So I have been on this email list/community since 1996 or 1997. I took a break at some point for probably less than a year and rejoined in November 1999. Met a lot of folks from there, it saved my life when I first moved to California and it's how I met TGF. There have been many ups and downs over the years, however I am mostly not feeling connected to it for about a year now. It's been feeling a bit like I'm on the sidelines, jumping up and down, saying things like "Look over here! ", "I'm here too". Not pleasant.
The latest was that I wrote, about two weeks ago, on there that I was going to California and wanted to see folks. Not one of my friends/acquaintances from out there wrote me. Not.One. Two folks who have joined the list since I left the west coast have written me. Seriously. Yesterday I wrote the local smaller list, asking for a possible ride from the airport, jokingly asking if someone had a car they weren't using, and wrote "again I would love to see as many of you as I can". Nada. The silence has been deafening. I have tentative plans to stay with my good friend Jennie, which makes me SO happy but damn. You know? It's not like this is the first time I've written or had contact with most of these folks. I've only been gone about nine months by the time I fly out there but it feels so far away right now.
Seriously I think it may be time to leave but I have developed such connections with these folks. I've met probably about 30 people from this list that has hovered between 110-200 people in the last few years. That's a large percentage. Some I've never met but spoken to on the phone, or just because of the on and off list conversations consider them friends, worry about them, cheer them on, all that stuff. It's had to imagine my life before November 1999 (my first go round I was pretty silent on list and didn't really get to know folks). But I am feeling more than ever it might be time to say goodbye and it hurts like hell. However right now the bad/hurt place is louder than the fun/connected place.
The idea of leaving makes me feel really lonely. It makes me wonder if the bonds and friendships were all in my head, one-sided. All that good stuff. While I am building relationships, and starting what could be some fabulous friendships here in Ohio, the idea of being without this resource, this lifeline is scary and SO lonely. And it makes me question if I'm really the good person I think I am, or wonder if I have fucked up somehow and no one will tell me, or leads me to thoughts of "they were just putting up with me". Good times here this morning I tell you.
On top of all that I am deep in NCDC registration land, heading to camp on June 13th and it's all new there. It's not like going to DNE which is a lot like going home to welcoming arms. So I'm having anxiety about that, finding a ride down to camp and back again, where I'll stay in the Bay Area after camp, contemplating being away from TGF for two weeks where I will probably have limited contact because there isn't cell phone access at camp and they only have dial up.
Yep it's good times here in Dayton this morning. What the hell else can I feel anxious about?!? A zillion things but I don't want to drive away my three readers so I'll stop now. Maybe I'm just PMSing which makes all this feel bigger and more horrible than it really is. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
Drowning in the Silence
My neighborhood is fabulous. I have my choice of knitting meet ups almost seven days a week. This Saturday I went to another SPLWE (South Park Ladies Who Eat) party which was WAY too much fun. But I have no local friends, only the faint glimmerings of friendship in the future. Maybe. Hopefully. I have joined a committee for my neighborhood association, but it's not like having friends.
The truth is my phone hardly rings. My friends from my other homes states rarely call, many hardly email. For some this is a long pattern. My beloved Abby sucks at staying in touch, we regularly go for many, many months without phone calls. It was certainly unexpectedly lovely when we got a gift basket from her and the hubs for the new year. But I have called her and left messages, I miss hearing her voice. However, like I said, this is a pattern in a friendship that is over 30 years old.
Last week I did something that outside my comfort zone and emailed a neighbor letting her know I'm around a lot, that I know she's is home with kids a lot. We had a lovely lunch date at her freaking gorgeous home. It was so nice, so like my old life, only not, because this was the exception, because she and I are just forging a connection.
When I moved away from Massachusetts it was a catalyst in many ways for a horrible break up of a friendship that had meant the world to me. I haven't spoken to that person for over two years because I had to make the break. I had to stop giving chances only to have nothing offered in return. One of my great fears in leaving California was this loneliness returning (I had a hard adjustment to the west coast), and of other friendships not surviving my relocation. One friendship has totally disintegrated already in a horrible email exchange where I felt attacked. It shook me for weeks, it is so hard when someone nails all your insecurities. Mostly I don't talk about it because it is still painful, and pushing it away is much easier right now.
Several weeks ago I spoke to Greg (our friendship anniversary date is 9/26/84 as discovered recently in his journals) about that debacle. Moving away, he said, always uproots things. Some things can be replanted but they are always changed. Some things do not survive the upheaval.
He is right of course but as someone who is apt to keep trying, to keep calling, writing, who is unrealistically optimistic about a lot of things I bristle at this notion. I do realize that relationships always need time to resettle, to adjust to new boundaries and perhaps I am just having a hard time letting that happen and want everyone to adjust already dammit!
Because I need my friends with me in spirit even if I can't sprint over to their place anymore.
The truth is my phone hardly rings. My friends from my other homes states rarely call, many hardly email. For some this is a long pattern. My beloved Abby sucks at staying in touch, we regularly go for many, many months without phone calls. It was certainly unexpectedly lovely when we got a gift basket from her and the hubs for the new year. But I have called her and left messages, I miss hearing her voice. However, like I said, this is a pattern in a friendship that is over 30 years old.
Last week I did something that outside my comfort zone and emailed a neighbor letting her know I'm around a lot, that I know she's is home with kids a lot. We had a lovely lunch date at her freaking gorgeous home. It was so nice, so like my old life, only not, because this was the exception, because she and I are just forging a connection.
When I moved away from Massachusetts it was a catalyst in many ways for a horrible break up of a friendship that had meant the world to me. I haven't spoken to that person for over two years because I had to make the break. I had to stop giving chances only to have nothing offered in return. One of my great fears in leaving California was this loneliness returning (I had a hard adjustment to the west coast), and of other friendships not surviving my relocation. One friendship has totally disintegrated already in a horrible email exchange where I felt attacked. It shook me for weeks, it is so hard when someone nails all your insecurities. Mostly I don't talk about it because it is still painful, and pushing it away is much easier right now.
Several weeks ago I spoke to Greg (our friendship anniversary date is 9/26/84 as discovered recently in his journals) about that debacle. Moving away, he said, always uproots things. Some things can be replanted but they are always changed. Some things do not survive the upheaval.
He is right of course but as someone who is apt to keep trying, to keep calling, writing, who is unrealistically optimistic about a lot of things I bristle at this notion. I do realize that relationships always need time to resettle, to adjust to new boundaries and perhaps I am just having a hard time letting that happen and want everyone to adjust already dammit!
Because I need my friends with me in spirit even if I can't sprint over to their place anymore.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Better Now, Thanks for Asking
It is not unusual for one of my black moods to just disappear. Sometimes I am just grateful, sometimes it confuses me. Other times it scares the bejesus out of me because I feel so powerless, like there is this amazing lack of control. like my mind is outside of my range. Maybe it wouldn't scare me so much if mental illness didn't run rampant through my family. The ghost of bipolar illness sometimes haunts me after a day like yesterday.
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar illness several years ago, following decades of struggle, years of the wrong medication. It has made me more vigilant, more worried when I have a crash. Of course I can give you a litany of very real things that "caused" yesterday's black cloud and some of them are very much about circumstance and not a sign of my mind leaping and falling at whim of the chemicals that race around there with no ability to balance.
As yesterday evening ran on I was able to knit on TGF's sweater (my NaKniSweMo) and my mood lightened a bit. Today I was able to go shopping, attempt to take Wyatt to the Bark Park (don't ask, he was Mr CrankyPants so it was short visit). Later I went to Therapy Cafe for the knit group meet up that happens there. Dainty Kitty was there and it was really good to see her. Greeneye was super friendly and had some great felted bags she had made. And, and, and I met someone from the neighborhood. She lives practically around the corner from me and I love her avatar. Squeezleknits inspired me to consider yet another popular pattern.
As of tonight I am just about 1.5 rows from binding off some stitches for armholes and needing to purchase needles to cast on for sleeves. Finishing by the 30th isn't a guaranteed thing at all but I am happy to be making progress. I am officially thanking NaKniSweMo for kicking my butt into gear to make an adult sized sweater for the first time.
So, yes, I'm better today Jer.
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar illness several years ago, following decades of struggle, years of the wrong medication. It has made me more vigilant, more worried when I have a crash. Of course I can give you a litany of very real things that "caused" yesterday's black cloud and some of them are very much about circumstance and not a sign of my mind leaping and falling at whim of the chemicals that race around there with no ability to balance.
As yesterday evening ran on I was able to knit on TGF's sweater (my NaKniSweMo) and my mood lightened a bit. Today I was able to go shopping, attempt to take Wyatt to the Bark Park (don't ask, he was Mr CrankyPants so it was short visit). Later I went to Therapy Cafe for the knit group meet up that happens there. Dainty Kitty was there and it was really good to see her. Greeneye was super friendly and had some great felted bags she had made. And, and, and I met someone from the neighborhood. She lives practically around the corner from me and I love her avatar. Squeezleknits inspired me to consider yet another popular pattern.
As of tonight I am just about 1.5 rows from binding off some stitches for armholes and needing to purchase needles to cast on for sleeves. Finishing by the 30th isn't a guaranteed thing at all but I am happy to be making progress. I am officially thanking NaKniSweMo for kicking my butt into gear to make an adult sized sweater for the first time.
So, yes, I'm better today Jer.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Black Monday
You know those days when everything seems like too much. When lifting yourself off the couch to go pee is about all you can manage? When you keep eating cookies even though you are so full you're feeling sick? When nothing in particular is running through your head and you're not watching a sappy Lifetime movie but you are crying anyway? Yeah, that's the day I had today.
I was going to bake banana bread but going four blocks away for baking soda was too much to contemplate. Leftover roast chicken is still sitting in the fridge rather than turned into some fantabulous dinner. Knitting should have happened but didn't. The surprise project didn't get worked on. Nothing got done. I mean absolutely nothing.
Shortly before TGF was to leave work I texted her to say it was a bad day and I could not be here when she got home. She called, was terribly sweet and said she wanted to see me, that it was okay that I didn't do anything, that I didn't have to cheer up.
Reason #897 why I love her.
I was going to bake banana bread but going four blocks away for baking soda was too much to contemplate. Leftover roast chicken is still sitting in the fridge rather than turned into some fantabulous dinner. Knitting should have happened but didn't. The surprise project didn't get worked on. Nothing got done. I mean absolutely nothing.
Shortly before TGF was to leave work I texted her to say it was a bad day and I could not be here when she got home. She called, was terribly sweet and said she wanted to see me, that it was okay that I didn't do anything, that I didn't have to cheer up.
Reason #897 why I love her.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
While it's been great
And it really has been in so many ways, I'm still me; which means that I have to battle my tendency to isolate, to not reach out, to not engage with others. Last week between roughly Monday to Saturday I spoke to no one on the phone. I went to the North Dayton Knit Night and did talk some but it was very surface because I had just met these folks so it wasn't like I was going to spill my guts about things.
That was the extent of it for conversation with two-legged people besides TGF. This past Saturday Jeriann called me because she knew I had some shitty things happen (no you didn't miss something, I haven't posted about them) so she wanted to check in.
Poor Jer. I just let loose a torrent of stuff. It was clear that I need to talk to other people besides TGF and the animals. So this week I went to the ND Knit Night, got together with DaintyKitty. Yesterday my good friend Supee called. By chance Jer and Cody stopped by early today. Today I spoke with both my mother and my father. So this week is a definite improvement but clearly it's something I need to work on in the future. Again. Still. Always.
That was the extent of it for conversation with two-legged people besides TGF. This past Saturday Jeriann called me because she knew I had some shitty things happen (no you didn't miss something, I haven't posted about them) so she wanted to check in.
Poor Jer. I just let loose a torrent of stuff. It was clear that I need to talk to other people besides TGF and the animals. So this week I went to the ND Knit Night, got together with DaintyKitty. Yesterday my good friend Supee called. By chance Jer and Cody stopped by early today. Today I spoke with both my mother and my father. So this week is a definite improvement but clearly it's something I need to work on in the future. Again. Still. Always.
Friday, May 11, 2007
I am She, She is Me
It has been a process for me to realize that I am not as open as I had thought, presumed, and presented myself. It is true that I was raised to tell lies about my family, as many of us were. It is also true mine were convoluted and were not about physical abuse or running from the law. The lies were about identity, relationships, and to hide. I did tell one friend, Christine Domino who lived on Sackett Street, the truth. In retrospect I figure it was a fair trade since I watched her family crumble during our friendship. Hers was the first up close view I had of a real divorce.
When things crumbled in my family the binds where untied and my father told me I could tell anyone anything I wanted. I assume, again in retrospect that he meant about the mechanics of things not my feelings and upon further reflection I suppose it was part of his way of getting even now that his world had fallen. I did tell people, the shock value was excellent, the surprised looks were priceless as the saying goes.
Perhaps in part because of my family history I felt a desire to be an open book. In many ways I have been. If asked a question I generally answer, quite honestly I might add. A number of years ago I realized though when I answered those questions or told stories on myself that had serious content I had developed interesting walls through which truth seeped out. I rarely spoke with any emotion, it was like reading a script. I usually did not even report my emotional reaction to something, again I was a like a news correspondent offering the background story only with even less emphasis on the drama or grief than is given the most innoucous of crimes on most television stations.
It became apparent that as much I craved input, an emotional response to my sadness, that if I never expressed that or any other need I would not get it, which recreates my childhood over and over. Part of this realization is due to the internet. On the list I have been part of my posts would rarely garner a response. Even when I asked for one it was clear I that I wrote in a such a way that did not invite one. After being hit on the head with a two by four I have shifted my postings, at least a little. After being told by one after another of close, intimate friends that they don't know me, that I have these thick walls I am trying to install some windows.
For the past few months I have been battling, with growing failure, depression. Depression has been a familiar companion for decades now, since childhood really. There are times when I serenely accept the descending veil on my world, though that is more rare as I age. More times than not I rage at it, yelling at it as if I can command it back to it's figurative dog house in my psyche. I rarely can allow myself to wallow in it, to sink into it's cobweb arms as one lowers oneself into a warm bath. There are times that I think that would help and I indulge in an hour or two of such revelry to find comfort in the shadows.
Clearly TGF knew what was going on but when I finally called my BFF (ew I can't believe I just wrote that) Greg, in an absolute state of distress he said, "Gosh you have been hiding it well." There it is in a nutshell, I hadn't been really talking to even him. We email and/or call each other about weekly, he even reads this blog (though refuses to comment here!) but he was able to dismiss signs and I clearly hadn't reached out to even him. TGF says that our friend Ruth had mentioned that I seemed off. I see her 2-3 times a week when walking our dogs so my lack of upbeat dialogue was obvious I'm sure. It is also true that I might bitch to her about some stuff but I don't really talk to her about my inner world. Or much of anyone except once I'm totally passed the point of coping.
Yes, I know the tags say CSI and Lady Heather. I'm getting there, but now that I started writing the pen, as it were, took me down a slightly different road that I had in my head when I opened this page. Last night we watched CSI, the original and clearly the best, thank you very much. Because television likes to bait you, we knew that the recurring character of Lady Heather would be back much to our mutual delight. We were discussing the characters and I posited that Lady Heather would not be involved with Grissom or anyone else. I was having a hard time putting into words why but I said something like, "She's too much of a loner, and she has all these walls to keep people out." The reply I got was "That's like saying you can't be in a relationship." TGF went on to explain that Lady Heather reminds her of me. Given that she needs towels any time that actress is on screen anywhere, I said I would take that as a compliment. Beyond that, I was changing the subject, which I did.
Yeah I have some work to do. Gotta order me some windows, maybe even a door.
When things crumbled in my family the binds where untied and my father told me I could tell anyone anything I wanted. I assume, again in retrospect that he meant about the mechanics of things not my feelings and upon further reflection I suppose it was part of his way of getting even now that his world had fallen. I did tell people, the shock value was excellent, the surprised looks were priceless as the saying goes.
Perhaps in part because of my family history I felt a desire to be an open book. In many ways I have been. If asked a question I generally answer, quite honestly I might add. A number of years ago I realized though when I answered those questions or told stories on myself that had serious content I had developed interesting walls through which truth seeped out. I rarely spoke with any emotion, it was like reading a script. I usually did not even report my emotional reaction to something, again I was a like a news correspondent offering the background story only with even less emphasis on the drama or grief than is given the most innoucous of crimes on most television stations.
It became apparent that as much I craved input, an emotional response to my sadness, that if I never expressed that or any other need I would not get it, which recreates my childhood over and over. Part of this realization is due to the internet. On the list I have been part of my posts would rarely garner a response. Even when I asked for one it was clear I that I wrote in a such a way that did not invite one. After being hit on the head with a two by four I have shifted my postings, at least a little. After being told by one after another of close, intimate friends that they don't know me, that I have these thick walls I am trying to install some windows.
For the past few months I have been battling, with growing failure, depression. Depression has been a familiar companion for decades now, since childhood really. There are times when I serenely accept the descending veil on my world, though that is more rare as I age. More times than not I rage at it, yelling at it as if I can command it back to it's figurative dog house in my psyche. I rarely can allow myself to wallow in it, to sink into it's cobweb arms as one lowers oneself into a warm bath. There are times that I think that would help and I indulge in an hour or two of such revelry to find comfort in the shadows.
Clearly TGF knew what was going on but when I finally called my BFF (ew I can't believe I just wrote that) Greg, in an absolute state of distress he said, "Gosh you have been hiding it well." There it is in a nutshell, I hadn't been really talking to even him. We email and/or call each other about weekly, he even reads this blog (though refuses to comment here!) but he was able to dismiss signs and I clearly hadn't reached out to even him. TGF says that our friend Ruth had mentioned that I seemed off. I see her 2-3 times a week when walking our dogs so my lack of upbeat dialogue was obvious I'm sure. It is also true that I might bitch to her about some stuff but I don't really talk to her about my inner world. Or much of anyone except once I'm totally passed the point of coping.
Yes, I know the tags say CSI and Lady Heather. I'm getting there, but now that I started writing the pen, as it were, took me down a slightly different road that I had in my head when I opened this page. Last night we watched CSI, the original and clearly the best, thank you very much. Because television likes to bait you, we knew that the recurring character of Lady Heather would be back much to our mutual delight. We were discussing the characters and I posited that Lady Heather would not be involved with Grissom or anyone else. I was having a hard time putting into words why but I said something like, "She's too much of a loner, and she has all these walls to keep people out." The reply I got was "That's like saying you can't be in a relationship." TGF went on to explain that Lady Heather reminds her of me. Given that she needs towels any time that actress is on screen anywhere, I said I would take that as a compliment. Beyond that, I was changing the subject, which I did.
Yeah I have some work to do. Gotta order me some windows, maybe even a door.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Climbing little hills
The financial woes continue here at Casa de Cedar but there are some positives. Stars 'r Us called me in for extra hours on Friday which was a nice surprise. The work is boring as all get out. Seriously boring and on Friday I was at a computer with no speaker so no Pandora {pout}. Still need to determine if I can listen Brenda's Cast-on and focus on my work.
Over the weekend I heard from my February client who was looking for postpartum help while her partner was out of town. While I was a bit daunted by prospect of working doing data entry all day then dashing over to Montclair Village for a few hours but damn if the money wasn't motivating.
On Sunday I finally got to hang out with my dear friend Jennie. We compared ideas for knitting projects, showed off our UFOs and just talk endlessly for the first time in forever.
Also during the weekend TGF heard from the guy who sent her the best, most positive rejection letter just two weeks ago. He wrote about two part time tech jobs! Cautiously optimistic is the watch word around here on the job front around here.
For the first time since Piccolo came to stay while her human, our friend Ruth, was on vacation I was grateful for her early morning barking since I had forgotten to set the alarm. Since we have both been stressed, and frankly my depression (and hence terrible mood swings) has been really bad for several months we haven't always been getting along and this weekend was not good. Hence sleeping and emotional exhaustion have been fighting each other. So, thank you Piccolo. In a manner most uncharacteristic for me I just could not clear the brain fog and was grateful for the free coffee at work. While still in the fog my cell phone rang with my client at the other end, canceling the hours we had set up. On one hand I was glad to have the evening to spend with TGF, hopefully in a relaxed state, but damn the money would have sure come in handy.
So to help with the utter boredom of my work I decided to jot down some of the more, um, interesting names. I have a favorite humour site, Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing that can always make me laugh and groan. So in homage to the original I give you some of the best from today's work:
Heaven Leigh - like the first name on it's own isn't a lot to live up to
Tijhan - there are a lot of ways this could be pronounced...
Chynna and her sister Queen-India - seriously
Roxxanne - I love this name, have a dear, dear friend with the name and I realize one "x" is worth 8 points in Scrabble, but you can't use proper names people
Jennica - the tabloids coming up with these name combos is bad enough but to be burdened with it as your actual name?
Unique - really, that is the kid's name. Don't just encourage your kid to be their own person but let the world know that are different because you told them so
Latonjinea - huh?
Dillion - is the second "i" silent? Is it supposed to rhyme with million?
Maczine - is there a syllable missing here?
T'Mane's top has been driving me crazy. I got about a good 3-4 inches knit up when I realized it the gauge was waaaaay off. As in the circumference should be about 48 inches and I had about 60 inches. Frogging ensued. Then I cast on from scratch and twisted the damn thing when I joined it. Riiip. I think it's finally ready to go. Again.
Today I got home and had a call from an agency I sent an application to about 10 days ago and had written off. Jimbo and I played phone tag until about 8:30 tonight. It was so worth the frustration, he was too much fun. The actual job I had applied for has been filled but he wanted to see if there was a way to work with me. Wow. How often does that sort of thing happen? Like never. Jimbo is passing my information onto another supervisor for a 20 hours/wk position that would pay (nothing great but a higher hourly rate than Stars 'r Us), give me BBS hours, and even some benefits. Hello? Benefits? What the hell are those, you know what I'm saying? Downsides are my gig in August could put a damper on this option and the job is in Marin County, not exactly close by and means a toll bridge. But this Jimbo character, he's awesome. He said, "If you don't hear from Louisana in three business days, call me. I'm your point person through this." Again, wow! Cautious optimism. Which reminds me, I need to look at craiglist again because hey nothing is written in stone.
I'd rather knit. It's a toss up which activity will happen after I click "publish".
Over the weekend I heard from my February client who was looking for postpartum help while her partner was out of town. While I was a bit daunted by prospect of working doing data entry all day then dashing over to Montclair Village for a few hours but damn if the money wasn't motivating.
On Sunday I finally got to hang out with my dear friend Jennie. We compared ideas for knitting projects, showed off our UFOs and just talk endlessly for the first time in forever.
Also during the weekend TGF heard from the guy who sent her the best, most positive rejection letter just two weeks ago. He wrote about two part time tech jobs! Cautiously optimistic is the watch word around here on the job front around here.
For the first time since Piccolo came to stay while her human, our friend Ruth, was on vacation I was grateful for her early morning barking since I had forgotten to set the alarm. Since we have both been stressed, and frankly my depression (and hence terrible mood swings) has been really bad for several months we haven't always been getting along and this weekend was not good. Hence sleeping and emotional exhaustion have been fighting each other. So, thank you Piccolo. In a manner most uncharacteristic for me I just could not clear the brain fog and was grateful for the free coffee at work. While still in the fog my cell phone rang with my client at the other end, canceling the hours we had set up. On one hand I was glad to have the evening to spend with TGF, hopefully in a relaxed state, but damn the money would have sure come in handy.
So to help with the utter boredom of my work I decided to jot down some of the more, um, interesting names. I have a favorite humour site, Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing that can always make me laugh and groan. So in homage to the original I give you some of the best from today's work:
Heaven Leigh - like the first name on it's own isn't a lot to live up to
Tijhan - there are a lot of ways this could be pronounced...
Chynna and her sister Queen-India - seriously
Roxxanne - I love this name, have a dear, dear friend with the name and I realize one "x" is worth 8 points in Scrabble, but you can't use proper names people
Jennica - the tabloids coming up with these name combos is bad enough but to be burdened with it as your actual name?
Unique - really, that is the kid's name. Don't just encourage your kid to be their own person but let the world know that are different because you told them so
Latonjinea - huh?
Dillion - is the second "i" silent? Is it supposed to rhyme with million?
Maczine - is there a syllable missing here?
T'Mane's top has been driving me crazy. I got about a good 3-4 inches knit up when I realized it the gauge was waaaaay off. As in the circumference should be about 48 inches and I had about 60 inches. Frogging ensued. Then I cast on from scratch and twisted the damn thing when I joined it. Riiip. I think it's finally ready to go. Again.
Today I got home and had a call from an agency I sent an application to about 10 days ago and had written off. Jimbo and I played phone tag until about 8:30 tonight. It was so worth the frustration, he was too much fun. The actual job I had applied for has been filled but he wanted to see if there was a way to work with me. Wow. How often does that sort of thing happen? Like never. Jimbo is passing my information onto another supervisor for a 20 hours/wk position that would pay (nothing great but a higher hourly rate than Stars 'r Us), give me BBS hours, and even some benefits. Hello? Benefits? What the hell are those, you know what I'm saying? Downsides are my gig in August could put a damper on this option and the job is in Marin County, not exactly close by and means a toll bridge. But this Jimbo character, he's awesome. He said, "If you don't hear from Louisana in three business days, call me. I'm your point person through this." Again, wow! Cautious optimism. Which reminds me, I need to look at craiglist again because hey nothing is written in stone.
I'd rather knit. It's a toss up which activity will happen after I click "publish".
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