Chasing my tail...

Chasing my tail is all I feel like I've been doing lately.
As soon as I finish one task another is waiting right there in the wings for me to begin. Mostly this is at work: good things, but still lots of change and lots of new, and it's all just A LOT!

I wanted to stop long enough to share somethings I am thankful for even in the midst of crazy chaos:
1. Baby L
Just him in all of his precious, amazing, miraculous self. He is such an amazing blessing. He is saying SOOOO many new things these days, I haven't actually tried to count them up, but I think we are at 75-100 words he says now. At least 30 he uses all the time and has very solid meaning for/with.
He has even begun the slow path towards potty training byes not ready to be fully committees to training (he still can't tell us when he needs to go, and I think he is still working on figuring out that sensation is the need to go). But he has urinated in the potty at least 4 times now (just by luck when we sit him on it) and he has had a BM on the potty once because Steven realize he was trying to go, so he acted fast and put him on the toilet) an he is getting very comfortable being on the potty, all good signs!
2. For the Summit Church. We so love our church family, it's such a great place and I'm very happy we get to be a part of it. Also, our small group, great people and great fellowship on Sunday evenings.
3. This weekend Steven travels to Houston to compete in the Texas state Bodybuilding Championships. I'm proud of how dedicated he has been to this hobby, and that he gas seen it through to a competition. I am also very ready for this show to be over and behind us so we can get back to some semblance of a normal family life. This extreme dieting and crazy demanding training schedule has been hard on ALL of us.
4. Next weekend (10/29/10), my mom, both sisters and I are heading to Canton, TX to go to First Monday's trade Days. If you don't know what I'm referring to, google it. It will blow your mind, guaranteed! Best. Shopping. Ever!
5. Today I began a new bible study with my teacher bible study group. We are studying "Battlefield of the Mind". I think its going to be a great study, and a wonderful time of fellowship for us all. I love my girls at work!

I love Fall!

Fall is my very favorite season. I love the cooler weather, the colors, the decorations. I'm not a big sports fan, but I even get pretty pumped for some college football on the weekends, especially since the HOGS are having a good season (for once).
This past weekend we (mom, Steven, Baby L and I) made our annual trip to the Pumpkin Patch in Mayflower, Arkansas, about 25 monutes from our home. And, as usual, we had a blast!

Writer's Block

I'm not sure about other bloggers out there, but I feel like some life events are just TOO important to not blog about. However, some things happen, and I don't really want to talk write about at that time...I guess I need time to process a bit before I rehash some things.
So, when one of this events happens, and I'm not quite ready to blog about it yet, but I still feel it must be included for this blog to really be an accounting of my life, I tend to enter a "bloggy holding pattern". Nothing goes in or out so to speak :) This is where I have been for the last month: Writer's blogger's block.

The event that I had to be ready to share before I could begin blogging again was Baby L's most recent court date. We went back to court on Tuesday, August 31, and this was set to be our adoption finalization hearing. As several posts had indicated leading up to that day, we fully thought we would leave court that day a forever family. All of our family we wanted present in court with us had taken off work, and were planning to be there. My mom and I had a full party planned, venue (the country club pool) was booked, decorations were bought, cake was ordered, email and Facebook invitations had been sent, we were all systems go.
Then, the Thursday prior to court, I got a call from L's adoption specialist late that afternoon. The DCFS attorney had been to the clerks office that say to submit our final intent to adopt paperwork so all would be in place for the hearing four days from then. When he gave the clerk the forms she informed him that he could not file an adoption intent on an open case. He replied that the case had closed on March 16 with the TPR. The clerk then informed him that an appeal had been filed by mom's attorney on June 22. So, this is still an open case. Therefore, we can not finalize.
I took the news really well...I actually never cried. I was surprised, I mean I really thought it was going to happen once we got down to two weeks and everything was still on target. But, alas, it wasn't time. And I took great comfort in knowing that even though we were surprised, that God was not. He knew all along. He knows when it will happen, it will be at the time He has ordained, and not a moment before. I also felt better knowing that for Baby L, this finalization is really not that important. I mean, nothing is really going to change for him. Well, he will have a new last name, but he doesn't know his last name now, so I don't think he will notice :). His school will be the same, his family will be the same, his church isn't going to change, his home will remain, as will all the major people in his life. This will just be a date we celebrate each year, but it won't matter to him if its August 31, or any other day. The ones who were majorly impacted by this delay is Steven and I. Its our security that will change once we finalize. And we do want that knowledge that L is ours forever, that NO ONE can come and take him; but this is also a good lesson in putting our trust in the Lord, because we are having to look to Him again for security, not a court system.

God is so good, and so faithful.

And I'm back, rejoining the bloggy world. I'm still busy, so I won't post all the time, but hopefully at least once a week now that my "bloggers block" is over.

Even MORE "adult" stuff

Friday brought even more of that junk I hate about being a grown-up. Having responsibilities, having to make things happen, having to take care of stuff. You know, like maintaining a house, and paying bills.

My car broke-down. It won't run. It will start, but it won't stay on, unless you give it gas, and keep the rpms above 2000. As soon as you come off the gas it dies.
It had choked out two other times recently, so I wasn't totally shocked when this happened, but the other two times it started right up in the second try, and stayed on, and this time that was not happening. It was a bit embarrassing, I had my three grade level cohorts all piled into the car with me, we were heading to lunch on our break from a day of boring professional development. And I got out of my parking spot, then could get no further...after many attempts at starting my car, we decided we should take someone else's vehicle. But mine was in the middle of a parking lot, so my lovely coworkers had to get out and PUSH my car into a parking spot!

So while we drove, I called Steven and told him once he was off work he needed to come to the school we were at for the PD and help me get my car situation worked out.
He arrived, and we got my car started,and he even drove it around the parking lot, but if he came off the gas at any point, it died, so obviously we were not going to be able to drive it home, since you can't plow through stop signs, red lights, and corners at a minimum of 20 mph. So we called a wrecker. Many hours, and $100 later my car is at the service station we like to use here in Maumelle. Saturday morning our mechanic looked at it and said it was some valve or another, that has to do with idling and keeping the fuel pressure up when your not accelerating. So he has ordered the part, and it should be in Monday morning, and he said he should have it all fixed up by Monday afternoon. Not sure home much its going to cost. Not more than few hundred I don't think...but I'm praying for as low a cost as possible.

I thee Wed

On this day, five years ago, Steven and I exchanged vows, and began our lives together.

We have 'had and held';
we have had some 'better' times (really some awesome times)
and some 'worse';
we have yet to be 'rich' but we have built a comfortable life together,
we may soon learn to be 'poorer' together, when we start paying for Baby L's daycare!
We have thankfully not had any SERIOUS 'sickness', but we have cared for one another through minor illnesses,
and we have learned to be grateful for our health, and to use this gift of life to try an make a difference for the Kingdom of our Lord with our lives.
We have and do 'love' and 'cherish', and though we have taken one another for granted and failed to always do what God wants us to do for each other, we are each continuing to grow and learn how to meet the others needs and growing in our marriage and our roles as wife and husband.

We hope that we have a lot of life ahead of us, to continue sharing our lives and growing in our love for the Lord and one another, before we get to 'till death do we part'.

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I love you with my whole heart Steven, you are my husband, my partner, my friend. I am thankful to being sharing life with you, and to get the face the world with you by my side. Thank you for letting God be the author of our lives, and stepping out in faith with me, to enter into this adventure of foster care, to build our family (in a non-traditional way), and to be open to sharing our lives and home with children in need.

The day is drawing near...

...when we will be able to call Baby L our own. The day when he will go from being our foster son, to our son. I am so excited, and in just complete awe of this amazing journey God is taking us on, of this unique way we are getting to create and grow our family, and of Baby L himself. He is an incredible blessing.

We are scheduled to be in court Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 8:00 am, for the adoption finalization hearing. Our families will be able to join us in court this day, and it will be a great day. One we will remember for the rest of our lives, the day we will become a forever family.

On a side note, I have a prayer request, sort of related to this. Once our adoption of Baby L is finalized, he will be completely our responsibility, which IS what we want. But this includes is becoming our responsibility to pay for his daycare (all foster children get vouchers to cover their daycare expenses). This will be about $400 a month ($100 a week approximately) that has not previously been in our budget. We WILL make it work of course, we are trusting the Lord to provide for our needs. It just doesn't "feel" like we have an extra four hundred dollars a month right now that isn't already going to something else...we are praying for God to give us provisions and wisdom for how to use what He has already blessed us with, so that we can meet the needs of our family.
Also, prayers for our court date, that things will progress to that day without issues, and that God's perfect will and plan will be done in making Steven, myself, and Baby L a forever family.

Sick...still

Baby L is so, so very sick. Stool samples were taken today to tell us if he has gotten a bacterial infection into his intestine or if this is just a serious gastroenteritis that has hit him really, really, really hard...he has had constant, watery diarrhea since Thursday morning. He was vomiting continually until we got Zofran for him in the ER Saturday...he also got fluids then for dehydration. We got home and the diarrhea got worse, and his poor little bum is sooo raw, its bloody on the surface with such irritation. Steven and I then took him back Sunday because I realized that even after two boluses of fluids Saturday he had still not had any urine output. We sat in the ER and pushed liquids down his throat for 4 hours, then finally got about 5 ozs of urine. They sent it to labs and attempted IVs anyway. This IV he infiltrated and his poor little arm swoll up. We finally got sent home, with out a second urine output, but with a very hydrated, and worn out (and angry) baby. Then, today, we are still not getting urine, he is like a diarrhea faucet. He literally has another dirty diaper within 3 minutes of getting one changed. His little bottom is SOOOO raw its horrible. I decompensated today during a diaper change, after he had just vomited, and was shrieking because of how painful it was to have his diaper area cleansed and remedicated. He began shaking moments later, and I couldn't get him to stop. I lost it, I thought he was going into shock. I was so worried, Steven and I went and got my mom from work and went back to the hospital. I am still not sure they are taking me as serious as I think this is...but he is doing just a tiny bit better this evening.

We have a new plan of attack to try to help his bottom heal. And we are actively pushing lactinace granules into him with food and drink to try to help restore the natural bacterial flora in his gut that this illness has flushed out (with the help of the antibiotics he is also on to treat the ear infection he has right now as well). We have actually gone about and hour this evening between diarrhea diapers, which is amazing compared to where we were earlier today.

I would really appreciate some prayers for Baby L to feel better soon...its so incredibly hard to watch your child be so sick, and miserable and not be able to do anything to help them. Specific things to pray for are that his bottom would begin to heal and not be so raw and painful, and that the alveoli in his intestine be able to regrow quickly to help slow down how fast everything is running through him.

Daddy('s) Day

Baby L woke up at 3 am this morning fussing and not happy, so Steven and I decided right then that he didn't need to go back to daycare yet, then we had a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would stay him with him this time...just kidding, Steven said he would so I could get back to my students...because, you know, he's a great husband like that!

So Daddy and Baby L had a sick day today together. I think they both enjoyed the one on one time. And both took a morning nap. But, while L took his afternoon nap, Daddy scored himself some points by unloading and reloading the dishwasher, and putting away two loads of laundry. I'm not quite sure what his angle is on this yet...I am sure he is wanting something...but if he continues helping out around the house like he has been, he is well on the way to earning whatever it is! :)

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On a different note: Baby E, our first foster son, who now lives with our dear friends the Erwin's (aka "The Middle Mom"--google her) had his TPR hearing scheduled for today. I have been praying so hard for the courts to do the right thing in this case...what that is is not for me to decide, but I know the Lord has a great plan for sweet little E's life, and I have such a great fear that if he returns to his mother, it would be the last chance the courts had to save him, that the next time he is brought in to the ER by his mom, he will be dead. I know that is horrible to say, and to even think about, but it is really what I am fearful of for him.
Anywho, the courts decided not to let the hearing today be TPR, instead they gave a continuance, and said the TPR would be in July. I know to many that sounds like a loss for our (the foster parents) side, but trust me, as a foster parent: hearing that things are just going to continue as they are, and that your sweet baby is not leaving, at least not yet, is always a win!

The "Curly Slide" Park

We took Baby L to a park near our home Sunday afternoon. We always refer to this as the "curly slide" park because there is a big curly slide on the equipment...as well as lots of other slides and fun stuff.
L seemed to really like the smaller slides, so then we decided to see how he would enjoy the big (like 3 loops) curly slide. I took him up and Steven waited at the bottom. Steven said he came down on his back with a huge grin. So I took him up again, and told Steven to take a pic of him as he came down this time...so he did, and this time, L tried to grab the side and got himself turned around, then he leaned back, I guess because he was uncomfortable going down backwards...any who, this is the pic Steven captured, as L is about half way down, backwards, feet up in the air, probably pretty freaked out :)!!

Sick, and a night terror

Blah...
I woke up Thursday with a yucky cold, and L and I mostly stayed in bed and slept and Friday (with the help of some DayQuil) I was able to go to Oaklawn for the day, and felt good...but today I woke up and feel really cruddy again, and DayQuil is not doing it for me this time. Steven was good and took L and let me sleep most of the morning, once he got back from the gym. But this afternoon we got up and around and went out to run some errands, and it was not pleasant, we bickered the whole time...I was picking and annoying him (sort of on purpose, but not because I wanted to annoy him, just because I was in a foul mood myself), and he was not pleased with me.

Hopefully a good night of rest, and the antibiotics I have started will help me feel better tomorrow.
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On an unrelated note, Baby L had another night terror Friday night. (as I'm blogging this, I'm realizing I never blogged about his first night terror...it was on 2/11/10, in the midst of the month of craziness, when I hardly blogged at all. Any who, it was a super scary event, Steven and I were both freaked out and didn't have any idea what was going on, we had fears L was having a seizure or a stroke, and we drove to the ER at ACH at literally 90mph! Night terrors ARE NOT nightmares, the name is deceptive, if you are not familiar with what a night terror is, you can go HERE to learn more.) Well, this time, the night terror was not nearly such a big thing. I think this one was less severe, and also we knew what to do, and how to handle the situation, so it was not scary, and it was all over in less than 10 minutes. Much better than last time, and a relief to know that we are able to handle it when this happens.

Snow Day

School was canceled today...which was a big bummer for me. I was already scheduled to be off, Steven and I were planning to take Baby L to appointments during the morning, and then spend the afternoon getting ready for his birthday party...which is now canceled. Booooo Hissss on this winter weather! It has ruined MY Baby L's party and fun time.

*The pic above is not my own, I stole is off of a local news stations blog...but I do have a beautiful cardinal living in my yard.

New toy...Christmas exchange

Last weekend, while at Brooke's apartment helping her do some things, Baby L got a hold of my blackberry. I never let him play with my phone, for just this reason, he played with it, while I was unaware, and crawled around with it (screen down) in his hand. He go the screen all scratched up, and messed up the tracker ball on it. The ball still rolls just fine and moves the cursor around perfectly, but it won't let me use the ball to click on things anymore, I have to put the cursor over things, then find the enter button and hit it. VERY ANNOYING! So I stopped at the ATT store yesterday to see if they could fix it. Of, course, they couldn't. The girl told me I could make an insurance claim on it though and ATT would fix it, or replace the blackberry (likely with a refurbished one). This would take a $50 deductible though, grrrrrr. She then noticed on my account I was eligible for an upgrade, and I could get an iPhone for just $99...
Did I need an iPhone though? I just got an ipod for Christmas, it would be dumb to have both, and iPhone are more fragile than blackberries.
I went home and discussed it withe Steven. And pulled out the receipt for my ipod, I had two days left to return it for cash...so that's what I did. I went to Walmart and got back $165 for my ipod, then returned to the ATT store and got an iPhone for me and one for Steven.
We are having a lot of fun with them so far, really neat little gadgets, very different though than our blackberries, or any other phones we have ever had...it'll take a little while to get used to it I'm sure.
I have ordered otter box cases for both of us, these are supposed to make your iPhone practically indestructible. They are super expensive ($50) for a phone cover, but I found them on eBay for around $30, and decided they were worth it to make me not worry about braking the darn things all the time.

Full Plate...

I do feel like I have a full plate lately, but I also feel like my cup runnith' over.
I'm feeling especially good tonight, feeling very blessed, in spite of the fact that my hubby got annoyed with me earlier and said a bad word to me...ugh hum, shame on him. But he is forgiven, even if he didn't ask for forgiveness (or even appologize...) because I'm in too good a mood to let it bug me. Anyway, I'm not perfect, and I'm forgiven, so I choose to share that grace with him tonight.

More to the point of this post...
So sorry for the lack pf updates. Over breaks, when I have more time to myself, I tend to do the opposite on my blog of what I expect to do. I think I'll have time to do all these great posts, then I end up posting nothing. I think its the lack of structure in my days that makes me get so behind on posting.

Never fear though, I have figured out been taught the sneaky trick of changing the dates on my posts before I publish them (thanks Hilary for the info)so I do have posts to write on the holiday and break and such...everything after Christmas Eve is still to come.
Actually, as I am typing out this, rather long, post I am discovering the reason I am so behind...I love adding pictures to my posts, but THAT takes time. Just typing and blabbing on is easy for me, its the editting, uploading, and formatting of photos into my posts that makes it so time consuming. But I love having the pics in as well, and I have a few great ones from Christmas especially, so I will work on them...when my plate is not quite so full.

To Do List (besides my REGULAR stuff I do all the time):
-Prepping for Lauren's baby shower I am hosting on the 23rd
-Prepping for Chelsea's baby shower I am cohosting on 2/6/10
-Making crafty baby gifts for both
-Getting together gifts and such for both (I'm considering trying my first diaper cake...)
-trying to find a venue for L's B-Day
-prepping for a B-Day party for L
~there is more, I just can't remember it all right now, and I'm too lazy to go retrieve the official "to do list" from my purse...

Christmas Gifts

Baby L got TONS of great new toys for Christmas!

And, best of all (in my opinion, ugh-umm, I might have picked it out myself as well...) was the Scout toy by Leapfrog. This little guy is so cool because I hooked him up to my computer and programed him, he says Baby L's name to him, he talks about dogs, the color orange, and avocados (all favs of L's) and he sings the songs I program him to. Very cool!
Steven and I also got many really cool gifts as well.
A couple of mine I am most excited about are:

My new iPod Nano, with the Vera Bradley carrying case.

And the new, huge, crock pot!
My dad also gave us all (Steven, me, Brooke and Justin) the same thing...a trip!Next June he is taking all of us on a cruise! Yipee! I love cruises, we will leave out of New Orleans, and visit two ports in Mexico. It will be 5 days and nights of Caribbean bliss, and fun with family.

Lastly, its a thing in my family, to give Christmas ornaments that are symbolic of important events or things of the year. These are always special gifts, that I look foward to opening, and especially love giving. I have even begun giving meaningful ornaments to my coworkers (3 other partner teachers in 3rd grade whom I am very close with). I just love that they are symbolic of the year past, and a keepsake, and just so fun.

This first one is the one from my mom for our trip to Hawaii over Spring Break: This is the one from my mom for Steven and I for the journey we began this year, as foster parents. I love that it is a quilt background, that is so perfect for the way God is piecing together our family.
I also gave our family two very special ornaments this year, but you will have to go here to see these.

Christmas Day

At around 8 am our family all arrived to our house to open gifts. We all had a great time and enjoyed each others company so much. Its been a big year for everyone in our family and we all reminisced as we opened gifts about the milestones and events of the past year.

Oliver was acting weird all Christmas morning, we joked that Santa must have scared him when he visited the night before!
Brooke and Justin (the newly weds).
Galen looking handsome in his new hat.
Mom was excited about her new game.

Later in the morning we all headed over to my grandparents house here in Maumelle for lunch, there were like 17+ people squeezed in, and it was great!

Christmas Eve

Our Christmas Eve was wonderful this year. We began the day by having over Steven's family for lunch and visiting. Chris, Cathi, and sweet, new baby Sadie came. As did Steve and Suzi (FIL and MIL) and Meliss with Dakota (our 3 month old nephew), and his aunt and uncle Tanya and Gary, who are also foster parents, and they brought their three beautiful kiddos.

We all had a nice time visiting and the food was good (patting myself on the back, and thanking Kevin from Benson's Catering for the fabulous smoked Turkey). Gifts were exchanging, and fun was had by all, except poor Sadie, who was not feeling too well that day, as you can see here:
She was mad at Uncle Steven here, but would have been similar with just about anyone with that gassy belly!

Everyone stayed over for several hours, and when they all left Baby L crashed! He was pooped, he had so much fun playing with all the kids! While he napped, and Steven wrapped his last few gifts, I left and went to Christmas Eve church services with my family, then came home, bathed and fed the boy, and Steven passed out all the gifts (that were delivered to our house right after church).
Brooke and Justin's pile:

Mark, Lauren and Caitlyn's pile:

Steven, Baby L, and my pile:

And Mom and Galen's pile:


To see Baby L playing among the piles, go here.

Sorry for the lack of updates...

...but I left work early last Friday, with a vomiting little boy, then over the weekend, he made Steven and I sick as well. We both stayed home from work on Monday, sick as dogs.

So I haven't been up for too much blogging, or picture editing, but I do have a several of Baby L from the wedding that I wanted to share...

To see more of these cute piggies in the sand, you'll have to click on over here.

"I missed you honey!"

Those words I did NOT hear from Steven while I was away from Tuesday to Sunday in Florida for Brooke's wedding. He did say many times that he missed Baby L, and that he wanted us both back home...though he never said it so explicitly about missing me. But I knew he did, especially when I arrived home to find this:

That's right, its a 'Griswald Christmas' around these parts!

I know he must have missed me, a lot, because I had mentioned wanting lights outside the house a few days before I left town, and he apparently was listening...and taking notes, and when he goes, he goes ALL OUT!

To get the full effect, you need to watch the (short) video below. Turn up your speakers, yes, that is music you hear, blaring out of our house/lights, and the ones around the yard are blinking in time with the tune...pretty cool, huh?

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There are tons of pictures to come from the wonderful festivities in Florida...a teaser/previews can be seen below, on my Wordless Wednesday post...also, check my other blog to see several new posts (that I was sneaky and post dated) on Baby L.

Happy Things

Baby L did eventually have his visit with his mom on Wednesday, it was WAY late in the day. I really don't know much about it...I was at the daycare when the transportation guy dropped him off, he said the visit was "fine". I emailed his caseworker Thursday to ask about how it went. She responded saying she wasn't the one who supervised it, but she would ask and let me know. I haven't heard back from her.

I HATE visits. They are just no fun...I don't like the feelings, or the anxiety I get, but I have felt bathed in prayer. So thank you to all of our family and friends who have been praying for us, specifically for me and how I would (emotionally) cope with this change. It was hard, but I have felt the love, I'm doing much better today. Really I'm just glad to have the first visit over with, it was hard to broach this, I know it will get easier, and I won't get so worked up each time following (at least I hope I don't...I'll surely develop stomach ulcers, and a nervous tick if I go through that each time!).

So, in celebration of a new day, a new attitude, and love for my two favorite boys (Steven and Baby L), here are a few shots from our family pictures I just got in today!

A lot has happened...

...in the past year, since I wrote my first blog post!

What a great, busy, blessed, and amazing year it has been! I am so glad I decided to follow in my coworkers footsteps to keep a blog journal of my life. A place I can share stories, pictures, feelings, and all the other messy-wonderful things that make up my life with my friends, family, and complete strangers :).

This blog, and the story of my life it is chronicling, is such a testament to the love and grace of God my Father! I hope that with all of my life, including the parts I portray and share on this blog, I am honoring Him. He is my Savior, my King, and the Lord of my life. I can't imagine where my life would be all together if it weren't for God's hand and plan in creating and molding me into the person He desires me to be, but especially with all the changes Steven and I have encountered, sought out, and embraced in out lives this past year. When I first began blogging, being foster parents was something Steven and I had only discussed in passing, and not within the several years leading up to last fall. We actually had a tentative plan to begin trying to get pregnant ourselves this past summer, which we were discussing and anticipating at this point in our lives a year ago today.
But God, in His infinite wisdom, humor, and grace intervened; He made it clear that He had other plans for our lives. I don't know still what His ultimate plan is for Steven and I and the growth of our family. However, I can say,in complete honesty, I am okay with that. I trust my God to take care of us, lead us, and show us along the way what He intends for Steven and I to do with and for these amazing children we are getting the opportunity to serve. I believe we will adopt, likely multiple times, we may also at some point have a child of our own genetics, but whatever God has in store, I am so glad we have chosen to submit our lives to His will. I mean, who better than the God of the universe to make these decisions for us?