Still whining...

Thanks for the comments on the last post. I don't like to be a whiner, but I'm feeling whiny.

2nd IUI for this cycle today. Numbers weren't great either day. Oh well. Poor III. He sent me a text this morning after the drop off. "I don't think I gave good spooj today. It was a rough go this am." LOL. He's so eloquent. When I got there they told me it wasn't the best ever, but not the worst we've had. About 4 million total motile.

Anyway. On top of that I'm having some nether-regions issues. Some pain and discomfort. I don't know if it's related to the IUI or not. More likely, it's from one of two completely ttc-unrelated things. It could be from the hsv. I haven't had an outbreak in a very long time (I'm on suppressive meds for it). But I tend to get some nerve pains when I am getting one/have one/just got over one. Annoying. More likely, it's hemorrhoid related. Yeah, fun stuff... I've never been pregnant, but I still get the joy of hemorrhoids. Woo hoo! Even better, they tend to be internal. And joined by "fissures". So the result is nerve-like pains through my whole downstairs region.

So today I'm extra crabby. I am, however, on vacation for a week. So I can hang around and mope... I do have to make sure to do the dishes, so when III comes home he doesn't look at the sink and think "What did she do with her whole day?" At least then it looks like I did something...

My history...

I planned to post all day today, but I just don't have much to say.

I have yet to post my "formal" ttc history, so I guess I'll do that...

10/06 Married!
10/07 Decided to stop BCP (on our anniversary...)
2/08 "Pre conception" visit with GYN
5/08 Another visit with GYN re: mid cycle bleeding
5/08 u/s discovers small fibroid. Dr. says it has no effect on fertility.
7/08 at yearly exam, GYN refers to RE
7/08-9/08 weekly acupuncture
8/08 first RE appointment, set up fun tests
9/08 HSG, Endometrial biopsy, SA, blood tests- all "normal" Dx: Unexplained infertility.
11/08 IUI #1 w/C.lomid
12/08 Beta #1- Negative
12/08 No IUI due to holidays, still Rx C.lomid
1/09 Beta #2- Negative
1/09 IUI #2 w/C.lomid
2/09 Beta #3- Negative
2/09 On vacation during ovulation, so taking a break from meds and ART for a month
2/09-4/09 weekly acupuncture again
3/09 IUI #3, this time with B.ravelle
4/09 ...we'll see tomorrow...

Random thoughts....

• If I had a job that started later (or, even better, was part time!) there is so much I could do in the mornings. Work out, walk the dogs, play with them in the backyard, sit with a cup of coffee and a book to relax before heading out... and sleep later, of course! I spent a couple of minutes in the backyard with the pups this morning throwing a frisbee with M-dog. He was so excited!
• I planted spring bulbs in November- tulips and daffodils. The little green shoots started coming up a few weeks ago and have grown quite a bit. The last few days we've had a cold snap and it's been below freezing. I hope they survive! I've gotten a cold from all this changing weather, so I hope they are hardier than I am. It's my first year trying spring bulbs, so I don't know what to expect.
• I'm feeling a bit disconnected from III lately. Even when we are home together, I feel like we are doing completely separate things and on different wavelengths. I'm hoping to do a date night this weekend to reconnect.
• Speaking of... what the heck is up with movie tickets? I looked online this morning (something else I could do if I could get a later start in the morning) and at the 3D theater it's $11.50 per person!!! Even the regular theaters are $10! I remember we had the "dollar theater" in my hometown growing up. It showed second or third run movies, but I don't think second and third run theaters even exist anymore! At least not where I live...
• KB had this crazy procedure done last week to break up kidney stones she had, and she did not react well and is sick at home. Her husband even took some time off of work to take care of her. She is not the toughest trooper, in that she has a low tolerance for pain and discomfort, but this one has me worried about her. Send her some healing thoughts!!!
• While my late arrival to school got me a crappy parking space quite a bit away from the building, one of the back doors was unlocked (when you approach my school from the drive, you approach the back of the school, so usually you have to walk all the way around to get to the unlocked front doors... just poor planning...). The copy machine was working (it wasn't yesterday when I left) and there was no line. I had about half a period before the kids came, so I had some time to relax and drink my coffee... ahhhhhh.
  

Not so random- my IUI went a little more smoothly today. III's count was a bit lower but his motility was 4x higher, so that's nice. I got there a little early and so, amazingly, they called me a bit early so I was out by 5 minutes after my appointment was scheduled. Definitely more relaxing than yesterday. The nurse was nice too- she commented on how easily the catheter went in, and said "You're pregnant! I already know it." A nice thought, but I still don't have super high hopes. What I do have is cramps, so at least ovulation appears to be on schedule...

I hope all my IF blogger buddies are having a better day today- it seems like a lot of us are in a slump and having tough times and bad news. {{{hugs}}} to you all, girls!

Do you believe in miracles?

Because it's starting to look like that is the only way I'm going to get pregnant this cycle.

After over 1000 ius of FSH spread out over 8 days, I ended up with only one measurable follicle. Way to go, ovaries! Then today I went for my first of 2 IUIs (the next is tomorrow morning). After waiting for half an hour (I tried to be relaxed, but I had to get back to work by 10:43 to teach my next class...) because apparently they had more patients than they had rooms available, the nurse tells me (as I'm sitting there commando in my sweater and paper blankie) that III's numbers weren't great today either. I think she was being nice. While his count was nice and high, his percent motile was only NINE. Last time it was 41% and the day before that it was 62%. I can't remember the last time we had sex, and I remember when they did his SA they said it should be between 3 and 5 days since his last... *ahem*. It's definitely been over a week... so could that have influenced it?

Anyway, the point being that, even though I know it takes only one of each, with my one egg and his lazy sperm, it's looking like conception from this cycle is pretty unlikely. I was so bummed. I worked on not breaking into tears on the way back to work, since I had to get up in front of a bunch of teenagers and they're quick to point out anything they notice about your appearance. I called III just to say hi, and that made me feel a little better- at least not on the edge of tears. I got to school with ten minutes to spare, and was surprised by 3 former students who had come for a visit- one who had been quite needy and attention seeking as an eighth grader and who I felt like I had really helped and made a difference. (Unfortunately, they skipped class at the high school to come by! I scolded them for that, but considering my morning I was secretly pleased to see them for my own sake...)

I told the secretary I'd be late tomorrow morning and got a sub for first period. So I can sleep in a little and go straight to the clinic. I also arranged to have acupuncture this afternoon. I was hoping to go right after school, but they don't have an appointment until a little later. I was originally planning on going home, walking the dogs, and then going, but I think I'd feel rushed and that's the last thing I need right now... so I guess I'll stay at school, do some grading (my grades for this term are due tomorrow anyway) and go from here. Hopefully, I can still fit a walk in when I get home.

Insemination 1: check.

IUI today. (I have a 2nd one tomorrow.) I had a super chatty nurse. Not just chatty about stuff, but walking me through EVERY SINGLE STEP of the IUI. Granted, I'd rather that than the alternative I guess. (Like when I got my first facial. I had no idea what she was doing and she didn't tell me, so when she started squeezing my pores I was like WTF???) She told me she likes to inseminate
S L O W L Y to make sure it all gets in there and to make it more comfortable for me. I don't know how to explain it- it may be a kind of had-to-be-there thing- but it was humorous.

I feel bad for III with this process. Maybe I shouldn't, because I'm the one who has to go to at least 4 appointments a month and be poked and prodded and have blood taken and things inserted into me... but I do.

III was raised in a VERY religious Roman Catholic home. Sex was not discussed, aside from him being told as a pre-teen that, while his dad would always love him, if he had sex with a girlfriend she would not be welcome in their home. When he did start having sex (which wasn't until he was 24 years old- he was a virgin until 24!) and his mom realized it, she dealt with it by handing him a pamphlet on chastity. And while he's never commented to me on their take on masturbation, from what I've heard about Catholicism and knowing his family, I can certainly imagine.

So the whole getting-off-in-a-cup thing I think makes him uncomfortable. And I KNOW delivering the sample makes him uncomfortable. Hopefully this time was easier because he knew the process... But I think he just feels awkward about it. And it makes me feel bad for him. :(

Of course, I have a running tally going on for how many new people have seen my coochie in the past six months. (It's seven, in case you were curious.)

So today starts the "two week wait" as they call it. Here's hoping for a positive outcome.