Struggling...

So, I tried to think of a witty title for this post, but couldn't think of one...I am really struggling right now...I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that just won't stop moving.  Instead we go up and down and up and down...

So, here's my struggle...in a nutshell....
Lydia's perception of school...
* Centers
* Lunch
* Recess
* Backpack Boogie
* "Momma, I went potty two times." - this is a BIG deal
She thinks school is great...talks about her friends and who's absent or who's birthday it is.  She sings parts of songs and seems to be doing great.  She has a star stamp in her folder nearly every day and when she doesn't, there's never a negative comment, just an empty space.

Her teacher's perception of Lydia's day...(according to our parent teacher conference)
* She can't do any of the work
* She didn't answer any of the TPRI testing questions correctly
* She doesn't interact with the other kids
* She does the opposite of what the class is doing
* She wants to be by the teacher most of the day because she doesn't know what else to do

My heart is broken...my little girl thinks everything is great but from an outsider's perspective, she is not participating in life at school.  When we watch Lydia play, she will run around a group of kids and watch them, laughing and taking it all in...I've always thought she lives vicariously through others.

At home, she runs around with such confidence (and stubbornness) - I don't see that confidence having a place at school.  It scares me...I want her to be successful at something so she can be confident.  So, I've been a bit discouraged, once again processing "life".  Today, her teacher sent me a picture of her name that she said she wrote independently.  We e-mailed back and forth about how proud we were of her.  I must say I was a little surprised since she's only ever been able to write an L.  When she got home from school, I showed it to her and told her how proud I was and how I couldn't believe it and how great it was.  She looked at it and said, "someone wrote that for me."  I asked, "who?"  She said, "Brooke wrote it for me."  I just said, "okay" and moved on.  She certainly didn't do anything wrong in my opinion...She can't write her name so she found a friend to help.  Later, I told her I was proud of her....She said, "for writing my name?"  I said, "Well, you didn't write your name, though...but I'm proud that you work so hard everyday."  I want to cry....While she frustrates me with her stubbornness and strong willed nature, I love her more than life itself.  I want to hold her and protect her from all that could harm her.

As far as school, we have another ARD scheduled...we have been requesting an OT evaluation since May and the school has just pushed and pulled us around.  Additionally, we need to talk about other options if this is not working.  My prayer and request for them is a layout of their plan for success.

Please pray that God will help me to stay in the present and cherish both of our girls in the here and now and not get wrapped up in what the future may hold.