Music: If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow
Last Sunday, 29 July 2018, at 6.57am, my new group of hiker friends (from Malaysia) and I were in Senaru Village in Lombok, all ready and prepared to climb Rinjani (was just waiting to have breakfast before we started the hike) when a 6.4 magnitude earthquake happened. Long story short, the climb was cancelled. I will write a longer post and be as detailed as I can on the whole experience later.
But what I wanna talk about right now, with the 20 mins I have before office hours ends, is about what I am currently feeling right now.
Truth be told, I was very fine and calm on Sunday and Monday (yesterday we got home). Just that when I was on the plane home, I looked at a group picture we took during the wait for an anticipated big earthquake (after the first one), and I imagined all of us in the picture dead. Morbid, i know. But I couldn't help it. A tear or two rolled down. Thank god my friends were sleeping.
Today I came to work. Some people asked me questions and stuff. These people came to me and asked. Not once I started the topic or looked for anyone to talk to. Even ran away from big groups. Even CTO was here but I didn't go to greet him. Plus he was talking to someone I wanted to avoid. But anyway, these people who talked to me, I know they don't truly realize how bad the situation I was in, how terrible an experience it was, not that I expect them to. Granted I have also been acting normally like nothing happened, like I just came back from another holiday, explained and recounted what happened like it was just another event thats not significant. Other climbers on the mountain and at Sembalun were affected worst than we were at Senaru, not in any saying what I went through was the worst. It could have been worst, but we were the lucky ones to be spared. Its weird to see everyone being normal going about their lives, yet I have just had this experience that may or may not be traumatic, I don't know how to diagnose myself. My boss was the only person who asked whether I am ok, psychologically. I said I am, of course. I pretty sure I'm okay. But still I have these things I am feeling that I can't quite relay to anyone. I wish someone could relate to my experience. Or reach out to me. I feel rather alone.
I guess this is probably something like returning soldiers from a war zone or something.. nobody can understand them except those who went through the exact same things as they did. I've read a lot that its never a good thing to say to this to someone who's going through rough times, "I understand what you're going through", especially when you're trying to comfort that person. Coz the truth of the matter is, nobody understands what another person is going through. So the best thing to do is just to sit and listen.
Time's up. Can't wait to get home.
Last Sunday, 29 July 2018, at 6.57am, my new group of hiker friends (from Malaysia) and I were in Senaru Village in Lombok, all ready and prepared to climb Rinjani (was just waiting to have breakfast before we started the hike) when a 6.4 magnitude earthquake happened. Long story short, the climb was cancelled. I will write a longer post and be as detailed as I can on the whole experience later.
But what I wanna talk about right now, with the 20 mins I have before office hours ends, is about what I am currently feeling right now.
Truth be told, I was very fine and calm on Sunday and Monday (yesterday we got home). Just that when I was on the plane home, I looked at a group picture we took during the wait for an anticipated big earthquake (after the first one), and I imagined all of us in the picture dead. Morbid, i know. But I couldn't help it. A tear or two rolled down. Thank god my friends were sleeping.
Today I came to work. Some people asked me questions and stuff. These people came to me and asked. Not once I started the topic or looked for anyone to talk to. Even ran away from big groups. Even CTO was here but I didn't go to greet him. Plus he was talking to someone I wanted to avoid. But anyway, these people who talked to me, I know they don't truly realize how bad the situation I was in, how terrible an experience it was, not that I expect them to. Granted I have also been acting normally like nothing happened, like I just came back from another holiday, explained and recounted what happened like it was just another event thats not significant. Other climbers on the mountain and at Sembalun were affected worst than we were at Senaru, not in any saying what I went through was the worst. It could have been worst, but we were the lucky ones to be spared. Its weird to see everyone being normal going about their lives, yet I have just had this experience that may or may not be traumatic, I don't know how to diagnose myself. My boss was the only person who asked whether I am ok, psychologically. I said I am, of course. I pretty sure I'm okay. But still I have these things I am feeling that I can't quite relay to anyone. I wish someone could relate to my experience. Or reach out to me. I feel rather alone.
I guess this is probably something like returning soldiers from a war zone or something.. nobody can understand them except those who went through the exact same things as they did. I've read a lot that its never a good thing to say to this to someone who's going through rough times, "I understand what you're going through", especially when you're trying to comfort that person. Coz the truth of the matter is, nobody understands what another person is going through. So the best thing to do is just to sit and listen.
Time's up. Can't wait to get home.
