The lost case

I've been piling up a lot of frustration over the last three days, but I've been unusually calm. It's actually not a good sign. I felt terrified about when I was going to explode, who was going to face the slack and how badly it was going to end. I say a simple prayer everyday. "God, please give me the patience to control the urge of punching someone today. I don't think I have it in me to take a return blow." So, blogging about it seemed to be the best idea. I was getting my head around a nice and subtle way to put it out there, which surprisingly was taking my mind off the frustration. But, now, I'm not going to write about that, because I woke up this morning and the first thing I read was: Andhra court issues warrant against MSD. It stumped everything else out of priority.

Disclaimer: I'm obviously going to write totally against it, so, if you are not going to like it, please exit now and we can avoid a war of words later. 

Answers to FAIQs (Frequent Asked Irritating Questions):

1. Yes, I'm such a huge fan/admirer of Dhoni and that has nothing to do about my feelings here. Even if Gambhir/Yuvraj (my least favorite players from the WC winning squad) were in this position, I'd be totally against it. Maybe if it was Nehra/Munaf Patel, I'd still be against it, but, I'm sure I would've had a bit of a laugh too.

2. I belong to the same allegedly 'denigrated' religion in discussion here and I'm a staunch believer in God. But, NO, I don't feel that my religious sentiments are protected one bit more than the way it was before this complaint was filed.

3. No, I will not 'unfriend' you on FB even if we did argue over this. We probably just don't agree about this. It's fine with me.

4. I shared the 'The Hindu' version of this article because I didn't want to hurt the religious sentiment of my blog. Content is the religion of a blog.

To me, the first most disturbing thing about this news was that when more than 50% of the population don't even have time to read Business Today, there was one guy, who (1) saw this, (2) noticed the Reebok shoe among the many other things, (3) connected it to the prospect of handing God a shoe (the brand probably bothered him - Nike/Adidas fan?) (4) got his religious sentiments fatakkk-thattaak broken (Awwww!), (5) took time and effort to file a case (and money - mostly funded, because the character profile doesn't seem the spending-from-pocket type) and (6) the worst of all - DID NOT get thrown out of court. This last point, to me, is most frustrating.

Frankly, I want to file a few law suits too.

Did Dhoni really wear make-up and pose for Business Today or was it just a Photoshop thing? It kind of feels a bit of a let down if he did. My religious sentiments got a tad hurt. Well, cricket is kind of a religion, isn't it?

Suit 1: If he did, as a cricket fan, I want to sue him for wasting time instead of spending that time training for England.

Religious (cricket) sentiments: 1, Indian Cricket: 0

This news piece has got some media publicity because a celebrity (one of the top most) is involved. But, I'm sure there are so many cases like this one which puts so many innocent victims through a lot of pain and stress. People accused of rape will not be punished severely (because that's inhuman - rape is not), people who face massive corruption charges are released on bail and their arrival is celebrated as if they went to jail for freedom struggle (point to re-note here is that they were only released on bail, not cleared of the charges - ha ha, who am I kidding?) and they contest elections, people facing murder charges are in the VIP ward of a top hospital (heart attack - as usual to the rescue), thousands of such cases pending and this suit WAS NOT thrown out of court. Ah!

Suit 2: I want to sue the judicial system itself for spending the tax payers' money for this. Trust me, if they send force to England to bring him down here, I'm seriously considering it. 

Religious sentiments: 1, Judicial System: 0

So, who is this guy? Why does he take it for granted that he is the moral police of my religious beliefs. Who made him my religious sentiment hurt-level monitor? My religion is the probably one of my most personal business and why does he get to decide? And this suit WAS NOT thrown out of court.

Suit 3: I want to sue this guy who filed the law suit in the first place, because he has made it clear that the God I believe to be most supreme can become impure or whatever because he was handed a shoe. And that bloody, hurts my religious sentiments more than anything else. 

Religious Sentiments: 1, Common Sense: 0

When I mentioned this to a colleague today, the first thing he said was, "Didn't a pair of slippers rule Ayodhya (the biggest pain point  for over 2 decades in the country, in terms of religious sentiments) for 14 years?". And this suit WAS NOT thrown out of court. 

Suit 4: Issue arrest warrant to Sage Valmiki who conceived the Ramayana (or track the current living descendant) to clarify what happened there.

Religious Sentiments: 1, Actual Religious Values: 0

And this coming from an Andhra court. Isn't NTR literally considered as Lord Krishna himself? And, this suit WAS NOT thrown out of court.

Suit 5: I want to sue all those who used to perform prayers/arthi in the theatre, when NTR came on screen dressed as Krishna. I won't sue NTR, he undoubtedly pulled off the best on-screen Krishna appearances ever.

Religious Sentiments: 1, Ground Reality: 0

So, if slippers and shoes are such impure things, why don't you walk around without that? In the summer heat of Guntur, you can't afford that because your feet will turn in to pulp. So, you are degrading, no, denigrating shoes which actually feed lakhs of people who belong to the industry.

Suit 6: On behalf of everyone in the shoe making industry - Denigration, it is.

Religious Sentiments: 1, Self Respect: 0

But, what will we do? We have work to do. I have a release tomorrow and I'm writing this post instead of sleeping, only because I have to wait until QA signs off. We will worry about it when it happens to us. We will write blogs. We will post on FB. We will sit at home, in front of the idiot box, enjoy the game and complain that India doesn't play well overseas. We, are the Common Man. 

Suit 7: This lifestyle 'suits' me. Let me enjoy it, while I can.

Religious Sentiments: 1, Common Man: 0

If everyone starts suing for crap that gets printed on the media, TOI would be facing so many law suits that it will have to borrow some space from CNN-IBN to store some of the paper work. Dhoni is obviously not going to jail. But, some idiot down the line is going to keep filing law suits, because he got his psoriasis treated, but the habit of scratching something all the time stuck. A politician quips against severe punishment for rape that 'Boys will be Boys'. We will not sue him, because we are looking for a ticket in to the parliament and not out of it, right?

I'm halting there - abruptly. Not because I don't have anything more to say, but because the moment I decided that my prospects of surviving existed outside the peninsula, I lost my right to complain. All I can do is let out my frustration in the form a few sarcastic quotes. Once in a while, that NRI guilt creeps from the corner of the heart, whose existence I never knew of. 

And then, days like today happen. 

Doppelgangers

Yeah, you got that right. I just ended the two week HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother) marathon. For, those who did not get it right, long story short, a guy called Ted Mosbee sits down his kids and walks them through the story of how he met their mother. I just finished five seasons and so far they have shown only the legs, a yellow umbrella, a guitar, a toy bus and a book of the mother. So, 5 x 24 episodes are just about all the stupid things Ted does in the process of meeting their mother, including telling a girl on their first date that he loves her, getting a butterfly tattoo, getting dumped at the altar, turning into a blond and many more.

There is a concept in the series about how the gang meets each of their look alike at some point - The Doppelganger. I admit that it does sound stupid, but, I was impressed with an incredible explanation in the end of the fifth season. The doppelganger is nothing but the past us. All of us look back at some point and wonder, "How different would it have been if I was the same!" - the most amazingly ridiculous wondering ever.

The truth is that all of us including me have wondered or will wonder this at least once. The funny fact being, we wouldn't have changed at all. The moment we wonder about what has changed is exactly when the transformation starts. Simple reason - you only see the change you want to be.

There is one trait that every human being is blessed with - putting up an act. I'm not talking about role play. The best use to which this acting trait is put - the act of change. We have no one to blame because accepted is the fact that it take guts to go back to being the same lousy person after a failure. Of course we are all true to that attempt of bringing about a change until anxiety plays the spoilsport. Anxiety is most dangerous when it builds images of the future, one over the other and pins you down until you give up and say, "Screw it".

Typical follow phrases of Screw it include: One more cigarette; Gym definitely starting tomorrow, so, Dominos today; She needs me now, I'll be all cool from tomorrow; I don't think I love him/her; I'll study for the next periodicals; I promise to save from next month.

 

The result is we end up doing the very same thing we promised ourselves and a whole bunch of people that we wouldn't do ever again. That brings us to promise - the next in line killer, the characteristic of the vulnerable. Why promising is dangerous, especially if you are vulnerable, is that most often you aren't going to keep the promise. The result is the next in line - Guilt, where destruction begins. Even the so called mighty, the ones who don't break easily, get crumpled by guilt. Why its the worst is that, guilt, unlike the rest attacks the roots directly. Once found guilty, your confidence is shaken, and with confidence trembling, you who are standing on it, gradually fall down.

My point. People trying to change and by people, I am the first implication, should understand that change is not whatever you intend, but is that what eventually happens. No, not immediate fast food temporary change. The time period is undefined and differs depending on God knows what. But, it will happen someday and so, you will meet your doppelganger until which you might not even know whats different.

What good can come from taking an example of a stupid TV series? Of course the series has to be stupid. I don't think it would have gone past the pilot if the title was How I went to the Head of the Class. Getting real, everyone of us are Ted Mosbee, only, the object mother differs. What you learn in the process of finding the mother is what is important. Maybe that which separates the doppelganger from you is a wound that may never heal. The best part is that the wound is not something to cry about, but to be proud that you have come this far.

PS: I have a strong feeling that, in the end, Ted is going to tell the children that they are adopted. True Story! :P

Music - Technical & Blunt

Disclaimer
My thoughts and me are absolutely harmless. Suing would be absolutely unfair.

Warning
Keep away any fragile items. If you love your hair, I'd not recommend this one.

These days there is technology in everything. Especially, music and technology are intertwined is an understatement. Instances follow.

Human-Computer Interaction

If humans understood zeroes and ones (binary digits), there would be no need for programming languages (like C, C++) to interact with the computer. Binary digits are the nature of how a computer works.

Movie - Mozhi

Song
"Iyarkayin mozhigal purindhuvidil,

Manidharin mozhigal thevai illai."

Translation
If the language of nature is understood,
There is no need for human languages.

Common Admission Test

For the newbies, its called the CAT - something you write right, to get into the top B Schools in India. Once you get a clean shave in that, you are entitled to steal the best mermaids enlisted in Matrimonial websites.

Movie - Kandasamy

Song
"Meow Meow Poona, Meesai Illa Poona,
Thirudi Thinga paakiraiyae Dhimsu Katta Meena"

Translation
Oh Mewing Cat, Clean shaven Cat,
You are trying to steal a beautiful fish.

Redundancy (The best of all)

The concept is simple. Basically, it is an active and standby mechanism. One link is active. If it goes down, a redundant link takes up.

Movie - VTV

Song
"En idhayam udaithaai, nee norungavae,

En maru idhayam tharuven nee odaikkave"

Translation
You broke my heart into pieces.
I'll give you my other heart to break.

I waited for quite long, but couldn't find a fourth song yet. I'll try to keep adding to it. :P

PS: Just when you thought this was all. :) I've labelled this post as "Bluntest". It is derive from mokkai (PJ), in Tamil, meaning blunt.

Irritato Sarcastico

Warning

I started this post back in Feb 2010; post might have lost the little charm intended.

Go ahead at your risk.

Had J.K.Rowling given a bit of extra thought for a spell to cause irritation, I needn't have coined one. Some people have this trait, or talent should I call it; they can just make you want to pull your hair hard, jump from the terrace of Bhurj Dubai or pack your bags and move to Shawshank. You can't talk back. You can't return the nose cut. You just can't say anything. I'm sure you pretty much got the picture. I compared it to a spell due to the dense simulacrum in the working. Like Newton's third law, the irritato spell is cast and irritation kicks off.

Irritato can alter your moods in unimaginable degrees with ease. I had mastered that spell as a kid. When I look back, I can't but feel grateful that my family did not disown me. My batchmates from Lisieux would definitely agree with me when I say "I was an unbearable jerk". However, after a while, being a jerk got so boring. So, this is just a Knowledge Sharing Session of different ways to make the Irritato spell work.

NB: This is not about unintentional irritating, its planned execution.

From someone who has been at both ends of the Irritato at some point of time.

1) If your name rhymes close to some linguistic crap word, make a tune, and sing the name and the word alternately. (Dedicated to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, change your name.

2) You are listening to this hilarious story. In between the laughs, you add a statement you think will make it even funnier and the other person stops laughing the moment you say it and force a plain look. (Again, to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, you should have done that first.

3) Someone is focussed and working on something unaware about what and who is around. You walk slowly, casually behind the person, take your hands close to the ears and clap them together nice and loud.

Prep Measure: Well, be prepared to escape a chase or listen to a couple of curses!

4) You prepare noodles because your brother was hungry. You make enough for both of you, but your brother divides it in such a way that you get very little share. You offer him your share as well to kindle some guilt and he shamelessly accepts the offer and eats it completely. (Sorry Swathi! :P)

Solution: Sometimes, sacrifice sucks. Don't do it!

Traditional methods aside, a lovely way to irritate people is Sarcasm. It is a term that my friend Vivek introduced to me. Well, at that time I never used to get his jokes, leave alone the meaning of the word 'sarcasm'. Now I wonder how much I would have chased him around, had I been able to get him all the time. He claimed his flavor of sarcasm to be derived from Calvin and Hobbes (if I remember right). However, it was a lost concept on me until I got used to Chandler Bing's jokes and thats being sarcastic, the Irritato way! The enhanced spell now becomes 'Irritato Sarcastico'.

Janith and Me setup the TT table at the cafeteria. It was past 7 PM and most of the lights were switched off. After unsuccessful attempts to find the switchboard, we decided that we'd have to adjust without lights. We started playing and Ananth walked in.

"Hey guys! We need some light. Where's the switchboard?", he said as soon as he noticed the lack of lighting.

"Oh! We thought TT must be played in a dark room", I said.

There are times when people come and ask for it. You are planning a trek trip for the weekend with your colleagues. One of them cannot make it but is really willing to come if the trip is postponed to the next weekend. So, she comes up with the dialog, "If you want me to come, plan it for next weekend". And Ananth said, "Well, Sorry you cannot make it to the trek trip. Bye then".

Come to think of it, without the tinge of sarcasm and teasing jokes, there's very little fun in life. I regret that I used to be a spoil sport during my childhood. If only I had laughed through the jokes about me, I could have been on a roll getting back. The moment we start overlooking the irritating part, we would understand that sensitive retaliation will lead to nothing but lack of interest on us.

Add spice to lives. Tease, irritate and be sarcastic. Cheers!

Margazhi Special

Margazhi - Tamil month that falls between Dec 15th and Jan 15th

December has its own charm. Holidays, End of a year, christmas, Newyear, pending leaves taken at a shot and so many exciting stuff would always be round the corner. For me, December has always been a musical month. I can never forget the many years I've spent singing Carols in my school.

One of the biggest months for the classical music field, December sees the busiest of schedules in all sabhas and music academies. With all the tv channels telecasting concerts of various legends, the maamas and maamis of most homes catch every single programme so that they could go like this at a family function, "Avan ennama padaraan diiiiIIIIII?" (How good is he singing?), "Aruna Sairam odu Abang kettiya???" (Did you listen to Aruna Sairam's Abang) and "Maami, naan jaya tv mattum thaan paarpen" (Mate, I see only jaya tv).

I was never too much into seeing core classical music. But, I love to see different stuff that is quite out of the ordinary. My favorite year was when Star Vijay came up with an innovative show of legends performing in a fresh but fantastic experience of a mix of classical, devotional, tamil literature, classical based film songs and more.

Take a sneak peak at this video, where Hari ji sings Suttum Vizhi Sudar kannama from the movie kandukondain kandukondain. Its a Bharathiyar song that was tuned by Rahman. The natural portrayal of rain and nature in the video, blended with his majestic and silky voice made this one popular. The highlight of the below performance is when he compares the cry of a child to that of a raagam and sings that immediately. Hats off to him.

Long live Music and its maestros. :) Have a musical end to 2009!

Cost Cutting Techniques

The famous corporate term "Cost-Cutting" can be implemented in everyone's lives. A few techniques I recently employed are below:

Fun cutting
"Hey! We just went for a team-outing last week. Why don't we postpone our Pondicherry trip to September?"
(Never thought everyone around me are so broke. They accepted it wholeheartedly)

Inflation
"You wanted to buy a pair of shoes right? Why don't we hit the Adidas showroom in Spencers?", a friend asked.
"Hey! I checked it out last week. Nothing attractive. Why don't we go to Big Bazaar next week? Came across a sale on converse shoes!"
(Adidas Fans don't kill me!)

Fuel Conservation
"The doc advised me not to wear helmets. As it turns out to be, it is the root-cause for my hair fall. Planning to take the electric train to office soon."
(Yet to implement)

Health Conscientious
"A long time since we had Dominoes Pizza", my friend said.
"Hey buddy! On a strict diet. Sorry!"
(You guessed my reply as soon as you read the title, din you?)

Planned travel
"How come you got tickets to Cbe by train?"
"It seems ABT travels don't have an option for season tickets."
(For the frequency I use ABT, he ought to have given me concession)

Power Saving
The fact that I'm cutting short this post and switching off my monitor right away.