Quiet Time

The Geek is out of town, and I've been working, working, working with no social outlets to interrupt. 

Meanwhile, I've been hesitant to write much here lately, thanks to paranoia induced by the Masochist and the very good chance that she'll continue her pattern of randomly lashing out at ex-boyfriends months after having been with them.

Don't get me wrong, life isn't bad.  It's just a bit dreary. 

I can't really make myself go out and meet people when I know the Geek is very possessive, and easily hurt.

She actually said to me, over the phone, that should I have the need to I can just go out and find someone to have sex with while she is gone.  And then became very, very quiet.  I asked her, "You didn't mean to say that, now did you?"  She let out a quiet sobbing "no" in reply...

I know her.  At least well enough to know that she's trying to hold on loosely and not let jealousy flare up constantly, but it isn't going to happen anytime soon.

So, back to the long weekend I'm spending alone.

One thing that is very important to me is to never again center my entire social life around one person, but with this lull in my hobbies and the Geek being away, there is evidence to suggest that I'm letting it happen.

I need something to do that doesn't involve dating.  Hard to figure out what when I've used dating as the prime reason to do pretty much everything.

Race at the Grocery Store

I stood in line waiting for one of the six automated tills to free up.

Off in the distance was an East Indian woman that I was friends with. Sadly she was too far away to say hello to.

In front of me were a black woman and her brothers with a cart containing well over the 25 allowed items. Ahead of them, two women at side by side tills were just paying for their orders, so it was just a matter of time. When one opened up, the towering family of 4 went to it, somehow managing to take up an incredible amount of space and nearly knocking over the other woman who was finishing paying.

That other woman, an attractive Asian women in a smart looking jacket, glanced back at me and I gave her a smile that said "no rush, no problem, but I'm ready to take your spot when you're done". Out of the corner of my eye I noticed she took a second glance, but I was looking elsewhere at the time.

She backed her cart out to get past the black folks and just as I moved forward to take her place one of the black brothers pulled an item out of their overfilled cart and threw it on the second till. The Asian woman looked at me and to the black guy said "he was in line next", pointing at me. After a pause and a short exchange, the brother gave in, and the Asian women was on her way without a chance for me to smile or say anything.

I considered the karmic possibilities - this wasn't the first time in recent memory that a stranger helped me out unexpectedly, and that stranger being Asian and female. Was it me, was it their background, was it just random?

Either way, I felt warmed by the experience... again...

And somehow that taste of our diversity here made me look forward to again traveling overseas to experience people with different backgrounds, outside of the North American cultural umbrella.

I'm ready to go.

The Wallet

The Geek picked up a travel wallet, and ripped open the cardboard box surrounding it in order to thoroughly examine the interior.

"This will do," she said, and tossed it onto the shelf below.  She grabbed another that was still wrapped, saying "I want a new one though," and we went to the till to buy it.

It bothered me.

It was a little thing, a small reminder that when she said that she was working on being less selfish and less "me first", it was a description of a work in progress, not of success.

Ironically it made me wonder about myself - where is the line between the flaws that I will happily tolerate to share a life with someone, and the flaws that will drive me crazy, and... is that line located in such a place that I'll never be satisfied with anyone?

Peel

A couple of weeks back, the boyfriend/girlfriend label was reapplied, and hasn't been taken back again since.

This weekend I met the Geek's parents and best friend, in a whirlwind of sociability, and all went well. Things are progressing, things are fine.

It's the honeymoon period, and there's no reason to not sit back and enjoy it.

Thought of the Day

To have the opportunity to make love to a woman and to not take it, surely must be a crime.