Taking A Step

...... small as it maybe.

The abysmal state of preparations for the CommonWealth Games(CWG) are no secret to the world. How terribly it has tarnished the name of India, we can all imagine. It hurts to see a new piece about the bad state of affairs in Delhi, each time I turn in to the news of the television. Not being too into sports helps at times like this, but I can not will not ever stop being an Indian. Last week on my way to work(yes, its work to me now, ever since the GP, asked me 'Aren't you in office?'), traveling in the tram, I had to sit through a rough half an hour, with the woman sitting next to me, talking to a co-traveller, about the CWG, and adding onto it, with many other negative comments on India. I fought hard not to let my tears out. Got off the tram, reached office, and actually took a while to compose myself, before I actually went to work. And it was then that I decided, that though I am not physically in India, and even if I had been, there was not much I could have practically done, to help with the Games, but I decided to do something, something more than whining and complaining. And so I decided to write to the PM of India. And I did. The first draft, was very me, raw, emotional, angry, accusatory, and to me very honest too. I let The GP have a read before I mailed it, and in his usual cool way of going about things, he said, "Its nice. But, I doubt if it will ever reach the PM, with kind of aggression the letter portrays." Earlier I would have sent it anyways, but now I thought, what's the point in taking the effort and not making it count, so I toned it down, re-wrote it and finally posted it yesterday. I am happy that I did something instead of sitting and cribbing about things. One of the reasons I stopped posting on my old blog, on social issues, was because I did not want to just write without doing anything concrete, about things. I think its pointless to rant and rave, and write, and in actuality do absolutely nothing to turn things around. So this is my little bit.

This is what I wrote, and I promise to tell you, if I hear back from him.

"Dear Mr. Singh,

I write this letter to you, in a state of great mental anguish today. I write to you, because I want to do something concrete, instead of lying around, whining, complaining and feeling miserable, as I usually end up feeling in situations like these. I am writing this to you, because I think the ultimate responsibility of India lies with you, every aspect of it, is ultimately your responsibility. And hence, you are the person I am reaching out to with my complaint, or should I say humiliation.

I am currently living in Australia, where my husband works to earn a living, and these days, I step out of my home, onto the streets, with a cold fear in my heart. The fear of being humiliated, or hearing taunts about the state of things regarding the CommonWealth Games. Today, as I was traveling by tram to my place of work, a middle-aged lady, came and sat next to me, she began talking to the man sitting across from us, and during the course of her conversation, she said, "Oh well! There is nothing to say about the Commonwealth Games ofcourse, with ceilings falling off, what can we say." There was more, and besides the words, the tone of the speaker, left no doubt about the feeling of disgust and pity she had towards India. It hurt, and it hurt bad. I upset me a great deal. I was almost in tears by the time I reached my stop, and it took me a while to calm done and settle into my work for the day. I went on with my day, but felt like a knife had stabbed my heart, and was left there.

Why sir, do we let our own country down so badly? Why with a population of over a billion people, could we not make a complete success of the Games? Why have we become objects of ridicule and humiliation in front of the world? Why is the state of things so abysmal, when we have but a handful of days left for the Games to begin. You are the head of the state, and you can command its resources, as you see fit, why then sir, did you allow things to go so terribly awry? I am terribly dejected and disappointed, by the way India's name and image have been tarnished, and I can only ask you, what are your plans to turn things around?

Kind Regards,
A disheartened Indian."

It is not a big deal, I know, but it is an effort to make myself heard. And if anyone else, is interested, in taking such steps, you can find the contact details of the Indian PM online, and you can even send him an e-mail of upto 500 words, if you wish to. It is not a lot of effort, but it can be one step you take, to make a difference. Don't cave in, don't give up. Keep trying.

Letter To The Prime Minister

Dear Mr. Singh,

I write this letter to you, in a state of great mental anguish today. I write to you, because I want to do something concrete, instead of lying around, whining, complaining and feeling miserable, as I usually end up feeling. I am writing this to you, because I think the ultimate responsibility of India lies with you, every aspect of it, is ultimately your responsibility. I cannot do much else, but I think I need you to hear out my complaints, because I am an Indian, and you are my country's Prime Minister.

I am currently living in Australia, where my husband works to earn a living, and these days, I step out of my home, onto the streets, with a cold fear in my heart. Not unfounded, sir, but completely your fault. Today, as I was traveling by train to my place of work, a middle-aged lady, came and sat next to me, she began talking to the man sitting across from us, and during the course of her conversation, she said, "Oh well! There is nothing to say about the Commonwealth games ofcourse, with ceilings falling off, what can we say." There was more, and besides the words, the tone of the speaker, left no doubt about the feeling of disgust and pity she had towards India. It hurt, and it hurt bad. I don't know if it bothers you, but it upset me a great deal. I was almost in tears by the time I reached my stop, and it took me a while to calm done and settle into my work for the day. I went on with my day, but felt like a knife had stabbed my heart, and was left there.

For all of it, I hold no one but you responsible. Because, you are the Prime Minister of India, and the country is your responsibility. Every aspect of it. The communal riots, your failure, the corruption your failure, the poverty, the homelessness, your failure, every crime committed, every terrorist attack that happens in the country is your personal failure sir. Not that of the government, the law, the states, but you personal failure. They all work under you, you command every bit of it, you sit on top of the pyramid, and hence if you enjoy the benefits of that position, you and you alone are to blame to. If you say, it is not possible to take care of it all, then you must be unfit for the position, and should not have tried to take on a responsibility that is too big for you. With resources of over 1 billion people at hand, nothing is impossible, for the man who really cares to make a difference. You sir, have simply no excuses. I believe that when you were sworn into your office, there was some sense of pride and responsibility in you, about the work you were entrusted with. Obviously I was mistaken. As the head of the nation, you have failed us at every level, and you are bringing nothing but shame to India. You provide it with neither safety, nor security, neither food, nor water, and you cannot even ensure that the CommonWealth Games take place well, for which you received money.

I will end by saying, you fail me, my country, and my fellow country men. I am severely ashamed of you, and what you and your gang(I don't think it will be fair to call a bunch of corrupt, criminal people, the government, just because they managed to prise their way into the parliament by hook or by crook.) are doing to MY country, because its you, who is responsible for the sad state of affairs.

Yours Truly,
A Disgruntled Indian.

Giving It Up

I was not sure I would put it up on the blog, but then I realised that every penny counts, and this is not for me, so let me just not act prudish, and share it here. There is the 40 Hour Famine being organised by World Vision Australia. And I decided to participate. There were ads on the TV, and I was intrigues enough to look them up online. It seemed like something I can do, and so I went for it.

The thing is, that I give up something that I need all the time for 40 hours, and try to get my friends to donate to the cause in return. It could be anything, so I decided to go with the Internet, something that I use from the moment I get up, to the time I go to sleep, and the other, is non-vegetarian food. I am thinking about withdrawal symptoms already, but might as well go ahead and do it. Wish me luck people. And just like what I told all my friends, 'No amount is too big, and none too small. Even $1 is most welcome, to whoever wants to contribute.' So anyone, who wishes to donate, even a dollar, please just mail me (goofymumma[at]gmail[dot]com), and I will mail you the link where you can donate.

Its a really good cause and the money generated from this will be used for people and especially children who need it, around the world. As mentioned on the website,
Donations to the 40 Hour Famine this year will support projects aimed at: addressing climate change and increasing agricultural production in Nepal; tackling childhood malnutrition in Kenya; fighting child labour and trafficking in India; providing supplementary food support to families in Cambodia; and assisting with food security in Laos.

Wish me luck!

Use Your Mammaries, Mothers!

[Disclaimer - This is not about women who are physically unable to breastfeed, but about women who are capable but don't.]
If my last few posts have not been mention and proof enough of my disillusionment, with the world as it exists today, here comes another one. For a rare change I was looking at a newspaper today, and as newspapers have the habit of doing, it managed to impart some nugget of information to me. 'What now?', you ask, well this is the World Breastfeeding Week. And you can head over to the dedicated website, to gain more information about the week starting 1st of August, that this is being celebrated.

My point being, however, that we live in society today, where the most powerful and basic form of love, that of a mother to a child seems to be dwindling. I am sure, consciously or without really noticing, everyone in this world has observed some event, where a mother's affection has made the impossible possible. This is supposed to be the love, purest of all, the one without any expectations or demands. But before I go on, about that for a few posts worth of length, let me just say, that breastfeeding is the most basic thing a mother does for her child, and it is strange that there needs to be weeks, days or anything at all dedicated to inform people about it.

We celebrate women because they breastfeed their babies??? *huh????* Next we will need to celebrate the man who drives his family around, or the woman who cooks for her family, or a person who spends his earning on bringing up his/her children. Oh! But I forget, many people already believe they are doing the whole wide world a big favour, by doing precisely these very things. What is wrong with us? Does there need to be preaching and encouragement for mothers(notice, I am not saying women here!! Because the emotional transformation a woman goes through, when she delivers a baby, transforms her forever into a mother) to breastfeed their babies? There is a reason, why a woman's body was designed by nature, to grow a baby within itself, nourishing and growing it, and then nourishing it for a while after too. What exactly can be enticing enough for a mother to not want to do that?

[Image courtsey - http://www.keyshealthystart.org/breastfeeding.htm]

WHO recommends breastfeeding a baby for atleast the first two years of life, and by the time a baby is just about six months old, many many mothers begin to plan their weaning methods, and by the time they are one, the babies are all weaned successfully, as the mothers would proudly claim. And while, in a normal world, I would think that cruel, in the one we currently inhabit, I have to applaud the mothers for allowing their babies access to their, completely personal and self-owned breasts(Yes, I am being sarcastic!), because there are those, who don't allow their babies that privilege. Its a strange world indeed, where mothers are too busy/self-involved/self-lovingcompletely selfish to provide their baby with breast milk. The reasons, could be many, and all equally pathetic. But unfortunately, no matter how much I hate it, such is the world we inhabit. Selfishness, has crossed all barriers, and has invaded even the purest of relationships.

And hence, the newspaper, being a more accepting part of the world, as it exists today, linked up an article about Celebrities Who Love Breastfeeding (a few pics may not be suitable for viewing in office!)as it states, 'In honour of World Breastfeeding Week we feature 12 celebrities who support the 'breast is best' message.' Well, indeed, let us celebrate, and instead of being a sourpuss, who keeps cribbing about what bothers her, let me appreciate the effort that is being taken here, to make things right. And so I will say, its the best way for a mother to bond with her baby. The initial months, fraught with sleeplessness, breastfeeding is the perfect way to relax. Breastfeeding releases hormones, that soothe and ease the mother's nerves, and helps her rest and relax. For the women who have breastfed, they would know, it induces a much needed state of blissful sleepiness. Breastfeeding also reduces the risk of breast cancer. And it helps the uterus shrink faster and sooner. And now that I have said all that I know about how it helps the mother, may I also add the obvious, that it make the baby healthier, it gives him natural immunity against diseases in those precious first few months of life, it is the easiest food for his tender digestive system, and it also gives him emotional strength of knowing he is loved, and not a burden!

So there women, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing is worth giving up on this special experience, nor any reason good enough to use an excuse. Feed your baby, give them what only you can, don't hold that back.

A Feminist Re-Born

Well, so the training I was singing praises about is finally over. Yesterday was our last session. And yes, I am sad. My Wednesdays will not be the same. Being in a room full of opinionated, intelligent, strong, passionate and yet extremely compassionate women, would leave anyone a richer and smarter person. I did a lot of foot-in-mouth stupidities, and yet I never felt judged. I go on the phone for the first time tomorrow, so I need all the good wishes and blessings I can get. But that is not what this post is about. This is about something that was discussed, at the end of the session yesterday, and left me wanting to say a lot, and more importantly once again brought to the fore my thoughts on the topic of feminism.

It was a five minute, self evaluation on how we felt at the end of the training, and it was then that I realised, that like a lot of other things in life, I had, through this training come to a full circle around my opinions and views on feminism. As a child growing up, I felt very strongly against the inequality between men and women or rather girls and boys as I saw it at that age. I saw it everywhere, in families who were part of the educated, moneyed middle-class of society, the stinking rich, the poor, it happened everywhere. When I look back now, I find it a bit surprising, that I was so infuriated by the situation, especially considering the fact, that being an only child, I did not have to deal with any such issue in my own life. But like most issues that are related to inequality and discrimination of any kind, I was passionate about it. But things changed.

The past few years, the term feminism, had me looking at it cynically. I had seen just way too many women, use it as a ruse to act selfishly. Rich women, with loving families, who don't want to do their part, women who use it as an excuse to reap the benefits and shy away from the duties. Feminism is not about getting the upper hand in every marital discord, or not breast feeding, or making sure that a woman does not take care of her children just because the father is not doing so(because he was at work), or yes, claiming she does not need to cook, because her husband does not... may I add here, that she does not do anything else concretely either. Yes, I have met and heard of women like that. I have heard about the huge fuss being made about continuing with her maiden surname after marriage, by women who actually do continue with it anyways. And while I agree, that it should be a woman's free-will, what name or surname she wants to use, at whichever point of time in her life, it just takes away from the real issues a feminist is fighting for, issues that determine the course of a woman's life. I think such women in the name of feminism, take away from what feminism is all about, they completely dilute the severity of the true cause. No I am not supporting women, who think they have the right to drink till they throw up, in the name of feminism, or women who think they should have many casual sexual encounters because men do, in the name of feminism, or women who say they are feminists and can hence sneer upon others who are more traditional in their outlook or lifestyle. And that being the case, I had become quite disillusioned about feminism.

And then I joined this organisation which is openly feminist in its views. Initially, I was not sure, how I would fit in, based on my the existing view of feminism and feminists. But then things changed. As I learnt and discussed, about the real issues facing women, violence, lack of rights, stereotyping, lack of options and choices, being controlled and dominated, being left alone with children and without any money to fend for themselves, I left more than one training session, enraged, angry and disturbed. And in the process found once again my true passion for feminist causes and issues. Being a mother now, just sensitises me more. And I found the gap between the true feminist, and the pseudo-feminist.

A feminist is a person(yes it could be a man too), who in actuality is bothered by discrimination or inequality of any kind, and is particularly sensitive to the issues, faced by women, because they are women, whether in her personal life or professional. That is how I define the feminist. A feminist would feel equally for a friend who is a victim of domestic violence, as she would for the poor homeless one, because she does not discriminate based of social or financial status of a person. She would feel for the boy, of a rich business family, who is taken out of school to work in the family business, while his sisters go on to college and more, just as much for the girl, who is taken out of school, to earn some to contribute to the family income, while her brother is allowed to do as he pleases. But yes, the feminist, would fight a bit harder for the girl, because she is after all a feminist. A feminist does not say all men are d*$#, but she is strong enough to stand up against any man(or woman) who takes away from any woman's basic human rights. And so, yes, that is me a re-born feminist. And believe me, I will fight any woman who tries to dilute the true issues, and problems facing women, with their fluff about the right to smoke.

*sigh* I feel liberated! And this was so important to get off my chest, that well past mid-night, I am up typing this, because I had to say it. Cheers to all the feminists of the world.

Hind Desh Ke Nivaasi Sabhi Jan Ek Hain

Rang roop vesh bhaasha chahen anek hain!

(All people residing in the land of India are equal,
Though colour, looks, attires and languages maybe many.)




The Thakeray(thakeley describes the idiots better, me thinks!) clan of illiterate fools, who know no other language, but Marathi have obviously never seen or understood this absolutely amazing video. This is one of my childhood favourites, and I sneak in a view whenever I can. And when I was watching this with the BB today, the first line just stood out to me, and made me realise, how this was not just a lesson in singular and plural. Such a simple, small animation, and yet so powerful in what it says and preaches. I so so pity those politically motivated, self centered, power hungry crazed loons, who are dividing the country, and acting all righteous to top that. MNS and Shiv Sena are nothing but small time terrorist outfits, and the Indian govt., being the fool that it is, is not realising that and stopping them now, they will wait to regret it, when instead of sticks and stones these people will have guns and bombs in their hands.

I am writing this openly to you Thakerays(From the Shiv Sena, MNS gang of goons), and their either absolutely foolish or totally power lusty ruffians. But then again, you know nothing but Marathi, will you be able to comprehend what is written here, or just continue being the ignorant, stubborn asses you are? Anyways, here goes nothing.

"You are so foolish to think that Maharashtra can be isolated from the rest of India and made to thrive. It cannot. But then being the shrewd people that you are, you possibly already know this, and are doing your bit of drama to get attention and popularity is it not? I wonder how you sleep at night knowing the amount of damage you are causing to the common man's life in India, or to be more precise Maharashtra. All I am suggesting is, that do see the video above, get a person to translate it to you in Marathi, and understand what the video says. We are all Indians, and the whole country belongs to each one of us.

If you cannot do any good to anyone, atleast don't harm people. You are nothing more than a high-school bully scaring the weak and the poor. None of the big entrepreneurs in Bombay are Maharshtrian. Take on the Ambanis, the Tatas or the Birlas for a day or even just a couple of hours if you so believe in your 'cause' , and then you will know your true place. Pathetic, that is the only word I have for you.

PS - ata jha ani ek bhashantarak,shodhun ya ,hey Vaakya samjhayla!!
(Now go, and get a translator to tell you what is written here.) "

I think Maharashtrians, Punjabis, Tamilians, Oriyas and all other communities are equal. Each one has something special to offer to the nation. I don't think Andhra would do well by driving out all Maharashtrians(just an example), just as Maharashtra wouldn't by driving out the rest. And it is high time that everyone started realising this fact, every INDIAN, who believes that he is an Indian more than anything else. No one is better than the other, each one has that special bit about them.

Can We Hear The Sobs Of Tiny Voices?

October is the Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and pretty much every heart wrenching, and very touching post I have read so far, is about violence against adult women, by their husbands and in-laws. The posts by IHM, Smitha and Solilo are the ones I would recommend for reading. Abuse of women, is the most obvious kind of thing that comes to mind, when we talk of domestic violence today, a wife being beaten, harassed and even marital rape. Personally, I have very little experience with this kind of violence, strange but true, I have no friends, who are harassed, except the usual tug of war, all Indian women have with in-laws, none of my maids were abused at home, fortunately both had rather loving husbands. I have only heard incidents about people who are known to someone, who know someone I know, or through the media. I would want however to stress on a different kind of domestic violence which is very prevalent in India, but very very little attention is paid to it, and in more ways than one it is a lot worse than wife beating.

It is violence, and aggression against children in homes. It happens more commonly than we are ready to accept or even acknowledge, but the situation is scarier than most of us can fathom. Bad childhood, is a very simple and general term used to describe this situation, and push it under the carpet, in a land where parents are treated like Gods, no matter how they are. When its a woman being abused, there is a possibility of her receiving support from her parental home, but a child has no where to hide and nowhere to run, from his own parents. Nowhere at all. Imagine a five year old being beaten mercilessly by his own parents in the confines of his own home, which should be his sanctuary, the place where he should feel the most loved and safe. Where does this child go looking for help, how does he even know he should get out, and how will he survive if he does? When I saw this video on IHM's post, the first thought that came to my mind is, would the man have done the same thing had the abuser been abusing his child instead of his wife? How commonly do we see parents hitting, and verbally abusing children publicly, and how often are we shocked by it, the way we are with violence against women? Rarely ever, then who would even bother with what happens behind closed doors. A child is too shamed and scared, and knows too little to understand that what is being done to him is wrong, unjust. And a child who grows up in such an environment is unlikely to realise it either, because of conditioning.

Image Courtsey - http://abdoukili.wordpress.com/2008/11/14/children-faced-with-parental-and-social-abuse/

Its a myth that such abuse lies only in the lower strata of the society, it exists everywhere. I have bonded with many a blog friend, simply because we share a common history of childhood abuse, and somehow that has turned us into similar people in some ways. Two of my closest friends from the blog world, have faced abuse all through their childhood, and we can talk to each other openly, without feeling any guilt, like we can't with anyone else. The gory details are never put up on the blog, or discussed openly and people who have been fortunate enough to have nice parents, cannot really understand, what can possibly justify a person bad-mouthing her own parents. You have to live it, to know the pain, to understand what cannot be explained in words. These are people who are well educated themselves and belong to affluent, educated families. At five where could we have escaped? From our own parents? When I had finally had enough, and realised that I could be loved and appreciated, and left my parental home for good and married the DH, a relative I had newly acquired, questioned me about my actions, told me that people are abused much worse, even sexually by their parents, what then, have I to complain about? It is tough enough to take a stance, but then to be questioned, and to need to defend yourself for having escaped abuse is not easy either.

And even then we are never completely free of our parents, while a spouse can possibly be replaced, parents cannot. And we do tend to keep turning back, hoping for something that never really existed, longing for something we never really had. And I cannot help but wonder why, do we keep going back to the people who wronged us, and who will never accept that they have done so. And I finally found an answer to that in an article Solilo pointed out to me, which finally gave words to my vague beliefs. It says

Research on early attachment, both in humans and in nonhuman primates, shows that we are hard-wired for bonding — even to those who aren’t very nice to us.

No wonder then that even the abused children and spouses continue to be affectionate towards the abuser. An abused child is unable to completely cut ties off with the parents without either feeling guilty, or being made to feel as such by people, such is our social conditioning. A wronged child feels guilty to even say aloud, what he knows and feels is wrong.

There are people who feel that physically intimidating children is an important tool for disciplining them. The very line of thought is outrageous. How can violence, and physical aggression be used against a child? I know of girls being beaten black and blue by leather belts, for wearing clothes the parents considered inappropriate, boys who were not fed for days, because they failed an exam, children being beaten, till their tears dry up and they hiccup for hours, because they said something in the presence of outsiders that they should not have. Why is the Indian society NOT outraged by these acts of domestic violence, why do children have no rights in our country? Many developed countries, explain their rights to children, have strict rules against verbal or physical abuse of children, India is far away from even acknowledging the existence of this issue. No one raises a voice, or thinks its even slightly out of place, if parents are abusive. It is time we started nipping the problem in the bud, if we wish to eliminate domestic violence entirely.

While not even for a moment can I say domestic violence against women is any less atrocious, but its violence against children that I think causes much deeper harm, and leads to creating an unhappy, unstable, prone to violence, self-respect lacking or a human deficient in many other ways. Scars in the heart and mind which never heal, which never leave.

Stop Violence Against Children. They Are People In Their Own Right.

Image Courtsey - http://www.studentsoftheworld.info/sites/society/childabuse.php

An old post, very relevant to this topic, is what I dug up, and am linking here, for anyone who wishes to read.