Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I jogged alone in school today. Achievement. That was actually before 12am, so technically I should mentioned I did so alone last night. At least, I know I don't have to rely on others that much to do things. At least, I know I'm not in that state where I have to count on people for everything. But it kind of showed how disappointed I was.. Not very, just a little. How people say things and yet forget them (I'm one of them, I admit). It was cleared later on, though I did not mention this portion. I think there wasn't really a need to show someone all these at this point in time, and how some things are better kept to yourself.As the birthday i/c of the OG, I ought to do more things other than take note of which are the birthdays that are coming up. I am amazed by the artistic talents of people around me and I am feeling extremely inferior about the things I do. So, if I do make things for you, I think you should be honoured. My ideas are always one step behind the rest, or maybe more. Anywayz, I am very amazed by the card Champion made today for Mailing. Very interesting! That's something I can never do. And we had pratas to replace a normal birthday cake today. Interesting birthday! And this shows how boring I am cos I won't do such things..
I kind of forgot the meaning of celebrating a birthday, my birthday. Probably did mention it before but I guess it really feels this way now because I can't really identify since which point of time did this feeling start creeping in. Probably the only things that matters are how the people around me remember the day and they show me more care and concern than they usually do :') This is indirectly admitting I need attention, but heck, who doesn't? If you say no you probably are one of those that do not want to admit how you feel inside.
I am turning 21 soon, in 8 months time. Far but it just got me wondering what am I suppose to do/expect next year.
Gotta do something this December. Not healthy to be like that. Not at all.
And December means Christmas. Christmas means searching for trees. This Christmas is going to be so different. I'm not even sure if it still means the same as before.
While keeping my things the other day, I chanced upon the pictures taken at my Graduation Ceremony in May. I looked like I was happy at that point of time. I could sense how different I was, through photos.
I tend to classify smiles of people in two different categories. The real and the not-so-real one. That smile that I had belonged to the first category. Funny to be classifying myself into categories but well just doing that for fun. I'm not sure if I look so happy anymore. I'm a depressed soul deep down, ha ha.
So the first thing of a person I would be attracted to would probably be the smile. Yes, I look at their face first but that's not what I would be attracted to. There's a difference, I insist. What will you be attracted to? And much as I'm making myself known as the "Girl-who-likes-chest-muscle-a-lot-a-lot", I actually do not look at the chest muscles of guys. That's just a bonus. HAHA. Ok, revealing too much of myself here.
I do not know which are the true sides of myself.
PS: I like listening to the Library of others! More songs. Not restricted to what I have. And my lack of songs made me feel sian of it.
PPS: EXAMS ARE STARTING THIS SATURDAY HAVE FUN. It's like I haven't studied at all.
ying qian ♥ 3:35 AM.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Being the indecisive person i am, i am back to post after a few minutes. I realised it's the 22nd already, and the last time i remembered the date was two days ago. Time is passing way too fast. I am burying myself under the pile of work and i don't really know what's going on in this world, and in me, anymore.Chose the number 29 for the IH tee and singlet. Please let me be the only one with the number though it's impossible since it's a block number! I want my number 29.
ying qian ♥ 10:18 PM.
Feeling fat.
Do you ever feel like you have a thousand and one things to say, to talk about, but when you have to pen it down in words you can't do so?
Had a thought in my head about the definition of Emptiness.
Define it.
Another question popped up in my head today. Is it me who became faster or the world that became slower? Took the same route to the train station after quite some time (considering i don't really leave the house anymore by foot and i live in the west) and i took a shorter time than before. Yes, i still time how long i take to walk to and fro despite doing this for the past one or two years, or maybe even three.
So much work to do, lost, but still surviving cos it isn't much of a choice. Too much backlogs. And the exams are coming in less than a month.
Good luck.
ying qian ♥ 10:11 PM.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I can't remember when was the last time I came to update this place. Time is flying. I'll be back to school in less than a week. Back to school as in, going to school on a regular basis, even though the first week is the Orientation Week.I feel like with more of the Uni stuffs coming I've got no time left for myself. I should have spent the past couple of months doing things I like but at the end of the day, it seems that I'm always stuck with things on my to-do list (though it never really existed). Where was the one week break I was suppose to take from everything that I was suppose to be busy with? Where was the quality meet up time with friends that I missed? Honestly I really wanted some quality time with me myself and I but that wasn't there. Quality sleep was probably there but this is what I deserve after all the months of slogging in school anyway.
I just came back from the NBS camp last week and it's like a week just zoomed past like that. I still remember how I was complaining though on the first day. I hoped the days just flew but apparently it didn't and each day seemed damn long all I wanted to do was just to get back to my shit regime (haha, who knows what i mean) and bathe!! Never felt so dirty before because I really hate mud!!! AND sand. The thing with spending time in Sentosa is we'll get damn sandy before we know it. Sorry but I still hate sand and seawater! Sounds like a bimbo speaking but I don't care D: The games were not as bad as I thought they would be though, with all those interaction between the opposite sex. By then I was too tired or dirty to even think about how it was like. I just wanted to get it over and done with! K, I admit the guys there seemed pretty fit cos they are able to carry me HAHA.
Just matriculated today and there's still so many things to do. There's the hall stuff to settle, ezlink card, timetable. The hall stuff is enough to kill me. Why are there so many things to do. I realised I'm not a person that enjoys moving house. Ok, pretty expected since I've already knew I'm not a person that can adapt well. What's more I would be moving to a place that I'm totally new to and having to adapt to toilets that have to be shared with people. OH GOSH. I am so not prepared I am so lost the only thing I know how to do is sit at a corner and cry but no, I don't have time for that. I'm using the lappie at this time so obviously this is severe and I don't have time to waste anymore. But well, it's better to be kept busy, for now, right?
Yep so anyway I played tennis for 5 minutes at Kelly's and I consider myself to be a level one. K I don't really know what is with all the level but ya level one. Self-praise. Had tao hui at Old Airport Road Hawker Centre after that and had quite a little bit of gossip + getting-to-know-each-other-more session. First Mojo outing attended. Congratulations to myself.
And guess what, I finally talked to Pearlyn after the past few yoga lessons. Knew right from the start that she was the same girl but chose to remain silent up till now. I will just remain low profile, as usual. Life is so realistic. You don't score well and out you go. Seriously.
Highlight of the day: I visited ahma without my parents but got busted in the end. At least I feel happy about it and I guess that's enough.
Swear I'm damn lost for whatever I'm going through now.
Labels: mojo, university
ying qian ♥ 11:44 PM.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Not much comments on the world now. Don't know where to start or how to start.I need my getaway. Desperate. Hope my new-found travelling buddy will be able to leave this place with me.
I accepted SMU Accountancy, have to matriculate soon. Going for NTU's Accountancy interview on Tuesday. Writing test, argh. We'll see.
Not fun. Not fun to feel this way.
Mathew enlisted today. One less friend to hang out with for now. And today I realised how quiet my life is without all these group conversations.
Soon, everyone will leave, except me.
I have so many things that I wanna do, so many places I wanna visit.
I wanna take photos, though I have no skills. I wanna shoot in film, though I don't have a camera.
I need money, but I'm not working. I don't know why do I not want to work. Maybe I just need a change of work environment.. no more office work.
I wanna take the train to Malaysia from Tanjong Pagar Railway Station but it will probably not work out. I wanna go to the train tracks in the west of Singapore, I wanna sit on the tracks, I wanna walk by the side. Maybe do some planking on the tracks.
By the way, I tried planking before. I did that on my bed and got stuck because I love my bed too much. No pictures for evidence. So I guess NPNT?
I wanna people watch. Look at how people dress. I am very attracted to the way people dress up nowadays. Not much of a fashionista, but I love the colours this season. Too pretty, really. I love bright colours. Still loyal to pink though tempted by other colours too. Have been loving bows and polka dots and cute stuffs lately. Too much of such stuffs. Oh and stripes too. I like stripes.
I need music, need noise, yet sometimes I can't wait to stop them. It feels kind of lonely to be alone without anything else though I need that at times. Maybe, just not now.
Wanna edit photos, transform some pictures, though i doubt the pictures will turn out fantastic either.. Should take up some courses about this. Who will be my teacher? Youtube?
Music connects people. I love meaningful lyrics.
Wanna run. Yet am lazy.
WHY do I seem to have so many problems and excuses? They are not reasons. I consider them as excuses. When people explains things to you, will you tend to think they are reasons or will you consider them to be excuses?
If I had a car, I wish I could drive along this straight road. Preferably a convertible, but it's okay if there isn't one. I wanna feel the wind brush along my cheeks and my hair going insane. Maybe I'll feel better after that.
Get my sanity back.
ying qian ♥ 6:04 PM.
