Showing posts with label episode. Show all posts
Showing posts with label episode. Show all posts

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Theory.

Tell me who this sounds like:
The typical patient with ketotic hypoglycemia is a "toddler", a young child between the ages of 10 months and 4 years. Episodes nearly always occur in the morning after an overnight fast, often longer than usual. Symptoms include those of neuroglycopenia, ketosis, or both. The neuroglycopenic symptoms usually include lethargy and malaise, but may include unresponsiveness or seizures. The principal symptoms of ketosis are anorexia, abdominal discomfort, and nausea, sometimes progressing to vomiting.

If severe, parents usually take the child to a local emergency department, where blood is drawn. The glucose is usually found to be between 35 and 60 mg/dl (1.8-3.1 mMol/L). The total CO2 is usually somewhat low as well, (14-19 mMol/L is typical), and if urine is obtained, high levels of ketones are discovered. Ketones can also be measured in the blood at the bedside (Medisense glucometer). Other routine tests are normal. If given intravenous fluids with saline and dextrose, the child improves dramatically and is usually restored to normal health within a few hours.

A first episode is usually attributed to a "viral infection" or acute gastroenteritis. However, in most of these children one or more additional episodes recur over next few years and become immediately recognizable to the parents. In mild cases, carbohydrates and a few hours of sleep will be enough to end the symptoms.

Precipitating factors, conditions that trigger an episode, may include extended fasting (e.g., missing supper the night before), a low carbohydrate intake the previous day (e.g., a hot dog without a bun), or a stress such as a viral infection. Most children affected by ketotic hypoglycemia have a slender build, many with a weight percentile below height percentile, though without other evidence of malnutrition. Overweight children are rarely affected.

I think that the above information fits KayTar pretty well. Her episodes started in toddlerhood, they frequently occur when she goes too long between feedings or during illness, she is extremely lethargic and unresponsive during them. She has landed in the ER many times with very low glucose numbers even though she isn't clinically dry or dehydrated. I think the underlying mechanism of her episodes might just be ketotic hypoglycemia, which triggers migraine activity causing the light sensitivity and pain that sometimes coincides with them. I think this has been overlooked because we have always focused intensely on the neurological symptoms. The hypoglycemia has often been excused because she has been vomiting from the episodes or from the illness she is sick with, but lately it has become obvious that her numbers are plummeting faster and more dramatically than they should with only a minor disturbance.

To my knowledge, we've never tested her urine for ketones during an episode or at times when she has been hypoglycemic, so that remains to be seen, but I do know that her CO2 has been low during some of her hypoglycemic episodes, too. The treatment for this condition is frequent small high carbohydrate, high protein meals...basically what we have been doing for her since getting the g-tube, and surprise! The episodes have all but disappeared. Her recent "energy crises" are often fixed with Pediasure and sleep, but when she gets sick or starts vomiting, things get a little dicier and sometimes she needs IV fluids. Anyway, it is a THEORY...and nothing more at this point. However if this isn't it, I really feel like it is at least in the right zip code now. The two really great things about this diagnosis, if it were the correct one, are that we could test her urine for ketones during illnesses and correct the errors before it ever progressed to hypoglycemia AND children outgrow it by age 10 usually.

I emailed her pediatrician about it, of course. We'll see what she thinks of it and go from there!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Adventures of KayTar: Episode #38

Thursday morning, shortly after waking, KayTar said, "I feel sick." which wasn't all that surprising as she is still sick, but then she said, "Take me back to bed." which was surprising because she never requests that, and as I carried her to bed she said the dreaded words, "Because I feel spinny. My eyes are sick." It was 9:15 on a Thursday morning, so I decided this was the time to take her in. After calling to notify our pediatrician, I took a bit of time to get ready and pack a few things for the hospital, assuming we would be there for the day. I scooped up KayTar and we dropped BubTar off with my parents and headed to the hospital. I called the neurologist on the way so he could send orders to the ER for us.

We arrived, I dropped the car at valet, and started to register KayTar. Then she woke up and said, "I think I feel better." No joke. The SINGLE time we expected and wanted the episode to run its looooong drawn out course, it shortchanges us. I'd like to see odds on this one. Regardless, we were there and the orders were there, so the nurses got us to a room lickety-split (after a bit of "Oh, did you miss us since last night?" teasing, since I volunteer there on Wednesday nights). In triage, I mentioned that she has been sick and her intake was down, so they might as well give her fluids while we were there. She had an IV placed, some labs drawn, and it was time to get her EEG done. They moved quickly for us and we were well taken care of. After the EEG, we found out that once again she was hypoglycemic and needed dextrose. They kept us for a while before informing me that they wanted to observe her overnight due to the poor glucose level. At some point in all that, they cathed her to get some urine, which was AWFUL. She's never had to go through that before and it would be fine with me if she never has to do that again. It was extremely unpleasant, worse than the IV and finger sticks put together. Overall, though, the hospital stay wasn't too terrible. I knew most of the nurses and the doctor who followed us in observation today from my time volunteering. KayTar and I played lots of games and watched The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. She, of course, charmed everyone we met. Even when she feels badly, her little personality is still firmly intact.

It was a long day and night, but she was released this afternoon after a successful tube feed and nice looking labs. The neurologist called me this afternoon to let me know that the EEG was normal, but he expressed interest in that fact her glucose was once again low in conjunction with an episode. He is recommending periodic glucose testing, during healthy, sick, and episodic times to follow it a bit further. He also said she might need a referral to endocrinology. Pretty soon they are going to run out of new specialties to refer her to! I also spoke with him about the light sensitivity and he gave me the contact information for a local ophthalmologist he has worked with who is having some success treated Gulf War veterans that experience similar light sensitivity (though for different reasons, clearly) with therapies and special lenses, so we'll definitely follow up on that.

Otherwise, KayTar is still under the weather, her lungs were a bit wheezy when she was checked out today, so we are continuing her Albuterol/Benadryl schedule and we may need to follow up with the pediatrician on Monday if it is still hanging on, though I'll let the pediatrician make that call. I don't know if we will take her in for the next episode or not, that remains to be decided, too. Whatever the case, for tonight we are definitely glad to be home.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Record Breaker

KayTar had an episode yesterday.

It didn't end until today.

Yesterday, around 1 in the afternoon, she called out, "Mom, my eyes are sick!" and quickly followed that with "I feel spinny!" She was leaning her face against the sofa in an effort to stabilize herself. I took her to lay down and gave her transdermal Zofran, just in case. She was completely lucid for an hour, only complaining of the dizziness. She couldn't sit up or stand, which she thought was hilarious at the time. She was acting a little goofy, too. During this time I noticed her eyeballs making tiny back and forth circular movement, like nystagmus, but rotational rather than side to side or up and down. They were very small scale movements, unlike the larger rolling eye movements we've seen in the past with these.

About an hour into the episode, she started vomiting, and that was quickly followed by the onset of the lethargy and pain. It was extremely painful for her. She would let out scream after scream when the pain hit her, then it would subside...then reemerge. I gave her Lortab, but it didn't seem to touch it. She continued to vomit in spite of the Zofran, too. She was incredibly light sensitive, too. We blacked out the windows and turned out the lights and she still kept a blanket on her face. It went on for hours. Seventeen and a half hours.

I went to bed, next to her, around midnight. I wanted to get a little nap because I was sure it would be over soon and she would be wide awake, but that didn't happen. She woke several times in the night, but was still unbearably light sensitive and sick. This morning she woke up around 6:30, back to her old self, all the symptoms were gone.

To my recollection, this is the worst episode she has ever had. The previous record for length was only 11 hours. The last time she had one that involved pain, it was April 2007. They are coming regularly again, it has been 38 days since the previous episode, which was 38 days after the one before that. We don't know why the episodes stopped for six months, but it is obvious that these are now back, following a schedule just like they used to.

I felt useless yesterday. I gave her medications, made the room dark and quiet for her, wiped vomit from her face and body repeatedly, but I couldn't do anything to help her. The medications weren't effective against this. As dark as the room was, it didn't relieve any of her agony. As soon as I wiped away the vomit, more spilled out of her. I could do nothing except wait for it to end, wait for her to feel better, wait for her to come back to me, and this time it took much too long.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Episode #36

In the spreadsheet record I keep, it says:

April 28, 12pm, Duration 4 hours, Altered level of consciousness, vomiting, and vertigo

We had a completely average morning yesterday, KayTar dressed up as a princess and pretended to marry our giant crayon bank ("Can this bank be a boy, Mom? Because I want to marry it!"), she had her morning feed and we stuck to our every day routine. I dropped her of at school on time, went from the school to Subway to grab a sandwich and by the time I walked in the door at home, the phone was ringing. It was the school. She said that KayTar was vomiting and I knew. My heart raced, by stomach dropped, I called Josh to tell him. I knew she wasn't sick when I dropped her off, if she was vomiting, there was only one explanation.

I raced to the school and she was sitting in the nurse's office, crying. I sat next to her and she wilted onto my lap, and that was that. She had told her teacher that she felt spinny, and the teacher knew she didn't look right and sent her to the nurse's office, where she promptly bathed the floor, the nurse, and herself in her morning Pediasure. Then they called me. This is the first episode she's had at school and it is an enormous relief that they recognized what was happening and called in me a very timely manner. I've been anxious about that all year, but when it happened it was taken care of beautifully.

From the car, I called the pediatrician (which I try not to do, but I made an exception this time), she put a call into her nurse to get labs ordered and KayTar and I headed to the clinic to pick the orders up. We went to the lab and they drew some blood (upside to having a mostly unconscious kid, no fighting for the draw...downside, that makes it sadder somehow). Then we came back home to let her rest. She woke up about 4 hours after it started and said, "Where are my red high heels?" Always true to character, that one. Within minutes she was in full princess regalia again, slow dancing with her crayon bank husband.

As these things go, it was an easy one; only 4 hours, no pain, only one round of vomiting, we were even able to finally get labs; serum glucose, complete metabolic panel, CBC with differential, and something else that I'm forgetting. Today we should have the results back and I'm hoping that we at least get a CLUE from this. I'm not sure why after 6 months without one, she seems to have picked up right were she left off. It might have been an easy one, but I'd prefer having none at all.


Image

Monday, March 23, 2009

What happened?

Part of me would like to deconstruct this whole episode, and the other part would just like to say "F*ck it." and go back to pretending that they aren't going to keep happening, but since I don't use that kind of the language on the blog, I guess that leaves us with the deconstruction.

I don't know where to start. It was a bad one...I smirk as I say that, as if there are ever good ones. It lasted from 2pm-8:30pm. 6.5 hours, not the worst, not the best. I know I say things like altered consciousness but I don't know that it communicates the reality. She goes from being my KayTar to being a limp little girl who cannot open her eyes, lift her head, respond to anything I say, who only responds to pain and even then, barely. It is a significant, clinically relevant decrease consciousness, this isn't a deep sleep or a lethargic child, it is way beyond that. It is the most unsettling part for me. She woke up and said, "I thought I was asleep on your pants, but I was in your bed!" (she laid her head on my lap in the museum foyer, that was about the time she stopped responding to me). It seems like she doesn't remember anything about the interim. I asked her what happened and she said, "I felt spinny and went to sleep on your pants." After she was out of the episode, I gave her a much needed bath. I think tried to give some Pedialyte through her g-button, she vomited it up as I was putting it in. She continued to vomit everything up all night long. Typically, when an episode is over, it is over...vomiting included. Around midnight I gave Zofran and a teaspoon of water and we promptly went to bed, it stayed down, thankfully. In the morning she continued to vomit. Finally around noon, she started holding down teaspoons of Pedialyte through her g-button and by bedtime, she had kept down about 8 ounces of fluid. Initially, I thought maybe she had a stomach virus secondary to the episode, but today I really think it was just residual effects of the episode.

So why did it happen in the first place, after 6 glorious episode-free months?

It was an exciting day, but we've had a great many exciting days in the last 6 months.

We took a car ride into the city, but we've had countless rides into the city since the last episode.

It was a sunny day, but there have been many sunny days since these stopped in September.

She seems to be sick now, coughing, stuffy nose and so forth, but she has been sick dozens of times in the past 6 months without incident.

On Friday, she had 2 Pediasure feeds instead of 3, because she wanted to drink the last one and didn't quite do it. On Saturday, she only had only had her first feed by the time the episode started. We've had other days where her feeding schedule was slightly altered and this didn't happen.

My mom took care of the kids on Thursday while I went to Austin to give my speech in front of the House committee, and she noticed KayTar's eyes do that odd thing (click here for video) they used to do so frequently. We haven't seen it happen in ages. Is it related?

Honestly, I don't know what happened or why it happened. I don't know when it might happen again. I just wish it hadn't happened at all. I wish she was free of these things. I can't articulate how much I hate watching her slip away from me; how difficult it is to twiddle my thumbs for hours while she is unreachable; how I repeatedly wander into the room where she sleeps, cuddling up next to her, stroking her hair, and whispering into her little ears that can't seem to hear me; how I have to wipe the vomit from her mouth and nose, because she isn't lucid enough to move her own head; how every time I hear her moan I come running, hoping that maybe she is emerging; how I feel sick every minute until she finally opens her beautiful blue eyes and says, "I'm better."

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I liked it better when I had nothing to talk about.

This morning the boys left to go camping, so KayTar and I planned our own special day. I suggested the zoo, but she nixed that because the lions might ROAR at her. We settled on a Happy Meal for lunch, followed by a trip to the science museum to see the butterflies.

We picked up our food and headed downtown to the museum. She took a nap in the car and woke up shortly before we parked. Parking was insane, but we finally found a spot and started to walk towards the museum. She was holding my hand and then grabbed onto my arm with both her little hands, leaning her weight on me. She said, "I need you to carry me." and as I picked her up she went limp. At the point, she was still responding to questions and I thought, hoped, that the sun was just making her feel sick and entering the museum would help.

We walked into the lobby and I was able to rouse her. She said, "I'm sick. I have a fever. Carry me to the butterflies." before she fell out of consciousness again. I called Josh and then carried her back to the car. She threw up on the way. Once we were in the car, she was screaming and crying. She said, "Why do my eyes always DO THIS?" She was writhing and smacking her hands together angrily. My poor baby. Eventually she dropped out of consciousness and by the time we got home, she was no longer crying, but she wasn't responding to me anymore either. She still isn't.

I gave her 9 ounces of Pedialyte when we first got home, but she started vomiting about 30 minutes ago and everything has come back up. I administered transdermal Zofran, but I don't know that it will help. I had to move her a little to get a towel underneath her and wipe her up a little and she started screaming. That's the only response I've gotten from her in hours. These things make her so sick and I hate to watch her slip away, unable to do anything to stave it off or bring her back. I had started to believe these episodes were a thing of the past and I'm just devastated that evidently, that isn't the case.

It has already been 4 hours. I hope my girl comes back soon.

Monday, January 19, 2009

I still think about the answers.

I want to write about something and I just can't seem to, at least not with any flourish or skill. It comes out garbled and contrived, a simple rearranging of everything I've ever written in this space.

We know.

We don't know.

It matters.

It doesn't matter.

I'm anxious.

I'm cool as a cucumber.


Every bit true and untrue depending on the moment being surveyed.

The truth in this moment is, I've been thinking quite a bit about answers lately. I've had the flutter of hope in my chest and the churn of anxiety in my gut. The truth in this moment is I hope they exist, even if I can't quite allow myself to fully believe it anymore.

****

Dear Super Fantastic Pediatrician,

I have a little theory and I wanted to get your opinion on it, when you have time. KayTar hasn't had an episode in over 130 days now, by far the longest stretch she's ever had, and none at all since her g-tube insertion. (knock on wood) Their sudden and prolonged absence made me wonder if they could have been nutritionally-induced, so I've been reading here and there, trying to piece things together. Could they have been hypoglycemic episodes?

I thought about all of her possible triggers; travel, excitement, waking early; and a common denominator is that in all of those situations is that it is unlikely she would have eaten anything or drank her Pediasure due to the level of excitement and activity at the time. Of course, they happened when she was ill, too, and her nutrition suffers so much when she is sick. Her glucose levels have always been quite low when we've gone in for dehydration or illness, and she has always had clusters of episodes around those times.

The symptoms seem to fit; altered level of consciousness, seizure, vomiting, unresponsiveness, and lethargy; and hit all of the parts of the episodes that are always present (minus perhaps the seizure activity, though she does have those ocular movements during the episodes). Sometimes she has light sensitivity and headache, too, but headache can be triggered by hypoglycemia. After she comes out of the episode, she is usually ravenous. It is the only time she feels and acts on hunger, the only time the sensation seems to breakthrough for her.

I don't know if there is anything to it or not. She's only had labs run once while she was actively having an episode, but I checked them and it was only a CBC with differential, no chemistries. Right after she had her g-tube inserted, she had that week of almost episodes, remember? She would use the same descriptive language, but it never escalated to the same level and we were able to stop them by adding an additional feed. Thinking of that combined with the sudden lack of episodes, made me wonder! Let me know what you think when you get a chance.


****

Our pediatrician thinks there might actually be something to this little theory I've cooked up and she's going to run it past the geneticists and get their take on it, too. It has been wiggling, partially formed in the back of my mind for some time, and a conversation with Natalie and subsequent conversations with Josh really solidified it for me. After a little research, I came across the predominate clinical manifestations of hypoglycemia and I was speechless; altered level of consciousness, seizure, vomiting, unresponsiveness, and lethargy...the ever present, major symptoms of her episodes. It has been 140 days without an episode and the only difference is that she is now receiving steady, adequate nutrition. Who knows if there really is anything to the theory? I certainly don't, but I wonder just the same and hope that maybe, just maybe this feeding tube has done more than we'd ever have dreamed possible.

****

The day Obama was elected, KayTar had a muscle biopsy. Tomorrow he will be inaugurated and we still do not have the results of that biopsy. I can almost see them, swirling in front of me in the future just out of reach. I don't know what they will tell us or even what I hope to learn from them, just something more than we know right now, I suppose. One more piece of this massive, beautiful, delicate puzzle.

Image

Monday, September 01, 2008

GREAT DAY!

Earlier today I took KayTar to the hospital to get a chemistry panel done. She's still flirting with dehydration and after so many days, her pediatrician wanted to be sure her kidneys were faring well. Long story short, her labs look good! YAY! Of course, there is longer version of the story, a nice little tale about uncooperative lab workers who did their best to avoid collecting KayTar's blood, but I'll spare you. Eventually, they conceded defeat, KayTar got her finger stick, and we went on our merry way. KayTar said, "That wasn't so bad! This is a GREAT DAY!" and cracked my heart just a little, because in the realm of her experience, a little finger stick and subsequent bloodletting equals a great day.

A couple hours after we got home, an episode came and washed her away, just like they always do. As if one moment she is lying on a beach, happy and whole, completely herself, and then the tide begins to come in and pulls pieces of her out to sea, dragging her beneath the water bit by bit. Josh and I stand on the beach staring at her intently, surveying what is left of her there on the sand, not quite able to trust our eyes. We ask each other, "Does she seem to be getting smaller? Does it look like she's being carried out to sea?" We stand and watch as more and more of our girl disappears, until we realize that it really is happening. By the time we see the truth of it, our little girl has been pulled under the waves of the suddenly turbulent sea. Her joyful face was suddenly blank. Her bright, smiling eyes were dark and closed. Her giggles and songs had turned to groans and mumbles. It happens like this every time, and yet, we are still surprised. We still can't quite believe our eyes. We still ask each other, "Is this it? Is she having one?" We volley it back and forth for a while, neither of us eager to be the one who finally confirms it, the one who calls it into being. We already know, of course, we just wish so fervently to be wrong, maybe just once. Even before I'm ready to admit to what is happening, my heart starts to race and my stomach drops. I suck in my breath and collect the medications. I give them. We tuck her in. We clean her vomit. We try to soothe her. And then we wait with our hearts in our throats, because that is all that is left to do.

On nights like tonight, she springs back to life in a few hours. She calls out, "I'm not sick anymore!" from her bed and we race in to see her, happy and whole again, but perhaps a little worse for wear. She says, "Carry me, Mommy. Carry me to my chair." And I do. I smile at her and touch her face and kiss her forehead and say, "I'm so happy you're not sick anymore!" She laughs because I'm smiling and says, "You so silly, Mommy!" and she giggles her sweet, sweet giggle. For a while she continues to spontaneously exclaim, "I'm not sick anymore. I not feel sick anymore!" Maybe she doesn't quite believe it yet, and we don't quite believe it either, really. We watch her diligently for the next few hours, afraid that if we look away she'll disappear again. Soon enough she seems to forget she was ever sick at all. She's laughing and dancing and playing again, telling us, "That wasn't so bad! This is a GREAT DAY!" And regardless of the day we've had, in that moment, watching my golden-haired girl smile and giggle again, I can't help but believe her.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I don't even know what to title this one...

She's so sick.

She hasn't wet a diaper in 8 hours.

She's only taken in about 2 ounces of water today, without it immediately coming back up.

She slept from 3-7. I roused her a little to take her temperature, and she was having another episode when she woke up. She is still having another episode, right now. Another. The third in 5 days.

Part of the reason I write this blog is to process...to frame things in a positive light, even things that are not always easy. But this, this is simply exhausting and sad. I don't really know what else I can say about it.

****

I stepped away from the computer right there, to tend to KayTar. Since then, she's come out of the episode. It was about an hour and a half in duration, from the time she woke up to the time it ended. Her fever broke, too, maybe that was the key. I don't know. Guessing is simply that.

I've gotten her to take some fluids. A little.

Still no wet diapers. 9 hours.

I'm still in limbo, watchfully waiting to see if she'll need to go in for IV fluids tonight. Still exhausted. Still unable to find the words to convey exactly what any of this feels like or maybe just too tired to find the right words. Sad, heavy, exhausting...but more and less all at the same time. My girl and my heart inextricably tied tightly together, both tired, sick, and aching tonight.

Image

It is past midnight, still no wet diapers...but she took in enough fluid to buy us a reprieve until morning. We can stay home, snug in our own beds tonight.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Jinxed again.

This morning I woke KayTar up, got her dressed, and proceeded to brush her hair.

I sprayed it with water, as I do everyday, to loosen the curly mop it becomes in the night. I brushed it. I put in her butterfly. I put on her glasses.

She said, "My eyes feel sick." and pulled her glasses off. Or maybe, she pulled her glasses off and said, "My eyes feel sick." Either way, she wasn't opening her eyes.

I said, "KayTar, can you open your eyes?" It looked like an episode.

"KayTar, do you need to go to bed?" Yes.

She mumbled, "I'm all shaking."

I tried talking to her, asking her a few questions, gauge what was happening. She didn't respond. I left her to rest in her bed.

Maybe ten minutes later, I was calling Josh to let him know and I heard her, "I feel all better!" and went to check on her. She sat up. Her eyes were open. I asked her what happened and she told me, "You sprayed water in my face. My eyes feel sick. I shaking. Now I'm feel better."

Later she said, "I feeled spinny sick. Twirl around, twirl around. I'm feel better now!"

What happened? Was it an episode? A freakishly short episode on the heels of another? At the very least it was a severe reaction to something innocuous, something she experiences daily. I spray and brush her hair daily. When we leave the squirt bottle within her reach, we find her sopping wet, as she can't resist spraying herself in the face. When we swim, she begs to be splashed in the face (BubTar is all too happy to oblige). It is something she typically likes and seeks out regularly. She's never reacted negatively to it. To my knowledge, I didn't even squirt her in the face, what she felt might have just been cast off, peripheral spray...but WHAT A REACTION.

It reminds me of this, specifically this portion:

Yesterday, we had something else happen. KayTar was sitting with her daddy on the couch, and she tried to sign "Daddy", but she poked herself in the eye instead. She didn't do it very hard, in fact I can show you how hard it was.

Take your hand (whichever you would like) hold it in front of your face, thumb pointing towards your face, fingers fanned out, and tap it on your forehead. There! You signed "dad". Good for you!

Well, that is what she did, only she missed her forehead and caught her eye. She fussed a bit, and kept her eyes closed for a few seconds. When she reopened them, the eye she had poked was pointing inward to her nose and drifting. Her other eye was properly aligned. She blinked a few times, but it continued to point inward and move slightly. It lasted 1-2 minutes, and then she started gagging and almost vomited. We ran her to the bathroom, and then suddenly everything went back to normal. It was very strange, but strange doesn't necessarily mean anything...it is KayTar we are talking about.

The reactions themselves are entirely separate and unique, but the intensity of the reaction to something so innocuous is similar.

It was just so strange. Unexpected. Bizarre. It has left me scratching my head in puzzlement. Did she just have an episode? If not, then what in the world was it? Why did she describe it the same? React the same? If so, then why in the world was it so short, triggered by something so normal? Why was it so close to the last one?

She's fine now, coloring at the table while I write this. I'm keeping her home from camp today. If a little water caused THAT, we're going to play it safe, thankyouverymuch.

This is what I get for listing all those anomalies yesterday, isn't it? Another anomaly. When will I learn?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Lucky, still

Rarely, if ever, has she gone through an episode that left us feeling lucky. But this time? We do. Completely.

It was painless. It was short. She should have had 3, at least, in the time it took her to have this one minor episode. It was a gift in so many ways.

In between episodes, I'm waiting, watching, always. I don't even realize it at times, but I am. We expect it to be around the next corner. Hidden in the next moment, just out of sight. While on vacation, we were putting her in her swimsuit and she stopped. Her eyes closed. And our hearts stopped.

Is she?

I don't know.

She's not moving.

Her eyes are closed.

Maybe?

I think so...

No. She's okay.

KayTar, are you okay? Can you answer me? What's wrong?

Turns out the air from the overhead fan was bothering her eyes. That's all. Normal, innocuous, but we thought, "Here it is." We always think that. We always wait for it.

So now the clocks are reset. She can go to camp today without my heart stopping each time the phone rings. Without me explaining the episodes AGAIN to the nurse, to her teacher. Without my heart begging me to keep her home, safe, where she can be cared for if it happens. When it happens.

As for outgrowing them? I hope. Man, do I ever hope. She's had 31 episodes in her 41 months of life. 6 months, 14 months, and then at about 18 months they really started coming fast and frequent. Every 2 weeks, in fact. They started at roughly 45 minutes, every two weeks. Like clockwork. Terrible, terrible clockwork.

It isn't an exact science, but there are trends. As time has progressed, they have generally grown longer in duration, with a few exceptions. From 45 minutes up to 11 hours last go round. Overall, the time between has bounced back and forth, but the long stretches have become longer. Her larger breaks tend to be followed with a more "normal" spaced break. 69 days, followed by 30 days. 73 days followed by 39 days. 90 days followed by....who knows. We've had some surprises. 4 episodes in a two week period. One episode that seemed to last minutes rather than hours. She's had episodes on two consecutive days. She's had easy ones and hard ones. They started with the predominate symptom being a head tilt, now there is no head tilt. Sometimes there is vomiting. Sometimes pain. Sometimes light sensitivity. Sometimes sensitivity to motion. Always, always a loss of conscious awareness, and a decrease or cessation of responsiveness.

I could discuss these at length, study the similarities, note the differences. It can never be summed up as neatly as I'd like. It is messy and mysterious, it gives us just enough information to feel that we have some control, that we know something of it...but the threat of the unknown is always present, in our minds, in our hearts, in our memories. It lurks just out of sight, the monster that snatches our girl away, takes her to a place of discomfort, illness, pain. A place where we don't have any power at all. We just silently hope that each time it won't be too bad, too long, too hard for her. And so while we wished she hadn't had one at all, she did and we still feel lucky, because at least this time, it was not too bad, too long, or too hard for her. Now our clocks are reset, granting us freedom for a time, giving us space to enjoy our lives without feeling the monster breathing on our necks or hearing its growl just around the next bend in the road. It is still out there, I know, but this time she was lucky. This time she escaped largely unscathed and sometimes, that just has to be enough.

Image

Saturday, July 26, 2008

95 Days. THE END.

It was a good run, wasn't it?

I spoke at our state Capitol.

We got to go to NYC.

I took an entire math course.

I was able to spend the night in the Atlanta airport.

Family vacation.

My trip to BlogHer.

95 days of blissful, uneventful normalcy. Okay, normal people don't count the days while waiting for the ephemeral monster that is an episode to jump out and attack their child, but still...the closest WE get to normalcy.

This has been some week. Monday was fairly uneventful, just an eye appointment for KayTar. Tuesday, the air conditioner dude worked on our system and gallons of water ended up raining into our bedroom, causing the need for pipe work and new sheetrock. Wednesday, BubTar had to have stitches and we spent 6 hours in the ER. Thursday, our power went out because of weather. Friday, our power went out, AGAIN, because of a blown transformer. Today, we were about to leave for my little sister in law's birthday party and BAM--episode.

She had walked into her room and Josh followed after her, about to wrangle her into her shoes, and she was grasping the door frame, eyes closed. He said, "KayTar?" And she said, "I'm all spinny." And he said, "Kyla, she's having one."

Damn, damn, damn.

As I was driving home from the store today I thought, it has been so nice not living our lives around these episodes...maybe she really is outgrowing them. One hour later...Hello Optimism, here is the episode you ordered!

My boys went to the party without us. It will give BubTar something to do other than staying VERY VERY QUIET for his sister. KayTar is in her bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, alternating between writhing fitfulness and eerie stillness, sometimes responding, sometimes not. That's always the kicker for me...watching my wee girl slip away from me, even as I hold her tight in my arms. My bright, vibrant star suddenly left without the sheen of her twinkling magic.

ETA: Over! I can't remember the last time she had one this short! 2.5 hours. No pain, no vomiting, no light sensitivity. When she woke up, she told me, "I feel all better. I was shaking!" She asked for ice for her head when she woke up, maybe a residual headache, but she seems to be just fine now. We're watching her closely, but it looks like she's going to be a-okay.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

39. Yeah, I know.

Today, after taking the birthday boy out to his choice of lunch (Burger King? Seriously, BubTar?) we headed off to the Children's Museum for a day of fun. Turns out we didn't have any fun at all. KayTar went into an episode about 7 minutes after we arrived.

I felt like such an idiot, because when I woke up today "Episode" was not in my agenda nor in my mind at all. I was completely surprised by this one. I always kind of sense them coming, I know when to watch for them, I plan things close to home, I play it safe. I didn't do that today unfortunately.

It started out of the blue. She was fine one minute, walking and holding my hand, and then she said, "I need to carry you please." and I picked her up. She nuzzled into my neck and went limp. Even then it took me a minute to recognize what was happening, because it was so far from my mind today. I had to apologize to BubTar and tell him we had to leave immediately. On his birthday. Do you know what he said? "I'm sorry, KayTar. It's my fault we were at the museum, since it's my birthday."

*insert that shattering broken heart sound here*

I told him it wasn't his fault. KayTar just gets very sick sometimes and we have to stop what we're doing and get her home fast. He asked why and I told him her brain sort of malfunctions and it makes the rest of her body pretty sick. Then he said, "I'm sorry your brain malfunctions, KayTar." The boy is too sweet. Never mind it was ruining HIS special day, he was the one apologizing for things that have nothing to do with him.

We rushed home, and by rushed I mean spent over 30 minutes in traffic on the SAME STREET, and got home over an hour later. My mom came to the rescue and picked up the birthday boy and took him shopping at the toy store with his gift card. He bought 4 more Bionicles and finished building them all in the 3 hours he was at her house.

It has been a weird episode. No pain. No vomiting. No light sensitivity. Just the loss of her normal mental status and extreme lethargy. Oh, and the eyes. She's complaining about them and they have been moving like crazy. She'll only open her eyes for a few seconds at a time, but even when they are closed we can see her eyeballs swirling around back there. Here's the part that frightens me a bit, she's been lucid for an hour now, but she can't use her body. If I sit her up, she just slumps over. She can't sit, stand, crawl, none of those motor skills are intact. She can roll over, move her limbs, move her head, but nothing beyond that. It doesn't usually happen like this. Once she's back, she's BACK. I know that her history shows she always comes back from these, even if it takes a little longer than we'd like, but I can't help but worry that this time will be different because it IS different.

I'm supposed to be at school right now, taking my A&P exam, but instead I'm here because I can't bear to leave her like this. I sit close by and mark the time with the cycles of my worries and wonder when her little body will work again. I hope it is soon.


For the record, I really do think she'll come out of it all the way soon, she always does. It just makes me feel a little better to turn the worries into words, so I do.

ETA: She hasn't really come out of it, but she is asleep. She vomited not long ago and was able to sit up briefly for the bath, so that makes me feel better. I don't know if it is over or if she'll sleep for long, but I figured it was a good enough time to update. It has almost been 11 hours. I think that's the longest one yet. I hope she's better by morning. It has been really worrisome.

ETA again: It is morning and she seems to be totally back to herself. I might bring her in to the pediatrician for a quick neurological exam just to be sure everything is okay. This one really had me worrying.

Friday, March 14, 2008

73.

We were at part two of her autism evaluation.

I was watching her play with the psychologist and then she stopped.

She looked up and she stopped responding.

She whined and rubbed her eyes.

I stopped breathing.

She looked at me and whined again, but then her eyes danced away.

She put her head on the table.

My heart raced.

"I think she's having one of her episodes."

We watched her, unsure, as always. Is this really it?

I heard people talking, "Did you see how eye contact completely changed?" "Yes, her whole demeanor changed."

I watched her, tried to engage her. She responded, weakly. She pointed at the toys, but she was too weak to even raise her head.

We left with promises of rescheduling.

As we walked to the car, she whined and retched.

I tried to ask her questions, reassure her. She tried to respond, but all that came out was gibberish, mumbles and groans.

The ride home was uneventful, a bit of groaning and moaning, more retching.

We walked in the house, I went for her medication.

After giving it, I put her in the sick seat.

She cried, vomited bile from her wee empty stomach, and fell asleep.

She's resting now, beside me in her sick seat, occasionally stirring and crying out, letting me know that she is about to vomit again.

I go to her quickly, hold her head over the basin and whisper soothing words to her. I don't know if she understands me or even hears me.

I worry and I wait, willing her to return to me, always hoping that this might be the last time I have to watch her slip away, the last time I have to watch her tiny body be wracked with pain* that threatens to swallow her whole, the last time I have to wonder if she truly will come back to me.


* Thankfully, this one is not that painful. She is resting comfortably in between bouts of illness, but I'm always worrying about the next time.

ETA: It's over. 8:45am-5pm. About 8 hours.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

First Episode of 2008.

Image
Episode in an airport, take two.


I should have given up this morning as soon as BubTar puked.

But I didn't. Obviously.

BubTar was feeling better, so we went ahead with plans. We packed and prepared and left for the airport. On the way, KayTar zoned out. Totally. She tucked her head into the crack of her car seat and stopped moving. Stopped talking. Just stopped. I looked and Josh and he looked at me, and we knew. We always know. We never quite accept it initially, though. So I said to my parents, "Maybe KayTar isn't quite right. You know. She might be having an---maybe, though. Just maybe." But we knew.

My mom suggested we go ahead and check the bags, we could always get them back if we had to. So we checked the bags. Then, of course, once the bags were taken away it was undoubtedly clear she WAS in fact having an episode, evidenced by the vomiting and writhing and disappearance of our lucid little baby girl. And then we had to track the bags down. While KayTar puked and cried. Exciting stuff.

Thankfully, the lovely clerk at Southwest rescheduled KayTar and I for tomorrow and BubTar went ahead and flew with my mother tonight. He was heartbroken when he found out we couldn't go. So tomorrow evening, once this is done and over, KayTar and I will fly out, too. For now, we're home waiting for our sweet girl to feel better and fully come back to us.

Let's recap 2008:

Stomach flu
Episode
Canceled flight

And it is just DAY ONE. Dude.

PS: Obviously me saying ANYTHING about not blogging for a few days is a BAD OMEN and it totally means I'll be blogging WAY MORE than usual.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

circles within circles

I had intended to do and Now and Then type photo for Wordless Wednesday, because sweet KayTar is wearing the same cold weather clothes she was wearing last year, but when I went through my October 2006 photo file, I noticed there were none for this week. Then I remembered, this was the week we went to Orlando, the photos are on the laptop we took with us. This was the week we waited for KayTar's MRI results. This was the week we got KayTar's MRI results. This was the week that fear consumed me. And because life tends to come full circle in these poetic ways, this year we are also spending this week waiting on some very important test results.

We had the MRI on Friday the 20th and left to go out of town on Sunday the 22nd. In the parking garage at the airport, KayTar started having an episode. I still can't reread these posts without my stomach dropping out and my limbs turning to jello. It has been a year and I can still feel that frozen terror.

****

I stopped writing right here to go take KayTar to therapy. When we got outside, she was clearly bothered by the sunlight, but she also went a little limp on me. I loaded her in and off we drove. I kept an eye on her in the rearview mirror and by the time I hit the first stoplight I was calling Josh for a second opinion. "She seems a little off, should we cancel therapy? Nothing is happening, it is just a feeling." and he said, "Go home." As soon as I turned around, it started. The moaning, the "eyes hurt", the retching.

When we got home she didn't want to be put down, so while holding her, I sat at my desk to locate the therapist's phone number so I could cancel, and the ped's pager number to find out if we should try for an EEG. Now, I'm stuck here in my computer chair, covered in a few coats of vomit, typing one handed in the dark. Every time I move, even to shift positions, she starts vomiting again. So here I'll stay until she feels better or my bladder hits critical mass. I am fairly certain it will be the latter that comes first. I had quite a bit of coffee this morning. But vomit covered or no, I'll sit still for as long as I can manage to provide some modicum of comfort while she endures this. It is the least I can do for my poor sweet girl.

Poetic circles of life, no? I think those posts from last year still make my stomach drop and my limbs turn to jello is because I still experience those feelings every time this happens to her. You never really get used to your child being in such unbearable and unnecessary pain. It is completely at odds with the visceral maternal drive to protect your young at all costs. How do you protect them when the predator is their very own body?

I can't help but wonder what might have happened today if I had begun a wholly unrelated post this morning or had just chosen to post a WW photo like I had intended. Would we still be snuggled painfully together in the desk chair or would our day look something more like this?


Image

It has been one month and one day since her last, it looks as though that 69 day break was a fluke after all. Oh, how I wish it wasn't.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

It was a good run...

69 days, no episode. Until today.

I had stopped thinking about it, stopped wondering every day, "Is this the day?" I even felt far enough removed from it that yesterday I discussed how long it had been. I didn't even know how many days exactly, because I had stopped counting. We used to live by the calendar. Every 15 days we knew what would soon be happening. A long break is deceiving, it tricks you into thinking it might all be over. I know all about the medical jinx, but my hope just got away from me.

She's had pretty concentrated eye deviations for the past 5 days, but we don't even know what those are. We're still waiting on the EEG results from a month ago.

Tonight, we went to eat dinner with Josh's family. KayTar was having a blast running around (well, her version of running) with BubTar and Josh's littlest sister. She was being social and silly and fun, all the things she should be. Then she walked into the living room, her eyes darted up and over, like that have done so many times this week, and she slowly fell to her knees. She laid her head on the carpet, bending as though she might be in prayer. She stayed there for a moment and then she stood up and drunkenly staggered to me. Her limbs were uncoordinated and her gait was choppy and much wider than normal. She collapsed into my arms and squeezed me, nuzzling her head into my shoulder. She held on for dear life for another minute or two and then got down. She sat on the floor and played with a toy, but soon slumped over and wanted to be held.

"Do you need me to hold you?"

"Hold you?" Her drunken eyes flitted up toward my face and she tried to raise her arms.

I held her and she burrowed in once more. She broke out in a sweat, her whole head suddenly damp, and her eyes started rolling. She was having difficulty opening them and keeping them open. She was incoherent. She started to gag and whimper, she couldn't lift her head. My in-laws packed up dinner for us and we left. KayTar cried and vomited on the way home. She asked for a napkin for her face, poor dear.

We gave her medicine when we got home, and after emptying her stomach, she fell asleep. She is resting here in the dark beside me right now. I just hope she can sleep through.

Image
Earlier today, eating dry cereal for the first time.

Monday, July 16, 2007

The Big E

This post was supposed to be different. I sat down last night to do a lighthearted, photo-heavy post. I uploaded the first photo and heard KayTar scream. Josh and I both went in to check on her and she was screaming and grabbing her eyes. Josh scooped her up and I stroked her head. At first we just thought maybe her eyes had been moving and she was upset about it, but she continued to scream. And then they moved. And then they moved again. And again. And she was still screaming and clawing her eyes. It was clear that something was happening. Episode. We turned off all the lights and put her in her chair. Josh went to put BubTar to bed and I sat with KayTar. We gave her a suppository. She was vomiting and the pain was coming in intense waves. She could quiet herself for a few moments before another wave would rip through her. It was definitely originating in or behind the eyes, because she kept grabbing them. No head tilt. I don't know what her eyes were doing, because we were in a darkened room and couldn't see them. Josh and I laid on the living room floor next to her chair in the dark while she was quiet, not daring to move or make a sound. It lasted for about 2 hours, and then we moved her into her bed where she slept through the night. She's actually sleeping while I write this.

17 days. They're moving closer again. We had that break, but it seems to be over. I'm going to BlogHer in 10 days and will be gone for 3 days. It is going to kill me if she has one while I am away...to not be with her while she's going through something like that would just be unbearable. Yesterday we had the most run of the mill day, I can't think of a single trigger. She ate well, slept well, her schedule was normal. I don't think she left the house all day, so no car trips either. She was just playing in her bedroom with BubTar when it started.

Last night, when I took my turn to tuck BubTar in, he told me an "Adventure Story". These are stories we take turns making up for each other at bedtime. This was his story:

"One day BubTar and Mommy were walking in the woods. Daddy was exploring a spooky castle. KayTar wasn't there, because she was too sick. Daddy got trapped by the evil villian in the spooky castle and then he got you, too. I had to ride my boogie board across the Lake of Pools (this is a lot of swimming pools put together to make a lake) and save you all. So I did. And then we went home. Oh, and KayTar WAS there. She threw up everywhere on the way home. She threw up on every trail where there was not grass, so every time the evil villian tried to follow us, he slipped and fell in it. The End."

Nice to know that episodes are now making their way into our make-believe story land. And evidently, they are also a handy super power. Truly, it was a bit like a stab in the heart when KayTar was sidelined from the story due to illness...I mean, can't she even escape from it in the pretend realm? But then when he brought her back and she ended up saving the day through her, ahem, special ability, it was very entertaining. I thought it was quite clever of BubTar to find a way to include her all on his own, in spite of her illness.

Image
The Boogie Boarder and the Puking Princess (or Vomit Vixen? Gagging Girl?)

ETA: She's having another today. Right now she's quiet (for a moment) so I snuck on to update. Two days in a row. Damn. This is too much.

ETA (again): I think it is over. It started about 11:15 this morning and she seemed to come out of it about 1pm. She is in her crib resting right now...I hope she stays better. At least it wasn't 8 hours long.

ETA (again, again): Something isn't right. She still isn't back at baseline. I picked her up a little while ago and she went totally limp and wouldn't respond or move at all for 1-2 minutes (which seemed like eternity). She is still having problems with her eyes. But she isn't in pain (thankfully), she just isn't herself yet. If she isn't back to normal by the time Josh gets home (in about 30-45 minutes) then the neuro and pediatrician think it is a good idea to bring her in. They can give her fluids and the neurologist said they might need to give her medication to help her come out of it. I'll keep you posted as best I can.

Friday, June 29, 2007

The posts I haven't been writing

If you've noticed, things have been pretty lighthearted around here lately. This is what you might call avoidance.

A couple weeks ago, I casually mentioned to KayTar's pediatrician that she doesn't feel the intensity of cold. As in, she doesn't notice if you drop an ice cube in her diaper. Or if you let her have the freezer pack to hold on an owie, she will put in under her shirt on her tummy until you forcefully take it from her. Or you could put your fresh from the fridge soda can on her bare back and she would just smile at you happpily. There is no typical response to cold, no sucking in of breath, no shudder, no wriggling away. She loves it actually and we have to keep her from it, or she doesn't know how long is too long. I just thought it was another sensory quirk to add to the running list of oddities, but it sent the pediatrician in a new direction. Evidently, there are a few different genetic disorders tied to the chromosome where KayTar has a mutation. This new symptom made her look into those again. The neurologist doesn't feel any are a good solid fit, but I think we are re-examining some things. What it boils down to is that the place KayTar has a mutation is connected to various calcium channelopathies, so while it is not a known and studied mutation, it does not mean it is innocent. The calcium channelopathies would look like a Venn diagram if you plotted all the various symptoms...there are many overlaps. So whatever her mutation causes, it would likely have overlaps as well, even though it fitting the known genetic disorders perfectly might not happen. We see both genetics and neurology next week, so hopefully we will have some new information soon.

Also, the pediatrician said that KayTar's drop attacks and involuntary eye movements might be seizures and she is talking to the neurologist about having us do an inpatient prolonged EEG. We still might not be able to catch one in action, but we'd like to try everything we can to get a solid answer. An abnormal EEG is clear cut, but a normal one doesn't mean much at all. So even though we keep getting clear ones, it doesn't rule seizures out. Dandy, right?

In regards to yesterday, here is the long and drawn out version. We drove in from out of town late morning/early afternoon. Once we got home, KayTar napped and post-nap we went out shopping (for a rock polisher, oooh!) and to get BubTar's haircut. When we arrived at the first store, KayTar was painfully light sensitive in the parking lot. Once we were indoors she was fine and when leaving the store, the sun did not bother her. From there, we went to the toy store for a haircut and the continued search for the elusive rock polisher. She was still fine. She was enjoying herself walking around the store and took a ride on the little fire engine in front of the store. We got in the car and drove to yet another store to find a rock polisher. As Josh was unloading her, he called me over. Something was going on. He rebuckled her, I rebuckled BubTar, and we headed home. Her eyes were darting all over and she was holding Josh's baseball cap over her head and crying. Eventually she gave up on the hat helping her and threw it down. Her eyes were bouncing up and down and all around while in the car, she was alternating between covering and rubbing them and leaving them alone. When we were minutes from home, she just stopped fussing. Her eyes were closed and she said, "What color?" so I said "What color?" and she started naming colors, and prompting me to ask again. I don't know if it might have had anything to do with an aura, because a two year old isn't a great source...but it was a distinct change in her behavior and its not typical for her to play "What color?" with closed eyes. Maybe it means something. I guess we can't know for sure.

Once we got home, she was continuing to have strange random eye movements. They would flick, roll, twitch, jerk, misalign with the other. It was strange. She was aware of it happening, because she would rub them or hold them closed at times. We were in a room with windows, and the sunlight was not bothering her. She cried some, but didn't seem to be in much pain. The eyes twitching about was the strangest part. She was aware at times, other times not responsive at all. After about an hour, she threw up. After that she wanted to be in the dark. I'm guessing that the movements of her eyes made her nauseas and that once we were in the complete dark (literally, closed into the hallway where there are no windows) the motion was easier to handle. She couldn't see the world jerking to and fro. The eye movements were not non-stop, but they happened on and off throughout and were the most prominent feature. At 8:30 she fell asleep and woke at about 9pm completely herself again.

What was it? Who knows. I sent the pediatrician a video and she doesn't think it is seizures, but we can't know for sure. She said it could still be related to migraine, although the eye movements are not characteristic of migraines with her genetic mutation it could all be connected. She's sending the video along to the neurologist to get his take on it. I'm feeling confused and a little frustrated. All of the recent abnormal activity has focused in her eyes, I am concerned we are missing something happening in her brain that is causing all of this. I don't want to write it off as part of the migraine syndrome when we don't really know what is happening. It was different than a typical episode, although similar in some ways. Maybe an evolution of some sort, but if so, I want to know why it is happening. I'm ready for some answers, even a few. Something concrete to go on. Anything more than an educated guess.

Oh, and because the last two have happened on days we've arrived in from vacations, chances are the stress of being away from home is too much for her body and it is triggering these reactions in her. So, no more vacations for for an indeterminate amount of time. It just isn't worth it if it causes her all of this pain and distress.

I think I have purged all the information that has been rattling around in my brain for the last week or two. Here's hoping that next week brings us some answers, because we are all feeling a bit like this:

Image

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Ack

We're home, safe and sound. Vacation was nice. More on that in a later post.

KayTar had an episode, event, seizure, migraine, whatever you want to call it tonight. I'm really tired and can't really put a cohesive post together on it right now. Monday night, the night before we left for our little getaway, I had a dream about KayTar having seizures. We were some place new, we couldn't get in touch with her doctors and I couldn't get her to the hospital for some reason. The whole dream was me trying to get her to the hospital. I woke up panicked. It was one of those dreams that sticks with you, and every time I looked at KayTar, I saw her as she was in my dream. This evening, I couldn't help but note the timing of the dream. Thankfully we were in town when it happened, I don't know what we'd have done if we were still away. The last time KayTar had something like this, it was also on the day of arriving in from out of town. I don't know if that is a true connection or just a coincidence, but it is a fact nonetheless.

KayTar is fine now. It lasted about 2.5 hours, then she slept a bit. There are many more details, but I'm not up to typing them out. Once she woke, she was herself again.

I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow after speaking with the doctor, but tonight I'm too tired to say anything more. Hopefully I'll have time to stop by your blogs in the next few days, I've got 140 new posts in Bloglines and it will only grow in the morning.

Image