Eight Months Old

Teeth, crawling, and nursery time... oh my!

July 3rd marked 8 months for our little Lena and this month has been a month of milestones!  In mid June she began to crawl and has picked up speed ever since.  She also loves to pull herself to a standing position and spends a good portion of the day on her feet.  I don't think it will be long before she is walking! 

 She also had her first stay in the church nursery which she loved.  She is a VERY social girl and enjoys interacting with the other kids and playing with the nursery toys.  The nursery workers couldn't believe it was her first time since she felt so "at home". 

We had a family reunion and a professional photographer took pictures of all of the families.  We hadn't had professional pictures of us as a family since Lena was four weeks old so it was great to get some nice new pictures.  The down side of the family reunion is that every kid under the age of three got "hand, foot, mouth" sickness.  Luckily Lena's case was very mild and we only had a few sleepless nights. 

 Lena is talking up a storm and her babble is becoming more word like at times.  It is quite entertaining!  She also got her very first tooth this month and we think it is adorable!  We realized she was finally teething when she grabbed Dan's finger and bit down on it and Dan felt her tooth. 

 I am just so excited to spend my days with her that I sometimes actually get sad when she has to go down for a nap or for bedtime.  She is in a very regular sleep pattern now:  she wakes up around 6am, goes down for a nap from 9 to 11am and another afternoon nap from two to four with her bedtime being around 8pm.  I like the regularity of her schedule and I have realized now why so many mom's are protective of nap time.  As happy as Lena is she doesn't handle exhaustion well. 

 Next month we will have some formal growth statistics from the doctor but for how Lena is now in size two diapers, size 6-9 month clothes, and weighs around sixteen pounds.  This girl is growing!

Time for some HONESTY.. Welcome to my Pity Party!

I am usually the optimistic one.  When I get discouraged I look around and focus on others who have it worse than myself.  I watch inspirational videos on YouTube to encourage me in my struggles.  I try to focus on the positives in the situation rather than the negatives.  You know, I am one of those "glass half-full" kind of people.

A few days ago I posted and somewhat genuine post about my weight and fitness goals.  This is my personal blog and I feel the need to purge my true feelings on this issue.  You know, sometimes you just need to admit nice and loud how you truly feel and cry for a little before you move on like a "Susie Sunshine".  

My weight loss before picture which hasn't changed all that much. =

 I have had a tremendous struggle with my weight pretty much my entire life.  Years ago I accepted that it would always be a struggle for me.  In 2009-2010 (about an 18 month span) I had a huge breakthrough in my weight struggles and lost 80 pounds.  It was a TON of hard work and discipline especially considering the emotional struggles with infertility I was going through.  Then I had my first failed FET and then finally got pregnant with Lena.

My pregnancy was not easy but not the worst I've heard of.  I had horrible swelling and my doctor's advice was to stay off my feet  (not such great advice for someone trying to battle weight gain).  In the end after giving birth early due to preeclampsia and recovering from my c-section, I had gained back nearly all of the weight I had lost.  I had hoped that through breastfeeding I could magically burn of all of those unwanted pounds.  After all it worked for almost every pregnant woman I had talked to.  Ha!  After so many years of struggling with infertility I should have known better.  I had a milk supply problem and actually gained ten more pounds instead of losing any.

Just in case you wanted to see my super sexy side profile.  Ha ha!

Once the new year came around I decided to get serious about working on my weight issues.  I began my spin classes again and did several 5k walk/jogs a week.  I started cleaning up my diet and laying off the carbs.  I did manage to lose around 15 pounds or so.  Once summer arrived I decided I needed to get even more committed.  I now work out 10 times a week, eat no more than 1500-1800 calories per day, and watch my  balance of carbs, protein, and fat.  It STINKS that I have worked so hard for three whole weeks burning over 4000 calories a day doing all of this cross training to lose a mere HALF POUND!!!

(Here we go....)  UNFAIR!   UNJUST!!  WHY ME!!!  I'VE HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF STRUGGLES!  WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SUCH A BATTLE - AND A LOSING ONE AT THAT!??!

What is my body thinking?  Aye me...   My boot camp trainer after examining my food log and workout schedule just told me to keep on going, that I was getting stronger.  Stronger is great but I want to be SKINNY... or at least SKINNIER!  I am sick of being the fat one in class, or worrying if the lap bar will close on my gut when we ride the rides at Knott's, or worry about fitting into my airplane seat when we go to Hawaii in August.  Or what about living in my bathing suit for two weeks baring my thunder thighs and cellulite for all to see!

I feel naked, selfish, and shallow for posting all this.  There are after all people who are suffering MUCH greater tragedies than myself.  But I can't help but think that God cares how I feel today.  He doesn't mind my lament as long as it doesn't rule my heart.  He put Psalms of lament in the Bible for a reason right?  It is okay to be frustrated and cry in self-pity for a moment or two... or three.  That is honest communication in a healthy relationship.   I guess I just pray that by God's grace my lament can turn to yet greater determination to work hard and meet my goals.  If Jesus can turn water into wine can he not turn my fat into muscle???  I think so!

(Ahhhh... there's that "Susie Sunshine" after all...)

Perseverance, Patience, and a New Goal!

Around February of this year I made what I thought were practical weight loss goals for this year.  It has only been less than two years since I lost 80 pounds and clearly I've already forgotten that no matter my diet or how hard I workout my body doesn't always cooperate with my neatly calculated weekly goals.  It is hard not to feel deflated but after going back and looking at my weigh ins from two years ago I realized that my body does respond to my hard work in its own time frame.  I still don't understand why one week I lose eight pounds and the next two weeks I lose zero when I am consistent with my eating and workouts.  But I am learning patience and also learned to just accept that my body is weird and will not always respond the way I want it to.  To help me focus on fitness rather than weight loss I have registered to race in the Long Beach sprint distance triathlon again this year.  (.5mile ocean swim, 11 mile bike ride, 3 mile run)  I began a pretty intense training routine a few weeks ago:  I attend bootcamp four times a week, lap swim twice, jog a 5k at least twice, and then attend yoga and spin class once each week.  That is a minimum of ten intense workouts per week.  Dan has been so supportive watching Lena while I attend classes.  I do most of my workouts early in the morning before Lena wakes up so I don't disrupt our family time too much.  I already feel so much stronger and hope that I can beat my triathlon time from 2010.  I will most likely be about thirty pounds heavier when I compete this time around but I think I will be in better shape and more experienced as well. 

Me after my 2010 triathlon.

Happy 4th of July!

We had a great 4th of July at my parent's house.  The kids went swimming, we ate BBQ and salads, and of course we did fireworks accompanied by patriotic music.  Here is a picture of Lena with the big finale firework.  She had a great first 4th  but she slept through most all of the fireworks. 

Yes, she tried to eat the pyrotechnics!