Music: Gimme One Reason by Tracy Chapman and Eric Clapton
I'm on my bed and i cant sleep. A good time to write about my inaugural solo trip. Actually if i take into account when i went to Langkawi alone back in Feb, this would be the 2nd time i guess.
So i decided to go on adhoc trip to Jeju Island a few weeks ago during a one week break. It wasnt adhoc per se since ive been thinking about doing it for quite a while. But i did go there without any plans aka itinerary. Without any research even. Now thats a first. I suppose it comes with the nature of a solo trip, since i can do whatever i want on my own sweet time.
Let me start with the reason why i wanted to go alone. I needed that alone time. Although i love my friends and life here but sometimes i just want to be by myself, and the few isolated hours between lunch and dinner, before i go to sleep and during weekends just doesnt cut it. I wanted an extended time alone. Its impossible to get that here. I also realized that back in Malaysia i can disappear whenever i want. Everybody is so busy with their own lives that not hearing from other friends for some time is nothing strange. So i can not contact anyone and no one would even notice much.
And so i told my friend who actually wanted to join the trip if she minded i went alone, she didnt ask why and said ok. Which was good. I wonder if she figured it out. Whatever it was, i silently thank her for not asking anything.
Jeju is such a beautiful place. I couldnt have picked a better place. The gorgeous sceneries were more than i couldve asked for, perfect for self reflection and just thinking about anything and everything and nothing. But i wont talk much about Jeju now because u can google all about the awesomeness of Jeju on ur own.
I went through a few phases during the trip. First was the excitement of going on an adventure alone, sort of. Then when ive finally reached my destination, i felt so happy and excited of what lies ahead that naturally made me want to share it with friends. But that beats the purpose of me wanting to disappear in the first place. Its sort of a separation anxiety kind of thing. It was a big effort on my part to surpress the urge to contact anyone, even if its only to inform that i am safe and sound.
But after that first night, the urge was completely gone for good. It also helped that i got to talking and hungout with the other backpackers."but hey, i thought u wanted to be alone, how come ure talking to all these strangers?" some might ask. Actually wanting to be alone is more like wanting to get away from all the familiarity and routine.. Plus its almost always fun to talk to strangers.. There are so many interesting ppl out there, different stories and different personalities, you can learn so much from talking with ppl outside of your own social group. Plus it feels good that nobody knows me personally.. Its a breath of fresh air. Foreign place, foreign ppl, foreign anecdotes. I stayed in Jeju for 4 nights, and each night after ive returned from my sight seeing excursions, i hung out with others until at least 2am just talking and them drinking.
"being alone is not the same as being lonely"
Its sort of boggles the mind a little that when i came back from Jeju, i felt lonely even amongst friends, yet when i was alone in Jeju, i felt so alive and happy. But the lonely feeling lasted just the first 2 days after i came back. this is the next phase. This is totally opposite of the separation anxiety i mentioned earlier. This time dont feel like talking to anyone much. Its time to come back to reality. i also have this tendency to not talk much about places i go to with others unless they're really2 super duper interested to know (barring the things i write here, since its like talking to myself).
All the things written by travel bloggers on solo trips are so true. I can do whatever i want, without anyone judging me.. Most travellers especially those who stay at backpackers hostel rather than hotels are usually open minded. I can decide to go wherever i want on my own pace, i can change my mind as soon as i made up my mind on doing something or going somewhere. Hence the absence of the need for an itinerary and the need to get everyone's agreement or satisfying others in a group trip. Its sooo freaking awesome!! And if where i went turned out to not so fun, i dont have to feel guilty.
When i came back, many ppl asked me isnt it boring traveling alone. I will not kid you and say its fun all the time. Of course sometimes i felt bored. But the amount of fun times greatly outweighed the amount of boring times, so to speak. I think it takes great skill to know and be able to have fun on your own. And its not impossible, that which i've learned a long time ago. Also, traveling alone opens up more opportunities for exciting things to happen, as it makes u more approachable and that could lead to many interesting happenings. Another downside of traveling alone is that u have to fork out more money on things like taxis etc.. Its give and take.
The Jeju trip was also sort of a practice for me for my next solo trip which will last for one month. Im sort of nervous about it.
I dont know if these cycle of 'feelings' and 'emotions' i go through is something that other solo travelers experience as well.. But hey.. This is me. Its a new kind of experience for me too. But a 4 day 4 night trip is probably nothing right? Not that im just nervous with the prospect of being in foreign countries for a month that are not exactly reputable in terms of safety like europe (hahaha now u know im not going to that part of the world), im sort of nervous about the state of my mind during that whole time. I can already imagine the rollercoaster of emotions that im gonna go through.
So anyhow, we have a another 6 day holiday coming up, (korean version of thanksgiving called Chuseok) and this time Ive already made all the plans and bookings and itinerary.. Yes im going with friends, of course ;p.. Its gonna be fun, and definitely tiring, as all my travels usually are..
