Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed

Because I feel like writing an essay.

How we doing? Are we well? I'm back to complain about Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed, because there are points to prove and potentially more than one person to please. You may remember its predecessor - a lovable-if-often-underwhelming escapade lacking in scope. Well good news - the trend continues!

Rayman Origins

Hurray for misleading screenshots.

Rayman Origins. It sat unopened on my shelf for six months. I should pay more attention to shelves.

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

Can you tell I've got a job yet

Time to conclude these solid, high definition gears of metal with Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker. This one was a PSP game - that's a fine recipe for success on the big screen I'm sure.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Apparently I was the only human being oblivious of Metal Gear Solid 3's existence when it was released. "It's the bestest PlayStation 2 game ever", said the press, "look at those green and brown textures, aren't they hip and rad?!".

Sure looks "hip and rad" to me... if you've never seen video game graphics before. Anyway here we go with part two of whatever - 2004's Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, the modern "HD" version for modern "HD" people.

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

Here's a franchise I've not bothered with - Metal Gear. And what better way to get acquainted with this nest of snakes than with Metal Gear Solid HD Collection, released back in late 2011 for Xboxes and PlayStations?

...actually I suppose the 1998 PlayStation release of Metal Gear Solid would be a better idea, but hey, here's the next best thing - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, thrown at PlayStation 2 owners in late 2001. I can't wait to save the day as Solid Snake!

Borderlands

Quick one.

Borderlands, the FPS/"Action RPG" crossover that was all the rage back in 2009 (and most of RAGE in 2011). The world likes this one. I don't.

Hebereke's Popoitto

This was localised. Honest.

Hebereke's Popoitto, also known as Popoitto Hebereke. Not something to challenge your voice box with but apparently something UK citizens should buy, accroding to Sunsoft circa 1995.

Retro City Rampage

But MDA cards can't do graphics!!

Retro City Rampage by Vblank Entertainment, here to teach us some important life lessons, such as why you shouldn't delay a game for countless months, and why GTA III on the NES might have been a more worthwhile project than creating a downloadable XBLA parody. Clearly a bastion of learning - we should be honoured to be in its presence.

Hebereke no Popoon

So how do you follow up an interesting, if badly timed non-linear platformer? By creating a falling block puzzle game of course! That's sensible!

Yes it's the return of the world's favourite intoxicated penguin; Hebereke no Popoon, a 1995 puzzle game released for the Super Famicom in Japan. It's a rare case of the arcade version being the lesser choice - treasure this moment, it doesn't happen often.

Forza Motorsport 3

"The definitive racing game of this generation".

Forza Motorsport 3, because life is full of surprises. Released in 2009 by Turn 10 for the Xbox 360, it's the definitive racing game of this generation and it's the definitive racing game of this generation. Old E3 quotes are fun.

Driver: San Francisco

Well isn't this a staple of originality.

Driver: San Francisco, built up the road by Ubisoft Reflections and released back in 2011. The most imaginative city in the world plays host to a super successful video game franchise - it's sarcasm overload, but could it secretly be a great game?

Ufouria: The Saga

Your name is Freeon-Leeon and you can swim on the water and walk through snow and ice.

It's 2013, and that means it's time to give animals alcohol. This year it's the turn of the penguins, as featured in 1992's Ufouria: The Saga, otherwise known as Hebereke. It's a game for the NES - the PAL NES.

Icicle Works

It's getting cold outside, so must be time to tell Paul Weller that the river Nile flows through ten African nations and much of the continent follows Islam. We've done this every year since 1986 but he just doesn't listen!

And what better way to celebrate the festive season than Icicle Works for the Commodore 64, a game completely devoid of icicles... and work. Great stuff.

Hard 'n' Heavy

Remember Great Giana Sisters, the world's most famous Super Mario Bros. clone? Of course you do - the internet won't let you forget.

But what about the sequel? This is Hard 'n' Heavy for the Amiga, converted, apparently, by a man without a name. We're off to a good start.

Edd the Duck!

Blog Squirrel, appealing to the masses.

Look, it's Edd the Duck!, a twenty-two year old Amiga game based on an old Children's BBC mascot. It's what the public wants. Maybe.

Castlevania

How topical.

Praise the lord for this miracle bestowed upon us. It's gimped Castlevania for the IBM PC, here to enlighten and enthrall the masses with its thought-provoking tales of video game wonder.

McDonalds Monogatari Honobono Tenchou Ikusei Game

In the days before blank-VHS manufacturer TDK hit it big in the video game industry with such timeless classics as "Westlife: Fan-o-Mania" for the PlayStation, they made McDonalds Monogatari Honobono Tenchou Ikusei Game for the Game Boy Color. It's a game who's name rolls right off your tongue... and onto the floor... after it's just been rejected from your stomach.

Bamboozle!

Television in the United Kingdom is a wonderful thing. Last night the BBC exposed the failure of the BBC to expose the failings of the BBC, and the news story was covered on the BBC for maximum exposure.

But for everything strange brought into this world, something strange must be taken away. Today is the day when digital switchover concludes, and with that, the end of the much-loved Teletext service. Bamber Boozler has just joined the unemployment statistics.

Sega Bass Fishing

The frightening tales of Dreamcast Collection for the Xbox 360 come to a close with Sega Bass Fishing, the game everybody wanted.

Space Channel 5: Part 2

Hey there space cats, this is Squirrel coming to you live with Space Channel 5: Part 2, third game in "Dreamcast" Collection for the Xbox 360. Why not part 1? Because that would make too much damned sense.