While i don't really feel like posting right now, i feel obligated because i realise you're all worried about me, so here i am.
First of all, although my last post was a bit intense, i do hope that none of you got the impression that i was going to hurt myself. I can promise you all that i would never ever do that.
The main reason is because recently i've listened to someone i love deeply, talking about killing themselves. If this person were to go through with it i would be utterly heartbroken for the rest of my life, so i can understand how much of an impact it would have on my friends.
Do not worry. I will never hurt myself.
Now that's out of the way...
With the deletion of this blog in mind... well... i still have a lot of thinking to do. I'm still not sure what to do, because i have strong reasons to keep it, and yet also strong reasons to delete it.
So, if i do decide to delete it sometime soon, i hope you'll all understand that it would be a necessary thing to do, where i have no other choice, or the risk of keeping it would be too great.
Let's hope it does not come to that, because in the past few days i have received some of the most personal and moving emails i have ever read, from some people who i obviously mean something to.
I cannot think of anything else to say to you all other than thank you. That goes for my commenters too. Your support means a lot and your encouragement has helped me a lot recently. I don't know what i would do without you...
On a lighter note, today was the last day of school for the year.
And now i get a six week break from it all... and that is exactly what i need. Without a break i would just... well... i'm sure you get the idea...
The stress was killing me. I couldn't focus on my story-writing. I didn't feel like posting or talking because my mind was too worried. I couldn't sleep at night because i couldn't shut off my mind. I didn't feel like eating some days. My body was feeling the effects of continual stress. Comfort food was becoming my best friend again after a long time without it...
Hopefully now i can flick the switch and send all of those in the opposite direction.
At least we know what the problem is - being stuck here in this small-minded town, at my school, with these people.
One day i will get out of here, and the sooner the better. Although it's pretty hard to be positive when you know you still have to live 3 more years of your sentence before you taste the sweetness of the outside world.
Well, this is what's going on in my life in case you're still interested, seeing as my 'life' part of the blog had to take a backseat while a few other issues came to the surface.
I just finished year 9. On Monday and Wednesday we had our first taste of year 10 classes. We had some year 10 teachers and they told us about what we'd be doing next year. We also saw who we would be having for our electives.
Maths seems like it will be... interesting. I'm in the higher levels so i'll be doing harder stuff, and that also means i need to buy a $200 calculator. :D
Just what i always wanted...
For English we'll be reading a book by Shakespeare omg lame...
I had some periods of my 4 electives as well.
We have a different French teacher next year, and she's going to be so different to what we're used to because this one speaks French almost all the time whereas our old one spoke not so much. She seems like a really nice, funny person though and the class is a nice class. :)
Although she's already given us holiday homework. :/
*says something smart in French ahhh i can't be bothered....
Architecture seems a little less boring than i thought it would be, although the class is a pretty crap one so i wonder if i'll actually learn anything...
We have one of the coolest teachers for Computer Programming. He's really nice and funny. He says that next year we'll be learning about computer code and making flash games so that sounds... interesting...
The one i was most interested in though, was of course, Creative Writing. When i first heard who was teaching it, well, let's just say i was a little apprehensive...
(Her voice is so whiney!!)
But she seems to know what she is doing. She can describe a piece of chocolate and make it sound more interesting than a bank-robbery.
Apparently we have to hand in a piece of written work every single week... so... that's going to be hard, but as a writer, if i can't do it, then what hope do the rest of us have? :P
I got my School Report today.
Oh God i was not looking forward to this...
Like i expected, a lot of the comments said i missed deadlines and stuff. (Well, i guess i may have been a little distracted lately... I can't help it).
All of the subjects had A-E ratings depending on how well you did.
C is where year 9 students are supposed to be. E is well below the expected standard and A is well above...
Out of all my subjects i got 23 C's, 5 B's and 1 A.
What was the A for?
Well, the writing section of English of course. So i'm very proud of myself because i don't think i've gotten an A in years. :)
Applaud now.
There is more to me than school though, although it feels easy to forget sometimes.
For Christmas, my Mum says she will get me contact lenses!! OMG yes i've wanted them for so long!! I won't look (so) geeky anymore. :)
If i'm lucky, with our tax return coming in soon we might also be able to afford the internet in my room, and that means no more sitting out here in the kitchen with my Mum yapping in my ear if i want to talk on msn or something.
That would be sweet... of course, no promises yet. :/
I'd better go before this post gets too long.
I've got so much more to say, both now, and for a long time in the future, so let's cross our fingers and hope that Mirrorboy will be around for a long time yet...
Either way, even if the blog does go down, i have decided that Mirrorboy will never be killed - not by those who hate him, nor by me, because he is the me that i want to be.
I have hope that one day he will feel comfortable enough to take the reigns from the current Dusty and... become the new Dusty, where we will be one, with the life lessons of Dusty and the sparkle of Mirrorboy.
And we will kick ass. :)
For now, on here, this is Mirrorboy saying,
lotsa love,
===>mirrorboy<===
I'd like to keep this untitled.
15 years ago
