What I Know About Mental Illness

In light of the horrific news about the death of a promenant religious leader's son, who suffered greatly with mental health issues I thought I would re-address this topic. It's one that I am passionate about, it's a topic that hits close to home and it's something that I endure daily. I'm deeply sadden by the harsh critics of this leader's family and son, particularly in such of when they grieving.

I think somewhere along the way many have most certainly lost our compassion. So many need to point fingers, find answers or be able to answer the why questions, even at the expense of others.

I haven't spent a lot of time researching the why or how of mental illnesses. It could from be the many chemicals that we consume or place on our bodies that are altering brain chemistry, it could be that its always been apart of human existence but now we just have more medical knowledge to diagnose, it could be all the technology, I just don't know.

Mental health issues still have such a stigma around them. Many still believe that it's something people "grow" out of it or can "shake" it off with time. This simply is not true. Millions of Americans suffer from various types of mental illness such as depression, PTSD, obsessive-compulsive disorder and the list goes on. These are real and can be life altering and life consuming.

What I want you to know is that all who suffer from a mental illness want desperately to be cured so much so that many see the idea or act of taking one's life reasonable. It stops the suffering. A suffering that is so difficult to articulate. Many who have a mental illness are on medications to help ease the affects but those medications come with some serious side affects. Its not a fix all.

Those who love and support folks with mental illness are our biggest cheerleaders. For me, my family and friends have been there for me never deserting me when things got rocky. It takes a lot of patience, grace and love on their part. Its difficult for them to watch us go thru such torment. Mental illness a lot of times causes us to be self-destructive, which is excrutiating to watch and gives them the feeling of helplessness.

It doesn't mean we are mean people or uncaring or selfish. It means we have an illness from which we suffer the side affects. It means it masks the person inside. The person we want to unzip and show.

It is no ones fault. It isn't something we just wake up and shake off. Its chronic. Its lifelong.

For me, my deep depression and PTSD is directly related to living with Cystic Fibrosis. The chronic illness affect has caused secondary issues. I work hard to control the depression and PTSD but there are times that its nearly impossible. It sneaks up on me. Sure, I have trigger points particularly with PTSD but the depression is always there. Like a water bottle strapped to a runners side. Nearly undetectable but there nonetheless. Its powerful. It influences most my decisions. It plays a role in all my relationships. It impacts how I look at itself, how I "see" depression and PTSD, which is very different than how those without it "see" it.

I do know I'm in the trenches just like millions of Americans and untold numbers around the world. We need compassion, grace, and love. We don't need to be told to "shake it off" or that we'll "grow out of it". It wasn't that long ago that I was in a very desperate place and wanted to end the suffering.

If you're suffering please know your not alone. It doesn't go away but it can and does get better.

Please be gentle with one another. Approach others with kindness.

~Doodlin'

Pain into Purpose

The entire purpose behind this blog is to turn pain into purpose. To be inspired by pain. Any pain. Emotional or physical pain. While this sounds easy enough it actually has proven to be some what of a difficult thing to accomplish.

You see, I am a person who is incredibly sensitive. I become emotional very easily. I am ridiculously loyal and have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve, which leaves it very exposed.  I am not one of those eternally optimistic individuals. I have to work at seeing the glass half full most of the time. This process of turning pain into purpose is something I have to work at, it doesn't come easily or naturally for me.

I could sit and be angry with God or the world. I could feel sorry for myself. I could let my disease control me. But I don't want to. I strive not to. I really wish I was eternally optimistic. I need to find inspiration within the pain.

I can tell you one thing; my faith in Christ has allowed me to see the purpose. My purpose has always been right in front of my nose but it is Christ who has opened my eyes to see it. After years of struggling with finding a purpose I am beginning to see my purpose.

I was beautifully made to be sensitive. Sensitive to the pain of others and myself so that I might be moved sooth the pain. To be inspired to alleviate, understand or transform pain. Much of my personal pain I have pushed into the deep dark depths of my soul. Only of late am I working to dredge it up, pay attention to it, give it a voice so that it can be transformed into something beautiful.

Something to make the world a better place. Something to be proud about. Something others can love. Something others see as inspiring. To give hope to those whose pain is ugly and buried deep; that it might be made into something much more.

~Doodlin'

The perfect Christmas gift!

Have you ever seen someone hurt from the inside out or even the outside in? Have you ever wished you could do something anything to ease their pain or suffering? What if I told you that you could ease the outside pain which would ease the inside pain by donating a few dollars, would you do it? Really....think about it.....


It isn't often that we can do something to help right now. Most anguish is deeper than skin. Here is an opportunity to help right now in real life. While you will not be solving all their problems you will be helping to ease their pain both inward and outwardly. Really...... think about it.......


This would also make a wonderful Christmas gift for someone who has everything or even as a family.


I want surgeries for Christmas


For more information about the organization written about in "I want surgeries for Christmas" visit Dr. Hodes website


~Doodlin'

Helping leads to relief, relief leads peace

I am thankful for being able to do things in my life that I am passionate about. Many who know me closely know that I have a few things that strike a fire under my feet and push me to help. Besides fighting for a cure for CF I am also a crusader and deeply passionate about the tremendous suffering of children in impoverish countries like Ethiopia. Let me give you a bit of background......

In 2006 I was searching for a part-time job to help supplement our income. I have had many jobs in my little lifetime and knew from experience that I wanted to work in a non-profit that makes a difference in someones life. I began my search on Craigslist and found a job opening working at an international adoption agency. I had no idea what I was getting into but I applied and got the job.

I loved my job. I loved that I made a difference, no matter how small. I was able to ease the suffering of a handle full of children by assisting their placement into forever families. By doing so, I was able to look outside my suffering and see others. I also developed some very close relationships to wonderful people and families.

What I learned ripped my heart to shreds.

During my employment with the agency I had the amazing opportunity to travel to Ethiopia for 14 days. I wrote a daily journal about my feelings towards what I saw, heard, tasted and smelled (which was little since my sniffer doesn't work well). I traveled in March of 2009 and to this day have a difficult time reading the words I wrote. At times I feel like I made it all up. How, can the suffering be so tremendous when I have SO much, when we in the US along with other industrialized nations have SO SO SO SO much.

My friend over at scooping it up, who along with her hubby had the same opportunity to travel to Ethiopia as I, wrote is so well. The devastation in Somalia and other countries like Ethiopia is consuming. It can rip you to pieces. To be honest, it should, I should feel saddened by it, I should feel anger about it, I should feel compelled to help, I should stand up and take a stand to assist in their relief.

If for no other reason but to make your selfish soul feel better, help aid the relief. I did.

~Doodlin'