Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Modern Warfare 2

Above: This week's best game ever made.

With only one week to go until the release of Modern Warfare 2, many charming folks are clamoring to join the fight against grenade spam. They've gathered on the MW2 "user buzz page" on Gamestop.com, where comments generally fall into four categories.

1) Sales Potential

SPARTAN B15:

Anyone who doesn't reserve is going to have to wait a couple weeks to buy it because this game is going to be sold out! There are going to be people fighting over this game.

christophermaster1:

Call of Duty MW 2 will be a big hit mostly half of u.s will potentalliy buy it and i also will look forward to it

king balla:

over half the world is probably gona buy this.

2) Quality Assurance

pizzaboycool:

This game is gonna be 10 times better than COD 4 and 100 times better than COD 5.

EPiCMATT:

Theres no way this game will not be GAME OF THE YEAR!!!

P.J The beast:

COD: MW2 is the best firts person shooter of the century.

Renegade0528:

This is going to be the best shooter 2 date.

Kilr Stud:

There is a very good chance that this will be the best game ever.

Forster:

Personally, I think this is going to be the greatest game ever created for any game console.

AIRO:

This will be the best game ever created.

RE fan!:

this an 11 outa 10 game without a doubt

3) Sickness Quotient

UberBerger:

This game however looks sicker than anything I have ever seen.

AIRO:

The graphics look sick and the gameplay looks sick. Everything about this game will be sick

king balla:

man this game looks siiiiiiiiiik.

4) Cries for Help

Kristoph44:

you can say i'm preety much pumped for it and you can be sure i'm picking it up at midnight and playing it for about 3 months straight without sleep even tho it is impossible i'll still try to attempt it!!!

A Customer:

im not going to get it right away not sure why i think im going to get borderlands first. o and to answer friar's question operation flashpoint: dragon rising blew cod 4 out of the water o and next time dont sound like a 3rd grader when righting your preview thing.

Dawn of war fan:

This game is going to be infested with little kids. Oh god i seriously mean it. I wont be able to enjoy this game because of all the little children bantering about nothing. Talking everyone ears off.

OzCueball:

I'm just afraid that it will be too over hyped and not deliver on the expectations that the hype and ads are making it out to be. I'm praying i'm wrong and it blows everyones minds and is the best selling game of all time, but if i were Infinity Ward i'd be shaking in my shoes right now in fear. Who ever reads this pray with me that i'm wrong. Just pray.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Batman: Arkham Asylum

Above: Mitch Krpata after reading user-submitted previews of Batman: Arkham Asylum on Gamestop.com.

After a fairly dry summer for AAA titles, the fall season kicks off with the release of Batman: Arkham Asylum on August 25. As a lifelong Batfan, I'm looking forward to this one despite my better judgment. But you don't come here to find out what I think about upcoming games. You come here to find out what Gamestop.com users think about upcoming games. Although in the case of Arkham Asylum, "think" may not be the right word.

BEST GAMER summarizes the storyline:

So far from all the previews and stuff this game looks really good and the storyline is really cool the story begin as batman bring the joker to arkham but than batman felt something was wrong because joker just surrender without a fight when really it was trap set by the joker and that's when the story begin this game is really great i can't for it to come out this i hope this is the batman game we've all been waiting for.

You may look at that and simply see a garbled mess of words, with run-on sentences, disagreeing verb tenses, and nary a punctuation mark to be seen. You neanderthal. I see a linguistic gumbo that's practically Faulknerian in its depiction of sexual repression and mental retardation in the deep south.

Maybe I'm extrapolating a bit.

DLM won't take the fans' word for the quality of Arkham Asylum. He goes straight to the experts:

I can't wait for this game! Game Informer even featured it in one of their issues with really positive things to say about it. Not only game informer but gamespot.com and IGN.com gave this game some face time. Rarely does a superhero game get this much credit from video game press.

It's true: The only surefire way to know if a game is good is to see if it has ever been previewed in the rarefied pages of Game Informer. This is like saying the Royals are a great baseball team because they get coverage in the Kansas City Star.

(Actually, I am willing to bet that this game's Metacritic average will be at least 30 points higher than the Royals' winning percentage at the end of the year, which is somehow more an indictment of the Royals than of Metacritic. Why am I talking about baseball right now.)

It wouldn't be Gamestop.com user-submitted previews without a head-scratching factual inaccuracy. Take it away, pmilleroly27:

Well Batman is the greatest fictional character ever to who wouldn't want to try this game out. Not to mention you got Rocksteady who made Bioshock. And the writer or Batman the Animated Series making the story line oh and the voice actors from the show as well.

According to MobyGames, Rocksteady's sole shipped game to this point is Urban Chaos: Riot Response. Nothing wrong with padding the ol' resume, I suppose. No harm done. That's one of the many lessons I learned when I wrote for Kotaku.

doctor do games2 is looking ahead to the year-end lists:

i played the demo for this game and the graphics are great, the fighting style is superb, and the jokers voice and demented comedy is friggin awesome. throughout the challenge mode joker dissed batman, his own goons, and himself. i wont be suprised if this game is in the top ten in game informer.

Pfft, like a superhero game would get that kind of credit from the games press! We're talking about Game Informer here, not some hackish fanboy 'zine.

Speaking of hackish fanboys, here's batman arkham asylum rules!!!:

Batman Arkham Asylum is going to be better than COD: Modern Warfare 2 and Left For Dead 2 Combined. People think that New Super Mario Bros. Wii will get the game of the year, but they have no brains at all.

You'd have to be some kind of an idiot to think that New Super Mario Bros. will be the game of the year before you've even had a chance to play it. Obviously Batman is the best game of 2009. That's just science.

We'll leave the final word to Cuddles Von Snugglesworth:

Looks like Splinter Cell in the Batman universe!!!!!! The game looks so incredible it makes me want to stop feeding my cats and punch them in their adorable faces. The very thought of their little mouths meowing and whining for cat food drives me to a level of angry that can only be subdued by this awesome game. In fact I'm glad I'm a human and not a cat so that I can play this game and swoop down and BAM! enemies in the face! If I was a cat I'd be a Maine Coon.

At least that one was intentionally funny. Right? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm feeling a powerful urge to lock all my doors and windows.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Ghostbusters

Above: You're right, Ray. No human being would stack books this way.

Ghostbusters is just about the perfect movie, and I suspect that anybody who grew up in the 1980s can't help but look forward to a video game adaptation that features the voices and likenesses of nearly all the main cast. But will Ghostbusters: The Video Game live up to the film's lofty standards, or should gamers keep their five bucks? Let's see what the commenters at Gamestop.com have to say.

OPTIMUS 1 starts things off -- let's say it -- optimustically:

I saw the first and second movie and it was great . I reserved it because of the game and the free T-shirt . I can't wait until it comes out . This wil be the best game I will ever have. I would definitely recomend this to a friend . OH YEAH !

I think he confused the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man with the Kool-Aid Man.

MikeyJaymz lays it out for the haters:

Can't wait to get this game as soon as it is available. And for those who say it looks bad......who cares? It's Ghostbusters. I'd get it even if it was the worst game ever made.

Honestly, that's refreshing. No appeals to authority, no accusations of bad faith, just good old-fashioned slavish devotion. Busting makes this guy feel good, even when it doesn't.

RyanLec84, no fool, has waited to see what the reviews say before making up his mind.

...the game is getting fantastic reviews! OXM and IGN have already given it an 8/10...AKA "Impressive". NOT an easy feat!

...

(restraining myself)

...

(squirming)

...

(laughing so hard that I sprain something)

GamerGod198 puts together all the building blocks of a fantastic user-submitted preview. Let's break it down, section by section. First, enthusiasm:

I can't WAIT to play this game. I preordered it a few days ago and each day I have to wait is driving me mad.

Then, a grammatically confused description of the game's features:

You can destroy I would say everything, voiced by the actors and likeness of them is exact too !! plus it'll be fun to destroy the stay-puft and even vigo and gozer.

The shout-out to Gamestop and its business practices:

The shirt is worth it, to have a piece of history, something only preorderers get is cool.

The token point of concern:

The graphics look awesome and so does gameplay, worried about online and probably needing a headset, hope they might add DLC or something though.

And the "WTF" conclusion:

Lets just see how it is, at least if its not good, its better than the NES ghostbusters II or the last GB game of extreme GB on gameboy advance.

Perfect.

Let's give the last word to GEO 24:

Whoo ho it's finally going to come out i'm so excited man. once i have the game i'm going 2 play non stop. in the preview u get to face of the state puff marshmallow. i can't wait, i wonder if u get cover in marshmallow when u defeat him.^_^ :p

I know you're excited, Geo, but that stuff you're covered in ain't marshmallow.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: The Chronicles of Riddick

Above: Vin thinks these commenters are riddick-ulous!

I am excited about next week's release of The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena, and not just because I can't resist Vin Diesel's smooth, gleaming scalp. Starbreeze earned a lifetime pass from me with The Darkness, one of my favorite games of 2007, and one of the few video games that ever truly moved me. Whatever they do next, I'm into it. But do the commenters at Gamestop.com agree?

"RedCell Lives!" gets things started with this dispatch from Bizarro World:

I mean, if it's as awesome as the 3rd and final movie in the trilogy it'll be amazing, I mean it's freaking Riddick, but if its like escape from butcher bay (Terrible Game) then i'll be disappointed, because I would really like to c a great game about one of the most amazing Psychotic killers of the movie genre.

Not to form an opinion before I even play the game, but I have this sneaking suspicion that Assault on Dark Athena will, somehow, top the non-existent third Riddick movie. Unless RedCell Lives! is making the ironic comment that even nothing would be better than another game like Escape from Butcher Bay, in which case don't I feel dumb. (And not to form an opinion about another game I haven't played, but "terrible?" Really?)

(Italics!)

"A Customer" is often wrong but never in doubt:

...at first I saw that there was going to be a new riddick game then I saw it is being published and developed by Atari...so The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena will probably be nothing like The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher's Bay..why you ask? The latter was developed by Vivendi Universal and published by Microsoft. Such a shame to see a great title like Riddick be sold off to the highest bidder.

Usually these previews are chock full of people's better judgment getting overwhelmed by their enthusiasm. But this is different. These guys are just making shit up. I haven't seen anybody lie with so much confidence since Bill Kristol had a column in The New York Times.

Alternate endings to the sentence "I haven't seen anybody lie with so much confidence since __________":

• Colin Powell's presentation to the UN about Iraqi WMDs.
• Denis Dyack posted about Too Human on NeoGAF.
• I explained to my wife that spending all my free time writing a blog about video games was a sure path to financial freedom.

"Master Ninja 84" provides some semblance of normalcy:

Before i played the original on xbox, I never heard of Starbreeze. Now, after that game and The Darkness to me personally they are a household name. I'm always impressed with what these guys do, and will always be impressed. To put it simply (too late), I can' t wait for this game to be released on the masses. Once again, the guys at Starbreeze are proving to us again why their games are always worth the wait.

Okay, I have a confession: I am Master Ninja 84. I can't wait until Starbreeze releases this game all over me.

"Newnew008" feels the same way:

This is a really great game gonna pre-order right now. If you haven't already seen the demo for this on xbox live you NEED to check it out this will be in my top 10 for 2009 i just know it. Only thing to do now is. wait for release :(

I'm told the release is more satisfying if you make yourself wait for it. Doing math problems in your head might do the trick.

Sometimes it takes a Gamestop.com user to cut through the bullshit. This time it's "starking," who knows exactly what the people want:

i loved the movie and this is definitely going to be one of the most action packed head bashing games of all time.... i mean come on... shoving a tea cup into a guys head is pretty freaking awesome.....

As always, there's nothing else I could say.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Resident Evil 5

Above: The author, left, takes aim at Gamestop.com commenters.

I'm going to be honest with you: the user comments about Resident Evil 5 at Gamestop.com are a complete letdown. Nobody even mentions the racial angle. I can think of only two explanations for this. Either there aren't a bunch of mouthbreathers contributing comments, or the Gamestop web staff is moderating with extreme prejudice. Hmm, which one of those is more likely?

(As usual, typos are retained from the original.)

"A Customer" confidently predicts "The Best shotter game yet," declaring:

I think this game is the best shooter and the best resident evil game yet. It tops Naruto Ninja Storm.

Obviously, we'll need to wait for the full game to make a final judgment. But I don't see how part 5 could top my pick for the best Resident Evil game ever, Genji: Days of the Blade.

Readers often wonder whether the Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews are an example of astroturfing. If so, "pcrcbros" isn't even trying to cover his tracks:

Hey, I can't wait to have this game. Its the best. I love the graphics, and i always buy my games at gamestop. Its the best place to buy games.

This guy is cheerier than a Labrador Retriever. I would love to have such a sunny disposition. Imagine how great life would be if you were as happy as this guy. "Oh man, I'm eating Cheerios for breakfast. I love Cheerios. Now I'm putting on some pants. These are the best things you can wear on your legs."

Not to be outdone, "Toyocelica" says all exclamation points must go:

The game graphics looks awsome!
The game play is good, it changed a little, but I like how you can now quickly change weapons and assign items to your D-pad.
Overall the game looks like its going to be great!

I played the demo and cannot wait to play the game!

I got my copy reserved!

If your a resident evil fan, this is definitely a most!

Even if your not a Resident Evil fan, you would like this action/horror game!

I picture Toyocelica typing the first line, and then leaning back in his chair, puffing on a pipe. For several minutes, he gazes out the window onto a heath. Then, a devilish half-smile forms on his face. He leans forward, hits "enter" twice -- with deliberate, forceful strokes -- and bangs out the next line. The process of creation begins anew.

"King Games Version" didn't say anything worthy of ridicule. I just wanted to give his username a shout-out.

"A Customer" unveils a twist ending you'll have to see to believe:

the controls suck. First off you have to hold down the ‘x’ button to run which does not allow you to look around while running. This makes it extremely hard to see where you’re going, especially while you are trying to run away from zombies. Second when you draw your weapon or knife you cannot move your character. This makes it difficult when you are trying to kill the zombies with your knife because you have to run up to the zombie then pull your knife out to attack which takes a second to draw it out. Hopefully when they release the full version they fix the controls, because as it stands now this is on the bottom of my list to get.
Overall great game.

Angling for a job with GamePro, I see.

"EvilAngelSora" reminds me why I started doing this in the first place:

The fact it has two players online and co-op will keep this game alive and probably get a high score, and im hoping a 10 out of 10. The weapons are nicely done and the enviorment is stunning, and giving your partner advantages over the zombies makes this heart stopper even more funner. Co-op with your friend or computer makes you use teamwork or the optional DEATH. This game throws in team work actully making both players stay near and helping eachother instead of being able to leave them. This game is certianly a NOT MISS, MUST BUY, GAME OF THE YEAR, EDITORS CHOICE, A MUST GET AN AWARD. I clap chearfully to the makers of this game. Great job Capcom.

And reminds me, too, that no joke I could make would ever top the unintentional hilarity of these commenters. Bless their hearts.

Gamestop.com user-submitted previews: Skate 2

Above: Sweet Suzie!

Like a lot of people, I'm looking forward to Skate 2. The first game was a real surprise, one of the few games I've ever thought I underrated in my original review. As a result, expectations are high for the sequel. You can tell just by reading what the kids have to say about it over on Gamestop.com.

User "none." gets things started with the airtight logic we've come to expect from our friends on the Gamestop boards:

This game by far beats skate 1. The graphics are/will be amazing and the game play is so much smoother and realistic feeling. Saying the graphics suck from just playing a demo is stupid, its barely 2gb, Just like Cod waw, the graphics were bad on beta and then they turned out to be good. The getting off board mechanics could be a little better but we'll barely ever need to use it unless getting up stairs and what not. It's all about skating, not who can run through the maze fastest. This game will be a must have for 2009. I would recommend this to anyone. give the game a chance instead of judging it by a 2gb demo.

Got that? Don't judge it by the demo, like I did.

The I, Robot award for most excessive use of a titular word goes to "Turbo 2112":

I personal think the demo is great. Skate was a fantastic game and still is. All skate 2 is added additions to skate for example getting off your board. Skate 2 is a great game and way more realistic than the first one. I cant wait to skate the other places in Skate 2.

Thanks to all this repetition, the word has lost its meaning. It's all just a bunch of bullskate.

"Boomshakatak" is a bit less optimistic than I am:

What were they thinking? I played the demo and i have to say what a great way to massacre one of the best games ever made. This game is nothing like the first one, too tony hawkish, controls flat out bite, tricks feel awkward, graphics are terrible. This is the worst let down i have ever experienced.

Let's hope he never gets turned down for a date.

I honestly can't figure out which side of the fence "Sk8SoDontH8" is coming down on:

I am a skater and was getting tired of the same old Tony Hawk games of pushing a bunch of buttons to land something. Then i saw skate and was blown away! Then saw skate two and almost cried!

Cried because it looked so good, or so bad? I can't deal with this kind of ambiguity and subtlety. Fortunately, we've got "A Customer" to get us back to what Gamestop.com user-submitted previews are really all about: unreserved fawning.

Ok all I have to say is... this is going to be the greatest game ever made! I already pre ordered it. I can't wait! Skate number 1 was awesome! Now I can't wait to see what this is going to be like! It is going to be a whole new world to me and a whole new generation of video games!

Not to be outdone, "Grahamatic" says:

I have played skate. for the longest time and to be honest i haven't put a new game in my xbox 360 for over three months. Skate. is the best game ever made and don't even try to argue. The reason I am saying this will be the game of the year, if not best ever made, is because it is only perfecting an already perfect game. Skate. 2 will be the greatest thing ever to happen to the world since sliced bread! Can't wait, so pumped!

I'm speechless, as usual. And then "Deamon" proves, once again, that no joke I can make can possibly top the source material:

This game is gonna Own face all night long, Sweet Suzie! I can't wait to start my own label and make my own spots. That's gonna kick so much ya know what i'm saying dude. How can you not like Skate? C'mon u know u want a PRE-ORDER! WEWT!

But I'm not here to judge. I'm like an anthropologist, bringing you stories of far-off tribes whose cultures are quite different from yours and mine. Sweet Suzie!

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Left 4 Dead

Above: Only teamwork will get us out of this accursed Web alive

Oddly, although Left 4 Dead only comes out today, Gamestop.com has already switched from their previews to reviews. You'd think that wouldn't be enough time for their users to appraise the game. You would even think that they'd want to play the full game before trumpeting their thoughts and throwing around phrases like "game of the year."

You would be wrong.

"PFCOKAT" reaches for the brass ring straight away:

By far one of the best games I've ever played. If you like house of the dead and resident evil, you'll love this game. The demo alone has a high replay value and it's only two stages and doesn't even have all the capabilities the actual game provides... there are no complaints for this game whatsoever, if you're only buying one game for christmas, this is definitely it.

I know this is the part where I usually make a joke, but... How can you judge replay value after a week? How can you know something is one of the best games you've ever played when you've only played the demo? It's just nonsense. On the other hand, nothing PFCOKAT wrote here would disqualify him from employment at most leading game review sites.

That is, if "Kaboose102" doesn't get snapped up first, thanks to this back two and a half somersault:

I think this game is a valve personal best. Heck i would even think its better than portal and half life and Team Fortress all put together. It just a simple zombie survival game and thats all. Buut dont get me wrong its not soemthing where u just fight zombies

The half twist at the end really put him into medal contention.

For "Ninjajaunt111," Left 4 Dead fulfills a lifelong dream:

I for one always wanted a great zombie survival game since I first saw dawn of the dead.

It's about time someone made a zombie game influenced by Dawn of the Dead. Okay, admittedly he specified a "great" game, and surely there haven't been any great zombie games since 1978 -- wait, he's talking about the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake, isn't he? Get off my lawn, whippersnapper!

Lots of games recently have made moral choice a key part of gameplay, and according to "L4D demo Gamer," this one is no different:

In the game you start off with just a pistol and have the very important decision, Uzi or Pump action shotgun, it mean life over death.

And you thought you agonized over whether to harvest the Little Sisters!

"Penguin" gets a jump on the official strategy guide with these useful tips:

Some zombies have some bosses like the evil witch, if you point a flash light or shoot her she will hunt you down and kill you. The tank on the other hand, will see you if you go near that big guy, he's a big giant zombie, its like a zombie on steroids. I call him "The Hulk", because he looks like the hulk but just yellow! Eventually, I heard people in my party calling them The Hulk, and my friends call him that too!

I feel awful about this today. I feel like a jerk. It made this kid's day that his nickname caught on. What kind of monster would you have to be to make fun of him for that? It's like going to his birthday party and popping the balloons. While he was giving all the balloons names.

I am dead inside.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Far Cry 2

Above: Counting the seconds until a Gamestop.com user says something silly

As regular readers of this series are aware, Gamestop.com users generate enough hyperbole to power 60 million American homes for a year. Everything they talk about is a surefire game-of-the-year contender, based often on screenshots or clips at Gametrailers that feature no actual gameplay. Which is why I was a little surprised at the tepid response to Far Cry 2. Oh sure, the plaudits are numerous, but compared with what users have to say about most high-profile games, this is a drubbing.

"Bond Fan" sets the tone:

This game is going to be good. Its gameplay looks good, the story should be good. They even have multiplayer this should be ok, still debating on whether it will be good. This is definitely a game to look at and ask for christmas so you have time to rent it.

I've never seen a Gamestop.com user hedge his bets so much. If guys like Bond Fan were running the economy, we wouldn't be in this mess. "This mortgage-backed security should be good, still debating on whether it will be good."

"TUTZO" lays down the ultimatum:

After reading the multiplayer reviews, i am a little hesitant as to the playability of multiplayer in the long term. The map editor and the main story is what is keeping this title on my pre-order list. I can't wait to create some new school versions of classic Counter Strike user created maps..... AWP Map REDO...anyone?? Although it will be competing with Fallout 3 and Fable 2....which are also pre-ordered..... it better be good or this game is getting shifted to the bottom of the pile.

He'll still buy the game regardless, but if it's not good it's going to the bottom of the pile, where presumably it will have plenty of time to sit and think about what it's done.

"gamestopper" has the bleakest outlook:

You have to reserve it to get 3 more hours of gameplay and a fold out map which is cool, but it looks kinda bad because the farcry predator was always the same as the last ones, and i hope it doesn't have that, and if i reserve it it's just a waste of money because there's no demos of it or actual good game play, so i wouldn't buy it, but rent, but to me i give a thumbs down. This is my opinion.

He almost sounds like he's being forced to play this game, and renting is the least painful way he can choose to do it.

Maybe gamestopper should be a little more stoic, like "jtk43":

I will probably buy this game soon after release.

I mean, my God, what other choice do you have?

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: The Force Unleashed

Autumn is in the air. You can feel it in the crispness of these late-summer mornings, see it in the fading sunlight. Most of all, you can hear the rumblings of the fanboys gearing up for what is sure to be the best/worst holiday shopping season EVAR!

For all the interesting and enlightening downloadable games we've been fortunate to play over these past couple of months, come September it's all about going bigger, better, and more badass. It's about pushing graphical limits. It's about increasing the player count in online shooters. It's about picking one game to buy and defending your choice on any gaming message board you can find.

Some folks have already decided: the game for them is Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. And as always, they've taken to the Gamestop.com user-submitted preview page to tell you why.

"RISK" sees hazards everywhere, including his username, but not about this game:

This game looks so cool because u can pick up stormtroopers and they'll hold on to stuff to stay in their spots i reserved it last week and i am ready for the force unleashed omg just buy it you'll love thats y im buying it and u can throw them through windows and use lightning if u played other star wars games ur like its okay but this is worth a perfect 10!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unraveling the parallel thoughts running through that comment is like listening to one of Bach's many-layered fugues. If Bach were tone deaf, that is.

"patsfan365" has a rebuttal to the obvious claims that the graphically superior PS3 and 360 versions are the one to get:

It will not just be a random flick and you slash. I have seen every video possibleabout this game, gone to the official website, saw the control scheme, heard the control scheme from a creator of the game. i've done all the research possible and the lightsaber will bemotion sensitive.

I guess "all the research possible" didn't include Googling this game, which reveals that IGN -- among others -- reports "all combat being centered around the Wii remote's left, right, up, down, and stab motions." Or, you could also say, you flick the remote and you slash.

"CGBish" lays it out:

This will be the best game for the Wii so far by a mile. Star Wars has had some good games with pretty realistic gameplay such as Star Wars Episode III for the XBox and the Playstation but now that Lucasarts has seen the Wii, they realized the full potental of a Star Wars game. The game will be played with the Wii remote as your lightsaber and using the nunchuck for force moves and movement throughout the complex and amazingly detailed world of Star Wars. The new programs that run the game will combine to create the best quality of gaming you have ever seen and I am glad to say that Star Wars is coming out with the game of the year.

It's about time someone came out with realistic Star Wars gameplay. I've yet to play any game set in this universe that accurately simulates the feel of bull's-eying whomp rats in my T-16 back home. I'm sick of them dumbing this stuff down for the game-playing audience.

The 360 version has its supporters, naturally. But they can be tough-minded critics, too. It seems many of them have similar complaints. "A Customer" cuts to the heart of the matter:

One thing i do not like about this game is that when you hit someone with your lightsaber they just fall. I mean come on, your body would be cut in half. They need to make this game rated M instead of T. It's a big turn off when you just hit someone and they just fall over.

"........... what?????" concurs:

Ok so the demo was great! ... Now the one thing I don't like was that when you slash at someone wit your lightsaber they just fell, in Star Wars Jedi academy 2 their lims fell off and that game was rated T. im not even asking for blood (which there should be plenty of) but give me something.

I'm not asking for it to be violent; I just want to see blood, guts, and dismemberment. Although I've got to agree with these guys, to some extent: Imagine if you could use the Force to pick up a disembodied arm to slap around your foes! That would be awesome.

PS3 owners seem a little more optimistic. "uchiha 73" has nothing but kind words to say:

I played this game on ps3 and it was sweet! There's barely anything that i hate. You can't hate this game. It took a while to download, but it was definitely worth it!

That's a quote I'd like to see on the Greatest Hits edition box: "There's barely anything that I hate!" How much do you think uchiha 73 usually hates?

Finally, I want to leave you with the soothing words of "J.O.E."

unlockable charactors maul(double light saber ,that can swatch to 1 saber)
ananikan(black hood) darthvader windu(purple light saber)
luke(in alll black,black glove)darth vader verus darth maul
two sabers( i'm not really good at typing) verus new ,and old jedi,and sith
if i know i can unlock maul (others) i'm consider me buying ,and indursting it.
ARE YOU???? thats gonna make alot,and sell alot . i like wii i've always loved nintendo!
my little cousin loves his wii. I've always loved ps3 . i'm gonna get and x-box elite(thinking about it ???)
i really would a good vreus mode between sith &jedi option. i'm getting the game i like vaders appretence.
he looks awesome yo man on real yo. please put the deulist mode for the ps3 ,and x-box.
yo i'm getting it .but,a good verus would be mind blowing. like revenge of the sith episode III
but better ,yo man do it . that's me joe.?!

I'm going to read this until I can recite it from memory. Truly a masterpiece of avant-garde poetry.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Grand Theft Auto IV, Part 2

Can you feel it? The murmur of fanboy excitement building to a roar... The Internets alight with world exclusive preview information and the official OXM review (10 out of 10!)... The veins throbbing in Jack Thompson's forehead...

Yes, we are but two weeks away from the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. I already looked at the user-submitted previews for this game once before, but since then a bevy of brilliant new ones has surfed the wave of fan excitement onto the welcoming shores of Gamestop.com. I couldn't resist one more go at it.

(Also, uh, I got halfway through writing the post before I realized I'd already done it once before.)

Gamestop.com user "playerofgames" reminds us, apropos of the Resident Evil 5 controversy, that all games and gamers really are colorblind:

I am hoping for the best. In the previous although i enjoyed them i just felt like a block person running around doing pointless missions. instead of completing the campaign i spent all my time just killing cops and hookers.

Maybe I'm just a reverse racist and I'm choosing to look at issues of color where none exist, but, uh... did he mean to type "black" person right there? I really want to know. Maybe "block person" is a really term I never heard before right now.

"BIOCOMMANDO" is also skipping gleefully through a post-racial utopia:

Okay Rockstar has been making crappy GTA games lately! GTA3 was amazing, VICE CITY was the best game ever! Liberty City Stories and Vice City Stories had no point first of all they were the same as there originals just with different stories and main characters, but that is an obvious one! San Andreas was the lamest game ever; I wanted another quality game not a 50 cent style stupid gangsta rap game. That totally ruined it for me, it went from high class mob to low end petty thug style to appeal to today’s modern teenage pop culture and its stupid yo yo gangsta rap phase! Now they want to make a new game with this balding old out-of-shape eastern European guy with the strongest accent! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RELATE WITH THAT?

Most of the new comments are more sophisticated than that. In fact, they're suspiciously highbrow. "a customer" writes:

The best thing about the new GTA is how it actually has literary themes. Of Mice and Men comes to mind. I foresee the best GTA plot yet. And not to mention, everything else.

In the previous post, Johnson commented that some of these might the product of marketers trying to drum up viral support for the game. I wonder if the above commenter was trying to preemptively block any Thompson-esque criticism of GTAIV. Also, I have to say, of all the books that come to mind when I look at this game, Of Mice and Men ranks somewhere beside Don Quixote and In Search of Lost Time.

Speaking of Proust, if you thought he digressed much, check out this comment from "metallink666":

saints row was a fun game but it never captures theth magc of gta in interesting characters awesome story (i sure hope this one has custumization new clothes tats new haistyles i loved that from gta san andreas) the coolest part is how liberty city is modeled after the atual nw york and finally we get decenttargettina gameinformer said i would be similar to crackdown so killing pedestrians will bemore fun. when i found out gta4 was coming out same day as the ps3 version that moment i became anti-playstation killzone 2 it might not even be good he first game suckd and im nota stealthactionfan so mgs s out for e too uncharted is good but with its short length and low replay value make it a rent and ratchet and clank on the easy side so a good game for kids all the ps3 has going for it is basically resistance and haze may be good and i've had problems with shooter controls on the playstation in the past so you see why im against the ps3.

He, uh, he was talking about Grand Theft Auto IV at one point, right?

One last lit note. I submit that you will not find a better use of analogy anywhere* than in this comment by "Gta 4ever":

one gta4 is not gta3 in hd. no, this time liberty city is a exact recreation of new york well the famous parts. saints row sucks compared to gta, its like having kratos(gta) fight a telytuby(saintsrow).

Why, that would be no fight at all! But Kratos against all four Teletubbies -- now you might have something.

"YNSR Smith, K." is more levelheaded than most:

honestly, i dont have a positive or negative thing to say about the game since it didnt come out. all i know is that i preordered my copy and im patiently waiting for april 29th to roll around.

Let me address you directly for a moment, YNSR Smith, K. I appreciate your honesty here. It's probably the smartest thing you could do, reserving judgment on the game until you've played it. But do you have any idea how hard you're making my job right now? Come on, at least tell me that Saints Row sux tha coq or something.

To cap it off, this installment's winner for best fanboy meltdown goes to "Evolution":

Man Rockstar are a bunch of sell outs how can they sell Grand Theft Auto 4 (the biggest title to grace a sony playstation ever) to the X-Box system? the Playstation 3 is a much more powerful machine for gaming its like the Alienware of console video games and they are more then likely going to make 1 version of the game and they will be forced to make the graphics 360 friendly. GOD i hate the 360.

I've heard about rock stars selling out before, but this is ridiculous!

Yes, I'm willing to go out on a joke that weak.

*Anywhere on Gamestop.com, I mean.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Grand Theft Auto IV

A new trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV has excitement at a fever pitch. The game is due to be released on April 29, but that hasn't stopped our friends at Gamestop.com from sharing their opinions on the final product. As always, spelling mistakes and grammatical errors are not a result of transcription.

"Beastmaster" has taken a scientific approach to analyzing the game:

After perfusely scouring the internet for information and specs I have come to the conclusion that this installment of the GTA Series is shapping up to be the best yet. Rockstar is stepping away from the more aspect they used in San Andreas and are going more toward realism. Many of my friends are constantly saying that I am overly hyped about GTA 4, but I just reserved my copy today and wont they regret those words on release day.

They won't regret those words because they'll be too busy asking nicely if they can play. And you'll let them. We've all been there.

"Gummi" counsels his fellow gamers to be a bit more circumspect:

Alright.... look ! GTA 4 is going to be a game to look forward to in april, but only ONE of the great games coming out in "08" People say GTA 4 is GOING 2 Be THE BEST GAME EVER !
How can it when GOW 2 comes out later this year ? GTA 4's graphics don't even look like what they should for a next -Gen game, the Guns they put in the Game seems like the same ones they put in every GTA, an the Quote on Quote "Best GAME Ever dosen't even have a online Mode where you can share the excitement with your friends ? Halo 3, one of the best games ever ! COD4,one of the best games ever ! GOW, one of the best games ever ! GTA 4 still needs to prove a lot more before it Ranks in as BEST GAME EVER!!!!!

How can one sequel I've never played be the best game ever when another sequel I've never played might come out at a later time? GTAIV needs to prove a lot more before anybody but the most ardent fanboy believes it's better than Resident Evil 9, which comes out in 2019.

"Jordan" laments Rockstar's betrayal of the little guy:

I think this is going to be a good game to play but whats sucks is that the people who own PS2 don't get the chance to play it and they get screwed.

And how come Sega Saturn owners are getting screwed? Where's the Atari Jaguar version? Multi-platform, my eye.

"Black JaCu" seems a little confused about something:

I always love reading what people have to say. But I think who ever comments about these games are really gay. I just felt like i had to say something. SO who ever is going to coment on this game or any game saying this is the best ever or finaly or yes its comming your all realy gay.

If everybody who comments on the game is gay, and Black JaCu is commenting on the game, doesn't it follow that Black JaCu is himself gay? Or will he invoke the Larry Craig defense ("I have a wide commenting stance")? Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

"xbox 360 guy" deserves plaudits for effortlessly blending incoherence with bald-faced lies:

this game is going to be so cool because the graphics and i played the game. it feels like your in the game it so cool you can do so much now you should get this game i like it because sound and missions the xbox 360 is the best to get grandtheft auto iv for that system i already played the playstation 3 for iv and it sucked. get iv for the 360 the = end

To recap: It's cool because graphics, and he likes it because sound and missions. And even if you take it at face value that he did play the game before this comment was posted last November, his username kind of gives the game away.

Of the numerous comments proclaiming GTAIV the best game ever made, none quite reach the grandiloquent heights of the one by "colbog":

this is the reason why you have a system, this game is why you came to life, this game is the best, trow all your games to garbage, and forget about the world this is time to brake up with your girlfrien guys, the graghics and game experince is 5000 stars, ?????? yea really.

After posting this, colbog ascended to heaven on a winged steed.

The = end.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Turok

I didn't much cotton to the Turok demo, but with the full version shipping, why not take a look and see what our friends over at Gamestop.com have to say?

Gamestop user "Turok" provided this unbiased take:

i was blown away when i put in the demo its awsome i played the turoks of the past i like this change of pace they did breaths new life into him the detail in the game is crazy you can tel this a 360 game right here i love the A.I. unlike most people who say they are dumb i disgree with them they are smart a tell there comrades to flank you and they start come from all sides i like the fights with the dinos that alone makes the game worth buying i love pulling out my knife and geting into it with them im impressed so far im looking forward to the full game cant wait my blood is pumping turok rocks

What's it like when your blood is pumping Turok rocks? Is it like passing a kidney stone?

Rnylee seems a little too concerned about the fortunes of Turok retailers:

I've been a Turok fan since the golden days of the N64,but this is by far one of the best in the series.I just got through the demo and it was awesome.It was everything I expected it to be it a must own title dont settle for a rental on the release date go pre-order it and experience Turok like you've never seen him before.

Dollars to donuts Rynlee shares an IP address with Gamestop CEO Richard Fontaine. "Why not pick up some GME shares while you're at it, fellow young people? Free t-shirt with market order!"

Jack Sprat thinks guys like me should sit down and shut up:

i think its stupid that people bash a game before its out because they have a bad experience with the demo. you cant really tell how good a game is until you play the full thing, you cant expect the demo to have everything good that the full game will have

It's true. The reason companies release game demos is so that they can later exceed our low expectations.

But adile98 makes a persuasive case:

I cant wait for this one to come out ive played all 4 of them and they are some of the greatest games ever turok is gunna be awsome and for sure im gunna buy this one i advise all you to do the same

TUROKSSS RULE

I was on the fence until that third "S."

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Devil May Cry 4

The holiday rush is nearly over now, but the new year will bring a whole new slate of exciting games. One of the games I'm most excited about this winter is Devil May Cry 4. Judging by the pre-release response at Gamestop.com, I'm not alone:

I hope this Devil May Cry is better than the others because i almost beat Devilmaycry2 so i hope that i can beat this one too and nero looks so cool and the graphics looks cool and so does Danta also

Maybe if this one is worse, he'll actually be able to beat it.

And what would a game discussion be without bizarre expressions of fealty to a single platform?

I say so what if this game went to the 360! Let it and lets show our new dmc brethren that we can master this game way faster than them! So any time they wanna think they are better just laugh and think how we've had the series for over 7 years and they haven't so it will still be our game!

I wonder how to break it to this guy that some Xbox 360 owners also had PS2s. Would it be like telling him Santa Claus isn't real?

I think this game is going to be one of the actually good PS3 games. But one thing that makes me wonder is that why some people think Vergil is coming back. If you remember that in DMC 3, setting was before DMC 1. And in DMC 1 Vergil was controlled by Mundus and went by the name Nelo Angelo. The one guy you have to fight like 3 times. Then he exploded leaving his half of the amulet. So he is probably dead.

Actually, the injury report given to the media lists Vergil as "Probable (explosion)." He's a gladiator, that one. And deceptively quick!

I like this next one because it starts on such a high note before dive-bombing into self-pity.

devil may cry kiks so much ass that it should be made into a movie oh wait i think that they are in japan....i think...anyway devil may cry 1 and 3 are the best games ive played my entire life 2 eh not so much i mean heck yea the moves guns swords and graphics are awsome but it laked that punk-asss-i aughta bitch slap you -rocker-cool attitude of dante but other than that its awsome.now for devil may cry 4 when i heard that it was coming out i pissed in my pants of exitment (not really) but when i heard that its only gonna be for the ps3 my exitment whent down cuz i only have the ps2 and no i dont have any money to buy a ps3 or a 360 so im screwd but still DEVIL MAY CRY FAN FOREVER!!!!!!!!!/\_/\

It's a good thing he slipped that disclaimer in there. I really thought he peed himself! Made me want to call him a homo over Xbox Live. But he didn't, so it's cool.

this game is so hot .I saw the new trailer and it was killa man i hope this not going to be short like cod4 .this is probably going to be the game of the month.

That's a pretty bold statement to make in a month when Pimp My Ride and History Channel: Battle for the Pacific come out.

Gamestop.com User-Submitted Previews: Mass Effect

I pre-ordered Mass Effect today, and I thought I'd check in with my fellow Gamestop customers to see what the buzz is.

I believe this game is going to revolutionize the rpg and maybe even gaming as we know it. What other game is melding shooters with rpgs.

Let's see... nope, no other game is doing that.

This game is gunna be sick. it is oblivion, but in space and with guns.

And BioShock was Oblivion, except underwater and with guns. Need for Speed ProStreet is Oblivion, except in modern cities and with cars.

this game looks really fun. in a weird way, it kinda looks like halo..shooting, adventure, KILLING..lol ya..killing is fun...but thats all u want from a shooter game, right? good graphics, kick butt online play, and cool player customization is all i need to have fun in a shooting game! so yeah...looks like alot of fun

Yep, kick-butt online play is all you need. If only Mass Effect had any!

I'm so excited for a game that really knocks my socks off this year as I was so sure that Jericho was gonna hold that mantle because I spent so much time obsessing, but apparently I was wrong. this one I've been careful about only to obsess on it a little. OMG i cant wait!!!

This guy is way off-base. Since it didn't work on Jericho, the solution to make Mass Effect great is obviously to obsess even harder.

This game is going to be awesome. It has Gears of War like combat along with a KOTOR style combat system where you can change at will.

I thought it was like Oblivion, except in space and with guns.

Uncharted: The reviews are in

I think I could spend the rest of my life reading the user-submitted previews at Gamestop.com and never get bored. Today, we're looking at some advance reactions to Uncharted: Drake's Fortune for the PlayStation 3. It sounds like a winner!

• 5 star game from what i seen. i seen all the videos made for this game from the playstation network, from how they made it to the gameplay and i got to say i like what i see nice graphic excellent storyline and great gameplay. i got to say this is a top notch game. In my opinion they should of somehow added some online play but hey the game is already perfect as it is.
• from the trailers ive seen it looks pretty damn good i just its not a disaster like heavenly sword which was about a 5 hour game and no weapons just a stupid sword uncharted has everything you can dropkick your enemies give them a a floy mayweather haymaker punch and to mention all the weapons the graphics look reaaly good
• Uncharted Drake's Fortune is a action sort of thing. On the Playstation 3 with its Blue-Ray drive it offers the best graphics yet. If you were in to action and adventure games I would recomend you get a PS3 ( if you dont have one yet ) and get this game. About the game, it is a very action pack thriller like James Bond. If I were you I would spend 5hours playing the game. But it doesn't come out till next month. I am asking E3 please don't dissapiont all of us.
• gotta be honest with ya, at first, i thought this game was gonna be gay!! but the more and more info im seeing is changing my mind, im actually getting kind of excited for it, it looks pretty sweet!!! so ill just see how it is when it comes out!!!
• This game is obviously very good, but microsoft will probably buy this game of sony like it did with all the other games. Face it the ps3 has no exclusives. This game will be Alot better on xbox the ps3 is a dreamcast with no chance of getting any excusives and this will be another xbox gain. Way better on xbox.

Critics are irrelevant

I was poking around the "Coming Soon" section at Gamestop.com and stopped to check out the PS3 shooter Haze. Although the game doesn't ship until after Thanksgiving, that hasn't stopped some enterprising citizen journalists from weighing in with their thoughts. Here are some choice selections from the user-generated previews.

• Pre-purchased Haze just now and I've already booked 5 consecutive vacation days off from work with the first corresponding with Haze's realease date. I will be romping on you all when you get online. Watch out for the proffessional gamers lurking the big corp downtown; we watch everything you do and I'll teach ya a lesson about online gaming.
• This game looks to be pretty decent about 8 out of 10.
• This game is not another far cry because it doesn't take place on an island it goes from citys to the South America to dessert. The scenery changes and so this will be better than farcry.
• this game is gonna keep us glued to our seats. i read all the previews for it on mags and stuff and they played some demos of it and it looks big. so pre-order now guys and c'yall online
• The graphics are incredible and gameplay will be awesome. This(although it seems to be a normal FPS) will be different from the rest. I just know it will.

With insights like these available at no cost, I'm not sure if eggheads like Tom Chick have much of a future in this industry.