N.E.W.S == Non-Essential-Worthless-Saga

Are u sure, you want to Kill Ekta kapoor,as she gave us unbearable...

Touch+itching daily soaps...?

Try watching News channels....

specially those who have "BREAKING NEWS" for 24hrs...u will surely change ur mind and

will shoot this channel ppl first...

Some days before..I was sitting in a restaurant..and watching some hindi news channel...they kept on repeating their

dialogues..

"5 min mai hoga pardha fash.."

"5 min mai hoga sacchai ka samna"

"5 min...."

"5 min...."

and they continued this crap for another 20 mins.

What the heck??

My message to them....

If you cannot give us some sensible news...then plz give us one thing..what we need and what only you can provide: Your Absence

Do they smear their face with soot before showing all this?

why they feel common man wants uncommon news???

Yeah its a truth that everyone is not intelligent like me (I insist you, to agree on this :P)

to differentiate-between-Fake-and-Real News...but then what about those who cant???

someone told me, illiteracy rate in India is high.....then these ppl can compile any news in any sense

...but then who cares??

Now a days..my nephew prefer Watching News channels than cartoon network...y??obviously bcoz they are more entertaining and contain more interesting virtual crap....and Breaking News like:

"lizard will crawl up or down??"

"will she go left or turn right??"

and even they showed footage of some best possible horribly bad looking lizard...!

bang on!!! Is this something to be shown on television???

I mean, Man why would we want to know in which direction a lizard wants to go??

Anyways..if any small kid at ur home doing the same..then plz Stop them if you don't want their mental growth be stunted!

But then my doubt is who is responsible for all this???

whom should we blame??

-For Their High TRP's.

-or the Media people .

you know what due to these channels...we also dropped our plan of buying tata sky..as now there is no need for recording serials

if missed any..NEWS channels are there..they show all the episodes..yes repeat telecast..many times...

So even without Tata Sky our life is Jhingalala....

Daily soaps...comedy shows...singing..dancing...cooking shows...

what next??

P.S: You all might me wondering....y i updated my blog so soon.well avai yar.....for a change :P..

love you all...

enjoy n tc

-Ams

Being Amrita......its hard dear...!

O yeah I am alive.....!!

lazy billy alive !

many ppl now ping me ,scrap me or message me like this-

"u still alive??"

"u gone??"

"zinda??"

So i decided to come up with a new post, to make all those ppl realize that they are not so lucky,

they have to wait more for my funeral party :|

Lazy billy updates:

Well it has been around 20 days now since i completed my engineering and it has been

around 20 days since i am wondering why i have done so.....

when all my batchmates are damn busy in looking for options to save their future...

I am keeping myself busy with all following things:

1. Pretending that i am very busy,really i am not :|.

2. Giving advices free of cost to my cousins on subjects like-

How to lie your parents.

How to move on

How not to get dumped.

How to pull leg and how to prevent ur ass after doing the same.

After failing terribly from all sides, How to make faces to look innocent.

and last but not the least ...How to waste time effectively....

3. Bugging frnds on gtalk/yahoo/orkut/fb by verses like "i dont have job...u dont have job...and no one have job".....

4. Discussing with parents on topics like : "That dumbo guy dont deserves that job... he/she was lucky..why God doing all this to me ?? why mom ??? why??"...and this is how I try to escape.

5. Eating everything and exercising not at all...(soon i will qualify to look disgusting).

DEFAULT CASE: Sleeping all the time and keep telling oneself - "Ams you worked a lot,go baby sleep a little"

It was the first time for me when people around me abased me and made me realize

how insincere i am..

how lazy i am...and

how deliberately I waste time...( as if i dont know)...

I did handled the situation pretty well...all the way looking coward...

But its fun to be yourself.....

But its hard... :D

wait..i have to leave...someone whining...I guess " Amrita struck on the thirteen floor of the building "

bye folks..

enjoy n tc..

Fart must go ONnnnn....

1...

2...

3.....And...go...

Durrr..phurr...shhhh..fusssssssphuuuuu...

phew !!!!!!

yes pass...

all the way polluting and passing unhealthy breeze..to be more precise

"Chodo Gandi hawa ka zhoka"  and  your job done!

Yes you all got it right... this art is called FARTtttttting....!!!!!

arrre wait a part of job is left...now to have to be an actor...yes...an actor..

Farting also gives you golden opportunity to show you acting skills..Look all around..the sniffing world is watching you..but only what you have to do is..Have big lo expression on ur face and a question mark on ur forehead....

kisne kiya??

koun hai jalim??

Try to give most disgusting look remember you are in acting competition with other victims..

and feel relax..who knows you are the real culprit....

"Farter ko pakadna mushkil he nahi namumkin hai "

To make this moment more relieving,give a cunning smile no less than a devil from inside..

And if you are the victim..then..take my sympathies.

I bet,the most satisfactory thing you can do on the planet..is to fart and smile all the while from inside.

But to be maestro of this art you have to be alert...

So here are some of the farting tips from inbuilt experience :P

First is: make sure you are going for a noiseless fart.....

Remember the farting law of smell :

Less the noise more the smell,thus more people and vice versa !

Note:Toh agar kam noise mai zada smell mile toh bhai bhala zada noise kyu kare..noiseless fart

na chode..(courtsey: Crapy Adds of  washing Bars ) 

Second: make sure the gas you expelled, has properly reached to the nostrils of people around you..

if not then change the angle as per the requirement and go for next fart...

Third and most important one: If your bowel is not working according to you.Or your bowels' given up and making some creepy sound.

Sometimes in the same tune as "Dhak Dhak karne laga :P" .(Sorry for snapping back this song).Then quickly call your mathematical brain out and 

Discharge the gas according to best possible calculated rate.

 For eg : 5ppm gas per second with ___pascal pressure.Thus making it noiseless fart.

Note:If the calculated rate is correct, say BINGO. Bcoz you are the next Aryabhatta.

Future extension: For making your fart more smelly,have a proper diet.Eat more beans remember less green,Chana masala,Potatoes or any of such similar stuff  which can challenge your digestive system.

Smile, laugh be happy, don't take everything in life too serious, remember its alright to fart, apparently we all do it on average  8 times a day.  

(This is called farting research :P)

You know what the---- Heights of guts :P . It is Farting on before your date.Have guts yar.Try it.

And I am not responsible for any future attyachar made on you.

Thats all !

Feel free and Proud to fart.Its good for health.

keep farting.

Luv you all..Eat well,Fart well

And keep luving me..even if you find me farting somewhere

B for Burger !

Baa baa black sheep,Have you any wool???

Yes sir Yes sir ...........blah blah blah...heck....

Now isnt this impractical???

How the hell baa baa black sheep can talk and compile humans lingo??

Let me take the pain to nourish your GK  :-

Baa Baa Black Sheep is a nursery rhyme, sung to a variant of the 1761 French

melody Ah! vousdirai-je, Maman.

Yes this is again our very own wikipedia !

Do we ever bother about this fact???..obviously NO..Because in kindergarten the only 

issue we are suppose to dealt with was SU-SU and CHi-CHi. And the difference between

the same.

Lately Generation gap is not what is between you and your parents. But now its between two successive

classes in school. The coming generation is so fast,advance and smart.Born maestro.At the time of learning ABCD,they know the difference between gay and GAY.

Few days back i met my nephew.My cousin asked him to sing nursery rhymes :

"Sonu twinkle twinkle bolo k sunao betaaaaaaaaaa?????"

He gave me a damn nasty look and didn't utter a word. It seemed ,he really wanted to kick off my ass. Then after few minutes he came back to me and started singing  "Tokyo drift - fast and furiousssssssssss".

Now that was my turn to give LO look and get startled.

S
Should I kick his ass ???

I wonder ! But its not his fault....

Being brought in a family where lullabies and rhymes are actually Enrique,Led Zeppelin,Floyd hits and where it is B for Bugger,P for Pizza,F for Figure, W for Who's Figure ? Actually mark the difference.

Forthcoming generation is damn smart.For them "baa baa black sheep"....won't work.But people overlooked the fact and still Baa Baa black sheep and all other are rocking in kindergarten.Children know all this rhymes even before going there.Thus kindergarten/playschool/pre-nursery/r any hell variant of word nursery is just formality now.

P.S:

I don't know But....

While publishing this post remains of Amir's movie Taare zameen par kept popping up in my mind.

No-No i am not Dyslexia patient.Seriously i am not.But I liked the method of that dyslexic Ishaan Awasti  remember 3x9=3 ?

Even in final year of engg,I oftently use it,to answer some of the unknown question or sometime all.It works to atleast fill the answer sheets.

Bye folks!

Enjoy and tc..

Pls. do comment otherwise I will continue writting more crap \m/

Crushed Crushes !

It was in class 2nd when Miss Jolly taught me a statement -

Alpha version : ALL Indians are our brothers and sisters

                                             The innocent baby Amrita in blue tunic noted this in her four-line copy with natraj pencil and mused up with question, then why Raksha bandhan is not our national fest..????

It was in class 6th when my bestie Misha told me Miss Jolly is not updated with the facts and figures and quoted the updated version of  statement

Beta version : ALL Indians are our brother and sister Except ONE or SOME 

                                         National fest got change and all other things got in vain..but thanks to her  otherwise my mental growth could be stunted !

                                

Time flied..i didnt even notice tic tac of clocks...Everything got changed ,the dancing hero-heroine around the trees and in between sunflowers farms now relocated to bed directly.Gossiping with locutions Dumped ,patch-up,break-up ,time pass...all ripen common and eye-catching. And with this all changes I realize that both the statements by Miss Jolly and Misha are wrong-headed.

And the actually statement is :

GAMMA version ?? : AT MOST 2 or 3 Indians (though nationality is optional) can be your brother and sister and REST ALL are your competitor.

Oops, If you are taking word  'competitor'  in a wrong way then take it because that is only what I mean.

Believe me having platonic relationship and boyfriend like saint wont make any sense. Have crush list either. Mine is here.

RAHUL DRAVID :

One of the clean shaved player in Indian team and once my dream boy ;-).If LOVE is blind,dumb,muffled then it can also be slow.

Yes Dravid was my slow crush. Only player in our team who gives you plenty of time to sleep between the two single runs .I Love sleeping and so Dravid. But then one day he got married to a doctor and I regretted myself as an engineer. Thus clean shave crush got crushed . 

         

SHREENIVASAN JAIN:

It was really fault of my GD lecturer who told me to watch news channels and to be updated.Innocent me turned on NDTV 24x7 the best news channel and got my new crush.Journalist Shreenivasan jain.So brilliant in this show bombay talkies .Love the way he narrates. But strange I got placed. Quit that GD class and NDTV  changed to MTV.

Spunky RANVIJAY(Roadies Host) :

In Roadies other than Cat fights,squabbling youngsters,F word,malleable moral,slangs and all stuff what I enjoyed the most is Ranvijay.Smart,tough,dark and sexy. What else you want.He got everything and I mean everything when i say everthing. His eyebrow piercing is something seductive. If I had been there among 

the girls in spiltsvilla.Then I am sure I would had dumped both the dull-witted boys and chose Ranvijay. 

BEAR GRYLLS :

I discover him wild.uhhhhhh..i mean I seen him first on discovery channel in the show Man vs Wild and so i discovered him wild.Taste the pun. Ultimate survivor. Risks his own life.X-treme.killing.And yes I love him.I am ready to be his "Soutan or Saheli". Ready to form love triangle with him and his wife .And ready on one leg to crush-mush my whole life. He didnt hide anything from me :P. I know He eats arachnids,deadly spiders, lizards, sheep's eyeball, camel's flesh and all bullshit.But i have no problem.look on the positive aspect. By this he is actually making me free from daily cooking work  :P.                                                                                                                            

  These are few of my best crushes. Many are there Enrique Iglesias, Faran Aktar, the boy next door neighbour,one of my senior and blah blah blah......but to write down all is not possible so please co-operate :P.

P.S. : Dont follow any policy like First come first serves and all.Its all bullshit.Trust me chuck all options, choose the hottest and coolest one.Paramount is to be make oneself Happy.

Take my advice Having Crushes are always reliable and easy. And Mild to handle.

So folks..

Enjoy Crushes and  get Crushed....

bye and Tc