Dealing With The Last 6 Months

 Hello there my dear Friends. I've now had my bad chronic pain for 6 months and still the Doctor's have no idea what's causing it... Tomorrow on Wednesday 10th March I've got the very long awaited specialist Pain Doctors appointment tomorrow morning. I've been waiting since November last year and accidentally missed the January appointment because I got the day's mixed up. So 4 months waiting basically. My Mum is also going to be coming with me to the appointment with me at the SAN Hospital room's which is great. I'm really hoping and praying that he has some idea of what's causing the pain and to fix it or make it go away for good. I'm so very scared that I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life and I don't want to do that.. I'M SO SCARED that I'll have this bad pain for the rest of my life. I can't imagine dealing with it for years upon years. It feels like that I've been in a huge timewarp, limbo type of thing where my whole life has been on pause. I've had to defer my TAFE studies, having leave from my volunteer job and also my part time/casual job with the dog's. There is so much that I can't do anymore and it's so bloody frustrating. I've had to somehow adapt to so many different things trying to deal with it on a hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute basis to day by day or very short term goals type of thing. I can only do things just a short distance away to where I live... When I drive I'm on weak pain tablets because I don't want to be drowsy when I drive. Then I go home and take some strong pain killers because I'm exhausted dealing with the pain and need to rest for a while. My Doctor has me on an extremely low dose of those painkillers which is hard.. When the painkillers wear off and the pain hits then the days and nights get extremely long.

I wake up several times a night in pain, heat up my heatpack, put music on etc.... I have learnt a few ways of trying to deal with it. Yet it is so debilitating and exhausting that you can't even imagine. My PTSD has also been playing up a whole lot lately as well.  I've also got another specialist Doctors appointment on the 23rd of April that will potentially lead to still more tests to try to find the cause... Please keep my family and I in your prayers at the moment big time... My parent's are really worried as well... I would really do appreciate it so much... Also THANKYOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAYERS already and the love, care, understanding and support over the last 6 months... I appreciate it so much... 🙏🤗🛐❤⛪💒🙏🤗🛐⛪💒❤

Reflections

I woke up this morning with a very distinct sense and feeling which has made me think. It's like I have been stopped in my tracks and been confronted with the past. A past that I walked away from a couple of years ago for my own health. I don't talk about God and my Christianity in my blog that much I don't think yet I have a personal faith also relationship with God. God has protected me all my life and throughout all my years even though I've been stubborn as well. I've given my parents, family, friends and my Guardian Angel many nearly heart attacks. If it wasn't for God I wouldn't be here today..... I would have been dead at least 10 times over. Also how with My Asperger's I've put myself in very potentially dangerous situations without realizing or understanding it at all. I may be intelligent yet when it comes to people reading skills I am not good at all. This is one of the times I find having Asperger's annoying...

When I saw my Mum yesterday on our girls day or afternoon out we spoke about many different things. I was also telling her how Debbie my partner had only just finished reading my book a day or two before. Deb liked my book and found it very moving indeed. We were reflecting on past times in my life and our families life as well as the writing of my book. Even with me writing my book there were a few things that my Mum didn't find out about me until she read it. I was also telling her how great Deb is for me and how much she means to me. It's such a blessing that Deb and I share a Christian faith and it means so much to me. Talking with my Mum it brought back home the fact how far I've actually come along with God's help even with all the silly mistakes I've done in the past because of whatever reasons.

Last night when Deb and I got home from work I took her to a place to eat where there are memories for me. We also caught up with someone I hadn't seen in many months which was interesting. I thought I'd be alright yet a couple of things were coming up for me which I found hard. There were also a couple of other people that we bumped into as well which I hadn't seen in a very long time. Talking to them I was getting lightbulb moments where I was re- realizing and remembering different things. It is really hard for me to put it into words and to express it yet the best way to describe it is.... There are some things that aren't really for me and I've tried to fit in yet it has never worked. I've bowed down to peer type of pressure things instead of standing up for myself. Last night I found I had a new type of different type of strength on some things and it was like I was seeing them in my eyes which weren't blinded anymore. Yes sure I have my weakness's like everyone else and in no way am I perfect. It was like I was kind of revisiting my past and seeing how far I've come along. I'm so grateful to God for all the work and care he's put into me and has always been there for me no matter what came along. This may not make much sense to you my readers yet it makes big sense to me very big time.

I saying to Mum yesterday and Deb last night... "There is no way I can change the past... Yet I can change the present and future because I have learnt"
That about sums it up for me... So here's a bit of food for thought for you all.... May God be with you...