Aisay bhi log hotay hain.

I still love this bastard to death.

You lose a part of your brain when you enter medschool.

FakeFriend: Haye. Look at that guy! *points to a group of guys*
Me: Which one?
FakeFriend: Wau jo center mein nai khara hua. Woh.
Me: Acha. So?
FakeFriend: Daikh tau sai.
Me: Whats so special about him? Does he have two penises instead of the usual one?
FakeFriend: Dafa hau. He is as normal as you can think of. Yaaaaaaaaaar. I want to get married to him.
Me: THAT guy!? I thought he was the ugliest piece on earth.
FakeFriend: Fuck you.
Me: No seriously. I mean, just bloody look at him.
FakeFriend: *obviously losing her patience*
Me: Retard hai man! For all we know he probably sells crack in Saddar too. Maybe drives around in a taxi and drug-rapes innocent kids and all. Upar se shakal se he rapist lagta hai.
FakeFriend: WERE YOU NOT LISTENING WHEN HE DIAGNOSED ALL THOSE THREE CASES CORRECTLY? WITHOUT A SINGLE MISTAKE! SOCH YAAR. What else does a girl need!

Excuse me while I throw myself off the topmost tower.

Also, we found THIS room in our college.
Readers who might qualify as a potential rapist sometime in the future can thank me now!

Depression ki maa.

Me: Ammi. Result agaya.
Maa: Numra ke kitnay marks?
Me: ... 51%.
Maa: Kyaaaaa. Aisay dost hain tumharay. Mar kar pass hui hai. Blah blah. Nalaiq dost. Blah. Change your company. Blah blah. *after a while* Tau acha wau Dehneez ke kitnay hain?
Me: 90%.
Maa: Sharam karo. She gets more marks than you. Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Dostoun ko kis mounh se face karti hau gi university mein! Blah blah. Kahin munh dikhanay ke qabil nai chorna tumne mujhe. Blah blah. Fees zaya. Blah. Abba se bolo ghar betha dein tumhein. Blah blah. Fail doctors. *10 minutes which seemed like a pregnant moment* Javeria ke kitnay marks aye hain?
Me: Uska result he nai dia university ne. *walks out of the room to commit suicide*

And no, she did not ask me about my score.

This post is dedicated to Khadija Desai since,
Khadija Desai = Depression ki maa.

PS: Names have not been omitted because jitni meri biezzati hui utna he ub tum sab ko mein yahan zaleel karoungi.

Scare Tactics gone wrong.

It's about one of those days where you have this colossal cousin gathering at your place. Bored of your aunts visually X-raying you or your grandmother constantly pointing out your physical shortcomings, you decide to head over to your room and watch a horror flick with your cousins. You put on some movie, kill the lights and sit down.
(And might I mention how with sixteen of your annoying cousins jam packed inside the same room, it's a bit chaotic and you can't figure out who kicked you with his foot right in the ribs. Painful story.)

Anyway, the movie starts and surprisingly, it's not scary at all. This favourite cousin of your's and you decide to scare the youngest cousin present who is whimpering and biting his nails every time the main character trips over something invisible on the road while being chased by some madman. Since you can't figure out who is sitting where, you pick out a place where you think your cousin was sitting before the lights went out. Finding the right moment i.e: the middle of an intense dramatic scene, your cousin does his famous shrill resounding scream right into the ears of your youngest cousin.

You hear a 'Hayeeeee margaya!' somewhere from your left followed by a loud thump.
Run to turn on the lightswitch, expecting to see your mortified cousin.

Laugh your head off when you find out that instead of the target (i.e: the youngest cousin), you had somehow managed to scream in your Tayya Abba's face (Dad's brother), scaring the shit out of him and making him fall from the bed he was sitting on, ending up with a sizeable dent on his skull.

Kill me.

The day I found out I couldn't read what was written on the projector screen in the lecture hall was the happiest day of my life. I was so excited I tried on my friends' glasses only to check the difference and kept muttering to myself: 'So that's what the eye module was all about!'

Reason for this post? None.
I was sick of stalking myself and reading the last post for the umpteenth time.

Follow me on my twitter here. I'm quite desperate for new followers.

Also, I can't stop listening to this song.