HUGE changes in behavior

So this is going to be our updates post.
I am going to make a nice long list of all the HUGE leaps and bounds my kids have made in the last 6 months. B and I had a nice long talk last night in bed about how AMAZING they've been doing recently compared to how they were when they got here. I will work on it this afternoon, and update this post this evening. Be on the lookout!
-Megs

Ok, here it begins.. check back in a day or so, and hopefully I'll have it done. lol!

The kids are all learning to use their polite words, BEFORE they throw a tantrum. When they got here, it was scream and cry and throw a fit, even for a glass of milk.

The girls are not having their nightly (sometimes several times nightly) nightmares. They stopped about a week or so ago! Praise the Lord, that is a load off my shoulders.

Big A doesn't demand to be dressed, fed, wiped, have his teeth brushed, etc. (he's 6, and I guess felt like if I had to do those things for him, that I couldn't leave or something. I don't know.)

I haven't seen "stubborn pose" out of Little A (now known as D) in a good long time!!

Neither one of the older kids have fits of rage any more, and they have not tried to hurt me for several weeks now.

They cleaned their rooms by themselves, and did a FANTASTIC job yesterday for the first time. When they got here, they'd insist they didn't know how to clean. Or big A would demand that his sisters HAD to help him clean his room. He still does that a little, but takes redirection now.

D's speech is exponentially better. Now strangers can understand about 70% of what she says instead of 25%. She also takes redirection relatively well, but is still the most stubborn person I know.

We are not having the nightly rages we were having EVERY night before bed out of Big A. That is a relief.

Big A sleeps in his own bed w/o protest, every night. Granted, the light is still on in his room, but he falls asleep just fine.

more to come. (yes, I do believe there is more!)

covered vs not covered

So I'm trying to figure out if heparin is a covered drug under my prescription plan has proved to be quite a hassle.
This may get interesting.
Turns out my insurance will cover all diagnostic testing for IF and RPL, with some out of pocket expenses and deductibles.. some things are covered 100%, like labwork (which is good, I've had many 100's of dollars of lab tests done this month).

I got a chance to talk to a mom (who has 10 bio kids, most of them while fostering!) at our adoption agency Christmas party about being pregnant and having babies while fostering, and she had nothing but good things to say about it. Reassured me that our thinking is right, that it's a great opportunity for our kids to feel even more like a part of the family, when they become brothers or sisters all over again! Also gives great opportunity for our kids to learn more about what it means to be a part of a family, that there are things that they will be expected to help with, just like any other family.. I am excited by the prospect and hope of being able to give my kids a brother or sister eventually, and what that will mean to them, to know that even though they didn't come from my tummy, that they are just as much a brother/sister to the baby as a bio-kid would be. So exciting!
-Megan

So what to do about all these answers??

Right now, our thinking is that other than the direct treatment for these issues, we're going to be spending a few months just "trying on our own" again.. so heparin, baby aspirin, folgard, for 3 months or so.. then we'll start talking IUI's again, but not for several months. This is something we don't want to get in debt over. It wouldn't be fair to our three kids. We also want to give them a few more months of adjustment before we add to the family. We're kind of hoping that a year from now we have a new family member. We have been talking with the kids about having a baby brother or sister, and they are all anxious to have more kids, they have since the beginning. They're used to having kids of all ages, including babies living with them, so they miss having other kids around!

Anyway.. this is all talk. We're not sure what we'll do, and it's still ultimately under God's sovereign control. Either way the kids will have at the very least, 9 more months to bond with mommy and daddy before we add to the family.

-megan

Finally have some answers

So not on the topic of adoption or foster care...

Though the kids are doing well, and we were officially moved to an "Adoption case worker" instead of a foster case worker, but no word on the legal stuff or anything like that. Looking more and more like we'll have to wait the full 2 years for that crap to go through.


So Baron and I decided to move forward with some more fertility testing. We were getting a little tired of having no answers, and repeatedly miscarrying, especially since we choose not to use birth control for moral reasons.

So far, we have a whole host of answers, amazingly enough. Something my OB/GYN who specializes in Infertility couldn't find.
I am homozygous for MTHFR mutations. This means I can't metabolize Folic acid and this can cause multiple reasons to miscarry. It's needed for blood clotting, and neural tube formation in the fetus.
I am also VERY positive for APA's, or Antiphospholipid Antibodies. Also a clotting disorder. This can cause thrombosis and embolisms if left untreated, but normally nothing is done until it causes a problem. Thankfully they think that 5 miscarriages is a problem. Basically what happens is that microclots form where the embryo attaches. Conception takes place, the baby tries to burrow in, and all of the sudden my uterus says "NO WAY JOSE!!" and forms a clot. Thus all the early miscarriages right near the time of implantation.
I am also positive for another clotting factor, and he didn't mention which one it was.. but it really doesn't matter. The treatment is all the same.

I am now on Folgard (a TON of extra folic acid and B12) and Baby Aspirin, daily. For the rest of my life to help prevent clots that could kill me. (Praise the Lord that we found this. I have several close family members who have had this problem and some of them have died from heart attacks)
From the time of ovulation until the start of a new cycle or a BFP (big fat positive pregnancy test) I'll be taking low-molecular weight heparin injections, twice a day.

I also had a Sonohystogram today, which is basically just where they inject saline into the uterus, and do an ultrasound. Everything looked good (no fibroids, no septum, no polyps) but I had NO lining at all. Which also explains miscarriages. No lining=no place for embryo to attach to.
So not sure what they're going to do for that, we'll see.
I have another u/s on monday to see if my uterus ever decides to catch up and make a lining.

I guess that's about it for now.
I am sure there will be more later.
-Megan

Prayers

So far, prayers are working. Just keep 'em up.

thank you.

-Megan

Can't really go into details, but if you all would pray for us right now, that would be great! Rough time in our house right now.
-Megs

Gospel and Grief

unrelated link:

favorite blog, great post. Gospel message. Really, it doesn't get any better than a great Gospel message.


Oh, and today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. At 7pm, in your respective time zones, if you'd like to join me in remembering my 5 little ones who left this world too early, or would like to help others remember, or are remembering your own loss, light a candle, and let it burn for an hour.

Also, at some point today I will post links to a whole host of resources for grief, and for education about RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) treatments, tests, etc.

Also maybe I'll have enough time to write a post about how these two topics relate. :) (ie: my testimony)
-Megan

road block

Road block.
pbm (potential birth mother) moved to NY this past week.
Now this is 3rd hand information, being passed on through a language barrier. Making it hard to rely on anything that is said apparently. All I know is that the friend who is "mediating" for us, is trustworthy and would never lead us on like this. So we are going to take it a day at a time, and see where God leads us in this particular journey.

She wanted to get away from this town if she was going to place her baby with us, here. My mom (friend of friend) let friend (mediator) know that we would come to NY to pick the baby up. She also wanted to get away from pbd. (potential birth dad). Not sure how that's going to work as far as papers being signed. He has more rights than we do, but not sure about his "fitness" as a father. We may fight it. We'll see.

Maybe this isn't where God is leading us.
When we felt God's calling on our life to adopt, and build our family that way, we decided that because it is ALWAYS pleasing to God to take care of the orphans (James 1:27, which says that religion that is pure and undefiled in the eyes of God is this: Take care of the widows and orphans in their distress, and do not become like the world. Paraphrased, btw.) That we would say yes to any child that came our way. And if the child ended up in our home, we would know that they were meant to be there. We believe in the complete sovereignty of our Lord and Savior. Therefore we are always open to serving Him in whichever way He asks. We know that adoption always pleases Him, but we don't always know -which- children He has in mind for us. So we always say yes, and proceed until we can't any further. We're still not at that point with this baby. But we'll update as we can.

Please pray with us that we continue to be good stewards of the blessings we've been given thus far. Also, that we are open to serving our Creator and Savior, in any way He asks of us. Please also pray for the pbm and her family, that she makes the right decision and finds comfort and peace from the Great Comforter, and Prince of Peace.

In Him,
Megan

Can't sleep!

Just for the record..
I am so stinkin' excited.
I am SO looking forward to having a baby baby in the house.
We're talking names tonight. Think we already have one picked out! (it's a lot easier when you've had 5 or 6 miscarriages and you talked about names from day one with each.. you know what you like and what you don't by this point in time.)

Not sure if we're going to share the name we have picked out. Gotta talk to the Baron about it.

God is so good. Please pray that all goes well, and we can welcome our little bundle of joy to the family in February. The kids are excited about a baby in the house (though we have NOT told them in certain terms.. just started talking about how exciting it would be, our expectations of them and their behavior around a baby, that they'd be getting a little less attention, but that they are going to be able to help out with the baby, etc.) We have not told them that we are "having" a baby for sure.. I think we'll hold out on that until we bring the baby home. Don't want them to feel the loss if the adoption falls through. So if you are a friend, IRL, it's ok to talk about "a baby" in front of the kids, but try not to be too specific.

-Megs

It's a BOY!!!

-Megs

we had a BLAST today!

Man, we had such a great day today.
We woke up, and as per our usual Saturday Family Tradition, we got donuts at Dunkin.
Then we went to Once upon a child and got some more winter clothes (it's chilly here right now!)
Then we went to the Plano International Festival. Got some Thai food, watched Aztec, Indian, German dancers (there were more, but we didn't stay the whole time) and played at the park.


THEN we went to our realtor's annual client appreciation picnic, and had a blast, as usual there. The kids rode a pony, roasted "smarshmallows" and bounced in a bounce house out at "the farm."

THEN.. (yes, it gets better, at least for mommy!) Mommy got a deep tissue massage, a full hour! Wow.. I feel SO relaxed now.. let's hope my neck and shoulders are still feeling better in the morning. Otherwise I'm calling the doc on monday about more muscle relaxers. I'm doing everything I can think of.. relaxing music, hot baths, moist heat compresses, gentle stretching, etc.. and still can't get some of the muscles in my neck and back to un-knot themselves! Oh well.
My kids are amazing. It makes up for it!

-Megan

Another Hurdle!

So another hurdle has been jumped.
We talked to a new adoption lawyer, who is VERY good at what she does. The firm has been named one of the Texas Best in Family Law, and after one conversation, I can see why. She talked about all the extraneous fees that make adoptions so expensive, and also told me about all the ways they can ask for those to be waived because they have such good working relationships with other lawyers (as in the ones who might be appointed ad litem to our little one during the adoption process) and judges and such.

So we are finding that this adoption is not only going to be substantially cheaper than our other lawyer quoted for us, but it is going to be down right affordable. My mother, who was a witness for one of their cases) says that they usually let you pay it off too after paying an initial chunk.
Looks like we won't have to go into any kind of read debt over this adoption (a VERY real possibility, as the rumors you hear about domestic infant adoption being insanely expensive), and probably won't need to ask for any help from anybody else. That is if everything goes as planned, and there are no complications.

Now we know, that with most adoptions, there can be complications. So pray with us that we don't run into any major ones!
-Megan

Monkey's and Fire.

So today, Big A was looking over my shoulder while I was "Facebooking" and was on a friend's site, Nikki. Well, Nikki has her ultrasound picture of the baby (go wish her luck, and send prayers her way, she seems to be experiencing a little HG! :( ) as her profile picture. Big A pointed to the pic, and said "Hey, is that Mrs. Nikki's baby?" and I said "Yup! sure is!"
And relieved, he exclaimed "well, it's good I found it!"

And as if that wasn't funny enough, he then announced that "it looks like a monkey in there!"

I was nearly in tears! My kids are so funny.

The kids are also very excited about the possibility of a baby in the family. They have been talking a lot about it, and so have we, to start preparing them early, since this baby won't be one that grows in my belly and is easily "seen."

So we were talking today about how exciting it would be (we are still using "possible" terms) if a baby were to come join our family. How great the kids would be as big sisters and big brothers -again-. So I brought up the subject to talk about attention. That the attention is going to be divided a little differently for a while, because little bity babies take a lot of attention to grow up to know that they are loved, so we would all have to give the baby lots of attention, especially mom. They are going to have to learn to be a little more independent (shouldn't be a problem, my kids can do ANYTHING if you ask them!). But then I mentioned that they are all old enough to help mommy out with a baby! That they could go help grab a blanket, or diapers, or pacifiers if the baby needed it..

And Little A got really concerned, and said "mommy, I don't want to go get the fire, mommy, I want you to keep me safe!"
I then had to clarify that I said PACIFIER, not FIRE. I then had to go get a pacifier to show her what they were, because she didn't know what they were!

So cute.

My kids are amazing.
-Megan

Calling and News!

Just wanted to throw this out there, for prayers and support!

A new baby may be coming our way to join our family forever! We may very well be due in February, through the gift of adoption.

Most hurdles are jumped, the last thing on our list is finances.
Once we raise/save some of the money, we can apply for grants and such, but the baby is due in a mere 4.5 months! So finances are the big thing to pray for. Thankfully this will not be an expensive adoption, as there will be no agency involved, just our lawyer.

Of very few things we can be certain in our faith. One is once we're saved, we have assurance of our salvation. It is God's will that we be adopted into His eternal family. The other is that He has asked us to take care of the widows and orphans. That it is religion that God himself sees as faultless and pure.

James 1:27
religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

So we know that the calling to adopt is in fact from God, and we can be assured of this, but if THIS baby is to be ours, we are going to need funds. Please help us pray that that need will be met if it is in God's will that THIS baby will be ours.

In Christ,
Megan

Flu updates.

And now I have the flu too.

no fun!

I drove myself to the ER (not affiliated with any hospital, more like an urgent care place, for emergencies too. I presented with a fever that spiked out of nowhere. Severe body aches, a cough, congestion, nausea. The doc runs a rapid flu and strep test. (well, first of all, I could have told him that it wasn't strep. I have no tonsils or adenoids, and know NO ONE with strep right now. Plus, my throat wasn't that sore.. and the little bit that it is, is from the coughing that I've been doing. doesn't even hurt to swallow. AND I've had strep throat so many times I can't even count. I am well aware and remember clearly the pain of strep throat) Well, they both come back negative. BIG surprise, as the rapid flu test is only 50-70% accurate. That means that it has a 30-50% FAIL rate. DUH.

The findings confirm an earlier study by the CDC that found quick flu tests caught just 40 to 69 percent of swine flu cases. That study, released in August, looked at three popular flu tests -- BinaxNow, made by Inverness Medical Innovations, Becton Dickinson's Directigen EZ Flu A+B test and Quidel's QuickVue.

Both of my kids have flu. Big A has had it for a week, and is still not feeling 100%. Little A is still running a fever, for 3 days now. I am presenting with the symptoms and rate of onset typical with the novel strain H1N1, just like my children. Who live in the same house as I do. Who I have cuddled and kissed despite their being sick with the "hamthrax" as my friend calls it. I wipe their noses, feed them medicine, cringe when they cough in my face. I have the flu too. DUH.

Anyway, the doc proceeds to deny me a script for Tamiflu, even though the CDC's recommendations are to prescribe it for those with underlying conditions even upon a negative rapid strep test to prevent those of us with Asthma, from ending up in the ICU. From a CDC briefing on Sept 3rd:

or example, you have trouble breathing or you have an underlying condition, such as diabetes, pregnancy, heart disease, lung disease. For people who do have an underlying condition, it's important to be seen promptly if you get a fever. That could make the difference between being severely ill and recovering well. Treatment in the first 48 hours can make a big difference in hastening your recovery....

And:

his flu season, antiviral drugs are being used mainly to treat people who are very sick, such as people who need to be hospitalized, and to treat sick people who are more likely to get serious flu complications.

So, after all the run around I got at this ER Centers of America, I am FINALLY able to get ahold of the doctor on call who immediately called in the script, giving me no trouble at all once I told her about the asthma, and that my kids have it, and all my symptoms.

So, I've been taken care of, and thankfully my children are getting over it just fine, without the tamiflu. (they are really healthy kids, we're doing symptom relief, and watching them VERY closely to make sure they don't need to be seen by the ER again, but I think this time we'll go to a REAL ER, instead of that awful place i went and wasted my money on.

So, if you get anything out of this post, let it be this:
*don't bother with the ER if you are otherwise healthy. If what you have isn't H1N1, you'll probably come home with it, as the ER's are FILLED with flu patients.
*If you have an underlying condition that affects your immune system, or have chronic respiratory conditions, don't take "NO" for an answer. If they won't prescribe Tamiflu w/o a positive test, remind them that the rapid tests are as low as 40% effective, meaning that there could be a 60% rate of FALSE NEGATIVES, and that the CDC is recommending treating patients who are at higher risk of complications from the flu.
*Don't go to ER Centers of America.

Here's to feeling better tomorrow!
Prayers would be much appreciated, as it is really difficult to take care of kids while sick with the flu. lol!

-Megs

funnies and updates

More funnies!

The other day while driving over a bridge at our local park, E exclaimed "water, SHINY water!" (she IS my child!)

And I lost my train of thought. I had more, but can't remember them!

I woke up this morning at about 4:40am with a HORRIFIC crick in my neck. I sat up, quite painfully, and went into the kitchen to grab a drink of water while I was up, and while I was in there, read a note from Baron saying that he had been up with little A all night, and had just gone to bed. (little A has come down with H1N1. no fun!)
Everything was fine and dandy until I coughed, and sent a shock of pain through my whole top body (Baron-ism). It continued to get worse at a rapid rate, and by 10 min after waking up I was sobbing and shaking I hurt so bad. So I had to wake Baron up to try to help me, and we ended up calling my mother to come take me to the ER. The crick was conveniently located too near my chest, so every time I breathed, it was excruciating, and every time I coughed I wanted to vomit it hurt so bad. Thankfully there was NO wait at Baylor Plano, so by 6:30 I had morphine, vallium and toredol. Needless to say, I feel so much better, but I still have the crick (it's just minor now on meds) so I am still on the muscle relaxers and pain meds. hopefully I'll feel much better tomorrow, but thankfully Baron has all day off tomorrow too.

We've had a very interesting week at our house, with all the sickness and pain, but all told, my kids have been GREAT through it all.

I am a blessed woman.
God is good, all the time.
-Mega

H1N1

Oh No!

We've got the hamthrax again. No fun. Big A was diagnosed with it last friday, and he went back to school yesterday, but little a spiked a fever today after an impromptu nap (which was the exact same way that it started with Big A).

I also have bronchitis. Don't see any signs of bacterial infection, so I am just trying to manage my asthma the best I can and if it gets worse I'll go in.

Please pray that we all get to feeling better soon!

On another note, I got more caught up with laundry, swept the floor, got all the dishes done and prepped dinner all before the kdis got home from school! WOo hoo!
-Megs

So a few more funnies from my kids:

E calls starbucks "The mermaid coffee place"

Big A calls the garbage disposal "the growler"

-Megs

more talk.

on a side note, I will try to post more funnies and cute stories about the kids. Because they are hilarious, and make me laugh, daily.

-Megan

thoughts

It has been brought to my attention that all my updates lean more toward the negative.

Just wanted to point out that this is a foster/adoption blog, here to make clear for those who are going through the same things, that this is not an easy road, but they are not alone. This is not a "brag about how perfect my children are" blog. They are perfect for me, but we still have our problems to sort through. After all, my children have been abused.

If I came on here, gloating about my children every day, and saying that life around here is perfect, I would be a liar.

Baron and I knew, going into this, that it would not be an easy road. That we would not be able to "save" or "fix" these children.
That it was only our job to make things better for them, and if that means that I'm exhausted, then so be it.

To assume that we are in this to "save" the children is incredibly offensive. I am not Angelina Jolie. I am Megan Eidson. Called to parent by the Great Creator. I am in this to love them, and to fulfill a need in my heart too. I have selfish motives too. I like to parent. I like to be exhausted because I've been dealing with rowdy children all day. I like it. I have wanted this very thing for MANY years now. We are not a normal family, and that's ok with me. Raising children who have been abused is probably one of the hardest things there is to do. I love to sit down at the end of a HARD day and realize that my life feels more fulfilled than it ever has, and that my children are improving because of the work that I've done all day. No, I won't be able to save them. That is Christ's job. But it is my job to know, and make known the will and heart of God. And that is that I adopt children, love them, and pray hard that they grow up to know Him too. My job is simply to parent them, and love them with the love Christ has shown me.


-Megan

OH, and pop on over to: Nikki's blog, she has great news and some great pics up!

Ok, so one cute and funny thing that one of my children has said, was this:


B in the car alone with E.

B: You are a funny girl E, a funny girl!

E: I'm not funny, I'm a genius!

little update!

Ok, so I have been urged to update, I will see what I can do.

We've had one heck of a week this week. Big A came down with Swine Flu on Friday and has been home sick since. I love him dearly, but he is NASTY when he's sick. Demanding, acting like a toddler (seriously, screaming to try to get his way) and acting out for no reason what so ever. I am ready for him to go back to school tomorrow.

Usually I am so mentally exhausted that at the end of the night, I want nothing more than to escape to my favorite fictional time and place (book of choice is twilight saga) and soak in a hot bath and think about nothing else until tomorrow. I explained to my husband (who works 12-13 hour days 5-7 days a week depending on the week) that I spend most of my time pouring all my love into them, and it's not enough. So I end the day drained, and they're still not getting enough love to make up for all they've had taken away because of abuse. I can understand why foster parents need respite care now, and I am contemplating taking a long weekend at the end of October. We'll see. I hate to leave my children with somebody else because I am simply tired of dealing with them, but I need some time where I learn to miss them, I think. I am hoping to find a respite family and go hang out with them one afternoon so I'm not just dropping the kids off at a strangers house. (mind you, that isn't as bad as it sounds, these people have extensive background checks run on them, and they are all cpr certified, and usually have gone through all the foster classes and continuing education too, so it's not just some random family!)

OK, so now that that's said.. the kids are amazing. They are bright, and funny, and lots of fun to be around. They love to play at the park, and do things like brush my hair and "fix it". They love to push my buttons, but when they are feeling like they can trust me, their real selves come out, and they can push my good buttons too. They LOVE to cuddle, so we try to fit as much cuddle time in as possible each day, and I try to reserve a small amount of time for each child to themselves if I can.
Big A is in 1st grade, and I am pretty sure he is teacher's pet. She cannot stop praising him every time I talk to her. He is doing fantastic in school, and I am impressed every day when he comes home with a new accomplishment. The kids in his class LOVE him, and always ask for him to stay after school and play at the park. So I am getting to know some of the parents of kids in his class. that's fun. We brought popsicles to the park after school one day, and boy was that a big hit!
E is in kindergarten, and she too is very bright. Also a MAJOR teachers pet. She sings to her teacher, and tells her that she's beautiful every day, who wouldn't love her!? lol. She is precious, and has this great husky voice and contagious laughter, and she is ALWAYS laughing.
littl A is staying home with me, and is just improving in leaps and bounds with all the undiluted mommy time. She has stopped following me around the house, and can be ok with it when I leave her in the living room to go pee, which is nice!! She gets complements every where we go for how beautiful she is (heck, all the kids do!) I can't wait to show you all pics of them when we finally get to sign those papers.

Speaking of which, I still have no clue on when that will be. We are all still in the dark about it.

The kids have all almost completely stopped asking for and crying about their old foster mom, and their bio mom, and I guess that's a good sign, because it's certainly not a learned behavior. We gladly talked about both "mommies" with no qualms when the kids brought up the subject. I guess it's a sign of their healing. I hope it is anyway!

I hope this will be enough of an update for a while! I am not sure when I will have a chance, but I will attempt to do little updates here and there as I can. My next one will be of funny things that the kids have said.. you will get a good laugh out of those, so stay tuned!

update, finally!

OK, so for the update, finally!
Sorry it's taken so long, but as you can imagine, life has been very very busy with three little ones in the house.
We're all learning, learning to be kids, learning to be parents, etc. It's wonderful and exhausting all at the same time.
The first week was heaven on earth. I had asked for children, and God sent me three amazing and beautiful children who obeyed everything I asked, and were sweet and affectionate to boot. Then the honeymoon period was over. It lasted all of a week.

The second week was filled with horrible tantrums, rages filled with hurtful words, and testing the boundaries. Mostly from the older two. The third week was when the little one decided it was her turn to show her stubbornness. I wish I could post pictures, because I'd post a pic of the stubborn pose. It's hilarious. Imagine this: Head pushed forward, jaw set, eyes squinted, shoulder blades pulled back as far as they can go. She does it when she doesn't want to do something, every time. Well, she did it. I haven't seen the face except for once this week. So there is major progress going on there, considering we were seeing it every few hours starting that third week.

Our oldest was terrified of sleeping in his own room. He has never in his life had his own room, and I am sure that it wasn't a safe place even when it was shared with somebody else. He is now sleeping in his own bed every night, with very nearly no fights about it. I am so proud of him. He is being so brave. According to Texas CPS rules, he can't sleep anywhere else, so it's his only choice! He slept on a pallet on the floor of the playroom for 3 weeks.. that was interesting, but I just couldn't let him make a habit of that! He is very smart, but very flighty. I am hoping that we'll be able to speak to a psychiatrist and get that taken care of soon. No doubt in my mind (as an ADD mom, and a psychology student) that he has ADD, but great strides are being made every day as I teach him coping mechanisms to deal with the ADD on a daily basis. Would just be easier with medication to help him learn those things! He has huge almond shaped brown eyes, and dark brown hair with quite a bit of curl to it. He also has a few freckles smattered across his cheeks and nose. He is small, and thin, but must be getting ready to grow, as he had 4 servings of dinner tonight, and it's been that way for a week or so!

The middle child, is relatively easy going, but hits and kicks and scratches and bites when she's angry. She also had a big problem with lying, but we've broken her of that habit really quickly (rule number 9: always tell the truth. time out if you don't.) ! She now knows it's safe and ok to hit the pillow when she's angry. The funny thing is that she feels the need to bring the pillow to me and hit it in my presence. Silly thing. She is hilarious.. Baron told her that she was funny the other day, and she said "NO! I'm a genius!" She has a HUGE personality. Loves to play and sing and dance in front of the mirror, and LOVES to laugh. She also has big brown almond shaped eyes, dark complected and freckles (just a few, so cute!) slightly lighter hair than her brother that is cut in a bob (think Suri Cruise) and is tiny for her age.

Our youngest, is a spit fire. Hilarious, and oh so cute. She is stubborn, but quickly realizing that what mommy says, goes. No matter what hilarious face she makes. She never leaves my side, which is starting to get annoying, but I have a feeling when the kids are in school, and she's home with me, that will start to stop. She needs to be constantly reassured that mommy isn't going anywhere. She just recently started showing signs of stress, and we are back in diapers. The fun part is that she's allergic to them, but to keep me from having to wash 8 pairs of her clothes every day, we had to find an alternative. We settled on g diapers, and they areg enius!. Check 'em out! She is in speech therapy because she's got first and last syllable deletion and articulation issues. Makes talking with her fun! Get, bed, set, etc all sound like "eh." Like, "ready, set, go!" sounds like "Re-ey, eh, oh!" She is the most animated, you should see her talk! She has blond curly hair, and big blue eyes, and some, at first glance would say that she looks nothing like her siblings, but as far as we know, they are all from the same dad, who she happens to look most like. She has a few freckles also, and is lighter complected than the other two, but still gets a nice tan. She's going to be a knockout! She, is tall for her age, and people often ask if my girls are twins because they are so close in size, though they are a year and a half apart.

They all have dimples, two sets. some are more pronounced than others. One is the traditional set on their cheeks, but they also all have dimples just on either side of their lips, over the corners of their mouth. Hard to describe, but very cute.

I think that's about all I've got right now. I am exhausted.. Got a sinus infection (doctors appt tomorrow!) after having two bouts of the stomach flu over the past two weeks! I will of course start updating more.

Every day is getting better and better. We have WAY more steps forward than we do steps back, so that's a good sign!

Hope you enjoyed this post from an overtired new mommy!
-Megan

sorry folks!

after a long forced break from internet service, we are back up and running. expect an update in the next few days!

quick note to let you all know we're ok!

well, things here are going.
I will update when I can, but without internet at the house, it's a little hard.
The kids are great, but we're having lots of issues about needing attention, so it's best that we don't have internet right now!

-Megan

Visit with the KIDS!!!!!! My kids!

Just a quick update from Houston!

We got here around noon today, and the kids ran out of the house yelling "Mommy, Daddy! You're here!"

That was something, let me tell you. Probably the most surreal moment of my life. This has been a long road, filled with pain, tears and now all this joy! I can't tell you how I feel right now, except to say that even if we are only able to do this for this year, while the appeal is going through the system, I am a blessed woman, beyond what I deserve. God is good, all the time.

I can't believe He is entrusting me with the lives of these three beautiful children. I know I will do the best I can, and that He's spent these years preparing me for this moment, but man, oh man! I am a nervous wreck!

Panic attacks are in full swing. All I can think about right now are those little voices begging me to stay or take them "home," and all I can do is breath and know that they are safe. I am going to NEED a few days to process this all! I am hoping the s/w will let them come home this week. I cannot wait for their voices to fill my house. For their lust for life to fill my home.
Again, God is good, all the time.

Lord, thank you for this opportunity to parent your children. Lord remind me that these children are yours, entrusted to me for safe keeping. Lord help me to be the parent that you want me to be, the best parent I can be. Lord, again, thank you.

If you all think about it this week, pray for peace in my heart this week as I will now have to spend who knows how many days without them, knowing that they want so badly to begin their new life with us. Pray that they are well behaved for their foster-mom this week. It would be hard to be a kid away from the ones who they now know as "mommy and daddy" without acting out. Pray that this week goes smoothly and that I can get a lot done around the house for their arrival.


As far as tomorrow goes, church with the foster-family and all the kids, then some alone time with the kids, then back to Dallas. We'll be home sometime tomorrow evening.

-Megan

Wow..

I am incredibly anxious.

I have been nesting like crazy. Yesterday I organized the bathroom stuff into small Ikea containers based on their purpose. Hair stuff in one, nail stuff in another, feminine supplies in another and make up divided up by facial feature. I'll have to take a picture and upload it. Anybody who knows me knows that's a little beyond what I normally do when it comes to cleaning. I have also scrubbed the walls in the kitchen. I had no idea how much coloring was done on my walls until I bent over. It was mostly in Light yellow crayon. My Godson is smart. If you're going to color on the walls, you might as well do it in yellow so you don't get in trouble.

The kitchen is completely cleaned, down to the floor boards being wiped down. It's not perfect, but it's good enough. I As I have one of the bedrooms to paint and all three to decorate before the kids come, I want to leave enough time to get their rooms all decorated and fun.

I have also been incredibly fidgety. I am trying to find ways to relax.. but it's not really working.
:)

When you know your "interactions with the children will be monitored" it is really nerve wrecking! I think I am going to like our social worker, but I am still a bit nervous. I think I am just going to pretend she is a good friend. Please pray with me that I am not awkward, and that the kids take to me well. I have no worries about the girls, as I can identify with the girls, but I am worried about our first meeting with A (the boy!) I know in time I will be fine, but I am not used to cars and trucks and sports and stuff. :)

I am bringing a little something for the kids as a hello gift. I am bringing a little crayon activity set for each of them, ariel socks for the girls (Their fav disney princess) a Cars splash ball for the boy, and a cute t-shirt from the children's place for each of them.

I'll update when I get back on Sunday as long as I'm not too tired!
-Megan

EEEEK!

6 more days until I meet my kids!






Finally!



-Megs

Pram for sale!

I am selling my pram.
I have a Silver Cross Classic Sleepover Pram that is fully convertible and reversible. It holds up to a 4 or 5 year old depending on weight. It is called Marina blue, which is navy.
It has never been used (as we have never had an infant to put in it) though it has been out of it's box for a year now, but I am ready to move on.

I am selling it for $600 dollars. It goes for $904 in Europe, brand new.

click here to view a picture of the newest one

ours is a couple of years old, but has never actually been used. the bassinet liner has some "wear and tear" where I accidently threw it in the wash (it was in a pile of clothes for some reason) and the blue bled a little onto the ivory bassinet liner. It also has a spot of rust on the underneath side of the stroller chassis, that was there when I received it in the mail, but I didn't care enough to send it back and have to wait on a new one, so it's still there.

It also has the bassinet chassis, so it is convertible from a bassinet, carrycot (like a very sturdy moses basket), pram and stroller.
If you want it, or know anybody who does, let me know! I will be posting in on ebay late this week, so now's your chance!

-Megan

more info about our kids!

Ok, so there are many friends and family who I think read this blog who wanted to know more about the kids. I had a wonderful conversation with the current foster mother, we'll call her D. She sounds like an amazing woman! I do believe she currently has 10 foster kids! (and I think several of her own that are mostly grown).

Here is what I learned:
A (the oldest, a boy) loves Cars, (the movie) and speedy mcqueen is his favorite, though he has a tendency to say "pissin' truck" instead of "piston truck." That should be fun! haha.. He is all boy. Loves boy things, like cars, fire trucks, dump trucks, construction things, etc.

He is small for his age, and he wears a size 5T. Not sure about their shoe sizes yet.

E, the middle child, a girl, is a princess through and through. She LOVES attention and affection and loves to be the performer. She loves jewelry, tiaras, dress up clothes, etc. Her favorite movies and shows are anything girly.. barbie ballerina shows, etc.
She apparently asked her foster mom, D, if her new mommy was a ballerina. D said "I don't know honey!" and E said "I sure hope she is!" (isn't that just precious!) Even more fun that I could tell D that we were going to put the girls in Ballet this fall, and that her new mommy used to be a ballerina! Ariel is her favorite disney princess. E prefers dresses over pants or shorts any day and loves to match her sister.
She is also small for her age, and wears a 4T.

A (the youngest child, a girl) is just a bundle of cuddles. She also loves girly things, but also still loves Barney. (Lucky me!) We are told that she is very very affectionate, and loves to talk and sing. Hasn't shown much preference to tv shows/movies, but I'll bet as the youngest foster child, she probably doesn't get to pick all that often!

She is big for her age, and is already in a 4T.


well, I guess that's it for now. We are going to keep in touch with D and the kids. They have now seen pictures of us, and are very excited about getting a new mommy and daddy. Right now, we are looking at meeting them on June 13, and still having them home in July.

-Megan

trips and updates

So, I do believe it's time to update!

A lot has gone on this week. I've been helping L pack a little, and working on other stuff around the house. We were supposed to go pick up the casefile for the kids on wednesday, but tuesday evening we got word that it hadn't made it yet, so we would have to check back to see if we could come and read it on thursday. Thankfully they let us come pick it up and bring it home because it took us 12 HOURS to read. Seriously. The stack of papers was 7 inches tall! We didn't find out much that we didn't already know. A lot of a casefile is "he said this.." "so and so called so and so," a letter was sent on this date informing the parents of what their services would be and when they needed to be completed" etc. only about 100 pages of it was important information. I'd say about 1/10 of it was fax cover sheets, and another 1/8 was empty forms that were never filled out. another 1/10 of it were forms that had one little line or word that was relevant. And to top it off, it didn't change our answer, and it really didn't tell us that much more about the kids, or their situation. (which, just a reminder, we will only divulge things we feel necessary to you forming a relationship with the children. Please know that we can't/won't tell everything)

The only thing that is important, is that any child coming into care through the state CPS will have been through a lot in their short lives. They will take extra care, and we may or may not parent the same way you would parent your biological children, or adopted children that have been with you since infancy. We are asking that those of you who love us and care about us not expect us to take your advice because these children will need different things/different amount of things (like attention and affection) than your children need to develop on track. Don't take offense to it, it's just that often times children adopted at an older age need different things than other children of the same age group.

Ok, so enough of my "teaching," I'll continue with my update!

I spoke with the caseworker, we'll call her TP. (and no, it does not stand for toilet paper!) and she said that she might want us to come down to meet the kids this next weekend! EEEK! unfortunately, my best friends wedding is that weekend to. So the current plan is to leave the 2 days post wedding free so we can drive down to meet the kids, the boy's teacher and school counselor, and their therapists. Now most of you know that we live in DFW, so the drive wouldn't be that big of a deal, but Baron and I will both be in Arkansas all week. So it's now a 10 hour drive down to where the kids live. CRAZY! Oh well, I am ready to give what these kids need, and if they need us there next weekend, then so be it!

So on the subject of the wedding, I started breaking out into full faced acne. All over. it sucked. So mom took me up to our fav pharmacy and got me some of the doctor of pharmacy's new FDA approved acne creme. It quickly started to clear up my face, but unfortunately, I seem to be allergic to it. (as I am to many, many things) So instead of acne, I now have a full face/neck full of atopic dermititis, (a form of excema). It's so itchy! The good news is that it's a really mild case, so maybe it will be gone by the wedding day. That's what I get for acting vain. lol!

I guess that's about it. I am in Siloam Springs this week staying at my grandparents, and I am STARVING. They no longer keep food around that I like, though my tastes have changed so much since I last lived here I doubt they'd know what I liked anyway.. :)

I am going to go forage for some snacks!
-Megan

foster placements

Wow.. I am an updating fool these days! Lots of news to share I guess.

The kids will now be coming as a foster placement while we fight for them.

B's will wait until adoption proceedings to make that change I've talked about.

I can share even less now that they are coming as a foster placement, but that's ok. :)

God is still good!

-Megan

putting up a fight

Ok, so maybe the name change on the blog was too soon.

Adoption case worker called today.

She's worried that B's army stuff will sway CPS in the wrong direction. That they will get nervous about placing the kids with us.

I sent her an email about all the pro's to our decision, and what it would mean for the kids. And while it may seem unstable to some, we feel like it is the best decision for our family.

Keep up the prayers.

We need them.

I am remaining hopeful. I don't believe God would have brought us this far to have us sit on our rears and not fight for our children. So we fight.

-Megan

in other more comical adoption news... and a poll.

Our social worker had names and ages wrong. the two girls names and ages were switched.. so I have been getting them wrong. E is the middle child, and D is the youngest. At least I know now. would have been so embarrassing if we still thought opposite when we go to meet them in a couple of weeks! haha..
oh well.
Also the two oldest have birthdays this month. (May) Should we buy presents for them for when we go meet them the first week in June?
Any suggestions? (boy and girl, will turn 6 and 5)
-Megan

more adoption news

Wow, we really just now stepped on the roller coaster ride of adoption. I think we may have just been standing in line for the past 2.5 years. (that was a LONG line!)

We got news today that the bio-mom of our soon to be adoptive kids, who already have TPR (terminated parental rights), is appealing the court's decision. I am not sure what this means.. but here is what we've been told:

That it will not change our plans. These children are still currently classified as "legally free for adoption"
The kids will still move in with us in July (unless things change again, which can happen), because it is still the court's plan to place them in an adoptive family as soon as possible (after school is out)
There is almost NO chance that this bio-mom will be awarded her rights back.
Arrow (our agency) hasn't ever had any case like this settled in favor of the bio-parents. Not sure about the state's precedence on this kind of thing, but I called our lawyer today to discuss, got her voice mail and hopefully she'll be able to help us!
They may change status from an adoptive placement to foster placement, but hey, that means more money to help take care of them, which wouldn't be the end of the world.

That's all we know for now.

Hopefully I can have a good update next time I hear something.

-Megan

Sweetness and songs!

So night before last, Baron and I were laying in bed, just about to fall asleep, when he asked me to see the pictures of the kids again. Of course, I obliged, as I look at them about 5 times a day, and usually he's not around because he's at work. So I opened the slideshow up and it automatically turns on and goes through the 6 pictures we have in about 20 seconds. Very quickly he asked me to slow it down. So I had to open up the slideshow up all the way in power point, and we went through the pictures at his pace. He asked questions again (he wasn't there to hear the phone call!) and then when we started getting to the individual pictures of the kids, he took the cursor on the mac and very slowly traced the line of our children's faces, over and over again. Like he was memorizing them. I sat their and silently cried, a single tear welling in my eyes. (I couldn't cry loudly, I didn't want to interrupt his sweetness) Then, when he was done, he turned and looked at me (I was mostly composed!) and said simply, "yeah, this is good."

I thought you ought to have a look at how Baron was taking this excitement. I should also say that he danced and sung for a couple of days, more than usual. M (our Goddaughter) told him to keep singing, but then pointed to the kitchen.

-Megan

Adoptions stuff!

Ok,
So now that I am more coherent, I'll finish the post I was trying to write before. I was soooo excited I couldn't sleep, so I took an ambien and boy did I sleep well. It's just usually not a good idea to try to blog while taking it.

So we got the call. Finally! I feel like this day has been a long time coming. Who am I kidding. It HAS been a long time coming. By the time we get the case file on these kids, it will have been exactly 2 years to the week when we had our first placement call. (See post about being scammed!) Nearly 2.5 years since we decided to adopt, and nearly 4 years since we started trying to start our family. I screamed when Mala called. Probably broke her ear drum. The funny thing is that I didn't even know she was screaming with me until I apologized for popping her eardrum! My mom was there when I got the call, she screamed too.. but only after I did because she was getting the play by play from me, so she was a little delayed. Baron was at work. I had been hanging out with my mom as a preventative measure to keep my mind off of things and for comfort if we didn't get these kids, but I had a good feeling about them. They just seemed perfect for our family.

The kids will hopefully be home by July. (8 weeks!) There is SO much to do! I can't even focus on that yet, because I have 3 final exams next week. I doubt I will do well on them, simply because I have been distracted all semester, knowing that this was our calling, and waiting by the phone for months. I am hoping I at least pass though, we'll see. It's very unlike me, it's just that I know that Adoption is what we're supposed to be doing. Just wish I had known when it would be, I might have worked harder this semester, but it's ok. Baron and I are ELATED, and we have so much to be thankful for!

The kids are 3, 4, and 5 years old, and I will post names as soon as I can. I am not sure if that is something I can post. I think I will be able to soon, simply because they are legally free for adoption, and no longer under the guardianship of their parents. They came into care because their mother could not parent. (There will be no more details on that. That's all we care to share.)
It seems as though they are forming good attachments, and that bodes well for us. We are hoping to meet them the first weekend in June! This is going to be a whirlwind 2 months, that's for sure!

We are also pretty sure that the state has decided that the adoption fees for this adoption is going to be taken care of by the state, which is AMAZING. God provides for His children. He is so good, all the time.

Some of you (who have commented here and IRL have asked what you can do to help.
Basically, Pray first. We can use all the prayers we can get. Smooth transitions, easy attachments, quick bonding and things of that nature. Pray that the children understand why they are leaving their current foster family and that they can remain in contact with them if they wish. Pray that we speak what God gives us to speak and that we find the right words to say to our children as we ease them into our home and our life, forever.
That is just a start! I will continue to update our blog to let everyone know how they can pray for us, and of course with general news regarding the adoption!

-Megan

We got the call!

3 kids are coming our way in the next few weeks!

We will be beginning adoption proceedings as soon as possible. Anytime in the next week to 4 weeks we'll start visitations!

they are aged 3, 4, and 5. the oldest is a boy tho others are girls.


I will post more when I know more!

adoption, more kids?!

make that 8 kids all together.
shortlisted again, I guess we go to staffing twice this week.
We've submitted our homestudy for 3 other children this week too.

fun fun!

updates to come.
-Megan

adoption!?

we're in the running again.
our social worker is going to staffing for us about a sibling group, 3 kids. all under the age of 5. But, as of this fall, the oldest two will be in school. (or homeschooled!)
Prayers would be greatly appreciated while we wait to hear from Mala!
-Megan

Amazing God!

Wow,
that's really all I have to say.


Take Your Vitamin Z: Yesterday We Lost A Member Of Our Church Family


I pray that God gives me this heart. A true heart for adoption for all the right reasons.

Our God is an awesome God.
-Megan

Good Friday

Today is "Good Friday."
about 2000 years ago today, my savior was crucified on a cross to bear my sins so that I could stand before my creator, a person washed from sin, white as snow. So that God doesn't have to punish me, for all the terrible things I've done in my life. Because He is just. Because He is merciful, because He loves me and wants me to live with Him for all eternity.

Jesus chose to take my punishment for every lie I've ever told, for every time I've thought of another man other than my husband. For every time I dishonored my parents by talking back, or disobeying them. For ever time I've let my anger drive me to sin. For every time I didn't love my God first. For every time I've taken HIS name in vain. For every time I've been jealous of something I didn't have.

He died for me.

He died for you too though.

3 days from now, is the day we usually celebrate Easter. The modern day celebration of when Christ rose from the dead, symbolizing what we can expect when we fully put our trust in Jesus as our savior. Washed clean from our sins (not just covered by the blood of His perfect sacrifice, but washed clean!) Imputed with His righteousness so that we can stand in the presence of God and not be ashamed. I always look forward to this day each year, and sometimes I forget about "Good Friday." I seem to forget about what exactly it was that Jesus had to do for me, a sinner, so that I could be forgiven. He had to pay MY fine because of all the bad things I've done. I encourage you (the readers) to think about this today. Please don't forget to think about "Good Friday" because it makes Easter so much more amazing. Because remembering the bad makes the good that much better.




Matthew 27

Judas Hangs Himself

1Early in the morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people came to the decision to put Jesus to death. 2They bound him, led him away and handed him over to Pilate, the governor.
3When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders. 4"I have sinned," he said, "for I have betrayed innocent blood."
"What is that to us?" they replied. "That's your responsibility."

5So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

6The chief priests picked up the coins and said, "It is against the law to put this into the treasury, since it is blood money." 7So they decided to use the money to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners. 8That is why it has been called the Field of Blood to this day. 9Then what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: "They took the thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel, 10and they used them to buy the potter's field, as the Lord commanded me."a]">[a]

Jesus Before Pilate

11Meanwhile Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, "Are you the king of the Jews?"
"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied.
12When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. 13Then Pilate asked him, "Don't you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?" 14But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor.

15Now it was the governor's custom at the Feast to release a prisoner chosen by the crowd. 16At that time they had a notorious prisoner, called Barabbas. 17So when the crowd had gathered, Pilate asked them, "Which one do you want me to release to you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?" 18For he knew it was out of envy that they had handed Jesus over to him.

19While Pilate was sitting on the judge's seat, his wife sent him this message: "Don't have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him."

20But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed.

21"Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor.
"Barabbas," they answered.

22"What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked.
They all answered, "Crucify him!"

23"Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate.
But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!"

24When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!"

25All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!"

26Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

The Soldiers Mock Jesus

27Then the governor's soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. 28They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, 29and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. 30They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. 31After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.
The Crucifixion

32As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross. 33They came to a place called Golgotha (which means The Place of the Skull). 34There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. 35When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.b]">[b] 36And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 38Two robbers were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left. 39Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads 40and saying, "You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!"
41In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. 42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " 44In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

The Death of Jesus

45From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. 46About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi,c]">[c] lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"d]">[d]
47When some of those standing there heard this, they said, "He's calling Elijah."

48Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink. 49The rest said, "Now leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to save him."

50And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

51At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. 52The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

54When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Sone]">[e] of God!"

55Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's sons.

The Burial of Jesus

57As evening approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who had himself become a disciple of Jesus. 58Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him. 59Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, 60and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away. 61Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were sitting there opposite the tomb.
The Guard at the Tomb

62The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the chief priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate. 63"Sir," they said, "we remember that while he was still alive that deceiver said, 'After three days I will rise again.' 64So give the order for the tomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, his disciples may come and steal the body and tell the people that he has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first."
65"Take a guard," Pilate answered. "Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how." 66So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard.

Scammed!

Turns out we were actually scammed 2 years ago when we started this adoption journey. I am so thankful that we refused to send them money as they asked, because we'd be out $20,000 today.

http://www.topix.com/forum/city/little-rock-ar/TRNVL7PAO8CMIA19M

and this: http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/218/RipOff0218602.htm

and this: http://arkansasmatters.com/content/fulltext/news?cid=204061

There are now well over 70 families who have filed complaints, so far we are not one of them, but we will be calling our adoption attorney tomorrow to see if there is anything that can be done. (we were out a small amount of money comparatively). Plus, justice needs to be done if possible in this situation.

I'll post more about it later, but I am going to 'try' to fall asleep here in the next few min.

-Megan

Lemonade award!

Alright, since I have been awarded this twice now, (wow, I am lazy!) I am finally getting around to doing this!
I don't know if I have 10 people who make lemonade out of lemons in their life, because I am relatively new to the blog-o-sphere, and I don't have time to follow more than a couple of blogs.. so here goes!



This award is given to a blog that shows great attitude or gratitude.

Here are the rules for accepting this award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post (it's up there at the top as proud as proud can be);

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude or gratitude (I know we're all busy but I hope you will find the time to visit these wonderful blogs and be blessed as you read how many of them have turned life's lemons into lemonade);

3. Link to your nominees within your post (check out my list of winners below);

4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog (I'll be doing that soon - I hope!);

5. Share the love and link to this post and person from whom you received the award (Thank you Holly and Mandi!).


Ok, so as previously stated, I don't follow many blogs, so here is my list:

Katie and Josh. I love reading her blog on parenting. She is a blessed mommy with a great attitude!

Steph and Chris She is my favorite foster mom, who, whether she knows it or not, is a great role model and mentor for me.

Holly and Chris, of course. I know, she gave it to me, but really, I only follow so many blogs!

My dear friend Nikki. Who is, unfortunately, having to learn about making lemons right now. Go on over and give her some love this week!

Vanessa and Chris. They have a heart for adoption, and that takes a great attitude! Go on over and give them some encouragement as they welcome new babies to their home!

Mandi and PC. Another award giver. Soon to be foster parents extraordinaire!


Thank you, ladies for giving me this award.. I don't win things very often! Hope I can continue to make lemonade when life gives me lemons!

-Megan

a Reminder and a Request

Because sometimes I need a reminder too:

Sometimes I get down about not being a parent. Sometimes I feel that satan is just taunting me, and that I will never be a parent.

We've been waiting for 9 months now (as licensed foster parents) and 4 years since we started trying to get pregnant.

It took me this long to figure this out. And sometimes I still need a reminder.



We are not supposed to trust God (firstly, anyway) as the provider of children. We are supposed to trust God as our salvation. That He sent His Son to die an atoning death for us, while we were still sinners. That we are wretched, and He gave us hope, not that we would be parents, but that He would adopt US! That is what we are supposed to focus on. His plan for us is that we become HIS family. He has promised us who want it, that we will be made the "Happy mother of children." He has commanded us to take care of the widows and orphans, but in order to truly do that, we must FIRST realize that it is Him we are supposed to be leaning on. His promise of salvation, not a promise of a family. Then, and only then, can we truly be parents when the times comes!

For those of you who have been praying for B and I, I would appreciate it if you would pray that we both hold tight to God's first promise, that those who repent and believe will be saved. That we have a new father, God, because of the atoning death of His Son, Jesus Christ, who is the way, the truth and the life. We ask you to pray that one day, in His perfect time, that we can share the love of Christ with His children. Also, please pray for all the other foster parents out there, especially those who aren't saved, as I can't imagine trying to do this without the saving grace and love of Jesus.

-Megan

baby news for a friend!

Just wanted to write a post about my friend Diane!

I am so excited for her!

She had her first ultrasound today for this pregnancy, she's 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant, and the baby is fine and healthy! She even got to hear the heartbeat for the first time today!

After losing 5 babies to early miscarriage, like me, she finally got good news today!

Please join me in praying for her and her little peanut!

-Megan

Adventures in Eidson land.

So Baron and I have been talking about a new adventure lately.

Here is what led us to this maybe path:

1. We need money. I quit my job due to moral objections, and now we're running out of money. Not fun.

2. We both really want to go into the ministry. (me as an avid supporter of my ever faithful husband's dream and calling, or as a partner, depending on what we're led to do).

3. We know we feel called to take care of orphans. (Or, by some terrible circumstance, children who need new parents whether that be temporarily, or permanent)

4. We both realized we are at a point in our faith, where we are willing to give up whatever it takes to serve God in His calling on our lives. What an amazing feeling to realize that this is all just stuff, and it doesn't belong to us anyway, and there are more important things to do than to just do whatever is needed to maintain our current lifestyle! Such a blessing!



We'll see where this ends us, but we think it may have something to do with foster-care. We are putting some effort into researching foster care group homes. Not sure if we're "qualified" but it's something we'd love to do. More to come, maybe, if it is God's will for us at this time.

-Megan

hah..

and now they're back. Just like that. that's annoying. :)

argh!

Argh! Blogger deleted all my "followed" blogs. gah.. that's frustrating.

Vampires and old age?

Oh my goodness.. I just realized that I am almost 26. For some reason that feels so much older than 25 felt.

Maybe it's because I am re-reading the Twilight saga. *grins*

I am officially obsessed. I can't help it. Really.. have you read them?

Lol.. ok, so now back to my sick bed. (stomach bug again. I'm waiting on my rice to boil so I can eat some rice cereal)

-Megan

Homestudy submitted.

Well, We put in our homestudy again for a pair of boys. Aged 3 and 4. Boy, that would be fun! (pun intended) I am excited, they are way cute, and young, and somehow over the past few months I've realized that having all boys would be fun. I guess we'll see. Deadline for homestudies is the 25th of this month, so we certainly won't know anything for a few weeks. I am not sure how long after that we'll hear anything, but let's hope we get shortlisted and get to go to staffing!

-Megan

pictures with pride

My brother at his Basic Training graduation.

PFC Rhys Mounger

I am so proud.

Letter to our future children.

Dear little one,

Although I do not know you yet, I wanted to write a letter to express how much I love you already. I wanted to write you a letter, so that when you're old enough, you can read it and understand why your father and I learned to love you before we even knew you. I wanted you to be able to put this in your life book someday.

I don't know you yet. I don't know who you are, what shade of skin you have, what hair color or eye color you have, if you have freckles like me, or sad irish eyes like your dad.

Some days as I walk around in my little world, grocery shopping, or window shopping, I look into the eyes of the children I see and wonder if you will look like them. I hear that when women are pregnant, they start to wonder if their baby will have green eyes like mommy, or brown hair like daddy. If they will have grandma's chin or grandpa's nose. I don't know, because I've never been that pregnant. But I have all kinds of features to wonder about, across all of humanity, a beautiful rainbow of features that our God made. Will you be brown skinned? I'm not. I am pale skinned and freckled. But it doesn't matter. I already love you. Will you have green eyes like me and your daddy? Or do you have blue eyes? It doesn't matter. I already love you. I don't even know what you will look like, and I love you so much, sometimes it makes me cry. I don't care if you look exactly like me or your father, or if you don't look anything like me or your father. I love you already.

Will you be hurting? Will your little heart ever get over the bad things you've seen or been a victim of? Will you ever learn to love your father and I like other children? It doesn't matter. We already love you. Will you get to stay with us or will you have to go back to your biological family some day? It doesn't matter. We already love you, and we will keep loving you in whatever way we can.

I pray often that you will get to come to us soon, that you are no longer hurting, that you know that it is safe here. That you know that we love you already. Even before we know your name.

One day, about 2 and a half years ago, God started speaking to my heart. He told me that we were going to adopt children. I argued and fought with Him for months, fearing that I would be unable to live up to what you needed. Fearing that my love wouldn't be enough to fix your broken heart. Fearing that I was not good enough to be your mother. And He told me, gently, that it was not only my love that I would be giving you, but His too. The cool thing is that although We don't know you yet, we don't know your name, or your face, God does. He knows your hurt, and He knows your heart, and He loves you so much. He loves you so much that He gave His only Son so that someday, you may be healed from all of your hurts, and that most importantly, you may have eternal life with Him. And God wants ME to share that love with you. I am probably the most blessed mommy out there, that He would trust me to pass that love along to you.

Know this: that your mommy and your daddy loved you even before they met you. God loved you even before he made you, and He sent you to us so that we could share that love with you.

-Mommy (and Daddy)

Hard choices and hard wired?

All right, I guess it's time to post another blog.

Sorry I am so bad at it sometimes! Guess that it's not that high on my priority list when it comes down to it.

So, let's see.. the update:

I think we've had one more call since the last time I posted, Mala called to tell us we were going to staffing about a sibling group, with a 5 month old baby boy and a 2.5 year old girl. They went to another family. Turns out we don't have enough experience with babies who were exposed to drugs. (Praise the Lord! Though if that's where He leads, us, that's where we'll go!)

We're trying to get our bathroom/closet remodel done before my dear friend, Diane gets here from Canada early next month. So I pushed Baron to try to get the electrical work done yesterday. Boy was that a mistake. Sweet husband, is not good at electrical work. Turns out when he did it for a living (as an apprentice) all he learned was when the lunch cart came, and how to race certain things with wheels that are commonly found on the construction site. Great. So we had to call an electrician. $520 later, we have the bathroom rewired, and an estimate for $10,000 of things that need to be done to bring our house up to code. Thankfully because these things are original to the house, we don't have to actually bring them up to code.. But they said some of the things do present a safety issue. It's ok though. I have little faith in a company that was going to insist on putting -6- fire alarms in a tiny tiny house!! We already have 2, and 2 more to be installed if we so please, but really, 6? in a 1,500 sqft house? You've got to be kidding me!

I have also decided to try to get into graduate school! I would like to go to UTD's joint Master's/PhD program in Communication Sciences and Disorders. Because I'd be working on both at one time, it'd take me a lot less time to do both. Basically, although I had planned on staying at home during my kids early life, I will be able to work school hours if I so choose, so it would be better all around for our family in the long run.

I guess that's about it!

Stay tuned for more.
-Megan

yet again...

No good news for us from yesterday. The kids went to another family.

I guess that's it for now. I'll keep you updated as we get calls. Hopefully one of these days, we'll get kids too. But really, all in God's perfect time. Not mine.
-Megan

News and allergies.

wow! it's been a while since I posted last!

No official news yet, but our social worker goes to staffing for us tomorrow, in hopes that we will walk away proud parents of 2 kiddos! We'll know something definite by tomorrow (today if you count the fact that it's half past midnight here!) 3pm.
Keep your eyes open for updates!

That's about all I can say, or feel like saying right now (more on that in a min.)


Well, spring has sprung in the great state of Texas. I have itchy eyes, scratchy throat, runny nose, and worst of all, a rash from my chest to the top of my head.. yes... even in my hair too. ICK!!!

I guess it's better than a cold or flu, but gah! I will be glad when summer comes!
-Megan

Oh, and did I mention..

that I have an amazing husband?

I love him so much.. that I can't even put it into words.

He's been getting me a little present every day for the past 18 days.. so sweet. tonight he got me a card, and it was so sweet and so far, it's been the best present yet, because of what it says, and because for some reason, it portrayed his love for me better than the 17 little gifts before that... very sweet and romantic husband I have. I just feel sorry for him because I've been sick this week!

We have a nice long weekend ahead of us. Leeann and I are headed out to Hot Springs on Thursday, and then Friday and Saturday Baron and I are staying at the Westin in Dallas for some R&R! I can't wait!


-Megan

Miracles and food poisoning!

Wow, so I think I have food poisoning..

I ate at BJ's a few days back, had the chicken ceasar salad. Cold chicken on a bed of (I'm sure it was unwashed) lettuce. Yum. Top it off with a nice ceasar dressing (complete with egg whites) and you have a perfect recipe for a food-born illness. Lovely. I am still sick.. today at least the abdominal cramps are few and far between.. it's just heart burn and incessant nausea.

Beautiful. Just how I intended to spend my Valentines/Anniversary week. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Speaking of anniversaries.. Baron and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this week! God is so good!

On another God is sooooo good note, I received a bill in the mail today for tuition. Turns out they processed my loan refund before I had completely registered (doh...) and I now owe them money. Lovely, I was thinking.. This is perfect. That money, while not spent, is our living allowance while I'm in school this semester. If I have to pay that back, I have to get a job. That is not a good thing while taking 15 credit hours in the area of my major. So, I prayed, called Baron, told Baron, prayed.. and then went to the financial aid office to apply for a short term loan. The lady came out about 3 minutes later telling me she had good news. I was very happy thinking that she was able to give me the 60 day loan so that I could get my ducks in a row and figure out how I was going to make it through the next 3 months of school, when she exclaimed, (once we were in her office) that she was able to award me a GRANT! HoLY MoLEY! God is soooooo good to me. So not only is it covering what was left over in tuition, but we're getting a check in the mail this week for just over $1000 to help with more living expenses! Praise God! Jehovah Jireh provides for His children! Of course, being the emotional woman that I am, I immediately broke down in sobbing tears and thanked her. I don't think she realized that she had just handed me the miracle I asked for not 20 minutes prior. I want to make her cookies or something... but she might think that's creepy seeing as it's just her job to do things like that. Who knows.. maybe I'll do it anyway. creepiness or no.

So yeah, I am going to get to sleep. I am exhausted, and I have class in the morning!
-Megan

just realized I hadn't fully updated..

This cycle is over, and we are looking forward to focusing on weight loss (for my bff's wedding in May) and adoption!
What blessings!
-Megan

Sick..

I have the stomach flu.

Boo.


I think Maddie and Leeann do too. Thankfully they don't seem to have it as bad as I do.. Throwing up and the other is no fun. I can't wait for Baron to get home with the gatorade.

-Megan

negatives and negatives.

so the doc called this morning with the test results..




negative.




but...



I still haven't started my period even though I started spotting this morning early.




haha.. all I can do at this point is laugh.

God sure does have a sense of humor.


Hope I'm not pregnant because I did have a few drinks today in "condolencratulations" on not being pregnant again this cycle.. and yet I realized later that I hadn't started.. fun fun.

-Megan

so yeah, I woke up spotting. boo. I don't even have the answer from the doc's office, but I am pretty sure it's over. :(

It's ok, I'm moving on. This means I can get back to my vigorous cardio workouts and maybe lose some more weight.. 135 here I come!

I think we'll take a TTC (trying to conceive) break for a few months while we work on getting the house ready for foster kiddos. It will be nice to not worry about the trying.

-Megan

Alright, well, I am officially as confused as I can be, I think.
Today is, at the earliest, 15dpo, and at the latest, 18 dpo. (Days past ovulation) Which means that my little friend is officially late.
I went in this afternoon for my Beta (hCg) blood test, which should tell me, officially, if I am pregnant or not.

Stay tuned for the results.. I will go ahead and update the results, since you guys have been kind enough to read and respond to my blogs.. It's fun having readers!

-Megan

Cancellations

cancel that. they went to another familiy. But we're ready.

-Megan

Kids

EEEEK!K

My social working is at a "staffing" meeting for us today, we may be parents tonight!

Pray with us, and for the kids please!

-Megan

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!



I AM SO FRUSTRATED!

un-freakin-believable.


still no period.

still no positive test.


this has gone on for too long.

How can I move on while still in limbo?

ugh.

-Megan

Tornados and still no period..

This cycle is a disaster.. boo.. It's chaos. I have no idea what happened, or when, or when it will all be resolved. I am so very frustrated and ready to move on one way or another!

On another note, I just spent half an hour in a bathtub with my best friend, her two kids and some cats. Baron decided he'd sit it out and watch the storm. Thankfully we didn't have any damage that we can see, but one can still hope for a new roof sometime this year, right?

-Megan

Cancelations and talks..

So we were supposed to have an "Adoption" class tonight at our agency, but Mala called to tell us because the weather is going to be bad, they were canceling it. Boo! She did say it was going to all be refresher for us, as we've had the personal version of the class at licensing time.

We did hear that our age preference change has gone through the state, so we will hopefully be getting a call soon!!

We started talks today about seriously pursuing adoption on the "private, domestic" side, so if any of you know anybody who knows anybody who might know somebody who is pregnant and looking into forming an adoption plan for their soon to be little one, please feel free to pass that info along. I talked with an "adoption facilitator" today, and it just didn't feel right, so for now we'll just network the old fashioned way, but that may change depending on how God moves us.


I guess that's it for the update now.. :) Still no news on the "what's happening in Megan's belly" front.

-Megan

Doctors office calls and more negative tests..

So my nurse called today, wanted to know if I tested, and if i had started my period. fun fun..
Yes, I have tested, (didn't tell her how many boxes I've gone through in these past 16 days) no my period hasn't started, and no, I have not gotten a positive test. She's leaving the decision up to me if I want a blood test. I don't even know. I am so used to getting negative tests that I just assume, even though I am -technically- late, that I am not pregnant. But I certainly feel yucky again this morning. I just don't know what to do. I feel like it might be a waste of money at this point. A lot more than I've spent on HPT's (thanks Leeann, my supplier and pusher). I guess if I haven't started my period in the next 2 days or so, I'll go in for a test.

I am at a loss, if I am not pregnant, I am ready for this cycle to be over so that I can move on. If I am pregnant, I'd like to know, you know?

Ugh..

frustration....


-Megan

update, tummy, homestudy, naps, etc.

Alrighty then, time for an update.

I am well past my period due date, and the old friend has yet to show. BUT, as of this morning, I was not pregnant.
I will say that I am sitting here, awake at midnight, exhausted, (I even took a nap this morning at 9am!) but I can't sleep because I am sick to my stomach. So there.


We also submitted our homestudy 3 times this week.. Praise the Lord, one of these, one day, will go through.. and we will be parents.

I also emailed a facilitator for adoption.. still not sure how the legalities work here in Texas when it comes to facilitators. Basically they are just advertisers.. who knows, hopefully they'll get back to us and we'll know something soon.

-Megan

Alright, now that I have some more time, I will fill you all in on the adoption waiting game.

I've talked to several people this week, regarding several possible options. I'll give you the run down!

adoption attorney: We are set to do a private infant adoption through our attorney. We have a nibble about a possible birthmother, and even though we are really excited, we haven't heard much. At least we know the basics of the process, cost and such, and it looks like it would be a very viable option that would (at least through our attorney) end up costing us nothing after the adoption tax credit. Praise God! Now to come up with the money up front. :) fun fun!


adoption coordinator at our agency: She has submitted our homestudy twice this week for 2 different placements. a 2.5 year old girl and a sibling set, 3 and 4 I think, a boy and girl. So we wait. If we don't hear back in the next 2 weeks, we assume they've gone to another home.

foster placement coordinator: We upped our age preference to 7 and under ! Wow! Big step of faith on our part, but that means they'd be school age, so that would be cool. They said that us upping our age, should help us get a placement very soon! If any body wants to come help us figure out where to put all this stuff I'd be really grateful for the help!

We also found out we can take placements even with our renovation project going, so that's awesome. As long as we take precautions to keep the kids safe, we're well on our way to getting a placement soon.

I guess that's about it as far as the adoption update!

Keep your eyes out for new posts, hopefully this will turn into a parent blog soon!

-Megs

Poor results.

Wow. I am very bummed. Turns out my body isn't working the way we thought it was after all.
My p4 (Progesterone) levels were a whopping 9.8. doctors want to see AT LEAST 10 on an unmedicated/non pregnant cycle. Looks like I may be out this cycle. 9.8 is really bad. I know, you're thinking, well, it's only 1.2 less than what doctors want to see, but the truth is that that is a minimum, not a target. My last Day 21 p4 levels were 28. I don't even know what to think. I guess if we do another IUI (which we won't be for several more months) we'll have to do the full medicated, monitored cycle. Boo.

Well, I guess that's it. I'll update about the wonderful news re: Adoption very soon. Class is over and I need to pack up and head home!

-Megs

p4 results

Progesterone test results will be back tomorrow or the next day, stay tuned.
;)

-Megan

IUI update

Hey there!

Just wanted to give an update. We are at nearly a week since the IUI, and things have been interesting at best. I have never been so crampy in all my years. I hear that even washed semen is irritating to the uterus, so I bet that is why I am crampy. Although I hear crampiness is a good sign, so we'll see. I also have another yeast infection, which is also a good sign at this point in time during my cycle, though since this is my 9th one this year, I have little hope of that being an actual symptom.

I have my annual exam on monday, ah the joys of being a woman. My doctor is insistent on doing the pap smear because if I am pregnant, then I don't have to have one done further into my pregnancy, which I would have to refuse since I've never had an abnormal pap ever, and I feel it could wait 9 months to bypass the risk of miscarriage (which I know is sooooo incredibly small, but so is the chance of having recurrent pregnancy loss, so I will take what I can get back!).

I will also be having my progesterone levels checked, which is really good. It will set my mind at ease.. that's for sure. I know that doctors like to have 10-15 readings at least, (medicated and unmedicated cycles) and mine are usually 22-48 unmedicated, which is fabulous. If they are lower than 15 I am going to request progesterone support in case I am pregnant this month. I am sure they will be great though. :) High progesterone levels tend to indicate pregnancy, but are not diagnostic, (apparently especially in my case!) so I will be posting my numbers when I get them, but will probably not post again for a few weeks about this subject..

Please bear with me, and pray with me that I will be at peace with what we find out.

-Megan

IUI

IUI went well today.
I thought for a few minutes that the doc wasn't going to be able to do it, and this cycle would have been a bust.. but she showed, and we had what looked like good numbers.. and they all looked good shape-wise.. so hopefully this will be it!
Prayers are greatly appreciated!

Surge Day!

Well, today is surge day.. that means that I have enough hormone in my blood to ovulate. Hope that's not TMI, but you guys read this because you want to know what's going on with our journey. Surge day means that IUI day is 24-36 hours later.. Which means this time tomorrow, (or at least pretty close to this time) we'll be having our IUI. Prayers for us would be nice. That God's will be done, that if it is in His plan, that this is successful. This is a very exciting next few days.. full of hope and some confusion. Please pray that we are at peace with whatever the outcome is, knowing that our God is sovereign, and that His timing is perfect, even when we don't understand it. We know that He works good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes, so either way, we know the outcome is good.

Now remember, we'll know something in about 2 weeks, but I am not going to update for another several (about this topic) until we know with more certainty that this is going to work.. (as in, seeing a baby on the ultrasound, or hearing the baby's heartbeat.. etc) So hang tight, and I'll update as soon as I am comfortable with it.

-Megan

Psalms 113:9

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord!

Just found this promise comforting.

-Megan