why is a simple goodbye in different places mean so different.
shouldn't all goodbyes mean the same and feel the same?
Why does the "Goodbye" in the airport means more of a sadness?
and
Why it does not feel like the same as the one we use to say everyday even though they still mean the same.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Thinking
Thinking again..
Thoughts in my mind again...
Is it that I just can't accept the fact, or there's something waiting to be done?
Sunked in them again.
blah blah blah...
Thoughts in my mind again...
Is it that I just can't accept the fact, or there's something waiting to be done?
Sunked in them again.
blah blah blah...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sin
I know I should be asleep by now. Actually, I was sleeping, lying on my bed, waiting to fall asleep. But just before I fell asleep, I thought of things I did wrong, decision I did which where quite foolish and made a BLACK spot in my life. Even though it is a few year later and I should be talking about it and laughing about it, but me, I felt even worst and stupid and idiotic.
It made a black spot in my past and not something to be proud of. Now, I just dun want anyone to mention about anything of it, not even a word. I just hope time can be turned back to that moment and let me make things right. But I know it is impossible, so as a weird part if me, I really hope everyone will just forget about it and never ever mention about it forever. But, the biggest problem is, those foolish moves had become one of my biggest nightmare. Please, DONT EVEN ASK ABOUT IT.
So, it made me thought and thought.
I found out sometimes I'm just such a jerk. I force my friends to do things they dont want to. I fell so selfish and ashame of myself. AND if anyone if you reading this post here had been force by me to do anything you dont want to, I sincerely appologise. I just don't know what I was doing at that moment.
For 19 years of my life, I found out that I really cant do anything thinking at the 1st moment things happen and I'll just do or say stupid things. All the thinking comes after I do or say. I tried to think before doing or saying, but my brain just freeze. Nothing comes out at the first moment and I had to react, or else the scene will not be able to continue.
All of those things that I had done had now become my biggest fear. I just cannot let it go, I dont know why it just stick to my brain and I'll remember about it now and then. I really can feel the sinfulness. It doesnt feel nice.
I really want to apologise to everyone of you for anything that I had said, done, caused anyone of you to be angry of me. Please kindly tell me about what I had done. You can call me or msg me to tell me. I'm ready to hear things I did that makes you dont like me ( I know no one can make everyone to like you, but I just want to know so that I wont be repeating the same mistake ). I need help to be a better person. Telling me can really help me to change. If in the future I still do things like that, please tell me so I'll know what to do and what not and stupid to do.
*This post is not specifically for any person but really for all of my friends.
It made a black spot in my past and not something to be proud of. Now, I just dun want anyone to mention about anything of it, not even a word. I just hope time can be turned back to that moment and let me make things right. But I know it is impossible, so as a weird part if me, I really hope everyone will just forget about it and never ever mention about it forever. But, the biggest problem is, those foolish moves had become one of my biggest nightmare. Please, DONT EVEN ASK ABOUT IT.
So, it made me thought and thought.
I found out sometimes I'm just such a jerk. I force my friends to do things they dont want to. I fell so selfish and ashame of myself. AND if anyone if you reading this post here had been force by me to do anything you dont want to, I sincerely appologise. I just don't know what I was doing at that moment.
For 19 years of my life, I found out that I really cant do anything thinking at the 1st moment things happen and I'll just do or say stupid things. All the thinking comes after I do or say. I tried to think before doing or saying, but my brain just freeze. Nothing comes out at the first moment and I had to react, or else the scene will not be able to continue.
All of those things that I had done had now become my biggest fear. I just cannot let it go, I dont know why it just stick to my brain and I'll remember about it now and then. I really can feel the sinfulness. It doesnt feel nice.
I really want to apologise to everyone of you for anything that I had said, done, caused anyone of you to be angry of me. Please kindly tell me about what I had done. You can call me or msg me to tell me. I'm ready to hear things I did that makes you dont like me ( I know no one can make everyone to like you, but I just want to know so that I wont be repeating the same mistake ). I need help to be a better person. Telling me can really help me to change. If in the future I still do things like that, please tell me so I'll know what to do and what not and stupid to do.
*This post is not specifically for any person but really for all of my friends.
Friday, October 2, 2009
2 October 2009
It's october now. 2 more months to my finals again... Really wondering now, why t.h. I chose this hectic program. Lecturers always tell us ACCA=no life, and I know that this is the truth, but I am still refusing to give up my life and change it into studies.
Now, I start to dream. (Hey, I know it's dreaming, but still have to have a dream before getting motivated, right!?!? )I dream of my future. Just a few weeks ago I thought of going to a vacation in Club Med, then out of no where, I have a thought of working there! How random. Now, I start to collect my motivations. I know it's a bit late and getting over CAT, you might think I don't need to get motivated and instead, I SHOULD BE motivated a long long time ago. But guess what? I hated CAT from the begining and I slacked through the whole process. I was wasting all my time on useless stuff, watching tv, doing nothing, etc and still am wasting some of my time, but at least I myself felt that I have a dream now. I want to graduate in june 2011. I am pending on my long vacation after ACCA! Even though I'm still lazy now, but I feel the "want" to study now. I want to plan my long vacation. I want to enjoy it. AND that's why I must study now. After the vacation, I want to find myself a job, no matter what is that, I want a job, I want to wear formal clothes to work(i know the last one sound a bit lunatic).
So, now onwards, no more failing. I want to get my first class OBU and it has to be an average of not less that 69/68/65(I don't know the marks, but I'm giving myself a 70). After the F level, I want a prize in P level. Gold, Silver, Bronze, either one will be good. Hahaha~ I know it sounds a lot too over. Doesn't sounds like what I'm capable of. But, that'll be always my dream and I'll have to kick some ass to do that! This batch of ACCA grads only have 117 of them in sunway, and I really hope one day I can be one of them! Hopefully it'll be granted in 2011. Let's pray for me(to study real hard).
But! I still want a life while achieving that. A life of my own, not just books, studying, highlighting, underlining, answering... I still want to hang out with friends, relax and last but not least, sleep early(hahaha).
Ahem... so, I think I have nothing more to write now...
signing off for now~
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Results
I'm nervous of getting my CAT results
I'll be either progressing with my friends, which everyone hopes for, or go back to CAT, which I think no one wants it.
What should I do with tomorrow?
Can I just skip it? without knowing the results and continue with everything I'm having now??
After I get the results, I'll be making a To-Do list!
I'll promise myself to follow it, strictly!
People, just support me, okay?
Please do not break my good spirit before I even try about it!
I need to turn over a new leaf!
I'll be either progressing with my friends, which everyone hopes for, or go back to CAT, which I think no one wants it.
What should I do with tomorrow?
Can I just skip it? without knowing the results and continue with everything I'm having now??
After I get the results, I'll be making a To-Do list!
I'll promise myself to follow it, strictly!
People, just support me, okay?
Please do not break my good spirit before I even try about it!
I need to turn over a new leaf!
Monday, June 1, 2009
ME and my PRE-exam sickness
just as the title...
me and my preexam sickness....
i really hate to study....
pls la~~
study hard...
just pass the three papers for now!!!
haiz...
the end
me and my preexam sickness....
i really hate to study....
pls la~~
study hard...
just pass the three papers for now!!!
haiz...
the end
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
i cant!
actually~
i cant
i cant focus
and the fact hurts a lot
my parents dun support me
and it hurts
they don't like it
but i am the one who is living with my life
not them
why just cant they understand about this fact?
they cant be here living my life forever
i am the one living my life
why just i cant live the life i want?
why?
why do i have to suffer with my life with their choice?
why?
i cant
i cant focus
and the fact hurts a lot
my parents dun support me
and it hurts
they don't like it
but i am the one who is living with my life
not them
why just cant they understand about this fact?
they cant be here living my life forever
i am the one living my life
why just i cant live the life i want?
why?
why do i have to suffer with my life with their choice?
why?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
letting go
letting go of something is really hard...
in fact, I'm in trouble of that
I'm having trouble of letting go of decisions made 2 bloody years ago
I hope everyday that time could turn back
I hope that I get to stand by myself
but the FACT is time is still running away and I still cant stand by myself
How bad is it when you yourself cannot do what you think you should be doing
Afraid of being laughed
Afraid of how people thinks
Afraid of being the odd one with odd thinking giving stupid ideas
Afraid of wasting time and indeed wasting time now
Afraid of choosing and now hating what people choose for you
It really sucks when your parents ask you to choose when they already choose for you and actually is asking you to choose what they choose for you yourself
I know. The words are a bit complicated and long.
shorten it=
parents choose the way for you and force you to take it
easy enough?
how great are my parents....
told them since I was a bloody holly naive shitty child, teenager, whatever that I dont want to be an accountant
and now WHAT!
I'm future to be ACCOUNTANT~ so, YEAH! *claps claps
haiz.... talking to them is so hard...
just because I dont know how too...
I really suck in communicating....
I am the youngest in the family... u can say that I am being headstrong...
I can tell you, YES I AM
and I am going to blame them when they say I'm wasting my time
if I am counting, they've wasted my time since I got into secondary school....
and I am indeed pissed off of their so many ways of wasting my time...
I cant even sleep when these things come around my head!
I get so angry and furious until I cant go to sleep
I really blame them for making who I am now~
so coward, lack of opinion, timid, lost
there is so many things, so many that i hate until i cant list~
but guess what.... I still love them, as my parents...
I still love them
(i am so off the topic)
actually I wanted to say that I cant let go the fact that I gave up senior 3
and since I gave up on that, I have been wasting my time until NOW and still going on~
people might think I got my direction,
but the truth is I never had one
until now I regreted like HELL to listen to my family
I really really shouldn't have listen to them!
and I know that is the reason that is stopping me from studying and demotivating me
I get really really depressed of that
that is why I quit SAM and the reason why I hate ACCA
I really should have got back to you all when I quited SAM
NOW, this moment right now,
everyone had graduated, everyone is on their direction
and I'm still in the same place since 2007
I've stopped....
in fact, I'm in trouble of that
I'm having trouble of letting go of decisions made 2 bloody years ago
I hope everyday that time could turn back
I hope that I get to stand by myself
but the FACT is time is still running away and I still cant stand by myself
How bad is it when you yourself cannot do what you think you should be doing
Afraid of being laughed
Afraid of how people thinks
Afraid of being the odd one with odd thinking giving stupid ideas
Afraid of wasting time and indeed wasting time now
Afraid of choosing and now hating what people choose for you
It really sucks when your parents ask you to choose when they already choose for you and actually is asking you to choose what they choose for you yourself
I know. The words are a bit complicated and long.
shorten it=
parents choose the way for you and force you to take it
easy enough?
how great are my parents....
told them since I was a bloody holly naive shitty child, teenager, whatever that I dont want to be an accountant
and now WHAT!
I'm future to be ACCOUNTANT~ so, YEAH! *claps claps
haiz.... talking to them is so hard...
just because I dont know how too...
I really suck in communicating....
I am the youngest in the family... u can say that I am being headstrong...
I can tell you, YES I AM
and I am going to blame them when they say I'm wasting my time
if I am counting, they've wasted my time since I got into secondary school....
and I am indeed pissed off of their so many ways of wasting my time...
I cant even sleep when these things come around my head!
I get so angry and furious until I cant go to sleep
I really blame them for making who I am now~
so coward, lack of opinion, timid, lost
there is so many things, so many that i hate until i cant list~
but guess what.... I still love them, as my parents...
I still love them
(i am so off the topic)
actually I wanted to say that I cant let go the fact that I gave up senior 3
and since I gave up on that, I have been wasting my time until NOW and still going on~
people might think I got my direction,
but the truth is I never had one
until now I regreted like HELL to listen to my family
I really really shouldn't have listen to them!
and I know that is the reason that is stopping me from studying and demotivating me
I get really really depressed of that
that is why I quit SAM and the reason why I hate ACCA
I really should have got back to you all when I quited SAM
NOW, this moment right now,
everyone had graduated, everyone is on their direction
and I'm still in the same place since 2007
I've stopped....
Sunday, April 5, 2009
update
updates...
1.
the carnival is officially over now~
^^ so happy~
it was hot that day
and NOW,
my legs have 2 colours because of wearing slippers...
so ugly~ haiz
2.
i fail my audit again...
37.6... something like that
as dini said... if u google my name...
u can see me failing audit...
u can go see... i dun care actually...
not actually such big shame to fail it...
because u come take la! if u pass only u tell me it's a shame...
audit is very hard for me la!
haiz....
3.
i hate ppl i consider just normal friends hugging, touching me...
just have the "yucks" factor to me...
so uncomfortable and i hate it....
summore i'm not so close as u think you are...
sien la!
especially opposite sex
yiu!
just go away~
1.
the carnival is officially over now~
^^ so happy~
it was hot that day
and NOW,
my legs have 2 colours because of wearing slippers...
so ugly~ haiz
2.
i fail my audit again...
37.6... something like that
as dini said... if u google my name...
u can see me failing audit...
u can go see... i dun care actually...
not actually such big shame to fail it...
because u come take la! if u pass only u tell me it's a shame...
audit is very hard for me la!
haiz....
3.
i hate ppl i consider just normal friends hugging, touching me...
just have the "yucks" factor to me...
so uncomfortable and i hate it....
summore i'm not so close as u think you are...
sien la!
especially opposite sex
yiu!
just go away~
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
習慣
看到朋友的Blog
她講她中學畢業了四個月，不習慣
想到自己
離開了整整一年多
還是很不習慣
爲什麽就是不能向前走呢？
那一步好像真的很大，
要用很多很多的勇氣去跨那一步~
幾時？
i read my friends blog
she graduated from high school for 4 month
she said she's not used to it
not only her...
even me~ i'm not used to it even i left for a whole year
a whole big fat year and i'm still not used to it
really don't know why i haven move on
just a step for me
but really need a lot of courage to move that step
when?
她講她中學畢業了四個月，不習慣
想到自己
離開了整整一年多
還是很不習慣
爲什麽就是不能向前走呢？
那一步好像真的很大，
要用很多很多的勇氣去跨那一步~
幾時？
i read my friends blog
she graduated from high school for 4 month
she said she's not used to it
not only her...
even me~ i'm not used to it even i left for a whole year
a whole big fat year and i'm still not used to it
really don't know why i haven move on
just a step for me
but really need a lot of courage to move that step
when?
tMr
tmr...
exam edi...
sien~
i haven study
worse~
i'm not even logged in to study mood~
really curious about do i have the study mood in me!
hahaha~
ok~ worst~
see la! fail 3 papers again! kena BAR from exam then really dai sei de la!
haiz~
darn
exam edi...
sien~
i haven study
worse~
i'm not even logged in to study mood~
really curious about do i have the study mood in me!
hahaha~
ok~ worst~
see la! fail 3 papers again! kena BAR from exam then really dai sei de la!
haiz~
darn
Monday, March 9, 2009
F*C*
damn damn damn!!!
i hate AUDIT!!!!
i hate it!!!
HATE!!!
freaking HATE!!!
just like how i hate soya beans, tomato, onions, ginger, etc etc!!!
DAMN!!!!
i'm gonna have it as a JOB!
i'll most probably KILL myself before 30!!!!
ASHOLE.... SUCK!!!!
and i'm studying accounts!!!
DAMN!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
HATE IT!!!!
WHY MUST I BE DOING IT!!!!!!
i hate AUDIT!!!!
i hate it!!!
HATE!!!
freaking HATE!!!
just like how i hate soya beans, tomato, onions, ginger, etc etc!!!
DAMN!!!!
i'm gonna have it as a JOB!
i'll most probably KILL myself before 30!!!!
ASHOLE.... SUCK!!!!
and i'm studying accounts!!!
DAMN!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
HATE IT!!!!
WHY MUST I BE DOING IT!!!!!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
----
sometimes,
it is just so good when there's the someone who comes just on time for you to talk to
and the someone just came on the right time...
it just lets out the frustration for u had for a long time
really felt better edi..
even though din really help out the situation
but still~
thanks ya Mark L...
specially dedicate this post to you ler~
even though you wont come here and read this
it is just so good when there's the someone who comes just on time for you to talk to
and the someone just came on the right time...
it just lets out the frustration for u had for a long time
really felt better edi..
even though din really help out the situation
but still~
thanks ya Mark L...
specially dedicate this post to you ler~
even though you wont come here and read this
skilLs
skills are things that we learn since we are born...
there's a chinese saying states that
we learn till we are old
yes... that's true...
in this cruel society
we really need skills
such as communication skills...
something i'm actually quite bad in
aiks....
how i wish i can communicate with everyone...
just so hard to talk to ppl u're not familiar with
there's a chinese saying states that
we learn till we are old
yes... that's true...
in this cruel society
we really need skills
such as communication skills...
something i'm actually quite bad in
aiks....
how i wish i can communicate with everyone...
just so hard to talk to ppl u're not familiar with
Thursday, February 26, 2009
do you know yourself?
do u know who u are?
i know i don't really know myself
but i do know i'm 19 this year
wow... big edi huh~
that's what i thought
for me... 19
i haven got drunk
i haven had a relationship with anyone for more than a month
i haven went to a bar, pub, disco, etc
i'm gonna pass my teen age...
ah... i'm gonna be an adult edi...
haven done anything crazy yet...
i'm just such a rational person i think...
i know what i'm doing sometimes...
i just wont put myself into trouble when i dun want to
but when i want to... i really get myself some crap all around
i just know what i'm doing...
why? i'm just a pussy cat who afraid of trouble...
i'm not brave... that's all
and what i do know abt me is...
i hate ppl controlling me...
why? try being under control of ur parents for 19 years and u know it'll not stop there
u wont want ur friends, relatives, teachers, any more other ppl to do that too...
i found out i really get angry sometimes...
angry like wth, it's none of ur business type of angry
stupid right?
i know i don't really know myself
but i do know i'm 19 this year
wow... big edi huh~
that's what i thought
for me... 19
i haven got drunk
i haven had a relationship with anyone for more than a month
i haven went to a bar, pub, disco, etc
i'm gonna pass my teen age...
ah... i'm gonna be an adult edi...
haven done anything crazy yet...
i'm just such a rational person i think...
i know what i'm doing sometimes...
i just wont put myself into trouble when i dun want to
but when i want to... i really get myself some crap all around
i just know what i'm doing...
why? i'm just a pussy cat who afraid of trouble...
i'm not brave... that's all
and what i do know abt me is...
i hate ppl controlling me...
why? try being under control of ur parents for 19 years and u know it'll not stop there
u wont want ur friends, relatives, teachers, any more other ppl to do that too...
i found out i really get angry sometimes...
angry like wth, it's none of ur business type of angry
stupid right?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
迷惑
迷惑又來了。。。
很煩。。。
考試又來了。。
很煩。。。
真的很不想考試。。。
真的。。。
突然很想聼聼尊孔朋友的聲音。。。
很想念你們。。。
你們在哪裏？
爲什麽我找不到你們？
每次遠遠的看到你們，追上去的時候已經不見了。。。
明明就在眼前又消失了。。。
很害怕。。。
很害怕會失去你們。。。
爲什麽大家都分開了呢？
告訴我。。。
告訴我我是不是不應該離開的。。。
結果傷害的只是自己
傷得太重了，很痛
很煩。。。
考試又來了。。
很煩。。。
真的很不想考試。。。
真的。。。
突然很想聼聼尊孔朋友的聲音。。。
很想念你們。。。
你們在哪裏？
爲什麽我找不到你們？
每次遠遠的看到你們，追上去的時候已經不見了。。。
明明就在眼前又消失了。。。
很害怕。。。
很害怕會失去你們。。。
爲什麽大家都分開了呢？
告訴我。。。
告訴我我是不是不應該離開的。。。
結果傷害的只是自己
傷得太重了，很痛
Monday, January 5, 2009
nEw yeaR, new mood?
it's a new year
but i'm still in CAT
regretted to be in this course b4
and
i'm sure i'll be thinking bout that again
when it comes to exams and difficult times
this is what happens when it's not what u want
and when u dunno what u want
sounds wise and somehow stupid also
when that thinking comes...
i really feel like dropping the course and take other things
like tourism, performancing arts
tourism is because i hope to travel
and anotherone is because i can do something related to the tv series
since i like spending time on TV so much
but~
both of their money future is not so seeABLE
money minded me... haiz
but i'm still in CAT
regretted to be in this course b4
and
i'm sure i'll be thinking bout that again
when it comes to exams and difficult times
this is what happens when it's not what u want
and when u dunno what u want
sounds wise and somehow stupid also
when that thinking comes...
i really feel like dropping the course and take other things
like tourism, performancing arts
tourism is because i hope to travel
and anotherone is because i can do something related to the tv series
since i like spending time on TV so much
but~
both of their money future is not so seeABLE
money minded me... haiz
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
毕业了！
毕业的不是我。。。
是你们~
我知道你们应该都不会来这里看的啦。。。
可是还是要写一下~
看着一个应该有我在里面的毕业典礼，心情很复杂。。。
很开心你们毕业了我也在那里看着，也很遗憾不能成为里面的一份子
以后不能一次看见你们全部人了，要真的聚在一起也难
以后呢想找一个借口回学校也不能了
不能再看见你们了
以后大家各分东西，走着自己的路，踏上自己人生的旅途！
很开心你们能让我参与，真的谢谢你们！
我没有哭哦！我很坚强吧！其实，只是该哭的都已经哭过了，没有你们那么伤心罢了
你们的笑声，你们的疯癫，你们的声音，你们的拥抱，我都会永远记住的！
是你们~
我知道你们应该都不会来这里看的啦。。。
可是还是要写一下~
看着一个应该有我在里面的毕业典礼，心情很复杂。。。
很开心你们毕业了我也在那里看着，也很遗憾不能成为里面的一份子
以后不能一次看见你们全部人了，要真的聚在一起也难
以后呢想找一个借口回学校也不能了
不能再看见你们了
以后大家各分东西，走着自己的路，踏上自己人生的旅途！
很开心你们能让我参与，真的谢谢你们！
我没有哭哦！我很坚强吧！其实，只是该哭的都已经哭过了，没有你们那么伤心罢了
你们的笑声，你们的疯癫，你们的声音，你们的拥抱，我都会永远记住的！
Thursday, November 6, 2008
i'm pisSed!
okay! i'm pissed now!
now! i'm just the non important person in the home!
the important one is the one who will share his problems and telephone back home!
yes! i'm not so important after all!
just because i'm here his there!
FINE!
i know!!! i'm just the manja girl...
who always make nonsense...
who also bring problem...
who also have stupid ideas...
who also have stupid dreams ...
who wants to do dangerous thing like car racing that will most probably risk her health and life...
who will never share her problems or even just seek for opinion...
who will never remember to call back home when she is out somewhere far...
who's not able to make her own decisions on her own even she is a 18 now...
who's not going to be able to live some place except HER HOME ...
who's not going to be able to live alone..
etc etc
if i can die like that easily, then i am risking my life now just because of living U KNOW! it's so dangerous in this world with dieases, inccidents, accidents, etc etc! i would probably die the NEXT FREAKING SECOND!
just have to follow the path u choose! everything u think is GOOD! AND how dare u tell ppl u are giving me 100% freedom when i cannot even go out late, clubbing, drinking, travel on my own...even playing snooker is BAD!
U never knew that doing like this will make our relatives laugh at me!
and i dun like to be laughed at! DO YOU EVER KNOW THAT! i hate to be laughed at! i SERIOUSLY HATE THAT
i'm so protected that they even call me WWF(a non profitable organistion who protects animals)
I HATE WHO I AM!
i hate that i cannot decide my life
i hate that i don't know what i want
i hate that u are making me so materialistic until i know money is not everything but without money i'm nothing
i hate that i'm actually studying something that i put it in the "NOT TO DO" list when i'm small
i hate that i dun have my own choice
i hate that i'm so lost and dun even know who i am
i hate that i can't concentrate when i need to study like NOW
i hate that i never ever get praised when i get 100 marks for my exam
i hate that you said that 100 marks was what i was suppose to do
i hate that i'm having a so comfortable life until i'm so lost in no where!
i hate that i cannot argue with you and will start having tears
i hate that i will just simply start to cry when i am suppose to tell you my thoughts of my choice
i hate that u also think that you are the best model for others
i hate that u never knew that you were wrong
i hate that u think i'm actually liking what i'm doing
i hate that i'm not as smart as him
i hate that we are all going to end up the same
i hate that i'm going to step into the boring office life with countless of OTs
i hate that i cannot even choose what i want!
i hate that i know what you want me to be/do
i hate that my life is already sort of setted by you
i hate that i have to graduate so young and start working
i hat that i'm such a good girl when i am young
i hate that i cannot disobey what you tell me to do
i hate that i cannot support my own life to do what i want
i hate that i'm hating so many things already and it is not all
i hate everything in my life now!
i have no targets to achieve
i have no motivation to push me to study and i know money as the motivator is already not enough
i DUN KNOW WHAT I WANT
i want to just slack around until i know what i want! DO YOU EVER KNOW THAT
NOW! i even hate that i'm writing this over here and let everyone see this and know i'm such a clueless person for this 18 years i lived!
and hate that i just posted this...
now! i'm just the non important person in the home!
the important one is the one who will share his problems and telephone back home!
yes! i'm not so important after all!
just because i'm here his there!
FINE!
i know!!! i'm just the manja girl...
who always make nonsense...
who also bring problem...
who also have stupid ideas...
who also have stupid dreams ...
who wants to do dangerous thing like car racing that will most probably risk her health and life...
who will never share her problems or even just seek for opinion...
who will never remember to call back home when she is out somewhere far...
who's not able to make her own decisions on her own even she is a 18 now...
who's not going to be able to live some place except HER HOME ...
who's not going to be able to live alone..
etc etc
if i can die like that easily, then i am risking my life now just because of living U KNOW! it's so dangerous in this world with dieases, inccidents, accidents, etc etc! i would probably die the NEXT FREAKING SECOND!
just have to follow the path u choose! everything u think is GOOD! AND how dare u tell ppl u are giving me 100% freedom when i cannot even go out late, clubbing, drinking, travel on my own...even playing snooker is BAD!
U never knew that doing like this will make our relatives laugh at me!
and i dun like to be laughed at! DO YOU EVER KNOW THAT! i hate to be laughed at! i SERIOUSLY HATE THAT
i'm so protected that they even call me WWF(a non profitable organistion who protects animals)
I HATE WHO I AM!
i hate that i cannot decide my life
i hate that i don't know what i want
i hate that u are making me so materialistic until i know money is not everything but without money i'm nothing
i hate that i'm actually studying something that i put it in the "NOT TO DO" list when i'm small
i hate that i dun have my own choice
i hate that i'm so lost and dun even know who i am
i hate that i can't concentrate when i need to study like NOW
i hate that i never ever get praised when i get 100 marks for my exam
i hate that you said that 100 marks was what i was suppose to do
i hate that i'm having a so comfortable life until i'm so lost in no where!
i hate that i cannot argue with you and will start having tears
i hate that i will just simply start to cry when i am suppose to tell you my thoughts of my choice
i hate that u also think that you are the best model for others
i hate that u never knew that you were wrong
i hate that u think i'm actually liking what i'm doing
i hate that i'm not as smart as him
i hate that we are all going to end up the same
i hate that i'm going to step into the boring office life with countless of OTs
i hate that i cannot even choose what i want!
i hate that i know what you want me to be/do
i hate that my life is already sort of setted by you
i hate that i have to graduate so young and start working
i hat that i'm such a good girl when i am young
i hate that i cannot disobey what you tell me to do
i hate that i cannot support my own life to do what i want
i hate that i'm hating so many things already and it is not all
i hate everything in my life now!
i have no targets to achieve
i have no motivation to push me to study and i know money as the motivator is already not enough
i DUN KNOW WHAT I WANT
i want to just slack around until i know what i want! DO YOU EVER KNOW THAT
NOW! i even hate that i'm writing this over here and let everyone see this and know i'm such a clueless person for this 18 years i lived!
and hate that i just posted this...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
l.o.V.e
just now...
this suddenly came to my mind...
this suddenly came to my mind...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LOVE~
people who love you will always love you...
theyll never not love you for what you had said
BUT
people who don't love will be really angry
and
will even hate you for little things that you do...
of course... dun try the patience of the people who love you too much
few times is OKAY... i think
but too much... it may get bad effect... you will not want that if you really care for them
don't you...
just like your beloved family and your friends... RIGHT??
this just suddenly came to my mind...
some little little mini thoughts of mine...
enjoy~
waiting for someone to love me~ i'm ready to love! XD
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