What's Your Number?

Do you watch Coupling (if not, really you should be - but not the American version, the real one)? There's this scene in one of the episodes where all the girls (Susan, Sally and Jane) are talking about who was in each others speed dial. The best part comes when one of the girls asks Jane who her number one speed dial was and she said "I don't know, I haven't met them yet".

It got me thinking about my speed dial situation. Number one is voice mail - which annoys me, I'm a gown up (mostly) and I think that I can decide who my number one is. Number two is Scott and number three is my sister. But really, even with the Verizon enforced number one selection, those first three really are my most dialed numbers.

Here's the problem. I haven't taken my Dad off of my speed dial - he's number four (heck some days I called him more than Scott and my sister combined - which means I probably should have mad him number 5, since 2+3=5). Somehow I can't manage to take it off. I know that if I should accidentally click on the number it's not going to go anywhere. I know that it's going to bring up a picture of him on the screen, and probably make me cry - but I really can't manage to take him off my phone.

Part of me thinks it's ok to leave it - my brain knows not to dial 4 (most of the time), it knows that other keys lead to the people that I can actually talk to. And what if I change it and start dialing all the wrong people - think I'm call up my sister at midnight here/9pm there and accidentally call my boss? It could be speed dial anarchy - and no one wants that.

But then I think, maybe it's time for a change, shake things up a bit - maybe bump Scott down a number or two, perhaps I should put my good friend that I never call enough higher up. And maybe I should leave a few open, what I haven't met my number one or at least my new number four?

Current Music: All Good Things - Nelly Furtado

It's Been a While

"Forgive me Internet, for I have sinned - it's been a month since my last blog post."

I'm still here. I'd like to tell you that I've just been so busy with the holidays and things, but in reality (with the exception of making a billion holiday cards) I've been reading, watching a lot of tv and generally lazing about.

Since it's been a while I'll give you the highlights:

- Thanksgiving was good, fairly uneventful. But it was the beginning of a downward trend; the stress of buying presents, getting plane tickets to go home for Christmas, thinking about what Christmas would be like without my Dad there, etc.

- A tree almost fell on the house the other day. High winds took out a huge chunk of my favorite tree and missed the house by inches. It did manage to ruin a fair amount of the fence and part of the gutter - but nothing too serious. Happily it happened on the one "warm-ish" day last week so it wasn't too horrible to clean up (not that I did any of it, but I'd hate for the tree guys to freeze).

- I've been in California for the last 6 days, I've done little to nothing and yet barely had time to see friends. Though I can honestly say that I've already had my fill of family and am seriously looking forward to my flight back east.

- It has been grey, rainy and generally shitty weather 5 of the 6 days that I have been home. Apparently California didn't get the memo that I come here for the sun. Also, my Mother has decided that the house is warm enough at 55 degrees. I've been freezing cold for all 6 days - though I'm looking forward to a thaw tomorrow (I guess we turn on the heat for company).

- Since Hanukkah is so late this year, Scott and I are celebrating it here - which is strange, since it's always been our personal celebration, but good strange. My nieces have been learning all about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa at pre-school so they are really digging lighting the candles and playing dreidel, and I think Scott is enjoying sharing it all with them. I'm a bit jealous that it's no longer something that is only ours, but we're all having such a great time creating a new family tradition that I expect I'll get over it.

- Scott and I are on the verge, of what I don't know. But I know that neither of us are handling the stress of losing my Dad, the holidays or the problems of the economy very well. I expect we'll be fine if we can get through another couple of months, but it's making an already bad time even worse.

- Even on that verge of what ever it is, we are seriously starting to consider moving. I have no idea how we will pull it off financially, but if the economy in Michigan continues it's ride to hell in a hand basket then we're loading up the truck (again) and getting out of Dodge (no pun intended, but my Dad would be proud :-). I'm thinking Seattle or Portland, possibly Philly - my only requirements for me are a big city, near water and at least a 1-2 hour plane ride from my family.

- On the Dad front, I'm not really feeling Christmas. I didn't decorate the house, I barely bought any presents, and if my Mom hadn't made me come out to California I doubt that I would have left home.

This sort of sums it up nicely (well except for the warm and fuzzy ending):



And oddly enough, the Grinch was always one of my Dad's favorites, so maybe that's a good sign. I'm hoping for a better Christmas next year - but not holding my breath just yet.

I'm off to bed (it's the only warm spot in the house!) - so I say to you, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and/or Happy Kwanzaa!

Do You Believe?

So, do you believe in angels? I never really thought I did, maybe I still don't - I'm not sure.

Why do I ask? Because I think I met one today.

I was driving along the river today, and I saw what looked like a Navy ship docked in our little "terminal". I couldn't quite see what it was at 45 miles per hour, so I flipped around and pulled into the parking lot. Even at a stand still I couldn't figure out what type of ship it was (at least I know not to call it a boat anyway). So I grabbed my camera, thinking I'd send it to my Dad and ask him what it was, when I realized that I couldn't (it's those little moments that suck). I took a moment, regrouped and then got out of the car to take some pictures anyway. I figured that I'd show Scott, maybe he would know.

Just as I was getting back in the car a big truck pulled up and an older gentleman waved me over. I figured he needed directions or something, I was wrong. He had seen that I was taking pictures and so he started telling me that the ship had arrived this morning, that it was the recently commissioned USS Freedom, that it was here to be fitted with some of it's artillery at our Coast Guard station. Then he proceeded to tell me about the special coating on the hull and all the other "stealth" features. I started to laugh to myself - this man was telling me all the things that my Dad would have known and would have been telling me!

So today I believe in angels, because today I was having a bad day and today my Dad came to tell me that it was ok.

Current Music: I Have a Dream - ABBA (everyone needs a little ABBA now and then!)

The Number is Up

A while ago I wrote about my Dad's days being numbered - today his number came up. My Dad is gone.

I was about to walk out the door for work when my sister called. Now it's never a good thing if my sister is up at 6:30am (on so many levels), so I wasn't expecting anything good - but I wasn't expecting this. How do you prepare yourself for that?

He hadn't been feeling well for a while, he'd been light headed and short of breath and he went to the clinic (the special post-transplant clinic that took care of him) - but both times he went they said they couldn't figure out what the problem was and they sent him home. He was having problems, but we didn't expect this.

I'm trying to remember that these last two years, since his transplant have been borrowed time - just extra, special time. But mostly I'm just in shock and feeling incredibly lost.

We're headed home to California for a week to take care of my Mom. Thankfully my sister has done what she does best- she took charge of everything and most of the basic details are covered. I'll be gone for a bit, but I'll be back.

Current Music: Solitude - Billie Holiday