A horoscope

I know a horoscope is the last thing you'd expect to find here, partly because the idea that our destinies are determined by the positions of balls of rock and gas millions of miles away is about as logical as thinking geese fly south because you drop a hammer on your foot. Unless you're an astronomer.

Astrology is known by the technical term  "stupid". Rest assured, though, that this is at least as scientific as what's in the paper every day. 

Taurus -- After today the saying will be changed: Stupid is as you do. 

Aries -- Wearing shoes on your ears is dumb, but no one can tell you that.

Pisces -- You might as well do whatever you want. You're going to be eaten by bears anyway.

Aquarius — Avoid any Scorpios with Ebola. Or anyone with Ebola,  really.

Capricorn — A town will be named for you. Unfortunately, it will be populated solely by zombies.

Sagittarius — You'll believe anything, so you'll take an unexpected trip when a leprechaun gives you candy. From Mars.

Scorpio — You will be stung to death. Oddly enough, by bears.

Libra — No one likes a smartmouth, you ignorant cow.

Virgo — Try wearing a kilt. What do you have to lose at this point?

Leo  — If you are what you eat, you will be 14 bowls of Chocolate Lucky Charms.

Cancer — Yep. You've got it. I honestly don't know how you didn't see that coming.

Gemini --Absolutely nothing interesting will happen to you today, but your identical twin will have a great time. 

The incredible arrogance of secularism

Most of us have heard the story of the blind men and the elephant. One feels its trunk and says the elephant must be like a snake, another feels its ear and says the elephant must be like a fan, a third feels its side and says the elephant must be like a wall, etc. Each is right to a certain extent, but none of them can put the descriptions together to make a coherent animal. 

The story is often used to show how each religion has a part of the truth but can't see how they all fit together. What the story never tells, though, is that there has to be an independent observer who sees everything to even know there's an elephant there. That's the position secularism has assigned itself. 

In effect, its role in the story is to tell the blind men that they're all right but there's no such thing as an elephant. 

It's just unbridled arrogance to place yourself in judgment not only of religious beliefs but of the very existence of God. It's essentially saying that God can only be the second smartest being in existence, because he's only there because you allow it. That's the kind of hubris that got Satan kicked out of Heaven. 

Hurt but not harm

One thing I was taught when I was in seminary was that God can't be hurt. I don't think that's quite true.  I understand the reason we were taught that, and I get and completely agree with what they meant. I just don't think that "hurt" was the right word to use there.

My wife is hurt if I just ignore her. If she says something and I dismiss it, she's going to be hurt. She won't be physically damaged, but her emotions will be distraught. In that sense, we hurt God all the time.

Damaging God, though, is beyond us, and beyond anyone. No matter what someone does, he can't make God any less God. He can only harm himself; he can't harm God.

That's a quick explanation of why it's better to say harm than hurt. It may seem nitpicky, but God deserves our precision.

Truth isn't relative

That's why I don't listen to the Avett Brothers anymore.

Let me explain. I used to like the Avett Brothers a lot, but one of their songs had the lines, "I believe the Good Book is true/What's right for me may not be right for you". The problem is that you can't believe both. They're mutually exclusive. One claims to contain absolute truth, and the other is a complete denial of it.

The statement, "There are no absolutes," is self-denying, because it is an absolute. That's like using the existence of gravity to prove there's no such thing as gravity. It just doesn't make sense.

I can say I don't believe in cars, but if I walk in the middle of a freeway I'll still get hit. Sayin' don't make it so, and our opinion of something doesn't affect its reality one bit.

In Soviet Russia ...

I think Yakov Smirnov-type jokes are hilarious. I don't know why.

+++

Hate

If a Christian's life is to be defined by an all-consuming, self-sacrificial love, is there room in it for hatred?

I think so,

If a person loves something, it's almost axiomatic that he should hate its opposite. To love freedom is to hate oppression. To love peace is to hate war. To love life is to hate death. You can't love something and its opposite at the same time.

Even beyond the logical problems there's the issue of loving what God hates. Some say that he can't hate because God is love, but that's why he has to hate. Because God loves marriage, truth, and justice, he hates divorce,lies, and injustice. Among other things.

And so should we.

Biblical morality and REPUBLIC OF DOYLE, or Why would I want to watch things that helped kill Christ?

For those who don't know, Republic of Doyle is a Canadian TV show set and shot around St John's, Newfoundland and Labrador. I've wanted to see if for years, but could never find a way to watch it outside Canada. When it showed up on Netflix a few weeks ago, I was very excited to finally watch it.

I liked the first episode a lot. I liked the setting, the mixture of mystery and comedy, and especially the fact that the main character, while had all the accessories of a cool private eye (black leather jacket, GTO, perpetual stubble, the name "Jake"), he was kind of a dork. The second episode made me uncomfortable, though and I turned thie third off almost as soon as it started.

I haven't watched it since, and I have no intention to. Why? In the case of RoD, it's an appalling level of sexual immorality. With most shows it's either that or a comfort with violence, lying, theft, blasphemy, or something else forbidden to Christians.

I know I have have very high standards, and I'm certainly not trying to be legalistic and insist that everyone think like me. I was a sailor before I was a pastor, and I know that people have interesting things under their clothes and do interesting things with them. I'm not a prude.

I also know some things have been forbidden by God, and that Christians shouldn't even think about those things, much less watch and be entertained by them. As always, I just want people to think. If we worship Christ, how can we love the things that helped kill him?

Five books plus one

I'm a reader, and I always have been. Other than the Bible, there are very few of the thousands of books that I've read that have had a profound effect on me and what I believe. Here are five.

1. The Screwtape Letters 

I've always said Mere Christianity was the book that led me to God, but this was the first Lewis book I read, and the one that still affects me nearly 30 years later.

2. Will the Real Heretics Please Stand Up 

It would be difficult to estimate the impact this small book, and the person who first loaned it to me, have had on me. All I know is that when I started this book I wasn't a Christian. When I returned it a week later, I was.

3. The Cost of Discipleship 

It's not just the gate that leads to life that's narrow. The way beyond it is, too.

4. The Ragamuffin Gospel 

This is a hard book to read. I don't like it because it's hard, but because it's true.

5. The Myth of a Christian Nation 

We're far too ready to claim this as a "Christian nation" without really thinking about what that means. In its most basic sense, "Christian" means "like Christ", and that's something this country's never been.

And here's a bonus:

Revolution in World Missions 

Jesus didn't just die for Americans. He died for everyone.

Terror, horror, and the gross-out

I like being scared. Not disgusted; you don't make something scary by adding fake blood. Like I told my wife, creepy is good, but gory isn't.

A long time ago, Stephen King wrote, "Always try to terrify. If you can't terrify, then horrify. If you can't horrify, go for the gross-out." The last one is obviously different, but for years I didn't know the difference between terror and horror.

I think the first thirty minutes of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining are some of the most terrifying ever filmed, and nothing scary happens. The atmosphere is just so oppressive that my nerves just get wound tighter and tighter in expectation. The fact that it stars Jack Nicholson at his creepiest doesn't help make it a ray of sunshine either.

The same movie has a good example of horror as well. When the woman in the tub turns out to be an old woman's bloated corpse, the very idea is horrible. It's something that we never wanted to see, and never want to eye again. It's repulsive, and that repulsion is the difference between terror and horror; terror is fear of something unknown, while horror is fear of something known.

What most things have degenerated into, unfortunately, is just gross. Too much of modern "horror" is just fake blood and guts, which derives directly from the slasher movies of the 1980s and indirectly from The Shining's corridors of blood. What few directors seem to learn, though, is that a drop of blood can be more effective than a corridor of it, and when it comes to gore, less is usually more.

At least that's my opinion.

 

What the stroke has done for me

More than three years after my stroke, I still can't reliably move anything but my eyes. It's a terrible way to live, and not one I wouldn't wish on anyone. But it's still taught me some valuable lessons.

First, by making me absolutely dependent upon other people, it's shown me that we're all absolutely dependent upon God. That's an idea that I've always given lip service to, but never really believed.

It's also taught me that eternity is closer than we think . There are several times when I've come close to dying, and I've got to be ready for it at any time. Again, that's something I've always said I believed, but it's really been driven home the last couple of years.

The secret of my success

Several people have asked me how I'm always in a good mood over three years out from a cataclysmic stroke. The simple answer is that I'm not, but it takes too long to complain.

Why don't I not worry more? I worry all the time; I'm a natural worrier. That's one more reason it's not useful to have a good -- if morbid -- imagination. But there are things worrying won't fix, and so there's no point in worrying about them. They just have to be endured.

The key is to know the difference. Some people don't, and can't turn their worrying off. I'm thankful I do.

Studded with hooks

I want to talk about The Messengers.

That's just a series I found on Netflix a few months ago. I have no idea who made it, or what network it was on. It wasn't even a very good series. But it had one thing going for a: it was very loosely based on the Book of Revelation..

And by very loosely based, I mean that it borrowed its terminology from there. It wasn't even remotely biblical; it's pretty ironic to hear a character solemnly intone "We can't change the Book of Revelation" when that's exactly what the show does.

The fact is, though, that that biblical language draws people (like me) in who should know better. The story is a typical save-the-world plot, and the religion that God apparently prefers is a by-the-numbers pluralistic hodgepodge. Still, each biblical word is a hook that digs in. We're dragged in despite ourselves.

The only thing that makes The Messengers special is this reliance on pop Christianity. It's enough, though, to pull in millions of viewers who wouldn't have watched twice. But sometimes you want real food and not just a hook.

I have a flag

About 15 years ago I was really into vexillology, the study of flags, so I designed my own. There was all kinds of symbolism involved, but I mainly just thought it looked cool. I still do.

You will borrow and not lend

in the Bible debt is a curse. It's a divine punishment. Now it's seen as part of the way the world woke. And that's true. It is part of the way the world works. What's less clear is why it's part of the way the Church works.

When Christian couple gets married, they're expected to already be several hundred thousand dollars in debt or to get that way as soon as possible. Then they're supposed to spend the next few decades paying it back. During that time they're expected to get even more in debt for luxuries they can't afford and most people can't even imagine.

Congregations get millions of dollars in debt for new buildings to draw people in, who will then spend the next several years helping pay them off. Of course, more people means bigger building in an ever-increasing spiral. It's in a pastor's best interest to grow the church as large and as fast as possible.

I'm not accusing pastors of having cynical or mercenary motives. The ones I've met were by and large good men who genuinely cared about the Kingdom of God but did what they were trained to. It's the strategy as a whole that's flawed and has left the country strewn with big churches with even bigger debts.

Both individual and congregational debt have the same effect. Instead of asking what we ahead do, we have to ask what we can afford to do,

Feliz cuatro de julio

That may be "Happy Fourth of July" in Spanish, but I'm not sure. I do know that this is the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and is widely regarded as the birthday of the United States of America.

Millions of hours have been spent arguing about the religious feelings and motivations of the Founding Fathers. I don't want to add to the fray; I just want to say two things and get out of the way.

Being a member, or even a regular attendee, of a church doesn't make you a Christian. And even if this was founded as a Christian nation, it hasn't acted like one.

Hatting love

Why do people get so mad when the love oF Christ is shown?

I don't think it's out of hate. Very few people seem to wake up and decide to hate others. Instead, it seems to come from fear..

People are afraid for themselves. They're afraid for their families. They're afraid for whatever they've built up that makes them feel secure, or that they won't have something they think they need. Most of all, I think people are afraid of life and of losing control.

But they don't have control anyway. Someone else is always in charge. And that kind of fear is a weapon of Satan, not God. Jesus didn't die to leave us in fear, but to free us from it.

The basis for all that anger is fear, based on a lie: if you do enough, you can be fine by yourself. 

Buddhism (not the Hollywood version)

Buddhism has become popular in the US in recent years, largely because of the influence of several Hollywood stars. However, what they espouse is just a watered-down, Americanized version.

It's not just a matter of having more good karma than bad; in Buddhism's various Asian forms, there's no difference between "good" and "bad" karma. All karma will keep a soul trapped in a cycle of death and rebirth. After sometimes millions of these rebirths, the soul may reach Nirvana, which is a state of perfect nothingness into which the soul is irrevocably dissolved.

Millions of years of pain followed by nonexistence: that's Buddhism in a nutshell. It's a philosophy of death, not a set of feel-good beliefs designed for rich white people. And it's completely opposed to Christianity.

Romans 13 and why it doesn't mean Christians should be in the army

I've never made a secret of the fact that I don't think Christians don't have any business killing other people. By far the most common objection I've heard to this belief that Romans 13 allows it. I have two counterarguments to that.

First, that's allowing those few verses to override the entire tenor of the New Testament, including the example of Jesus Christ himself. That's what cults do, and to elevate one part of the Bible as more important than the rest sets a dangerous precedent.

Second, that's not what it says anyway. Paul's epistle to the Romans was written to Christians in Rome, and is mostly in the second person. That is, it's as if he was talking to the Romans. At several points, however, he switches to the third person; he's talking about someone. He's not writing to Christians who bear the sword, but to Christians about people who bear the sword. That's a big difference.

Why do I think of myself as a Mennonite?

In my current state, I've a lot of time to read and to think. One thing I've thought a lot about is what I believe. Of all the denominations I've looked at at, the only one I've found that didn't read into Scripture were the Anabaptists (some of them, anyway).

In America, there are basically three kinds of Anabaptists. There are the Amish, who everyone has heard of. I couldn't be one of those because I like electricity too much. There are the Hutterites, who no one has ever heard of. I couldn't be one of those because I don't want to live on a farm in North Dakota. Everyone else, no matter how conservative or liberal -- no matter how closely they stick to Scripture -- is called a Mennonite.

There are about 40 million different flavors of Mennonites, and I haven't figured out where I fit just yet. As long as I can't move or talk, it doesn't much matter outside my head anyway. I just wanted to share what I was thinking a little.

Take a load off, man

The fact that one of the Ten Commandments is about rest tells me two important things. First, it tells me that God takes rest very seriously. It also tells me that people have always been so focused on getting stuff that they have to be told to take a day off. 

The fourth commandment says to honor God one day in every seven. And what does he demand of his people on that day? Not some special ritual. Not that we gather together to worship him. Not that we do anything at all, but that we rest. That we "do no work". This isn't something new that came in with the Law of Moses; it was based in the creation itself, on God's rest on the seventh day. Now, God didn't need to rest any more than he needed six days to create the universe. It was an illustration for his people, be they Hebrews in 1000BC or us.

People always want more, whether it's more money, more power, or more security. And they're willing to work for them. It turns into a deadly trap when we come to depend more on what we can get than on God. We get to the point that we're willing to disobey him to get a little more of whatever we're after. This temptation is so strong that a prohibition against it had to be included in the Decalogue. People weren't meant to work all the time. We're made to need rest, and because we won't take care of ourselves, God has to make us.