Memory Box: 3D glasses

I decided to keep them not as a reminder of how I wish things would be, but as a reminder to how great things were for the past few months. It is also just a taste of how the real world looks like, a glimpse into the unstable future. To be young and single is the best solution so far.  

We are from 2 different worlds. The only common ground we have is that we are in search of each other's company.

Memory Box

Today I decided to peek into my Memory Box which contained random items from the first 2 years of my university life.

If only I knew that things that matter changes as you grow older, I wish I had started thinking about them seriously from day 1.

If only I knew that different people matters as you know them better, I would have developed stronger bonds from the first day that I met them.

If only I knew that I would be given so many opportunities and blessings, I would have taken more chances, free and unattached from anyone or anything.

It's been several months since I stopped filling that box with something meaningful. The last item was my abang-abang's convocation book and ticket. Today, I will add a movie stub. Not because it was a great movie, but because it was bought by Bo, and look at how far he had came since his university days. Now not only can he afford to take us out for lunch, but take us out for movies too. Feels good and thankful to be the adik favourite to abang bekerjaya!

Replacement

Too young, too old, too immature, too boring... bla bla bla

I can find 1001 criticisms and comparisons if what I am looking for was the exact replacement of you.

kosong kosong kosong

I realise I don't write as much as I used to. That's partially true, I still write random stream of thoughts, I just prefer not to publish them. They make no sense, they are not coherant. They are short, brief, like foams on the surface of the sea.

It feels weird that I don't shop as much as I used to these days. Black Friday was uneventful. I went to the mall blanked out, realizing that buying things can no longer fix a gaping hole of things and people that I miss. I went home empty handed, wishing that I could by all the time that was lost.

Here's to all the girlie sleepovers that we usually take for granted:

Not in my own bed, yet so familiar to me. This is where I have always laid after an exhausting week. Mumbles that weaved in and out of sleepy conversations. Evoked memories of warm summer nights, where I cuddled with a plush sheep that I have grown fond of. I know exactly where they place their cups, how they like their dishes washed, and that bottle of Coffee-Mate isn't really filled with coffee creamer.

2 a.m. last night

Less than a month until fall semester ends. I wish I can stop time, but on the other hand I look forward to graduating (inshallah) - I just don't want to grow up.

Regardless if you are slightly younger, the same age, or even older than I am, I will still regard every one of you as my adik-adik, both boys and girls. Sprawled out in the living room after  dinner, you guys taught me how to play silly games like Werewolf and 3-6-9. Your silly, careless antics left me in stitches. I was just returning the favour since the trio boys invited me over for dinner last week, but I didn't expect everyone would hang out so late until there was no bus and they ended up walking home.We should do this more often!

Thanks for making me feel young again, like the carefree and immature 20/21/22 year old all of you are. I am going to miss this once I graduate.

New Girl

There is always a thrill every time you meet or hang out with someone new.

Your current life might be in a rut, and a new face is what you need once in a while?
Or is it that a new character intrigues you, and you just love picking someone's brains out?
Or is it a form of self-evaluation, to know where you stand from an outsider's perspective?
Or is it the joy of obtaining something new, just like a recently purchased handbag that you had been eying on for a really long time?

21 is the age of exploration. How will you find out what you like and what you don't if you never seek out?

kiasu

Maybe it's that Asian in me, but I have a sense of urgency and competitiveness when I study. I hate empty, irrelevant chit-chats while studying, and I try my best not to snap at people when they are too slow for my pace.

Today's study session unleashed my inner kiasu. The web server was down and luckily I printed out all the notes before every class so I can jot down what the prof said in class. I hesitated about sharing my notes with a friend who never downloaded the notes beforehand, as it contains extra info that I obtained when asking the prof in private.

Dark thoughts surfaced. "What if she brings up the class average?" "Why can't she be more responsible about her lecture notes?" "Serves you right for studying last minute!" Only to remind myself that this class is not curved, and the server failure was not her fault, it was probably due to the earthquake that happened in British Columbia last night. This is not good, 'lokek ilmu' is not a healthy way to compete. I am completely ashamed of my thoughts.

"I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast of Shaitan"

Allah please expel all of these dreadful thoughts, you are The Wisest and all knowledge belongs to you.

new routine

This semester was the mark of a new chapter for me. There is a perception attached to being a 4th year student, and I hope I have not disappointed any of my adik-adik's expectations. I still miss being the only, doted little girl every day though.

I discovered that I thrive in routines. I fear the unknown, so my comfort zone is a planned and confirmed schedule, filled only with familiar faces. So when I have to do something new, I felt like I have lost my sense of direction.

2 months of shuffling around, I am glad that I have finally established a new routine. It felt like I was in first year again (only older and a little bit more wiser); I had to find a new favourite hang out spot, establish my position in a new group of friends, and find my own niche again in the society.

And I can't lie that I love being the new kakak super-senior. So now, who wants to be my adik favourite? ;-)

I can do better

Repeat after me:

I can do better because I deserve better.
I demand the best only because I give the best.
I am not the second choice, I am a winner.
I expect mutual respect because I don't treat anyone any lesser.

Hold that head up high and have a little dignity, girl

things aren't always what they seem

it amazes me how our lives are like 2 parallel lines,
running side by side,
a pretty symmetric sight,

but we will never intersect.

Oh to live young, to love young

People have been telling me to love a little more freely, to live a little more recklessly.

But I learnt too much from mistakes in the past that forces me to be more cautious about life,
and even more cautious about my own feelings.

I can't do the same things as I used to when I was 18.
21 is an unstable age, I still have my life and career to sort out.

Someday I will settle down.

october

Today's rainy weather prompted me to write a piece about a certain grey wool sweater that I feel very attached to.

I dumped that grey wool sweater underneath a pile
I know I shouldn't be keeping it
It's not mine to keep!
Torned, fraying, time to replace it
So I bought prettier ones
But nothing gave me the same content
As that grey wool sweater.

moving on 2.0

I have no idea who reads this blog anyways these days. I'm just updating it because I love writing and I want the whole world to know what I am up to. Not, just kidding.

Anyhow, I would like to thank my most observant friend for giving me that last push I needed to move on. You wanted me to enjoy my final year as much as possible, so I did something I promised myself I wouldn't do anymore: I initiated the whole deal myself. I tried my best to refrain myself from doing such things again, but I guess I can never be The Settler - I am The Achiever.

moving on

I had fun during my summer break. It has been fulfilling, and I couldn't ask for anything better. But no matter how much we had progressed, nothing is for sure. I find myself holding on to the only thing that is certain: change.

Everyone has their own life goals and plans. Unfortunately when 2 people do not share the same priorities, it usually means that one has to give up in order for the other one to achieve. We both know that we are too ambitious to compromise, and patience is not my best virtue- it is time to move on Ainaa.

financial future

I was already prepared about my meagre RM500 salary as an intern, but I had higher expectations when I graduate later and work full time. Then I realized after listening to my abang-abang and daddy dearest that a fresh grad earns on average less than RM4000 a month. You are pretty lucky even if your salary hits RM4000, extremely lucky and murah rezeki if your salary is RM5000. My goodness, I get more from my JPA allowance!
I did a mental calculation to compare what I am about to earn and my current lifestyle, and I realized how far my parents have progressed in their career to be able to afford all the good things in life. After all, no one has a deeper pocket than daddy and mummy dearest.
You can judge me and call me materialistic, but money is a pretty important motivation to be able to go out and do the same thing everyday for the next 40-50 years. I admire my mum's financial independence. And secretly I confess, I cannot let go the current lifestyle that I am comfortably leading now under my parents.
Solution: I need to work hard, and this makan gaji field of science will not enable me to achieve my $$$ goals in the future.

Cold hands

The thought of me being The Settler actually crossed my mind, but we'll see how this goes.
Thanks for the crazy night, Friend. Even if this leads to no where, you will still be the most unforgettable friend I ever had.

wanita bekerjaya

I am currently doing an internship at Innovax Pharmaceutical (under Chemical Company of Malaysia). So far, I spent the first week orienting myself in the new lab. Did you know the autoclave machine is called 'Stim Dandang' in Malay? I gave a Sheldon-y laugh when I heard this word. Almost broke a micropipette too. Feels great to have a lab practically to yourself....would be better if I can actually put it to use. Major #firstworldproblem: Supervisor hardly gives me any work, so I ended up being bored most of the time at work.

Don't get me wrong, I love going to work. Even when I was a part-time assistant instructor at Kumon, I enjoyed going to work. Completing a task at work feels so much more rewarding than completing a task at school. So not doing or achieving anything at work feels demotivating.

Is this a foreshadow to what my future career will look like? My dad said fresh graduates can't afford to be choosy; jobs are hard to come by these days. I have huge, fast-paced, dynamic expectations of what I want to achieve in my career before I turn 40. The best I can do right now is to make this experience as a stepping stone to get there.

Post Created 2012-07-03 3:40:19 PM

God, I heard you. Loud and clear. Thank you for answering

I can never miss what was never mine

A friend of mine said:
It's ok if you do a good deed for someone and he does not give you credit for what you have done. That person is just a medium for you to obtain the ultimate reward from Allah.

That struck me. So people, things, pets, etc were never mine. They fulfill their purpose as intended by God, they move on. So all the people that I chose to leave, or left me, had definitely shaped me to become a better person and they set the bar for the next person that I will come across in my life.

pre-homebound

Wow, it has been one week since they left Edmonton for good. I can't lie and say it wasn't easy for me. The first day felt 10X harder than breaking up. I was in a wreck, but everyone must move on. A lot of things have changed in the past one week. Things are still shifting around, nothing is permanent yet, and nothing is done on a regular basis. I tried my best to establish a routine with other people, but what I need to understand is that not all social groups work in the same dynamics as we used to. I still miss all 4 of you dearly, it is just not the same without all of the boysss. I will be home in 3 days, and I don't know what to expect once I am in Malaysia. If anything happens, it is for the best.

"....jika Engkau mengetahui persoalan ini baik bagiku dalam keagamaan dan penghidupanku dan baik pula bagiku dan mudahkanlah ia bagiku, kemudian berikanlah keberkatan bagiku di dalamnya.

Jika Engkau mengetahui bahawa sesunguhnya hal ini tidak baik bagiku, bagi agamaku dan penghidupanku, tidak baik akibatnya bagiku, maka jauhkanlah hal ini daripadaku, dan jauhkanlah aku daripadanya..."

Hmmm, God answers your prayers in the most mysterious or weirdest ways....

"It never occurred to me that our lives, until then so closely interwoven, could unravel and separate over a thing like that". (Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro)

Whatever happens boys, thank you for being a part of the best 3 years of my life.
Happy Graduation Day, I'm so proud of all 4 of you.

so the search for my Other Half continues

"...and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know" (2:216)

Alas, they were not good for each other.

A friend said:
People that come into your life are blessings, others as lessons. I think you are both, Best Friend and Friend. Kalau ada jodoh, kita jumpa lagi.

anticipation

"You always want what you can't have"
But, I will regret if I never give it a shot, or at least tried my best.

I hope you know what you are doing, Ainaa.
Wish me luck.

I find myself sleeping in unfamiliar places

I find myself sleeping in unfamiliar places;

On the floor,

Where duvets were laid out before.

In a car

While the destination is still too far.

Too late and there is no more bus,

I crash on university couches without a fuss.

On an empty bed

I seek refuge without being afraid.

And lately, just lately,

On a sofa bed I know too well

Huddled underneath a blanket filled with cigarette smell.

'Stragul'

- I'm back in Edmonton after 1 week of vacation in Seattle. This vacation taught me that the power of The Almighty is unstoppable. I feel a pang of sadness every time I see baby clothes strewn around in my friend, Amirah Yong's room, it reminded me of her late sister-in-law and late mother. I can't help but to think what if I lost my mother as well, or my sisters. May the dead always be in Allah's grace, and may Allah always keep my family safe.

- Other than that, being in USA allowed me to buy clothes that were not available in Canada. I finally found the perfect chambray shirt from J. Crew of course, and a shirt from Brooks Brothers (it has darts on the waist but I did not look like I was about to explode. Ahhh, the beauty of a good fitting shirt..) Ralph Lauren was pretty affordable too, so I bought khaki chinos. I find myself stocking up in work clothes for my future career and upcoming intern (boleh lah bekerja dengan bergaya nanti, that's what they said).

- After one week of taking Computing Science 101, I have decided that programming is just not my thing. I can't decide if it is my method of problem-solving, or I just don't have the patience to solve such problems. Well, suck it up Ainaa. Only a few more weeks left for you to 'stragul'.

- 'Stragul' can be defined as 'struggling'. It originated from one of our insider jokes among the students at the U of A. Stragul to get my programming assignment done, stragul to seriously lose some weight by going to the gym every weekday, stragul to spend whatever time that is left with everyone (not just the abang-abang) before they go home or move on for good.

Grasping the meaning of life and death: Humans are more fragile than a piece of glass.

Prayers to a close friend who just lost her sister-in-law, and her mother who is still fighting.
Al-fatihah.

"Take what interests you" they say,
"what you get doesn't matter as long as you enjoyed it"
they say.


at the end of the day,
a deep interest in a certain course will not save your grades.


I don't know if taking another Medical Microbiology subject will be a mistake since it pretty much messed up my grades this semester.

countdown

it has been approximately 5 hours since I was infected with this semi-fever,

1 more paper until I am done with my final exams

5 more days until Seattle (hopefully),

less than 1 week to spring class,

less than 1 month to graduation (not mine),

approximately 2 months to Malaysia,

approximately 2 months and 3 days to internship

final exam: "sebuah permulaan untuk suatu pengakhiran"

Let the battle begin.

2 down, 3 to go. At least the hardest subjects are over.

Confession: I have a soft spot for country music, but this Dixie Chicks' song seem to be the soundtrack of my life:

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

Still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round

XXI

Although I still did not get what I want for my birthday (Daddy's Visa card, Y U DECLINE MY TRANSACTION??!!!), I am grateful to celebrate my birthday with such wonderful girlfriends.

The cake:

Chocolate cheese cake

The gifts:


A cute, stuffed-toy version of Penicillin! Only a biologist can understand another biologist

Must be a sign for me to upgrade my point-and-shoot camera to a DSLR *hint hint*

Surprise card from family:

<3 <3 <3

(all photos are edited through Instagram, but it stretched out because I was updating this blog through my iPhone)

Not in the picture is a birthday coffee, birthday half-poutine, and all the warm wishes from friends far and wide.
Thank you everyone!

I would say one of my greatest strength would be honesty and frankness. It's a value treasured by some of my peers, because my opinions reflect directly what is in my mind. Sometimes, the truth can be too harsh for other people to handle, so forgive me if I forget to cushion my words before I say it out loud.

Pre-birthday

Friendzone conversation with Mama: "You just don't wanna be attached because you only want to remember the good memories you had with them, not the unnecessary emotional baggage that comes along in a relationship. Am I right?"

---------------------------------------

Terima kasih rakan-rakan yang tampan kerana telah menjayakan Majlis Makan Malam di Sugarbowl. Kesabaran anda untuk menunggu table selama 45 minit amat dihargai. Tidak dilupakan kepada le best friend yang busy kerana telah meluangkan masanya untuk menemani saya membeli-belah di Southgate Mall, walaupun pencarian utama kita tidak membuahkan hasil.

21st is fast approaching. Somehow, I still feel like I'm 18.

time to grow up, v2.0

Tomorrow will the boys's Iron Ring Ceremony.

They are already searching for jobs, in fact one of them was already hired by Petronas (office in KLCC please, fingers crossed!).

Their plane tickets back home are pretty much confirmed by JPA/MARA already.

Lepas ni dah tak ada orang teman shopping. Tak ada nak kasi tutoring Genetics. Tak ada teman nak bergossip. Tak ada nak teman makan soo-shay (sushi). Tak ada teman nak ponteng kelas, lepak kat SUB masa break. Tak ada abang-abang lagi dah.

Time to grow up Ainaa. Next year, it is your turn to be the Kakak and no longer the Adik.

your biggest flaw can be your greatest downfall:

One of the things I hate the most is waiting. If there is a magic clock, I would fast forward every minute. If there is a time machine I would travel into the future. Why? Because while waiting you accomplish nothing. You cannot take control, you can only depend on hopes, prayers, and luck. I despise waiting in line, while people put me on hold or in second place.
So the question is: Do I wait or do I go? In the end, was it all worth it? How do things happening now lead into the future?

Patience is not my best virtue. This must be God's way of teaching me a lesson; these things do take time.

Day 1,

deactivate

reactivate

deactivate

reactivate

this is one vicious cycle. why the hell am I unable to deactivate my fb account this time round?!

ok, deactivate countdown starts now! My account shall cease to exist in the Facebook world until I'm done with my final exams

Now, for a new form of distraction (but less time consuming), I will turn my attention to Instagram on my iPhone

11 days later

Wow, haven't updated my blog for the past 11 days. It's that time of the year again, we call it "Minggu Penyeksaan". It's one of the most critical times (besides midterm week and final week) because most course works are due around this time. I've been busy preparing for my NUFS 402 presentation, focusing on sauerkraut fermentation because it is a Food Microbiology course after all.

I've always loved food. Thanks to this course, I have learnt how to appreciate food beyond just eating it. I've learnt that I've been missing out on so many different types of cheeses. That cheddar slices you always put on your burger? It is not even properly ripened! That mozzarella you put on your pizza? Gruyere cheese tastes even better! I'm currently addicted to an expensive Norwegian whey cheese called Gjetost, because it tastes like chocolate I swear!

I don't drink. But through this course I've learnt how to appreciate whisky, wine, and beer. I learnt how to make wine. Not drinking it doesn't mean I can't smell it or look at it. Wines that have the best range of smell (grassy, buttery, etc.) but any beer smell turns me off because it reminded me of spoiled rice. Plus, it sort of smelled like my residence hall back in Lister too.

I wish there is a higher level course for this. I would love to know what does it take to venture into the food industry and become a food microbiologist.

Ok, nothing cryptic about this post. Straight-forward story telling about what's currently going on in my life

1) Week after week of surprise birthday parties with the girls. I can see that this little 'girls only' time is highly beneficial to the female social circle. We tend to bond better in the absence of the opposite sex.

2) Things go on as normal with the boys. I wonder do I behave differently when I am with them than I am with the girls. Sometimes I wish that they throw me a surprise birthday party too and give me cheesy birthday cards instead of the girls. But hey, that's just another female instinct kicking in. I do know that even if they don't bother to buy me cupcakes for my birthday, deep down inside they still care about their little sister.

3) In need of some retail therapy as soon as my midterms round #2 and big presentations are over. On the list: new prescription glasses, and still hunting for the perfect chambray shirt.

4) Election fever is over. No, I did not #voteyam/#voterao to be the president. I had a personal attachment with some of the candidates even if they don't know me. Most of them are currently double majors in Pol Sci/ Business/ Arts and Economics, so naturally they were my friend's classmates in his Econs class. Even before I know what their platforms are, I felt like I've been acquainted with them already. Creepy much?

"4 Isnin je lagi Ainaa.

Can you believe it?

4 minggu je lagi"

So the countdown begins. Every minute, every second, is precious.

Election fever

A lot of my friends have been wondering why am I so engrossed in the upcoming Student's Union Election. What they fail to understand is that this isn't some regular Malaysian Students Association or the normal Persatuan/Kelab. This is a body that represents the voices of students. They take your suggestions seriously. They come up with referendums that require votes from students. They are willing to lobby the government to reduce textbook prices. They are advocating for cheaper food, while protecting the interest of student businesses around campus.

I don't know to what extend will they uphold their promises. I was just fascinated by the amount of freedom that was given to these candidates. It made me realize how lucky I am to be given this opportunity to watch the birth of a future leader/politician. They can freely criticize each other and current policies. They are given the right to campaign and advertise. I can vote and my vote will actually be counted!

Correct me if I am wrong, but this election fever is unheard of in Malaysia due to the strict policies pertaining student bodies. Not that I am saying that all politicians in Malaysia are bad, but Malaysia still has a long way to go in producing quality leaders and politicians; because they were not trained since young to be one.

a conversation with a supposedly older person

A kakak senior who came to Alberta to visit her friends. I went over to say hi and introduce myself

Me: *shake hands* Saya Ainaa. Nama apa?
Kakak: Saya xxxxx. Akak ni dah lama kerja kat Alberta ke? Tinggal kat sini?
Me: oh actually tak.... saya batch bawah awak. 3rd year.

Am I really that old??!!

sigh,

I would give anything to munch on a bag of potato chips,

eat solid food like rice and bread,

drink coffee without getting dizzy,

talk smoothly without a lump on my jawline,

brush my teeth like any normal person,

and have minty fresh breath, not crusty and bloody.

day 2

So far so good. My cheeks have stopped swelling although my jaws resembles a man's jaw. "Takpe Ainaa, pipi u memang dah tembam pun. I tak perasan bengkak tu". Gee, thanks Azman. It has been a speedy recovery, although I'm still woozy and drowsy from the painkiller and antibiotic cocktail. That's ok, means I can lie in bed all day!

Thank you to my parents for their endless prayers. And thank you for understanding that I need the surgery now, and charging that enormous bill to your credit card, Ayah. I feel so guilty.
Thank you to my roomate Maryam for taking the time off between her busy schedule to accompany me to the surgery. I know you're occupied and tired between organising the Malaysian Night and your midterms.
Thank you to Kak Sa who picked me up post-surgery in her kereta bujang because I was too woozy and drugged to take the public transit home. Not forgetting you taking care of my prescription bills. I will pay back every single cent.
Thank you to my abang-abang Azman and Hilmi, for visiting, and cooking porridge and soup.

Thank you, everyone

Additional note: Thank you to Bobo (Ebo) for taking the time to stop by with a cup of latte, and to everyone else for their encouraging "Get Well Soon" messages.

just a quickie

The heart wants what it wants. But it can never differentiate what is good or bad for itself. I should never miss what was never mine.

On a lighter note, finally I'll be going through that surgery to extract all four of my wisdom tooth. Pretty nervous as I hate doctors and needles, but they will knock me out completely under anesthesia. I suppose the only comforting thought right now is I'm finally getting rid of the gum pains that I've been experiencing for the past few months.

fashion today

After shopping with my best friend yesterday I realized that fashion is so unforgiving. I squeezed through skinny jeans. I sucked my breath in for clothes that draped too tight. I wobbled under that 5-inch heels. When did shopping became so brutal?

I have never been self-conscious about my body image. Nor am I discouraging if you can pull that outfit off. In fact, I enjoy browsing through the latest trends. But in that dressing room be honest to yourself, "Is this really me?"

Nobody is telling you that you should succumb to that skinny jeans.

If someone writes Für Ainaa...

You know how they say Brahms is the next Beethoven? Or how Wagnerians thought that Beethoven had cast the anchors of the Symphony genre, saying that it stops after Symphony No. 9, movement no 4?

I disagree to both. I believe that absolute music ends when Beethoven died. There simply is no other composer greater than Beethoven himself. Only Beethoven can add a choir component in the middle of an orchestral piece. Period.

P/s: He does look a bit like my Food Sciences prof, Dr. Gaënzle. Tsk, them Germans :)

Half of My Heart

I was immediately drawn to this song because of these lyrics:

Down the road

Later on

You will hate that I never give more to you

Than Half of My Heart

I admit, I surrendered.

I surrendered to God, knowing that He knows what is best for me.

I surrendered to my prayers, knowing that He will answer when the time comes.

I surrendered to time, I will not allow it to pass by without doing anything unfulfilling.

I surrendered to my future, I am going to seize all opportunities that will come.

And tonight, I shall sleep knowing that I have found peace.

Today, the boy who I thought was already 'grown up' suddenly looked like a confused toddler dressed up in his dad's working clothes. That 'grown man' who I always looked up to for a matured opinion is staring back at me. Dazed, confused, like the baby who's just knocked over his bowl of porridge.

"What do I do, Ainaa?"

I wish I know.

Progress report

A friend told me: Happiness is not loving what you're doing, but finding love in what you do. No matter how much I utter to myself everyday "I LOVE BACTERIA/ DNA/ MOLECULAR BIOLOGY", I still need a sign from God indicating why am I stuck doing Microbiology. I have that thought constantly, asking "What do I go to school for? Get a degree, get a job, maybe get married, then what? There must be a higher reason than this".

Maybe I should start counting my blessings and stop complaining. Being in 3rd year means I get the liberty of choosing what area I want to specialize in Microbiology. So whatever I choose to take right now should indicate some level of interest. After all, I signed up for this Medical Microbiology course because I get sick pretty often, so I want to know what is attacking my body. Plus I registered for that Nutrition & Food Sciences course because I get to learn how to ferment or brew my own food.

God, I'm still searching for the bigger picture though.

Reflections

Wow, 3 years have gone by so fast. I have one year to go, but I still need to figure out my future. I'll have a degree, I'll need a career. I have to do something productive with my life. What are my goals? What would I like to achieve? I would argue that 3 years in Canada has matured me, but I wouldn't say that it made me into a better person. Growing up doesn't mean you're already a Man. I need to figure out my life, fast!

----------------------------

A few days ago the boys bought suits. And they invited me to the Mec Engineering dinner. And they are already discussing about their Iron Ring ceremony. Wow, time does fly by so fast.

----------------------------

Why do members of the opposite sex have an inherent urge or inclination to make jokes when interacting with the female species?

Sometimes this turns out to be cute (like my dad's jokes) or just stupid and lame.

of love poems and love itself

That love poem I heard at Alberta Gallery of Arts kept repeating in my mind. "Love is like cheap wine. Flawed, but it has character, like your grass-stained dress. Showed what you went through to get to me". It disturbed me. It moved me. It made me feel as if...I need to feel what love really is again. Why can't I write something mind-blowing as he did? My own writing, it lacks the emotional depth. Maybe because I never felt as complex as that. Maybe because... I never thought that love was like cheap wine.

diversifying

People say I always take things that are unrelated to my microbiology degree. I would like to call it as called 'diversifying' and 'exploring'. So I enrolled in NUFS 402 (Nutrition and Food Sciences 402- Brewing, Enology, and Food Fermentation) with expectations of becoming a good speaker, probably fantasizing a bit about being in food production industry. So far I've tasted the grape juice used to make pignot grigio (white wine) and shiraz (red wine), and I'm looking forward to the cheese and meat tasting later in the course. If you are wondering no, it is not haram for me to take this course even though it involves alcohol (I checked with an ustad already) and I'll be skipping the wine and beer tasting for sure.

Happy New Year

New year. New start, new resolutions, new accomplishments. On top of my to-do list: I wish to be liberated. My heart wants to be free, unbound by any love or hate. I shall not be reigned by my emotions, only by logical reasoning and careful planning.

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The dentist's verdict: A root canal to surgically remove all four of my wisdom teeth sometime during Reading Week break. Tsk, such a long waiting list. Alberta really needs to improve on its healthcare system.

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Words of Wisdom from my advisor:

A good cook is probably good in the lab too

LOL I have the potential!

Post Created 2012-01-03 11:02:02 PM

I can't recall when was the last time I sat thiscloe to someone who did not smell like ciggrates.
I'm so used to that ciggs+EDT smell i was expecting it even when I'm not around people (guys in particular) that don't smoke. The smell combination is so familiar, it's comforting in a weird way. Sort of how your bantal busuk smells. Simply because it reminded me of people I used to know.
But this person who sat beside me just now had none of this. The new smell-free sensation is intoxicating. I shall sit beside you more often :)