it still hurts as much now.

That morning you called to talk
You talked about how life was a merry-go-round,
And how you wanted to get off

But I never thought I'd see you here,
I never thought I'd hold your hand
In your hour of need
I always thought you'd cry for help,
I always thought you'd understand
That life is worth fighting for
Yes, life is worth fighting for

So you thought no one understood
Thought tomorrow would be easier if we went on without you
But my friend, it's a lie,
Please hold on, call for help
Oh, my friend, it's your life
You're not by yourself

And if only you were still around to hold my hand..
Would you hold on for a moment longer?
If you knew I love you,
Does it make it better?
Would we make it together?

In loving memory of you still.
It's been a year, but I hope you're really
in a better place.

dancing with the angels.

Around the beginning of the week, I was given the word, "guidance". No matter how I look at it for the next few days, I couldn't see beyond what the word literally meant.

guid-ance
-noun
1. the act or function of guiding; leadership; direction.
2. advice or counseling, esp. that provided for students choosing a course of study or preparing for a vocation.
3. supervised care or assistance, esp. therapeutic help in the treatment of minor emotional disturbances.
4. something that guides.
5. the process by which the flight of a missile or rocket may be altered in speed and direction in response to controls situated either wholly in the projectile or partly at a base. -thanks to dictionary.com


Then, I got a spark of an idea when I heard Hillsongs feat. Delirious - Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble. Near the end of the song, the guy was like, "This is not a youth movement, this is the church. The reason because, is this is the revival generation. A dancing generation. To dance in the river."

And then it dawned upon me, and I looked at guidance in a different light. Guiding is pretty important in dancing I suppose. I don't and can't dance, but it makes sense, I mean when two people dance. One has to lead at times I guess. After that, I kept seeing the word dance at the end of "guidance".

Doing God's will is a lot like dancing. Let me try to explain this.

When two people try to lead when dancing, it won't go right, and it won't feel right. The movement won't flow with the music. Everything becomes uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies will flow with the music. A dance would take surrender, willingness and attentiveness from one person, and gentle guidance and skill from the other. (Dancers please confirm this? Haha.)

Back to the word "guidance," G-U-I-dance." Starting to form something in your mind? What about taking the "G" as "God?" "God," "U" and "I" dance.

God, You and I dance.

It struck me to lower my humility and to become willing to trust. To trust that God is control. Trust that I would receive the guidance I need for my life.

So, dance together with God, trusting God to lead and guide you through each and every season of your life. All the way, dancers!

the Lord's Prayer.

Does saying the Lord's Prayer become like something to end a corporate prayer for you in church?
Or is it only done once a month or so, during communion?

Maybe we just learned it by heart, never realizing the significance of it. To some it's babbling of a meaningless ritual. Whatever it is, I believe that after you see the Lord's Prayer in new light, you will take it very seriously.

We only tend to keep doing what rewards us, so when prayer becomes an unrewarding experience, we quit. If that's the reason why you no longer pray the Lord's Prayer, don't feel condemned, but instead, be challenged! Go back to the prayer that Jesus Himself gave us to pray. Who else would know more about prayer than He? Can you even begin imagining Jesus giving us a prayer that didn't move God, get a hearing from the people and to bring the much needed answers?

Let's just take a look at the Lord's Prayer, broken down into parts, which the meaning of each parts being portrayed.

Our Father
The relationship you have with someone determines the level of comfort and confidence you can have when approaching them. It's emphasized when we acknowledge that the Almight God is our Father. Before you can trust someone, you have to know that they really care about you. Once that happens, only then, will you open up to them. Only then, can your wounded areas of your life be made whole. "Our Father" - this puts an address on our envelope of prayer! You need to understand who you're talking to, and the relationship you have with Him. You approach God on the basis of who you are to Him, and who He is to you. Our Heavenly Father is a covenant making (and keeping!) God. When two people in the Bible days made a covenant, it wasn't a casual, "call me sometime" with no commitment. Indeed not, they sealed it with blood, and that indicates that "I'll give my life for you if necessary." Blood poured from Jesus that day on the cross. Blood from seven places.

So, in order to pray the Lord's Prayer effectively, we must recognize and rejoicein who He is to us - our Father.

in Heaven
When we pray this, we're acknowledging His position. "He, the Most High rules in the kingdom of men." (Daniel 4:17). Tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, epidemics. That's God's answer to frightening headlines and fear-filled hearts. If God is not in control, then who is? The president? Prime Minister? The Psalmist said, "My help comes from the Lord." (Psalm 121:2). If He is Lord over every circumstance, and if He has promised to help us out when we call on Him, what do we have to worry about?

To put some of your fears to rest, you might think, "Terrorism isn't a natural disaster, but man-made. God surely isn't in control." Well, God had it all planned before even a shot was fired. He moves the men and nations, in the same way we would a pawn on a chess board. Look at the modern day Israel. God promised, thousands of years ago, "'I will bring back My exiled people Israel; they will rebuild the ruined cities and live in them. They will plant vineyards and drink their wine; they will make gardens and eat their fruit. I will plant Israel in their own land, never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,' says the LORD your God."

Do you still think God isn't running the show? He is God, and He is in charge. One more thing you should know, is that, "At the Name of Jesus, every knee will bow and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:10-11).

No problem is too big for the Christian, that our God is not bigger.

Hallowed be Thy Name
If ever you were to be invited by a King or some other royalty, you would not be allowed into the palace if you showed up in a raggedy attire, because you are entering . Likewise, when you pray, "Hallowed be Thy Name", He was teaching us His protocol. There is only one way to enter His presence. It's also not a wishlist, where you name everything you want, trying to extort from God. First, "know that the Lord, He is God: it is He who made us, and not us. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His Name." (Psalm 100:3-4). We should enter His gates with thanksgiving for all He's done for us. Then, we walk across His courtyard with praise for who He is: "My Savior, my Deliverer, my Defender, my Provider, my Source of strength, Center of my joy, Lover of my soul and the Author and Finisher of my faith." Whether you are a morning or a night person, the Bible says, "From the rising of the sun to it's going down, the Lord's Name is to be praised." (Psalm 113:3). The way to enter, to enjoy, and to live in God's presence - is through praise.

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done
In the kingdom of self, you rule. By the way, how are the things going in your kingdom these days? Not too well? Probably. That's because the wrong person is in charge! In the kingdom of God, Christ rules. His word settles all issues. There are no "yes, buts." When Jesus taught us to pray "Your kingdom come, Your will be done," He was teaching us His priorities. The fastest route to success in any job is to find out what the boss wants, get it done with excellence. Jesus said, "Seek first the Kingdom of God (which is, His agenda and priorities)." (Matthew 6:33). The rules are very much different in God's Kingdom.

1) The way up, is down. "Humble yourselves, that He may exalt you in due time." (1 Peter5:6). Note that it is "in due time." Your blessing is already scheduled on God's calendar, so just sit tight and keep your head down.
2) By forgiving others, you free yourself. At the point of forgiveness, all the energy lost to self-pity and resentment is claimed and redirected - and you get your peace back. Good deal, yes?

Still think it's your way or the highway? In the Kingdom of God, we do it His way, and His way only. Each time God's will is done, a little more of His Kingdom comes. And you might say, "but why do we have to pray, 'Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven?" Well, it's simply because we can't make it happen! We need His guidance and intervention. The needed energy must come from another source. So, our prayers are more than just an invitation for God to show up - they're the conduit through which His Kingdom power flows into our circumstances.

Give us this day our daily bread
There are two reasons for praying this:
1) First, while we may have so much food that our prayer becomes, "Lord, help me to lose some weight," millions of people go to bed hungry. They pray this prayer because without an answer, they won't make it. And we dare not turn away from them because: "God blesses those who are kind to the poor. He helps them out of their troubles. He protects them. He publicy honors them and destroys the power of their enemies." (Psalm 41:1-2).
2) Jesus said, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4). Note that it is every word from that of God. Some of the words which come from God are pleasant, others are painful. And we need both. "Ice-cream Christians" pick up Scriptures that make them feel good. As a result, they don't develop the spiritual muscle required to stand strong when hard times come.

God's promise to you is, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." (Isaiah 54:17). Don't pray that a weapon will not be formed against you. It will. Just eat the right stuff, and it won't prosper. Eat from the Bread of Life. It's easy to tell if you're not eating right. People start getting on your nerves, you go through mood swings, you cave into fear. If that is beginning to sound like you, it's time to pray: "Lord, I'm nervous, give me the bread. Lord, I'm moody, give me the bread. Lord, I'm going through too many temptations and messing up, give me the bread." The truth is, without your daily bread, you won't make it!

Forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us
This is a risky part of the Lord's Prayer. It takes away our right to exact revenge, harbour resentment, or even to talk about the situation to others.

Note that "forgive our trespasses" comes before "as we forgive those who trespass against us." The order of this is critical, as we are making a statement to God, to forgive us in the way that we forgive others. So, if you're not 100% forgiving to your brother, it would be the same to you.

Here, Jesus points us to His pardon. Have you been taken for granted? Betrayed? Misunderstood? Do you keep giving to others but it never seems to come back? Do you feel as if your efforts in doing good works are futile and are going to waste? Jesus said, "Offences will come." So where are you going to go? To the Cross. Christ forgave His enemies when He had the power to destroy them. Think, if God were, (a) as selective in forgiving as you are; (b) took His time so you could suffer; (c) told everybody who'd listen what you've done to Him; (d) forgave, but refused to give you another chance; (e) made up His mind to distance and avoid you; (f) next time you were in trouble, refused to help you, saying, "Huh, it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," could you live with that? No? Then extend to others the same forgiveness God extends to you.

When you pray this, you're asking for a change of heart! Nehemiah writes, "You are a God ready to pardon." (Nehemiah 9:17). Aren't you glad he didn't write, "You are a God ready to put us on probation." Pardon is God's fixed attitude toward us. The pardon was in place before the offence was committed. That unburdens us and sets us free, right? The only place bitterness can live, is in our memory. The only power it can have over us, is the power we give it.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
Jesus taught us this, so that we could pray and ask for His protection. Protection from what? "The evil one." Does the devil have power? Look back. Haven't you fallen for his traps more than once? His agenda is to steal, kill and to destroy." (John 10:10). Satan would rather you never hear these words: "God's Spirit, who is in you, is greater than the devil, who is in the world." (1 John 4:4). God told the first century church in Smyrna, "Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison and test you, and you will suffer for ten days. But be faithful, even if you have to die, and I will give you the Crown of Life." (Revelations 2:10). Note, God tells them how long the attack will last ("ten days"), the reason for the attack ("to test you"), and the outcome of the attack ("a crown of life"). Everytime the devil tries to score - we win! When Satan knocks us down, God picks us up. David had more than his fair share of slips and falls. He writes, "The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. Though they stumble, they will not fall (stay down), for the Lord holds them by the hand." (Psalm 37:23-24).

The Lord's Prayer teaches us to pray for protection because the walk is too treacherous to try and brave it alone. So we place our small hand into God's big hand and say, "Father, keep me from evil."

Yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory
This points us to Christ's pre-eminence. As we come to the close of the Lord's Prayer, the danger is that we'll skim the surface, miss the truth, think it a nice ending and dismiss it just like that. "Yours if the Kingdom," reminds us that if Jesus is not Lord over all, He's not Lord at all. When you wake up in the morning, you should pray: "Father, help me to paint a compelling picture to everyone I meet this day. How much better it is when life is lived according to the rules of Your Kingdom." "Yours is the power," reminds us that the purpose of God for our lives can only be fulfilled through God's power at work within us. Self-help is no help at all!

Paul says, "They that are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:8). Then, he adds, "They that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." (Galatians 5:24-25). "Yours is the glory," reminds us that the credit for all our achievements, our talents and giftings, must be passed on to the One who deserves it.

These words simply mean, "Lord, You are in charge, not me; You have the power, I don't. And You alone will receive all the glory."

So, when you pray the Lord's Prayer, "do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like the pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." (Matthew 6:5-8)

giving thanks.

I'm just here to count one of the blessings I have.

First, I wish to give my thanks to God for using Meina today in such a powerful manner. Though I came late, halfway through worship, the very first song when I sat down was Refiner's Fire.

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within

Then after that, she talked about how you can't run from God and stuff, like how Jonah was. I don't wanna go through that, spending days in the belly of a whale gone wild.

Next blessing is having Cassandra to hear me out for both the trips to church and back. A big thank YOU dear girl. Hugs.

In this moment You are here with me
In this moment You are closer than the air I breathe
You are the God who reigns in heaven
It’s amazing indeed
That You are here with me
In this moment

in this moment.

I haven't felt happy like this in months. It's truely my second family who keep me believing in love. Thank you for loving me. I wanna stay in those moments, relishing the times we have together, and to just freeze time then, instead of having to go back to the real world. Didn't even realize the time till it's already late.

Ugh.

It's back to the real world.

I love all of you.

do you cheapen love?

Love
This thing you've been longing for
The stuff of fairy tales and dreams
This all was My idea
It's who I am
It's what you've been searching for, but so much more
It's not just a fairy tale
It's the kind of love that gives itself for someone else
And it's here for you
It's been here, I've been here
Before you were born, I've chosen.

Let Me tell you a story
It's about you and Me
We walked along the narrow road
You held My hand, we were a family
Was the only thing you'd ever known
But you decided to let go
And walk away
You bought the Life
You said goodbye

But My hand is the only hand you'll need
Why do you keep on holding on to everything but Me?
Why do you keep on looking up to find the sign
It's been right here all this time
Can't you see My hand is the only hand you'll need

Let Me tell you story
It's about a love affair
We had before you turned away
Don't say you don't remember
'Cause I was there, holding your hand as we left
And danced the days away
I wanted to forever
You couldn't stay
You bought the Life
You said goodbye

the reason, is You.

I was just pondering over the day, over the week, the events that passed, and why I serve in the ministry. It was hard to think of a real honest reason, coz I think I have quite a few wrong reasons too, and then Isaiah 12: 2-6 struck me.

I went to look it up, and here's what it says:
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: 'Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done, and proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for He has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.'"

Quite sometime before, when I started out in the ministry, and when I've been in it for a few months, I have been so reaffirmed many times of why I serve, but I guess through some trials and shocks, my faith wavered a little over this week. I'm sorry, Lord. Please forgive me. I want to be used by You once again.

The speaker today is from the prisons ministry as well. I don't know if it's a special calling or something in my life, but whenever I hear from people in the prisons ministry, people who went through hard lives, I feel especially attentive and my heart is especially softened to hear them out. Hard lives as in the kind which they were sort of bad people and failures in the eyes of the average person in Singapore. People whom parents would not want their kids mixing with. Well, perhaps I been through that stigma, which is why I feel with them and identify with them. Either way, today's message made me think also, about the way I serve in church. Do I depend on my emotions? Or do I serve wholeheartedly, surrendering my all to God?

I dare not answer actually. But over this week, please keep me in prayer. I've found my faith again already, but I wish to grow more. Like be disciplined to do quiet time and all that - daily.

And since God is my salvation, I will trust in Him, I will not be afraid of my fears and doubts or what others think or say about me, for I will proclaim Your works and wonders and glory in my life. The Lord Almighty is my strength. For all He's done for me, I will give thanks. (Thanks to Ben for giving me this timely reminder today.)

Make known among the nations what He has done, not what we have done. Let all the glorious things He has done be known to the world, not our talents be known to the world, but the grace and glory and power of Jesus be known to the world. That is my reason that I'm here to worship and serve God.

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

'Cause You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
'Cause You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

in harmony with.

Got this in the mail this morning, and decided it'd be good for me to stop thinking/writing negative things, and start going back to what I have started.

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24

So basically our job here is to recognize God's purpose for our life and choose only those things to harmonize with. How we process information, situations and how we arrive to the conclusions of them MUST be subjected to God's will. That is, to put off our old self and put on the new self.

When we start thinking of the Bible verse and how "hypocritical" it is, since it's like putting on a false front or a mask, well, no. New shoes do not ever feel comfortable at first too. So, with that analogy, your new way of approaching life will not be comfortable at first either. But, as you continue to daily put on your new self, you will soon become more and more at home with it.

Simply works like this:
1. Practice being nice until you automatically become being nice.
2. Practice going to church on Sundays until going anywhere else seems strange and you feel out of place.
3. Practice giving tithes and offering to God's work until it becomes as natural as buying your meals at a food place. (I have to work on this.)
4. Practice telling the truth until the smallest lie troubles your conscience and turns sour in your mouth. (We wouldn't want to lie to those we love the most anyway.)
5. Practice speaking kindness until every cynical and negative word is purged from your vocabulary.

Isn't that being hyprocritical? Nope. It's just re-training yourself to walk God's way, restraining yourself from walking any other way. It's a declaration to God that it is no longer a matter of how things go, or how I feel about things. From now on, it's about what You say and where You direct me to go.