Fuuuuuuunnnnk & a narrative of Miss L

I'm in a funk today. I got the kids ready to go to a little program at their preschool called Bible Fun Time, it's every Tuesday for like 2 months, and all the kids can go. This means I have an hour and a half of NO CHILDREN. I get very, very few daytime no-children moments. I look forward to it, is what I'm saying.

Well. The car wouldn't unlock so I thought the battery in the remote was dead. Turns out that, no, it's not. The car itself is dead. The check engine light came on last week and D thought we should "wait and see" how it was (it was driving fine) and take it in later. Ha. Haha.
To say that was a disappointment is an understatement, but the worst part is that it's now over 6 hours later and Miss L is still asking when we're going and cried when I finally - after telling her at least 30 times - yelled, "THE CAR IS BROKEN! WE CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" What a fine parenting moment, let me tell you.
(Did I mention Miss L follows me around the house talking incessantly? SHE DOES. ALL day.)
Also we have pictures tomorrow that I've been putting off for months and Thursday is the last possible day to get the deal so I'm going to be pretty upset if that doesn't happen.

To top that off, I incurred a fee at the bank for a small but crucial error on my part in moving money to pay some bills online. I never, ever pay penalty fees at the bank! I'm planning to call, and see what can be done, but STILL. Worse, it was a teeny tiny credit card bill on a card we hardly use and now I'm going to get a fee on THAT TOO. Gah!
(Could I be making these mistakes because Miss L is jabbering incessantly in my ear? Constantly!)

Also, the garbage disposal is broken. The sink is all backed up and gross. I baked a dessert to cheer us all up and it didn't make me feel better at all. (Imagine that!)

Seriously, I can't even write. I'm having trouble even completing a sentence because Miss L is right next to me, singing and chattering. (What's the bad guys' name on Phinneas and Ferb? Why is he Dr. Doobersmitz? Where is that breakable cat you never let me play with? Why can't I!? Can I have candy? But it makes me feeeeeeel beeeettttter! I want to have this bell. --now she's ringing the bell in my ear and singing a song-- Mama, the waterslide's out! It's getting blown up. (it's not, it's raining) What if Piper gets on it? Remember that thing that was pink, and has a lid? I'm going to show you. --she brought me a candle-- There's also a blue one. A yellow one. A paper one. It has a moon on it. I'm going to show you more. The pink one should be in the purple one. I'm talking to myself. I said the pink one should be in the purple one. What's this? Why is it in here? Fine, I'll put it in the fridge. But, why can't it go in the fridge?! Where does it go? You said so? I didn't pick it up! I won't put it in my mouth! You still love me! --I asked her what she did-- Nothing! -and she ran out of the room.) That's approximately 3 minutes of Miss L. Now your eyes are as glazed over as mine. You're welcome.

"I didn't mean to eat all your gum!" Miss L said, while looking at me over the edge of the table with her big, innocent eyes. I guess that's true if you consider that "didn't mean to" means that she remembered I keep the gum (off limits until you're 5!) in a high cabinet, that she pushed a step ladder over to it, opened a new box and proceeded to unwrap and eat - not chew, EAT - every. single. piece! She left a paper trail from the kitchen alllll the way out to the trampoline in the yard. *sigh* This was while we were in the middle of a math lesson, and by the time we were on our reading lesson, she had let herself out of the back yard (which none of the kids have ever done, miraculously) and went around the front and rang the door bell to come back in. That's when I declared that the fully fenced back yard is off limits, without me.

Whoever said that girls were easier as babies/toddlers was a big LIAR. All the boys have done their fair share of naughty deeds, but Miss L takes the cake. She has done all the things the boys did, all the things I thought I had escaped with the boys, and then some I hadn't even thought of yet. We used to call C the Tasmanian Devil, among other things, but Miss L has even surpassed his naughtiness! Worse, she has the charm down, so manages to escape the wrath of her brothers & Daddy, at least sometimes, and even I have to laugh and shake my head at her antics.

----

It's bad weather season here, and I feel so stupid admitting it, but I cannot control my reaction to the weather no matter how I try. When I was on citalopram, it helped my anxiety overall, but it did not touch my panic during the weather. X*nax, meditation and yoga, deep breathing, even alcohol, don't work. (Yes, I realize I should not medicate with alcohol.) I should probably take two X*nax, or try something else, like therapy.

At the first sound of thunder I have a strong physical reaction, and I'm a mess until it's over. We get a lot of thunderstorms here, and it's so frustrating to have to check the weather before I can plan anything. I know that if it's bad weather I will flake and not go, no matter what the event is. I check the weather along the way when we have road trips, and the forecasts for when we'll be on vacation because I don't want to be away from my storm shelter when there might be a tornado. However, when I'm at home I'm still a mess, in spite of the storm shelter. *sigh*  I know, logically, how very, very, SMALL the chances are that anything will happen, but logic has no part in my panic.

It's not like I'm afraid of heights and can just not go up a sky scraper, because there is no escaping the weather. Unless I up and move to the desert, I'm going to have to deal with thunderstorms and possible tornadoes.
I just don't know how.

----

Some friends invited us to share a house with them, at the beach, for a week in May. It's a great time to go, before school lets out, and super cheap too. I'm so excited! BUT, I'm nervous about traveling with other people! These friends are GREAT, and we all get along so well, and they have kids too so it's not any of that.

However, I'm somewhat (a lot) of an introvert, and often need privacy and quite a lot of time to recharge. I'm not sure how introverts travel with people without getting super stressed out. ??
I've never traveled more than a night or two with anyone other than my family or D's. Even then, when we stay more than a couple days at my parents, or my inlaws, I get so cranky because there is no privacy, no time alone, etc. I think I *will* be able to carve out some time on this vacation, but the last thing I want is to seem rude to our friends. Tips?

----

Piper & Penny are doing great together. Piper is full of life (read: hyper!) and so smart! She already knows sit, speak and paw, and she's *almost* completely house trained. She and Penny play and run around together and although Penny gets sick of her boundless energy at times, for the most part they really get along well.

She likes the water a little bit too...

3!

Dear Miss L,
You are three and I don't care how cliche it sounds... it's happened so fast! You were just born and then BAM! you're three. Three. 3!!

You yell at everyone who says you are a little girl. "NO! I BIG!"

You are mischievous and naughty and defiant in the way only a three year old can be. You are so loving, and randomly tell me you love me. I will never, EVER, tire of that. I know it will end too soon.

I'm so glad you're here with us, my sweet, beautiful daughter. You have three big brothers who love you. Love to boss you, tease you, and take care of you. You are a lucky girl, and I love how you can stand up to them and give them what-for. You're no pushover!

It hurts a little to know that you're my last baby and that you're getting so big. There's no cure for that, and nothing I would change. I'm just trying to remember it all, take it all in, and love every second. It's easier when you're not coloring on couches and dumping water on the floor and screaming at me, but even that will be replaced with breaking curfew and dating (gah!) and well, probably still screaming at me.

You love your brothers, and your daddy and ME! You are a mama's girl - big time - and it makes my heart sing.

You love animals, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, getting dirty and dressing up in pretty much anything. You can go from dog to princess to superhero in a matter of minutes. You are a strong minded, soft hearted girl.

You stole my heart from the first moment I met you. And now you're three.  I love you L.

Here's the thing(s)...

Thing the 1st:
 I've been feeling terrible lately. Probably a combination of stress, poor eating/sleeping, extreme busy-ness and, because of those things; anxiety. I've decided to cut way back on caffeine (I've been drinking 2-3 cups of regular coffee a day. I'm trying to cut back to 2 or less cups of half caff or less/day, then down from there.) and... sugar. Sugar makes me feel like crap. And yet, no joke, I can't seem to stop eating it. I want it. I need it. I crave it. I love it. Feel like crap? Eat something! Sad? Eat something! Lonely? Eat something.
*sigh* I'm on just over 24 hours with very little sugar (I did have creamer in my half caff) and I have another terrible headache, just like yesterday. Wheeee!
Sugar and caffeine detox right after Halloween and before Thanksgiving? Sure, no biggie.

Thing the 2nd:
 Homeschooling doesn't make me special. It doesn't make me a better or worse parent. It's just something that was right for our family and I felt strongly compelled to do. Now that I am doing it, I can say, unequivocally, that there is no reason to be scared. Of course it's not always easy, but lots of things aren't. There's good and bad with everything.
All I'm saying is; I was scared. I was pretty much dragged to homeschooling kicking and screaming. I kept saying NO and kept being told YES until I finally decided to listen to that voice.
Honestly, if *I* can do it, anyone can. Truly.
(I'm NOT saying everyone should want to homeschool, I'm just saying if you DO want to, -and I'm not saying you should- don't be scared!)

Thing the 3rd:
In less than a month my very last baby, my only baby girl, will be officially too old to call a baby. She won't even let me call her that now, actually. Every time I look at her I'm both thrilled and melancholy at how grown up she's getting. Three is still little, and when she's 13 I'll reminisce about her at 3, but for now it seems so old for my last baby.
She's funny and sweet and independent and strong willed and although she makes me bang my head against the wall on a daily basis, I know she's going to be an amazing woman someday.

I hit the jackpot with these kids you guys. They are amazing, fantastic, infuriating little creatures! I don't even want anymore because I can't imagine having another one so wonderful*.  
The thing is... they keep growing. And, you know, you want them to. But, it hurts juuuuust a little.





*I'm sure I'd change my mind if I did have another one. Which I'm NOT.

Sad faces

C & Miss L had surgery for their Trigger Thumb today. Luckily, the surgery center called us around 6:40 and asked if we could come in early. (We were supposed to be there by 7:30) Their first appointment had to cancel for some reason. So, we hopped in the car - luckily we were mostly ready - and got there by 7. Miss L cried the whole way because she wanted a snack. Not eating or drinking beforehand is one of the worst parts of surgery! Before:

Miss L is still ticked she doesn't get to eat.

The kids both went with nurses without tears and the nurses and doctor said they did very well. I was worried that waking up from anesthesia would be hard, but Miss L did GREAT. She didn't cry once, which is completely opposite of the terror she was after her hernia surgery last summer.

She was pretty happy when I pulled applesauce and crackers out of my purse for her!

C had a harder time waking up. His surgery took a little longer too, since he had both thumbs fixed. He had the shakes, which I had each time I had an epidural, so I know that sucks. He finally woke up enough to keep some juice down and we got to head home.

The worst part is these giant bandages and trying to keep them clean and dry for a week -10 days. (ha!)
The doctor did say if they need to come off we can just put a band aid on them, so hopefully things will work out just fine. No swimming or baths (showers are ok in a couple days) for 2 weeks.

new rooms

I promised a post about Penny's new bed and Miss L's "new" room, so here it is! Beware! There are a lot of pictures. (links open in a new window)

First, Penny's new bed. I wanted to build this from Pinterest. We had all the materials, but I needed some help with the saw and some specifics, but D was adamant he didn't want a gigantic dog bed in the middle of the floor. We went round and round for a few days, but eventually I conceeded  because I saw this idea on Pinterest and decided it would be a nice compromise for all of us.

We have a large kitchen and one cabinet in particular is usually almost empty. I used it only for wine bottles to be recycled and extra school supplies. This is actually the cabinet on the right, and we used the one on the left, but you get the idea.

 I took off the doors and took the shelf out and cleaned it up. Then I found this old couch in the garage that was terribly stained and headed for the $1 pile at our next garage sale. I decided to re-use it instead!

 I took all the foam out and lined the cabinet with it. (I ended up not using that corner piece.)

 I covered it with her existing bed, which is a twin size comforter. "Real" dog beds are ridiculously overpriced and this one is super easy to wash.

Miss L's room:

Here is Miss L's room before. That post is when I put up the owl decor in her room, but it had changed a bit since then. For one thing I made a "tent" with some curtains and a hula hoop. I thought I had pictures of it somewhere, but this is the best I could do:

I decided to take down the tent and make it a canopy over her bed instead. It was quite simple and cost me nothing to change.

 I simply removed the white shelf off her wall and nailed the curtains up under it, then replaced the shelf!

Her room is quite small- the smallest in the house - and she has no dresser to speak of. Her changing table has a drawer and a cabinet and 2 shelves, so I decided to use that as her dresser, along with a cubby that used to be in the play room for toy storage.  I had to buy the baskets, but it's still cheaper than buying a dresser!

 Old changing table with new baskets for storage and changing pad GONE!

Old toy storage is now clothes storage!

The bookshelf relocated from her room to the play room, there simply wasn't much room in her room for it. Instead she has a reading corner next to her bed. You can see the purple bean bag and small basket of books.

The ugly white plastic shelf that was used for clothes before has been relegated to the closet for shoes, sheets and her dirty clothes hamper. 

More owls: 

Good Week

The weather has sucked this week. It went something like this: rain, rain, rain, rain, hail, rain, rain/wind, snow. However, the sun finally came out, so that's something. And, to be honest, I prefer the snow over the constant gray days and drizzle and hail and thunderstorms. Although, it's not very much snow.
(AT ALL. Barely a dusting.)

I was watching a news story about Alaska and their 18 FEET of snow and oh boy... that would really super suck. 

---

Miss L has had no accidents for 5 days! She is officially potty trained and yesterday we even went to a friend's house and Target and all the school drop offs and pick ups and she even fell asleep in the car with no accidents! I can hardly believe it!

It's both weird and awesome to think about never using or buying diapers again, although I still have 3 children in pull ups at night so that's not the greatest, but still. No more diapers!

---

Thanks to Aldi's and smart shopping at Target with sales and coupons, I managed to keep our grocery budget UNDER $200 this week! This is huge because I struggle with it a lot.
Also, I managed to not buy anything frivolous this week, even when I went to Target. If you know and love Target like I do, you know that's a big deal.
OK, actually I did buy myself a treat at the dollar spot so I guess that's not a total win but at least it was just a dollar.

---
d got his report card and got all 99's and 100's and today is Friday which means I didn't have to make any lunches (he buys school lunch on Fridays) and he has Monday off (MLK Day) so yay!

---
I got to spend time with my friend T, and hold her sweet little baby girl. Always a pick me up!

---

I caught up on all my episodes of Big Bang Theory, which frankly brightens up just about any day. Seriously, that show? IS AWESOME.

---

I won a contest a few weeks ago over at Little Etsy Love, and I got my prize in the mail yesterday. It was good timing because a certain big boy had an accident that meant a lot of clean up for me and I was just about *this close* to snapping from annoyance at a million other little things and the doorbell rang!
I should have taken a picture but the box was FULL of awesome samples from the company Out of the Box. 

There was bath salt, cake balls (OMG YUM!), cookies, homemade soaps (some of my favorite things ever!), soy tarts, yummy smelling candles, handmade cards, some jewelry, including some particularly lovely earrings, and just a whole bunch of cheering stuff! The pictures below don't even begin to show all the awesomeness that was in that box! 

soy tarts

red earrings

handmade soaps! (minus the one that already made it's way into my shower)

Before and After / Organization and Craftiness

I've been in one of those "I need change!" moods lately so I've been working on little things that I can change at the  moment. I cleaned off the tops of our dressers, the nightstands, and my desk, but forgot to take any before pictures. My dresser was the worst! It gets so cluttered with papers that I'm saving for this or that, and toys and clothes, etc. Here's the after:

My room is currently making me smile instead of sigh, and that's definitely nice for a change.

I also organized our linen closet in the master bathroom and one of our 2 tiny hall closets that we use for other linens. The other closet is just games and winter gear and it's pretty tidy. The hall closet was the worst! Before:

After:

Our master bathroom has a linen closet too, and I also keep my sewing stuff in there. It wasn't terrible, but needed a little tidying. I read a tip about putting the sheets together in sets, inside one of the pillowcases from the set. Genius!

before

after

Next, I decided to rearrange a little furniture and recover some pillows. I spent about $9 on fabric and it covered 4 pillows with some left over, so that's less than $2.25 a pillow for a brand new look!
A couple befores of pillows from this and that:

After, in the living room:

close up of the fabric

Speaking of change, we had 3 solid days of being home and we decided to try potty training with Miss L. She's doing great, although we're not totally there yet, and to celebrate I cleaned out her room as well and got rid of the changing pad, and packed up all her cloth diapers and wipes.  Lots more storage room for clothes and toys!
After almost 7 years of having someone in diapers... it's a big change!

Lulu

Dear Miss L,
Where to begin? I knew the moment you were born that our family was truly complete, and it's so bittersweet that the last 2 years have flown by so fast. I have enjoyed your babyhood so very much, even with all the bumps along the way.
Your brothers adore you, your daddy spoils you, and your mama babies you. You definitely think of yourself as The Boss around here, and we all let you get away with it - for now.
You love animals, Mickey Mouse, babies, and most of all - me. You are a mama's girl through and through, barely ever straying from my side. While it can get tiresome, I know it's going to be as short lived as those sleepless nights so I try not to wish it away just yet.
You filled a place in my heart that I didn't know was empty, and I'm so happy to call you my daughter.
We love you!

Upcoming

Is it seriously already (pretty much) November? Why on Earth is time flying by the older I get? Do you remember when you were a kid and you would think ahead to the future and a month seemed like an ETERNITY? A year felt like an inconceivable amount of time.
Now, a whole year can pass and I feel like I have hardly blinked.
Just getting used to writing 2011 on your checks? Oh well! Too bad! Here comes 2012!!

---

Tonight, we're going trick or treating in our neighborhood. Our little neighborhood has 60 houses, so it's just about the right size to drag 4 small children through. At least 2 of the children will whine about walking and want to be carried after approximately 8 houses. If our neighborhood doesn't have a lot of lights on, we may go to the bigger neighborhood across the street, but really... we don't need that much candy.

I only bought stuff I have no desire to eat this year. Dum Dums, Laffy Taffy, Sweet Tarts and Smarties. I'm a chocolate girl, and therefore I bought none. I can't promise there will not be any stealing from my children's bags after they collapse in bed from a sugar high.

We will all be dressed up tonight, so look for a family super hero picture tomorrow. (here's to hoping I actually get a decent one.)

---

We have been talking -  for months - about going to Disney World after Christmas. Our kids are still very young, but we thought we might go for a day or possibly two and hit Magic Kingdom and then do something else. A very nice friend was kind enough to let us borrow a planning book and right off the bat we read that the time we were planning to go is supposed to be the busiest time of the year.
Secondly, we read that kids should probably be around 7 years old to really get the full experience. I know lots of younger kids that have gone, so I don't know if I agree with that, but it did give me pause to think that at least 2 of my kids will have no memory of the experience. We were hoping my parents could come with us, to up our adult:child ratio, because 2 grown ups and 4 kids, six and under, is probably not the best combo for a trip like this. However, they weren't sure if they could, and they didn't seem too enthusiastic about it.
I was also a lot less enthusiastic after I checked ticket prices. Yipes.
Miss L is still free, but even if we went for only one day it would be over $400 and that doesn't include my parents. Plus, we don't live near Orlando. At all.
Maybe I'm just being cheap, but as I added up travel expenses, tickets, meals, and incidentals, I decided that I wanted to wait until all the kids are old enough to really enjoy it! So... no Disney this year. Maybe in a couple years when Miss L is four, or five. She'll probably be into princesses then, right?
(she's not now.)

There is a much cheaper, much closer to home, vacation in the works now. We haven't yet decided if it will be all of us or just the two of us.(!!!)

---
As you may remember, Miss L had hernia surgery about 3 months ago and last week I noticed that it looks like part of the hernia came back. (do they do that? I'm not sure of the correct terminology...)
Anyway, there's definitely an issue going on and I'm hoping it's something else - scar tissue? - or something. She has an appointment tomorrow with the surgeon who did her initial surgery, and I'm hoping she won't have to have another surgery. 3 (albeit minor) surgeries in the span of 3ish months?! It seems too much! That's more than all the boys combined, in their entire lives!
So... wish us luck for that appointment tomorrow. I'm getting a bit of nervous tummy over it.

Look who can FINALLY wear pig tails!

school days & fashion sense

d started first grade today! I can't believe how fast his baby years flew by. My boy is getting big. 

I also can't believe how much I've gotten done today, and it's not even 2:00. Having the school-morning routine really gets me going on the rest of my day! I've packed a lunch, made breakfast, done dishes, cleaned the kitchen, made lunches, put kids down for naps, vacuumed, shampooed the carpet, cleaned all 3 bathrooms, did 2 loads of laundry and edited some pictures. 

-------------

Miss L has her own unique fashion sense. 

Surgery recap

Miss L's hernia surgery was scheduled for Friday morning at 6AM. On Thursday afternoon it dawned on me that maybe she had an ear infection - she had been up a lot the night before and pulling and poking at her ears. She has had so many, I just had a feeling. I was worried that it might change things about her surgery, so I took her in and sure enough she did have an ear infection. However, we called the surgeon and he said as long as she had no fever and could breathe well, we would still go ahead.
That was mostly a relief, I'd been dreading the day for so long I'm not sure I would have wanted to put it off any longer!
(Side note, she meets the ENT Wednesday. Here we come, tubes!)

I had trouble sleeping Thursday night, complete with ridiculous nightmares and lots of tossing and turning. I woke before the 5:10 alarm went off and we were out the door by 5:35. We got to the hospital by 6, checked in and waited. And waited some more.

The nurses and staff in Pediatrics are always the best. I don't know how they are behind the scenes, but when they talk to me or Miss L, they are always extra friendly with a smile on their face. I felt very well taken care of.

A few things I really liked:
- EVERY person who entered the room (and there were a lot) asked if she was allergic to anything. She's not, but if she WERE, I imagine it would be comforting to know that everyone was concerned about it.

- They had Disney on the TV, she was allowed to keep her lovey and paci - HUGE - and toys were even offered.

- The waiting room had a large TV screen that showed each patients' number, and you could see what room they were in. So, when I wondered if she was done yet I just had to look up at the screen and see that she was still in the OR.

- There was a Starbucks just a few steps away. I wouldn't have gone all the way to the cafeteria, because I knew the surgery would be less than an hour (it was about 45 minutes) and I would have been nervous to leave. Side note: this is the same hospital, just a few floors down, from where I had all 4 of my babies. Where was the Starbucks then? 


The only thing I had really hoped for that didn't happen, was that I hoped I would be allowed to come back until she was under with gas, and then leave. (They do gas first, then when she was under they do the IV anesthesia.) They had to take her away while she was fully awake and although she did OK, seeing her cry made me cry too.
I didn't really EXPECT to be allowed to come back, but I had definitely hoped for it. I can tell they had a hard time with the IV too, because she has 3 different spots where they tried to get it in and her little hands are all bruised up. I'm so glad she was not awake for that! (Also, that I wasn't there for it.)

Once she started to wake up they let one of us come back (me, of course) and hold her. To say she was upset would be a gigantic understatement. She was possessed. I knew what to expect and it still surprised me.
After 20-30 minutes, we still couldn't get her to drink anything and they decided to go ahead and move us to recovery and then D got to come back too. It was easier to handle her then.  She was especially ticked off about the IV in her hand. Once she finally agreed to drink something, and got the IV out, she settled down a little bit.  She cried every time one of the nurses even looked her way, after that. Once we were able to leave she perked up quite a bit, knowing we were leaving. haha
She fell right to sleep in the car.

The recovery has been good. She was very mellow once we got home and napped, and sat around with me on the couch for several hours. I can't remember the last time she did that; probably before she could walk.

I haven't seen the incision yet, because the bandage can't come off until Wednesday. It should just be a small one, right above her belly button.  It doesn't seem to bother her unless you touch it. I can tell it still hurts a bit, but she's mostly back to normal!