Mommy.

Mommy told me she has a friend who told her there's this awesome chinese herb/medicine that can cure cancer without surgery and treatments, so good that even Lee Hsien Loong takes them.

She's been telling me about this thing for quite awhile ever since stupid doctor wants me to do a second surgery.

So yesterday she mentioned it again and asked if I want to try.
Then....
She told me it's $500/GRAM.

Seriously, WTF?

I told her she's crazy. How many grams per session should I even take?!
Then she keeps saying let's just try this method.
I asked her where are we gonna get the money?
She kept going "let's just try anything that can cure you"

Such a silly Mom.
Always scrimping, saving and working so hard.
And wants to buy me herbs that cost $500/gram!
She said it's considered very cheap that Lee Hsien Loong pays more.

First, I am not from the Lee family,
and secondly, I think her friend is trying to con her.

Everytime I think of this scenario, the water tap in my eyes just turns on.
I love you, Mommy.

I told Victor I dreamt that my Mom abandoned me,
then he said something like "Your Mom loves you too much to do that"

I have to live this life and be the good daughter for her forever.

She's the biggest reason why I decided to fight this battle.

My story

I had a dream;

and I chased after it.

I was so close;

but I fell sick,

everything came crashing down and my life will never be the same again.

The end.

With so many complications arising from total removal,

Maybe I should just drop this idea and just live my life as it is.

If any mishaps happened due to not going ahead with this op, ill just live my life to the fullest and leave happily.

No?

Choices, risks, decisions.

I'd say its my life I can choose how I want to live it.

But on the other hand, how could I disappoint people who loves me especially my mom?

But with so many complications,

Isn't it better to be dead than struggle with all the health problems that might follow?

Even if I'm alive, I just might be wishing I'd be better off dead.

Update-

Dear Taiwan I miss you so much :D

No time to blog about my Taiwan trip. Maybe I'll try during my CNY break (company's closed for one week WOOHOOO~)

Chinese New Year's around the corner and I'm so excited for the reunion dinners (steamboats and steamboats... and steamboats), gambling sessions, seeing friends bringing their new partner (which means more friends making), listening to new love stories lolol why I so gossipy, cracking silly jokes..

I just love the whole CNY mood thing.

It's been implanted in me that CNY is a very joyous and happy occasion since young.

It was so much more fun when we were younger...

The excitement of getting angbaos (means getting ready to buy the new Pokemon cartridge for my Gameboy or buying more 'masak')

The excitement of seeing the decorations and my Mom use to buy the vase of 'ying liu'

Excitement of buying new dresses from Cerisi and shoes from Bata (especially the 'Bubblegummers' shoes that lights up when you walk)
And all the CNY songs that my school made us sing in the assembly hall, I used to sing so loudly, showing off to my classmates I know every single lyrics LOL
Also the skits, dance and singing that the school will perform which just meant no class and only half-day at school.

Although now I'm grown up and things are so different,
No more excitements from receiving angbaos cause we are working now and getting a salary.
No more buying those red and glittery decorations cause they're just a waste of money and so not environmental friendly when you just throw them away after everything.
No more feeling of 'shopping for CNY clothes' cause I'm practically shopping every week aaaaaaaand I'm not proud of it :/
No more singing cause I can't freaking sing now!! Not that if I can sing people actually appreciate it. Cause always off key.
No more fun gatherings with relatives because the elders just drift apart due to old age and family and stuffs...

I still love CNY songs though. Only the classic ones.
Not the ones sang by Mediacorp stars and is always on replay on TV zzzzzz.

BUT always excited for gathering with friends and my family :D

So I went CNY shopping with the family after work on Monday.
Told myself don't buy so many snacks, but failed miserably.
Saw on facebook about warnings of getting ripped off by the jelly sellers at Chinatown and reminded myself not to buy.
But end up buy 1kg.
Still can bargain ask for more jellies one. The guy told my mom "See your daughter pretty I give you 5 more!"
WTF not bad :D
Was choosing the 5 more slowly until the guy buay tahan just grabbed more than 5 jellies randomly and stuffed into the bag.
Bro said it's definitely more than 1kg but I shall go home and weigh them soon LOL

Haven't been taking photos cause I've fucking gained weight!
Not gonna blame the operation for making me so inactive.
Not disciplined enough boohoo.

And CNY's coming so it's like a pretty good excuse to continue getting fat....

UPDATE (POST OP WEEK 7)
My voice is getting SO much better!
Since Monday when I woke up I could actually talk properly for the first few sentences,
then as the day goes by, I started to trail off again....

As time goes by.. I start waking up with my normal voice and could speak about 5 sentences properly, while still having a hoarse voice.

Then for now, I can talk throughout the day. But I have to take breaks in between to restore it before talking again.
Like mana need to restore after using magic for awhile.
One week ago I was still worrying that my vocal chords were actually permanently damaged cause it didn't get better at all.
Now I'm relieved :)
Thanks to the Multivitamins Victor recommended,
and also the chinese physician Kit yee recommended.

Thankyou everybarddddddyyyyyy!

Okay end of post.
Goodbye Shixian.
My only reader, don't say I never update la!

:D

It's getting to me me me me
Can I don't go for another round of surgery again.

That pain :O
URRRRGH GRAHHHHH :(

I hate my life.

#randomwhining
#ignorethispost

Annoyed

WHY WHY WHY WHYYYY
I use to eat so much junk and processed food last time and never workout, but I was alright.

Now I exercise and improved my food choices by alot but why am I still so fat?
I am so jealous of girls who can eat whatever they want and not get fat.
Especially when they post on social medias all the yummz food.
All I can do is imagine myself eating them = torturous.

This doesn't make sense.
Why am I still not losing weight.
Why are other girls who don't work out and never watch their diet, slimmer than me.

I feel that I'm like typing improperly,
but AHHHHH.
Just annoyed with myself.
Sometimes you just want to let go and eat like a Godzilla,
stuffing 3000 calories in a day and not care about a single shit.

I want to sit in my couch whole day and not move.
I want my bubble teas, fast food, chocolates, potato chips and cakes!!!!! DAMN IT.

K BYE

Confession.

I just finished my workout today.

Insanity Plyometric. The very first workout in the Insanity program, even though I've already started Insanity since December last year.

It's already September and I haven't even complete one cycle.

It's always like this..... After doing it for a week (3-4 times a week excluding swimming/jogging/kickboxing) I just stopped doing it for maybe very long then when I want to do it again, I was afraid of not being able to do Month 2 one then ill restart all over again.

I am not consistent at all.

After the workout just now, I looked at myself in the mirror and was totally grossed out by the way I looked. I looked pregnant? Maybe it's the amount of water I took during the workout but I am so disgusted with myself now. 

My confession?

I haven't been watching my diet for the past 3 weeks and its really annoying the hell out of me.

I've been trying to cut my carbs by drinking proteins, eating more meat, veggies and fruits.

But in between I always feel entitled to that Muffin, or the cookie, or that potato chips, or that chocolate.

Or tht waffle.

Then I would just eat them.

Yes I cut my carbs but not my sugar intake. What's the difference seriously?

At first when I put the first one in my mouth, I told myself its only a piece. I workout. I am fine.

Then "mmm this taste so good" then I'll grab more.

Another confession?

I haven't been working out like I used to anymore.

I use to workout at least 4times a week, max 6.

Now, I only workout 2-3 times a week. Wtf is wrong with me?

I gained 2 kg and my face is alot more puffy now. I've received comments from people that I became chubby again, like how I used to be when I was at my fattest.

Not to mention all that clubbing in the past month with that alcohol I took.

The effect is showing now.

Sighs.

End of confession.

I feel so weak, so lethargic and lost my motivation.

How am I going to gain them back?

Whats up

Xiaobai LOVE sent this to me! I miss you!! *Many many love*

Actually I've drafted a long-ass blog post regarding my weight loss journey.. But after some consideration, I decide to leave it there first and not publish it, reasons being:

1. I need more photos from my hard disk! Hardly uses my computer at home anymore.
2. I feel I have more work to do for my body, I'm far far far away from what I want to achieve
3. I've decided to take up a new challenge for myself!

So ya...

My life has been as simple as it could be.
Nothing drama-mama happening, having family times, spending time with friends, and working out.
And also meeting new people :)

Am still waiting for the nerve-wrecking results to be out, then I'll be putting my ass back into studying until late nights after work.
Wonder how would that affect my workouts since I am working out *almost* everyday now. Need to come up with new plans!

Talking about workouts, I've learnt that I am not stretching enough. So hopefully I would be able to be disciplined and incorporate simple stretches into my routine (or before I sleep every night), to stretch my bulky legs :/

It's gonna be a long long weekend! From Thursday to Sunday yo!
Wednesdays, Thursdays already booked with events with friends Imma so excited!
Can't wait to see my Bitches after so long and we're having steamboat at Winson's place!
Not sure what to do with my Friday-Sunday.
Hope to use this weekend and meetup with friends I haven't been seeing in awhile.

Or maybe I should REALLY do a spring cleaning for my room.. It's really getting-out-of-hand.
:(


Oh yeah my leg got burnt by the motor exhaust 2 days ago.. Hurting so bad and it's still oozing out yellowish liquid. Mommy say it might leave a scar!!!!!!!!!!
Haiz. I'm just, stupid/blur/careless beyond words.


Okay nothing much to update.
Ending with a fatty picture of me on my blue Friday in my panda tank. HAHA :D

Dig Deeper

I NEED NEW EXERCISE SHORTS DAMN IT.

 Look like an insane woman after Insanity. It's so hard to push that play button everytime, but am always glad and proud of myself after completing it and sweating it out. Thus a photo everytime to motivate myself so whenever I don't feel like working out I'll just look at them.

But I totally believe right now, exercise is not a problem for me. I've been through the 'Really don't feel like doing it' phase and now I have a big hurdle to cross - Diet.

Got to stop looking at potato chips during movies, stop reaching out for that digestive biscuits in the office, stop myself from ordering Sodas and get only Oolong teas if I want a cold drink in the coffeeshop. Stop eating a whole plate of rice/noodle/pasta. Stop putting so much Peanut butter and Jam on my wholemeal bread. Start loving Greek Yogurt and Oats. Start loving all the funny greens.

Start loving squats too.
In the past I really really hate them. Squats are tiring, they are sore. And if done incorrectly, they hurt my back. But I've been reading articles and listening for advices, and I conclude that squats will help me cut my legs abit better, and I will not BULK up like a man.

Start loving weights!
After being through so many cardio workouts - Running, Swimming, Cardio kickboxing, and of course, Insanity. I have to admit my tummy/waist had lost quite abit of inches and I'm seeing faint abs lines when I flex it (though still covered by a lump of fat which jumps when I jog), but my triceps are still so flimsy. I do have abit of biceps showing but the triceps is making my arms looking fat. So I think I'm going to get some small dumbbells and do more triceps exercise!

I'm a lazy person and I am very systematic. I need to come up with a plan (Reps and Sets) so I can follow through. If not I'll just maybe do like 5 reps for each set and only 1 set for the day LOL.

Time to research and dig deeper (Slogan from Insanity LOL), I've seen results but I need to push harder and find new routines because I'm at the plateau already.

I'm thinking of Gym, but I need a gym buddy! :(

Thank you Xiaobai for sending me this - Need it more than anything.

I love my Mom, Bro and friends :)

It's okay for you to delete me from Facebook and Twitter. You're not the first one anyway. This just proved how a person handle situations differently.

Heartbroken

It's been so long since I felt this way. Just couldn't keep my mind off everything.

Like how I screwed up the whole thing cause I was just so damn nervous. 

I'm pretty sure I had no problem reading the passage.

It's just that debate and introduction that I screwed up. I was so nervous I believe I repeated myself a few times. And I did not answer the question accordingly. The guy did not even bother to look at me when I spoke.

Well, at least when I was introducing Shamir they laughed a little. But after that everything just went downhill. I didn't introduce him good enough too. Could I be the reason he got booted out too? If it is I can't feel anymore guilty than that.

I met Yuxin, one of the hopefuls. She's so pretty and nice. And I'm glad I made a friend. She assured me that I'm good enough and maybe we are all just too nervous. 

It really wasn't easy. Chantel spoke so well and she's so pretty, her voice's like music to the ears.

I guess after the interview when we were waiting for the results, everyone kind of know who will get in. Because they were praising one another for speaking so well. 

No one praised me.

So it was pretty expected? But still, I'm so upset.

Went for a jog just now and cleared my mind off this thing. After the interview I just kept thinking about it. Jogging really helps me to de-stress.

But when I came home. I did some floor workouts but I couldn't focus. 

Then I lied face down on the yoga mat,

And I cried.

I couldn't believe it. I would actually cry because of this.

I guess my heart is really really heavy and I needed to release it out.

I kept blaming myself and questioned if I'm really not up for it. Even bro says with my standard, I only stand a 30% chance.

Honest opinions do hurt. But they are real.

But why do they let me go all the way to the management round? It's just baffling.

I never had hopes of getting in when I went on Saturday. But I just passed all the stages and got my hopes up.

And they got dashed on a Sunday morning.

I doubt with my skin I can ever pass skin check again. The lady I met who passed me yesterday was really kind so I think she closed an eye for me.

But I just screw up everything.

I don't know who to talk to. 

I told Phil, Yuxin and my Mom and Bro. they consoled me and encouraged me.

I felt abit better when I receive them.

But after awhile. It just eats into you. 

Again and again.

I don't want to bother them with my repeated rantings and disappointments.

That explains this whole post here.

I just need someone to talk to. But I can be such a nag.

There we go again. I feel like crying.

Age

So over the weekend, I took some time out to clear abit of my wardrobe to give to Xiao Yu, a family friend, who's a volunteer at the poorer side of Batam. 

I contacted her and asked if she knew of any organization which would love to take in preloved clothes and give it to the needy directly as I didn't quite like The Salvation Army's idea of selling them and take the cash to donate - what if nobody buys them? And she told me she can give to them directly as she'll be heading down from 6th - 7th July. So I had to quickly pack the clothes and give it to her on that weekend cause I would not have the time (or rather, my dad's transport) to meet her on the weekdays.

I had alot of Tees as I was working in South Asia that time, as a Service Engineer (Technician laaa dey) so I always buy T-shirts for work. Like 3 for $20 from pushcarts/Bugis street. That explains why my spending was so low during that period cause I don't shop alot :/ Not until I got an office job. HAIZ.

So my wardrobe was basically stuffed with the T-shirts/Jeans and the constant incoming apparels I am still buying :(

SO I CLEARED SOME OF IT!

Filtering them out! My room really needs salvation.


Anyway. In the end I still have alot of t-shirts on hand now because I couldn't bear to give some away - those are with really cute prints and I keep feeling I still wanna wear them.

I am a hoarder. That explains why my room is forever so messy. Cause I never bear to throw them away and keep thinking they'll come in handy in the future. See even my pillow is so old/yellow. I've been using it since young LOL.

ANYWAYYYYYY.
So I was clearing, and I got 2 skater skirts I wanted to give away to my friends (too short for me)
So I whatsapp Phil and asked if she wanted them. She's the only friend I know who wears skater skirts.
She asked me which one. As I felt that taking a photo of the skirt lying on the floor does not bring justice to the pretty skirt, so I went to my old photos and sent her a photo of me wearing it last CNY.

PHIL: When was this?

ME: Last CNY.

PHIL: OMG. WTF (I remembered her saying 'WTF' LOL) I thought 18!

MAJOR :(((((((((((((((((

I changed so much in one year!!!!!!

My skin became duller, my eyes became tired-looking.

And there's just something wrong, though I can't point out what exactly.

We concluded the problem definitely lies in my hair.

I had black hair and shorter fringe previously.

And we both agree I looked more tired now :(

Not funny leh. One year and I looked like I aged for 5 years at least?!

Could be due to my office job - constant staring of the computer the whole day, sitting down.

My previous job required me to move alot, walking from workshop to warehouse, to office, to hospitals. Hardly at the desk staring at the computer.

Maybe?

So she asked me to sleep earlier (Yes working on it now!) and try not to workout so hard.

Because I'm already tired from work on weekdays and I try to do very intense workout at least 4 days a week. 

Example: Insanity, kickboxing, and long distance running.

Not inclusive of my weekly swim.

But I feel uncomfortable when I don't sweat or workout for a day leh :/

Is this a disease?

Obsessed with weightloss.. LOL. But one thing fo' sure. I need to sleep more and stop stressing over when am I going to lose weight!

I asked a friend who is a fitness instructor about weightloss and he told me stress is a factor too. 

So... maybe that's what's blocking me.

BLAH.

Anyways, I dished out more old photos (I don't even consider them 'OLD' actually...) taken just last year January-February.

My my my........

I better do something soon!

I'm thinking of having my hair go black again (After having brown hair for the past 6 months...) cause stupid Barney says my hair colour makes me older. Zzzz. But! They say once you dye it black, you can't do any colour on it anymore unless you bleach it. What if I change my mind a few months later and want a dye job?

Maybe I should just do what I want right now. Consequences shall be faced when it comes.

I doubt I'll be able to be those who age 'gracefully'. I'm not even abit 'graceful' to start with LOL :D

Short rant here - Stupid right knees gave me abit of a problem again after my 10km run 2 days ago.. And stubborn Peiyi did Insanity (Pure Cardio) last night and woke up to knee pains in both side and muscle ache.

I don't think being SORE is good, at ALL. It just means I didn't warmup/cooldown enough?
That's what I heard.

No more intense workout for now.
Time for recovery and low impact ones :D

OMGOMGOMG PERHANTIAN TRIP NEXT WEEK WITH YIRU AND DAVID!
Finally after so much researching for a place to stay, we had no choice but to choose Coral View and we saw on TripAdvisor that they have cockroaches and lizards in the room/toilet
:(
Hope that wouldn't kill my excitement for the search of my sea turtles and baby sharks!
Which I didn't manage to find on my last beach holiday at Redang.

And yaaaaa I'm like the odd one out tagging along with a couple for a beach holiday.
What to do?
Shits happen. I'll just flow with it.

YOLO v('_')v !!

XOXO

After almost 24 years on this planet...

On Saturday, I treated my brother to Macdonald's for lunch after my tuition and we had a long chat (probably 2 hours plus?) talking about our lives and many other stuffs.

And he told me about having the determination to want to do something because I was telling him of my dream job and how I got rejected at the interview and I'm afraid to go for it again.

If you really really want something, just go all the way, do whatever it takes to get it and never give up trying.

I was starting to have doubts about myself after that interview.

Am I able to do it? Can I ever make it? I don't think I have what they are looking for.

I almost wanted to stop trying because I don't think I can ever make it, seriously.

I'm fat, and I am not that pretty. I don't have a sharp face, I have a square face, and I have people who tells me I am just not cut out for it.

But who are they to judge me? I just feel, the more they looked down on me, I want to do it more.

I will prove to you I can make it.

Here I am, determined to do it once again.

I have lots of work to do. I need to lose weight and take much more care of how I look now.

It's not easy, I'm a lazy person. But the words my brother told me always comes up when I don't feel like doing anything, eg. working out.

I've seen how he succeeded in what he wanted to do. I wish I could succeed in what I want to do too. 

And also, I got to know him better through that lunch I think :) Was telling him how Mom and I felt about him cause he seemed distant to us sometimes, then he explained why. And I know he actually cares for me, especially the guys I date. GEEZ. I should really start listening to my friends and family when they advise me about the guys I date. I love to take matters into my own hands and well, we all know the results. I'm a HUGE failure in relationship.

Recently, I've started to open up and listened to how people think about my love life. And I seriously need to reflect. But I ain't got time to think about that now, shall leave it to next time.

I don't want to get into a wrong relationship ANYMORE. I really really want my next one to be the RIGHT ONE. I am not going to jump into it. Gone were those days when you get 'swept off the feet'. DUH. Time to be realistic. Or maybe I should just listen to my Mom, & not get married. I can imagine myself being a Cat Lady, with 8 cats staying with me alone at home LOL. 

Okay no more love. Not now.

So... I've been back to my shopping craze after 1 month (so short-lived) of not shopping. And I've been trying to hide from my Mom about it because she'll just go crazy at the amount of clothes I have in my room. Alot of them still in the wrapper cause I have no more hangers and I have no place to fold them and put anywhere. And also, not to mention, they are all not worn yet.

Thats the problem with me: I don't have a good fashion taste, I am not good in mixing and matching so I just keep buying because I felt the old ones I had are not enough for me to mix and match. And everytime I think I look fat in them.

Maybe I should really just keep losing weight, so things will fall into place?

So.. I was online blog-hopping when I saw this girl wearing this Love Bonito's Olivia Maxi Dress.

When I first saw it online, I thought I'd never like this kind of dress cause it's abit revealing. But when I saw her wearing it (she used to be quite fat but she lost so much weight through gymming and healthy eating) I was blown away. It was soooo pretty and I thought since I lost some weight I could rock in this dress too.

Boy was I pretty wrong. The waist looks fine but the problem is my lower body. GRRRR. My butt looked big. Though Phil said I am too sensitive (She always think I am over-reacting), but that butt and hips better watch it. Sighs. I don't know how Kim Kardashian rocked her figure looking like that, I guess our confidence level are totally at different ends of the earth. Bottom heavy people. SIGHS!

Oh another rant. I was hunting this dress down and I manage to find it from a girl who sold it to me for $33 ! And it's not new, it furred abit cause its made of cotton. Then 2 weeks later, Love Bonito relaunched the item at $29. I really wanted to stab myself. SIGHS. :(

And also! I went to KissJane and tried on this Good Girl Flare Skirt from The Tinsel Rack. It was in size L and it was pretty lose so I went home and ordered a size M. Then! It became so tight it's like I couldn't breath. Whats with my body and all the measurements HAHAHA. Sad lo. I even bought it in Mint! :( Need to lose more..........

And... I've spent alot on The Tinsel Rack items, their items are too nice to resist! It's totally my style. If only I can be petite. I don't really fancy being the height and size I'm at. I think I'm too manly :(

HEHE and this one too. From TTR, Tangled Back Chiffon top. It's so nice! But the armhole is so tight I looked like I'm bursting from it like a HULK. And also, I really don't like my shoulders, too broad (from all the swimming =( !) I had a dress from TVD which was scoop-back. It looked so nice at the front, but the back makes me look like a man. Zzzz woes of a big sized girl, you can never bring out the sweet/cute look :(

Anyway posting these photos are used to remind me that I have more than enough clothes to last me for a year. I need to cut away this bad habit of shopping, I rather give the money to Mommy. But they just keep coming up with pretty items. 

This has got to stop!

Actually there's many things in life I need to stop doing.

Shall leave it for next time.

Okay end of this long and meaningless post.

On a healthy note, I heard of this Korean Mom, who's really an inspiration. Damn she's so HOT!
So I downloaded the set of videos she came up with, called FigureRobics.
It's a low impact exercise which focuses more on toning, but they still give you a good burn at the end of the day! Its pretty irritating with their counting in Korean language and I don't understand what she's saying at all, but the moves are pretty easy to follow.
At first when I saw it, I'm like "this looks easy, don't think it'll do much as compared to Insanity"
But boy was I so wrong, I found myself groaning in pain and soreness after 20 mins into the workout (the workout is 30 mins), and I got breathless too!
Amazing shit.
Maybe I should do this when I don't feel like doing Insanity. Afterall Insanity requires like 100X more motivation to get me to push that PLAY button.

JIAYOU PEIYI! I CAN DO IT! Photo taken after one of her workouts. Still looking energetic even though was sweating. Hair's still in place.
You don't want to see a photo of me after Insanity. HAHA!

Okay really end of post. Goodbye blog.
See you again.

XX

Injured, fat, rants

Just want to rant since I guess no one really come in and read anyway. Don't wanna tweet or write on fb cause I don't want that attention or something.

I'm so upset with myself these few days. Hurt my knees from my 21km run last Friday at sundown, and haven't been exercising since. A week before the run I also stopped exercising as I needed to let my body rest before the run, didn't knew I would hurt myself and after that I can't do anymore cardio. I went swimming 3 days later and couldn't even do breaststroke cause my knees hurt when I kick, ended up doing my half-standard freestyle for only 20laps I think. And kickboxing yesterday was another disappointment, didn't want to aggravate my knees further though it has recovered quite abit. So I was quite slack during the workouts and didn't feel as tired as I normally would cause I know I didn't push myself hard enough. 

Not to mention, of course, no more doing of insanity (which I had great results from) cause it requires a lot of jumping which is very bad for knees.

And my diet has been reallllly bad. I've been snacking on chips and chocs (especially) every time. Worst still I crave for fried/processed food every time as my exams is around the corner so I would keep munching on them when I'm studying. Drinking wise I'm still fine, still sticking to plain water and my green tea (tea bags one). Just the food I really can't. I tried to eat clean like making my own wraps for lunch (plain boiled chicken breast/thighs, lettuce, tomatoes, blueberries, grapes, corns, cheese) and having only wholemeal bread (with peanut butter or ham :/) but I still crave or cookies/cakes/biscuits! I know it's okay to give in to your temptations sometimes, but I think I've been giving in too much.

My tummy is still showing and my arms, legs and calves are so huge. And my butt is so loose omg I really hate myself being like this. Yiru suggests we go gym because it really works? But problem is I hate the gym. So many people, I hate to waste my time idling around waiting for the machine to be available, and I don't want to do the wrong exercise (like last time which made my calves so big).

Sighs. 

Okay this is random but I need to go have dinner and study for my exams on Monday. Bye bloggie

Photos taken today. Look at all the stubborn fats that refuse To go away.

It took me a lot of courage to post this on a blog, I have very low self esteem when it comes to my figure. Most of my friends are skinny and my guy friends are always saying I'm fat. But I want to post this to remind myself I need to stop looking like that. I'm gonna give myself till my birthday to lose more (6kgs?) and get into the shape I want. Bye fatty