Growing Up

Music: Always Love by Nada Surf

Since i'm in a lazy mood today (to do work).. might as well i write something here..
I've now gone through the full friendship cycle from trust, love, care... betrayal, hurt... anger, resentment, broken trust.. and finally recovered..
Finding true friends is not easy..
Much2 happier these days... I'm not insomniac anymore (it went on for about 6 weeks)
I'm now ready to complete this masters shit.. be done with my thesis and the rest of crap that comes with it..
Starting tomorrow.

Anyway, we had a competition today.. for our project courses..
I've been getting rave reviews and congratulatory wishes the whole day
(even though the results are not out yet)...
I entered the competition for different reasons initially, I just wanted to get that whole experience..
Planning an effective presentation is not an easy task..
And I could say I was the least prepared out of all the 13 groups that participated... coz I started working on my presentation 1 day before the deadline.. some groups started as early as 1 month ago...
Anyway, the praises that I got has now made me have high expectations..
And now, if I don't win anything.. I'd be thoroughly disappointed.. which was what I was trying to avoid in the first place..
Trying very hard to tone down my feelings and excitement right now, just to soften the blow when it comes..
I did however almost fell down on stage and managed to break my fall by holding on to the rostrum next to me in the middle of my presentation..
Of all the time, this was the time I had to trip.. It was very embarrassing for me..
I instantly made the first joke that came to my mind and laughed at myself to cover the embarrassment.. which I think really worked coz everybody seemed to say I was funny.. but still, I felt stupid nonetheless.

It is actually rather surprising, this whole public speaking gig is a new experience to me..
I have always been scared.. aren't we all?
I'd avoid them at all costs.. usually..
But somehow the setting, conditions, and atmosphere in Korea, or at least, in my school, is rather different..
From the start, since I came here, I've always been getting praises.. that I would never ever dream of getting in Malaysia.. I don't really know why.. maybe its the English proficiency thingy... everyone seems to think its because I studied 4 years in the states.. which is so not the main reason.. a helping factor, but definitely not the main reason.. coz we all know proficiency in any language needs practice.. long years of practice, reading, speaking, writing, and exposure... which I've had since I was 4 years old, and it all started with..
This is Peter.. This is Jane. This is Peter and Jane. HAHA.
Anyway, these praises really do wonders to my confidence, really.. It would to anyone!
Who doesn't like to be called genius, smart, beautiful.. consistently over the past year..
I never were these things back at home.. I think its too much..
So much so that it doesn't really affect me anymore, here at least.
Somebody better keep me level-headed, I don't want to be carried away with this false belief..
I do think some of them are just being polite and nice.. some might say it superficially..
But some do say it sincerely..
Here, I don't even think twice when I'm asked to speak publicly, make a presentation, become an emcee..
I would gladly do it.. in fact, I enjoy it!
However, I don't think I'll be as confident as I am here right now, when I go back.
The crowd and people in Malaysia are much tougher, more harsh with their comments, not as generous with praises..
But we'll see..

btw, 1st and 2nd place winners of the competition gets to go on an all expense paid trip abroad.. hehe.

Walking The Talk

Many people say they like this and that.. but uttering them are just that.. words..
Recently I've thought about the things I love and what I have actually done to show for it..

I say I love traveling.. I've visited over 20 countries in a span of 6 years..
I say I love concerts.. I can easily name 30 bands/singers that I've seen..
I say I love reading.. I have over 100 books in my goodreads list of the books I've read since 2001..
I used to love Eminem.. I've been to his concert, I have a tshirt with his face on it, my friends gave me Eminem dvds for my birthday, I spent hundreds of dollars on magazines and put filled my whole room wall with posters of him.. the name of this blog is also evident of my infatuation..
I used to love Matsumoto Jun, hence Arashi... I've watched all of his dramas and movies, memorized their songs, watch their videos (concert and PVs alike), watched their Japanese reality shows without subtitles.. etc (I was a total fan girl).
I used to love anime.. I've spent hundreds of hours watching them instead of studying, I have wall scrolls of Kenshin and Edward/Alphonse Eric which are currently the curtains for my window in my room at home..
I admire Kimi Raikkonen so much.. he's the reason I wear my watch on my right hand (even though I'm right-handed).
I don't like running.. but I've entered at least ten 10km runs since 2009.. and collected so many certificates and medals..
I say I love hiking.. I always include a hiking activity whenever I travel, I've hiked Broga (which is near my house) alone so many times, and here in Korea.. I'm always invited to hiking activities coz they know I will almost always say yes!
I say I love the color red.. its evident looking at the color of my laptop, my mouse, my gtab cover, and many more.. even the wall color of my room..
I used to love F1.. I've attended F1 races in Malaysia (3 times or more I can't recall), US, Canada.. and Singapore. My favorite team was Ferrari, I had Ferrari mugs, tshirts, flags (big and small), keychains.. and a 1/200 miniature F1 car.. and these things cost a fortune..

I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging, coz I'm not..
The message that I wanna convey is, if you have even the slightest chance to do the things you like, go for it.
Never wait or save it for later..
These are things I've done without realizing it, really..
Just do it.
And when you look back, you won't feel any regrets.
Don't worry too much about money, our sustenance has already be determined by God, just make sure we remember to give (charity, zakat) sincerely.. and Allah will do the rest for us.. but of course don't spend extravagantly beyond our means and forget to have some savings.. but don't be stingy as well..

And a final confession..
When it comes to matters of the heart, every single person that ever truly liked, I've told them..
Granted, I've been turned down 100% of the time, but i can tell myself that I've tried..
No lingering questions of 'what if'..
I might be a loser in love.. and had my pride/ego/confidence hurt countless times.
But jodoh is also in the hands of God.. everything happens for a reason, we might not understand but Allah knows best.