An Asshole, This Does Not Make Me...

Three Facts:

1. You decided 16 months into our 24 month lease it was necessary for you to get a car.
2. You knew at the time of this decision that part of our agreement when moving in together was, you would pay more for the room 3x the size of mine and I would get the parking space.
3. You knew at the time of this decision that parking in our neighborhood was hard, especially on a Friday, BECAUSE I WARNED YOU ABOUT IT!

So then why does it make me an asshole when I say you can't park your newly acquired car in my parking spot just because my car was not currently occupying it?
Why does it make me an asshole when I dont want to "discuss this issue" over the phone?

You got mad when I wouldn't give and let you live in your spoiled little bubble and hung up the phone on me. I got annoyed and let the whole incident bother me. Were it not for the bloodlines attached I might have called you all kinds of names, hung up the phone on you first, and then found all sorts of ways to display my annoyance and anger passive aggressively. Instead I chose to be an adult; what does being an adult mean in this situation

• Not calling everyone I knew would empathize with me just to sully your name
• Not confronting you passive-aggressively
• Fixing a nice strong Vodka and Cranberry; taking that to the head; fixing a nice strong tequila, cointreau and Lemonade; drinking myself to tranquilty
• Ordering pizza and mozzarella sticks
• Watching TV with a friend till I passed out

Mighty grown up of me, don't you think? So do me a favor... remind me again why you felt the need to call me an asshole?

My Mother Has Become an Integral Part of My Facebook Experience...

...And I am not alone! Its an epidemic, escape while you still can!

The details of the experience...
My mom joined Facebook "because a co-worker did, and invited [her]".
She proceeded to 'friend' myself, my brother, and our cousin.
She then spread her 'friend-ness' to my good friend (whom she knows) and my brother's GF (currently his ex-gf).
The comments started appearing on our pics and walls
Then her own pics with us in them appeared
Most recently I was "sent a beer"!!
When this article was sent to her by my cousin the following response was received:

I read the article yesterday and that was not us b/c I did not do a friend request to Dominique. In fact it was a friend from work that asked me to join and I said ok…I look at the pics and just think how funny it is that there is so much on the profiles…but I did think it was kind of funny how the parents are asking their kids to “friend” them. This was more like Dante’ and I cause he said “well I will just block Mom from stuff on my site” which is fine with me b/c I am not there to get into your business. I‘ll just look at it every now and then and see what new pics are there especially since some of those pix have me in them!

But the article is funny and coincidental!!!

Lies I tell you!!!!
I will attempt to save her from the "cool parent" road she is inadvertently wandering down, but it might be too late...

Can you sit still for one second Dammit!?!?

I know this aint breaking news to no one unless you dont know me, but I have a hyperactivity issue. I know it aint ADD or ADHD or any other acronym-ed "disorder", I just got the "jitters". If I put serious effort into it I can be a somewhat normal (you cant erase 23 years of nature and nurture with out some serious medicine, therapy, torture or combination of the three so yall are stuck with me till then) well adjusted 23 year old, but alot of the time I can come off as a smart 16 year old on speed. I know that is a kind of blessing because it helps to off-set my ravenous appetite (Lord, please help me when my metabolism slows down. I dont want to be a 300 Lb. man like my father) and makes me alot more interesting to hang out with, but damn I know it gets annoying sometimes even to me.

How many blogs do I start with the desire to discuss one thing, only to be inspired to write something else half way through? Lets just say there is a good thing there is a private feature on xanga. This year I resolve to grow a little more and try to "slow the fuck down" as my father would say. If only I could clear the clutter in my head, I might start making sense more often.

O well its kicked in again and I am tired of this post. On to other shiny objects

Adventures in Baking...

Today is the day of all days when it comes to feasting and family in the US. The average US citizen will consume more calories in one sitting today than is needed for survival over three days. Though this is not healthy, I am not gonna do anything to stop it, I love the food. Especially the leftovers.

Doing my part to contribute to todays gluttony, I baked both the sweet potatoes and a Cheesecake. Though the sweet potatoes are fairly simple, but being that my name isnt Betty Crocker I know how to make things difficult. I spent way to long cleaning and pealing the damn things, and then I had to boil them so I could mash and later bake them. After all that freaking effort, not to mention the mountains of cinammon & brown sugar, rivers of maple syrup, butter, eggs, & orange juice, my dad had the nerve to tell me that they werent sweet enough. He has issues, and thanks to him I have a complex.

On to the cheesecake. There was a time when I couldnt bake a dessert to save my life but that time has come and gone. I can throw down on some cheesecake. Now if only i could the frickin crust right. Too thick, cooked too long, the thing just wont cooperate. But the inside turnded out great, and there was enough sugar in it to place a diabetic into a permanent coma. Next time I will get it as close to perfect as possible.

The Princess had her own adventure in baking for the feast. Mac'n Cheese. Only problem was she forgot the cheese part. I couldve choked on how dry that dish was, which is a shame since I was looking forward to leftovers. I might have to do some doctoring of my own.

Thats all for now. The food was great, the fam was too. Looking forward to the day off. HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!

My Driving Toothbrush and The Detergent Equivalency Test

Nothing is more enjoyable than a great day but lately great days have been few and far between. Only solar eclipses come around less frequently than days like this. Today several unrelated, but of themselves enjoyable, events converged into "A great day perfect storm" . Here follows the recipe for a "A Day Like This"

1. Payday
2. Wings Wednesday
3. Halloween

Not listed in any particular order or with any more significance placed on one event over the others, their confluence made each that much better.

It is a weird way to look at it but, payday is great cause I know that I can pay my bills and continue to live a life that I am largely satisfied with; yes paying bills results in me being broke, but I am also free and clear of financial obligations to "the man" for another month, so in the end I can take positives from it.

Wings Wednesday is great because Stetson's $0.25 Wednesday Wings Special is great. Some of the best wings I have ever had from a non-buffalo wings specific establishment. Spicy, Barbecue, Celery, Carrots, Blu Cheese and I will not forget good beer. Any regular bar patron will know that good food + good beer + good friends = great conversation. Sometimes the conversation is nonsensical to outsiders but only those involved really matter.

Halloween is a favorite "holiday" because I enjoy costumes and "being" something or someone else. Add chocolate and alcohol and people joining in its generally a good day. Because of the MCM I wasn't able to go to any parties honoring the festive day this weekend, but I was able to parlay it into not wearing work attire for one day. One lab coat, long sleeve shirt, pair of scrubs and security badge affixed to top coat pocket later, I looked the part and the day was go. I wish more people at work had gotten into the holiday, but that never stops me from having fun. Already anticipating the next Halloween and the possible return of SPOOKGASMA!!!
In somewhat unrelated news...

Pop quiz! Which is greater: 288 loads worth of liquid laundry detergent or 10 loads worth (EDIT: should be 15 Loads. Answers given before change will be accepted using those numbers and graded accordingly.) of powdered laundry detergent? Things to consider, contributions made by commoners carry less value than those made by royalty; one is liquid and one is powdered; the numeric system in Obliviana varies quite drastically from the rest of the world. Responses should be submitted in the form of short answer with supporting evidence for findings.

Have you ever been on your way to the next destination, and realized as you head out the door your mouth feels grimy and you can taste your breath. You cant stop and brush your teeth now you will be late. Thats when I grab my "driving toothbrush" and go. It doesn't need running water or toothpaste to work, just good ole' elbow grease and a mouth in danger of aromatic violation! Get your driving toothbrush today, wherever mouthwash and car supplies are sold. Also look for Flying Toothbrush, cause 10,000 feet shouldn't stop you from beating plaque to a pulp that can be swallowed or spit into a single serving cup!

Adios Peeps!

A second Taste of Freedom...

...5 years and 5 months ago I had my first taste of true freedom. A recent graduate of High School I was departing the home I had known and, at times, loved for the majority of my young life. My head was full of the possibilities that the road ahead would present to me. I did know that the 1000+ miles distance between my parents and I would mean I would no longer have to answer to anyone but me. That summer was one of the greatest that I had ever experienced and the years that followed I wouldnt trade for anything. After running for so many years and absorbing all the "freedom" that I could, I was ready to come home and be around the family, sure that I was aptly prepared for anything that they could throw at me. There was no way they could hold me back now.

...or so I thought. I arrived home at one of the most tumultous times for my family. Prince Half Baked was well on his was to being a royal jackass and this close to being thrown out. The inevitable happened on June 29 and out of love for my brother I did the only thing I could think of. I welcomed him into my house with a couple conditions and a deadline. The very jesture I hoped would be accepted as a symbol of peace in my relationship brother instead became a jesture with different symbolism to me. What followed was four months of absolute torture; I was a POW in my own house. It became so bad that all I could do was anticipate the day of my release. A countdown was started and prayers were said.

The deadline has arrived, Emancipation Day is here. "Take these shackles off my feet so I can dance" The future is bright once again, and I have to worry about no one but me. The freedom I had lost tastes much sweeter this second time around.

I Do Care...

....O' Brother I can't, I can't get through/
I've been trying hard to reach you [but] I don't know what to do/
O' Brother I can't believe it's true/
I'm so scared [for your] future and I want to talk to you/
O' I want to talk to you/...
Are you lost or incomplete?/
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how you feel/
I feel like [I'm] talking in a language [you] dont speak/
And [I'm] talking it to [you]/...
So you don't know where you're goin, [but don't] wanna talk/
[I] feel like you're going where you've been before/
Anyone will listen, but you feel ignored/
[If] nothing's really making any sense at all/
Let's Talk
Let's Talk
Let's talk
[Please talk......]

The Return of the King?!?!?!....

...More like Prince Half-Baked. The kingdom of Obliviana had been quiet as of late with its royal constituency on sojourns to distant nations, Princess Peapod in Mississippi for two weeks on business and Prince Half-Baked out living up to his name sake. Dissappointed that he would not be able to enjoy solitude during the Princess' absence, Obliviana's lone pragmatic citizen was enjoying the calm, for he knew he sensed in his bones this was "the quiet before the storm."

Obliviana's prodigal son, Prince Half-Baked is worst than the fabled "cat that came back"; you think he is a goner, but... ("the cat came back the very next day") he always returns with his destruction and devistation closely in-tow. His latest return was as unwelcome as usual, no parades, no parties, not even a welcoming comittee. The weekend was upon Obliviana and the rest of the outlying world and people everywhere were just trying to unwind, sans beleagurement.

Astoundingly two days past without so much as an errant breath; could things really be looking up in Obliviana? Was Prince Half-Baked finally steping down from his self-ascended thrown? Surely this was all too good to be true, Prince Half-Baked never stayed anywhere for this long without causing a fuss. The day would not pass before the upheaval.

As evning set in Prince Half Baked's girlfriend of present Horseface Killah cameover for "dinner and a movie", but not on my damn TV. The two lovers were resigned to the small remote corner of the "land" to which he "controlled". Night set in and surely Horseface had a stable of her own to return to, surely her keepers would worry if she stayed the night. I ascended the stairs without so much as a peep to the two hoping a sound decision would be made by one of the two and she would not be in my home come the morning.

WHAT A FOOL AM I!!! Prince HB and Horseface decided to shack-up for the night in my GODDAMN HOUSE. This was an official "go" sign to be obnoxious. I clanked every loud thing we had in the house and turned on every bright light there was in an effort to rouse them from their slumber. Much to my delight my plan was successful and the two were unable to rest peacefully. I departed the kingdom for work, plotting my revenge on the Prince. 75 minutes post my departure I get a call from the Prince:
"hello?"
"yeah, can you come let me in? I forgot my keys inside on my dresser."
"you SOL yo! I'm already at work."
"o, ok"

...did you really leave the front door to our apt unlocked? If I come home and my shit is missing I will beat you within an inch of your life and then call the cops on you. I am gonna pray on your behalf yo...

Two fuck ups in less than 24 hours, you are really tryin to be exiled from the home. Unlike Princess Peapod, you my dear sir are not entitled to this kingdom. You are a visitor to this land, begrudgingly welcomed to help you gather yourself. I know most things logical do not occur to you, If they did you wouldn't be you. But when will you wake up?

The keys to the kingdom will be revoked tonight. I warned Princess Peapod before she handed them over that you could not be trusted. This isnt a vacation, living with us is supposed to suck, its the only way you will want to leave. Cuarenta y nueva dias! El puerto no esta lejos de aqui!

Whose House Is It Dammit????

...It's my house dammit! Or at least partially mine...

But more on that later, time for a little briefing. Its been a quick min since I was last on here and as a result there is quite a backlog of thought that need to be released from the prison of my skull. I often struggle with myself on what is TMI and how much should I truly put out there for the world to read, but then I remember the purpose of this is to abdicate myself of the mental torment that takes place by holding it in. Why not tell someone you ask? Mostly cause I am shy, despite what many of you might believe, and I often struggle expressing myself, truly expressing myself, in the presence of others. Besides there is nothing like reflecting to help you learn from the past. Bear with me as I reel off my thoughts of the past couple days over a few entries. This way you can choose to engorge on my life or just nibble at it. Prepare to be Domo-ed till your hearts content. Now back to your previously scheduled program already in progress.

...so who told you, little bastard, that just because you were allowed into our home as an alternative to living on the street you should feel free to make yourself comfortable. As a guest in someones house there are certain standards anyone with good home training knows to follow. And dont say you dont have good home training cause we come from the same home, problem is that shit prolly didnt stick with you. Using my bathroom to shower does not indeed entitle you to spend 20 mins in the bathroom "texting" someone prior to your shower, that is just sketchy. You dont take a shower so hot a vapor cloud escapes as you open the door and any entrants that shortly follow are made to feel like they have gone on safari. You do not eat up all the food, especially of someone who likes to eat. And most importantly (at least in my book) YOU DONT FUCKING DRINK A BEER, HIDE IT IN THE TRASH CAN AND "...DONT REMEMBER DOING IT." YOU FUCKING PATHALOGICAL LIAR!!!!!!!!

Actions such as these in my household lead to the hastening of your eviction date. Yes I love you, though sometimes its merely because I am supposed to, and yes I will do my damndest to help you if I can but you WILL NOT bring me down in the process. Get your shit together so you can get out and do what you want to do. You can be a fuck up on your own time, in your own space like our cousin that is gonna be a daddy "cause its something new." October 1 is the date that has been setforth, and it is based on behavior. Act right and try to get yourself together and we consider letting you stay longer. Continue down this path and you will find your belongings sitting on the stoop when you get back from work. When I signed my lease I knew I was moving in with one member of the royal family, a second member was not part of the deal. This "stable boy" only cleans up the shit of his own making!!!!

Time...

...To Come "Home". Its not where he should be, but the little bugger did manage to make it safely to a point of refuge. He is now staying with me, not the ideal situation since I can barely support myself, let alone my somewhat incompetent younger brother. I couldnt leave him on the street though. He was welcomed into the home of the princess and myself, with stipulations of course. House rules have been laid down, and I hope to God he respects them cause I dont want to have to put him out too. Don't know how I am gonna make it over the next couple months tryin to support the both of us and still have a normal life. I am not ready to be a "father" figure to an 18 year old. God give me strength. In the end though, it is better to struggle with family than to live like royalty alone. Adios y Buenos Dias

You Might Win Some...

...But they just lost one. Today started as most Saturdays have recently, me not running. This marathon is gonna suck. Plans had been laid for tennis in the evening, which means my entire day was filled with anticipation. I hadn't played too well all week so I was hoping to salvage my tennis game before weeks end. Life had other plans for me though.

Saturday also means time with the family with the first stop being my Gparents place. I hadn't seen them in a couple weeks and I had an ulterior motive, stealing the tennis ballhopper my grandfather had and no longer used. Shortly after entering the refuge, I briefly called home, my grandmother informs me of the latest chapter in the Dante Saga. Love my brother to death, but Dios Mio he is a fuck up.

Apparently last night he "borrowed" the car once again without asking. A metaphor as lame as "the straw that broke the camel's back" does not do justice in this instance. This was literally the end of my father's patience. Upon his return from his excursion, per my father's insistence, he was promptly evicted. Keys, phone and welcome were seized. He would be left to fare for himself on the sometimes hard streets of our city.

I knew my mother couldnt be taking this too well for she was the only reason he stayed in the house as long as he did. I thanked my g-rents for the proper warning they had provided me concerning the powder keg I was venturing into and headed to the home I fled for this very reason. Silent prayers uttered on the way to my parents house did little to comfort my soul that was seething in pain from my newest revelation. "Please Lord, grant us strength to survive and protect Dante on his perilous journey ahead."

I arrived home and much to my surprise, everyone appeared to be taking the situation rather well. Mom's facade cracked shortly before my exit, when my brother's boss called to ask why Dante hadn't showed up to work. Though neither of us could hear what my he was saying on the phone, based on my dad's responses we knew it wasn't good. At this point mom made an exit of her own. What is it about those walls that just drives people out? Being a momma's boy I did all I could to console my mother including guarantee her that my brother had space in my place should he come looking for it. I hate seeing tears flow down her cheeks.

I write this with, to my knowledge, no change in my brothers MIA status. Prayers are appreciated but not required. I am holding together fine so dont worry about me.

They just lost one.

What is the price...

..of emotional freedom? I know its wrong to think in this manner, but I fled the house I called home for a second time. I ran from the stress and heartache that lives within those walls to struggle on my own, only to be entrapped reapeatedly by those whom I love that are bound to that house. Within its walls lives self hatred, indifference, confusion, anger, and pity. Love does come visit often, but it never stays long. The other tennants don't know how to live with it too well. I pray that my family will someday make more room for love in that house, but until then, I like love can only come to visit. Deliver them Lord! There are more things to be placed on this paper, but even I know you dont wash your dirty laundry in public, nor place your burdens squarely on others shoulders. I'll make it world, back when loved stayed longer I learned how to be strong.

Just for Your Reference

The Princess and the Pea
by Hans Christian Andersen
Illustrated by Edmund Dulac

There was once a prince, and he wanted a princess, but then she must be a real Princess. He travelled right around the world to find one, but there was always something wrong. There were plenty of princesses, but whether they were real princesses he had great difficulty in discovering; there was always something which was not quite right about them. So at last he had come home again, and he was very sad because he wanted a real princess so badly.

One evening there was a terrible storm; it thundered and lightninged and the rain poured down in torrents; indeed it was a fearful night.

In the middle of the storm somebody knocked at the town gate, and the old King himself sent to open it.

It was a princess who stood outside, but she was in a terrible state from the rain and the storm. The water streamed out of her hair and her clothes; it ran in at the top of her shoes and out at the heel, but she said that she was a real princess.

'Well we shall soon see if that is true,' thought the old Queen, but she said nothing. She went into the bedroom, took all the bed clothes off and laid a pea on the bedstead: then she took twenty mattresses and piled them on top of the pea, and then twenty feather beds on top of the mattresses. This was where the princess was to sleep that night. In the morning they asked her how she slept.

'Oh terribly bad!' said the princess. 'I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night! Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing, and my whole body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible!'

They saw at once that she must be a real princess when she had felt the pea through twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds. Nobody but a real princess could have such a delicate skin.

So the prince took her to be his wife, for now he was sure that he had found a real princess, and the pea was put into the Museum, where it may still be seen if no one has stolen it.

Now this is a true story.

My Life...

with Princess PeaPod: 2 Years Is MORE than Enough

Though some of you may grow tired of reading or hearing about this, it will be the main topic of this journal (TRUST) for the next two years. Yes it is unfourtunate and yes I had been forewarned, but "time dont go back, it go forward."

Some of you know for sure who Princess Peapod is; others will guess. By the end of this, the first entry in my dramedy, you will know unless you are a midly retarded monkey (sorry Dante if your reading this, I still love.) Often times there will be so many thoughts running through my head that my entries will be disjointed and random thought. It will be as if I were suffering from ADD, and I apologize in advance for this. As my thoughts gather and clear and the anger that I am inevitable feeling subsides I will take the time to edit and revise my entries for clarity and sense, but part of the purity of this story will come from the fact it was written on pure emotion. Please enjoy.

After work I had plans to play tennis with a friend and then planned to visit mi abuelos y mi padres. As usual tennis was great and so was visiting the family. As usual I got free food out of the deal and put off my dad swearing I dont love them one more day (another story in itself). After watchin some TV and slammin a couple hot dogs I decided it was time to return to my abode. Great evening right. Well it was until I walked up the stairs and into my kitchen. La cocina litterally read "PRINCESS PEAPOD WAS HERE!"

Now I am no cleaning nazi, but let me lay the scene out for you. The rice cooker I purchased had been used to cook the rice and bullion I had bought. The rice laddel was put back in its holder incorrectly and it was covered in gunky bullion chicken rice. The cooker was off, but half full of uneaten rice. The tea cup that was used LAST night was still sitting on the coutner top dirty.

And this was just on my intial survey. It gets worst. Of course at this point I am angry and annoyed but it is something I can deal with, cause I know this is how Princess Peapod is. The following discoveries are what pushed me over the edge and have led to this entry.

While refilling the water bottles I had used for tennis I noticed a dirty fork in the sink with blue on it. I knew immediately what it had come from. Wanting only to confirm what I already new to be true I turned off the water and walked over to the fridge. Ms. Peapod had decided to have at the piece of cake I had brought home from work. Yes the slice was fucking huge, but it was MY fucking huge slice and I intended to enjoy every last bit of it tonight when I got home. Ms. Peapod had dug into the cake, and I assume upon discovering its deliciousness ate the extra cake that was on the side of the plate. Now that I am pissed cause she has eatin my damn cake, I also notice she has drank a good portion of my damn orange juice. O JESUS DELIVER ME! MY FUCKING CAKE!!!!

All this shit prolly wouldnt be so bad if she brought some damn good food into the house that I could eat. But Princesses dont cook; they eat out, order delivery, or microwave, mooching off whatever cooks they can in the interim.

Once again I am on the verge of peeing on her toothbrush, but restraint is the sign of a good wise man, I refuse to be ignorant. Of course this means I must now have another talk about why I dont appreciate what was done. Will it sink in? Unlikely, but then what fodder would I have to fill this journal.

Till next time, Adios y Buenos Noche!

Was it...

averted? Who knows but my anger has been abated for the time being. I found the best way to address the situation without being overly aggressive or confrontational. I mentioned that I was angered by the situation and how it had caused me stress and prevented me from sleeping when I wanted to. Apologies were emoted and the surging anger continue to subside. The reading of the email was not brought up because I felt that no positive would come of it. Per my grandfather's suggestion I put a password on my computer, so that would prevent such future situations. Only time will tell the true ramifications of the incident, but near future plans include the purchase of a personal computer, so as to not be "reli[ant] on others."

I think I did a pretty damn good job of controlling my emotions and using problem solving skills I was taught to handle the situation. Sure it would have felt better at the moment to yell and pee on a toothbrush, but we cannot live for a moment of pleasure if it will mean an hour of pain.

Only two more days to my much anticipated reunion with pals at school. Means 4 nights of fun, and though some believe I have a drinking problem, I will stay well within my means and try not to injure myself. Or at least I wont tell them about it if I do. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!! HA! Paz y amor mi gente. Gracias por su adviso

So annoyed

after having a good night. I come home to find that my cousin and new roomie has been on my computer cause we have no cable cause she is too lazy to call the cable guy and get it hooked up. Using my computer without asking is not a big deal, after all I do have a younger brother and it wouldnt be the first time it had happened. What is annoying and pissing me off at the same time is that she read my email in the process of using my computer. Now I WOULD NEVER EVER read her email let alone use something of hers without asking. I am considering peeing on her toothbrush and takin a dump on her bed. I am tired and I cant even get to sleep cause I am so pissed off at the situation. I know she read the email because it was sent at 630 tonight when I was playin tennis and unable to check my email, but it said it had been read. Plus she signed into limewire and messed around with AIM. Should I confront her on the issue or should I just be vindictive and read her emails since I know the password. Weigh in on this people, I need some help cause I am too angry to think straight right now!
LORD HELP ME