Soon after we got on the interstate, Ada was sound asleep, and tears were rolling down my face. I spent a long time praying through some truth--"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," Phil. 4:13 (all includes discipline and train and teach this child the gospel), and "Anything that I ask in his name, he will do it" John 14:14, John 15:16, John 16:23, and isn't it his will that I properly discipline Ada? I was running on empty, ya'll. After three days of single parenting a sick child all while tackling a root canal, I couldn't get home fast enough.
However, just as we were finishing up the bedtime routine, Ada was running around in circles, wired. She started climbing up her crib, and then jumping off of it, and saying "wheeeee". Scott thought this was funny, which I suppose it was, but I also thought it was dangerous. Scott (per my request) told her to stop, and she proceeded to throw her pacifier at him (all in the name of transparency). At this point, I tried to get in her face and calmly, but firmly tell her no, and she hit me in the face. I pinched her hard, which did break her spirit, but then she wanted nothing to do with me, as she wailed and wailed. Her feelings badly hurt, and my heart a little broken because Ada has never not wanted me because she was angry with me. She started asking to go night-night, still having nothing to do with me, and that is how our night ended.
Soo....it wasn't my best day of motherhood. It wasn't Ada's best day of daughterhood (?). I am thankful for the gospel, though. And God's grace that abounds in the face of my sin and inadequacy. Oh man, am I feeling inadequate.
But... The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in him and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank him. Psalm 28:7
I have to go, though. I hear a little voice crying and asking for "mama," and you better believe that I am responding to that.
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