kiasu

Maybe it's that Asian in me, but I have a sense of urgency and competitiveness when I study. I hate empty, irrelevant chit-chats while studying, and I try my best not to snap at people when they are too slow for my pace.

Today's study session unleashed my inner kiasu. The web server was down and luckily I printed out all the notes before every class so I can jot down what the prof said in class. I hesitated about sharing my notes with a friend who never downloaded the notes beforehand, as it contains extra info that I obtained when asking the prof in private.

Dark thoughts surfaced. "What if she brings up the class average?" "Why can't she be more responsible about her lecture notes?" "Serves you right for studying last minute!" Only to remind myself that this class is not curved, and the server failure was not her fault, it was probably due to the earthquake that happened in British Columbia last night. This is not good, 'lokek ilmu' is not a healthy way to compete. I am completely ashamed of my thoughts.

"I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast of Shaitan"

Allah please expel all of these dreadful thoughts, you are The Wisest and all knowledge belongs to you.