The Highest Tide

My sister gave me this novel by Jim Lynch a few months ago and I hadn't gotten around to cracking the cover until yesterday. After staying up until the wee hours of the morning reading it, as of today I am 9/10ths of the way through; was glued to it from the first chapter. The way that Miles' (main character) head works and how he views life and interacts with his surroundings... it felt like I was reading an account of myself placed in a different living situation. I won't claim to be as brilliant as the main character is portrayed but I was doing pretty much all the same stuff he was into in the book at that age: running around in woods/nature alone most of the time, observing everything, reading about everything I observed in books (later in life on the internet), accidentally memorizing volumes of information which is not of general interest to most people. I won't give away any further details but (as my sister pointed out) I will also tell you that this tale could also be read as something of a modern-day allegory.

Amazon.com Review

"Miles O'Malley, 13-year-old insomniac, naturalist, worshipper of Rachel Carson, and dweller on the mud flats of Skookumchuck Bay, at the South end of Puget Sound near Olympia, Washington, is the irresistible center of The Highest Tide. He says, "I learned early on that if you tell people what you see at low tide they'll think you're exaggerating or lying when you're actually just explaining strange and wonderful things as clearly as you can" and "People usually take decades to sort out their view of the universe, if they bother to sort at all. I did my sorting during one freakish summer in which I was ambushed by science, fame and suggestions of the divine."
And what a summer he has! Miles, who is licensed to collect marine specimens for money, slips into his kayak late one night when he can't sleep and begins his exploratory rounds. What he sees is not the usual collectibles. He hears a deep exhale, a sound of release, and comes eye to eye with a giant squid. But, there are no giant squid in Puget Sound or anywhere around it--and when they are seen by humans, they are always dead. His discovery is confirmed by Professor Kramer, a local biologist and Miles's friend. Television cameras arrive, everyone wants to interview this small-for-his-age but very smart boy and the events of the summer begin to unfold.
Jim Lynch has an ability to tell a tale that glows on every page. He knows everything that lives in or near the water by name and habit. This knowledge and his sense of wonder at the natural world brings the reader very close to his story, both in its setting and its characters. One early morning Miles says, "...the water was so clear I could see coon-stripe shrimp ... and the bottomless bed of white clam shells ... Those shells, as unique and timeless as bones, helped me realize that we all die young, that in the life of the earth, we are houseflies, here for one flash of light." Such insights are perfectly natural coming from Miles, whose interests are not garden-variety. He has a mad crush on the mixed-up 18-year-old girl next door, a randy age-mate named Phelps, and a deep friendship with Florence, the elderly woman his mother refers to as "a crazy witch." Florence is a psychic of sorts and her powers come into play when she predicts an extremely high tide on a certain day.
All of these relationships and what is happening between Miles's parents are part of this event-filled, life-changing summer. Early on, Miles says off the top of his head, when asked by a TV reporter why a deep-sea creature has found its way to his front yard, "Maybe the earth is trying to tell us something." What the earth and the sea and the people in Miles's life are all trying to tell him is what he susses out in the days that follow--before that high tide.
This absolutely luminous first novel has all the earmarks of a classic. The Highest Tide is destined to be read, re-read, and to remain on bookshelves for the enjoyment of generations to come. --Valerie Ryan"

Words

"Once words lose anchor in the sensual world, they drift inevitably toward the world of lies. It's not the fault of words; it's how they come between us and things. The word abstract means "to draw away"; our abstractions draw us away from the world. Then we forget their sensual origins. For every word once grew out of the five senses and everyday life. If you brush off the ignorant dirt that covers it, a word is a potato -- with deep roots in the soil, and even eyes that grow underground."
-Rodger Kamenetz , A History of Last Night's Dream

Booxez

I finally finished reading The Five People You Meet In Heaven , it was beautiful and very nourishing for the mind and spirit. I just finished watching the movie based on this book too. Well-directed and it did not leave out anything pertinent from the book.

Currently slogging through the rest of The Saint, Surfer, and CEO, it feels dry and I am experiencing a bit of guilt for not liking it as much as the other people I've known who thought it was profound.

In the spirit of wanting to revisit some of the classics, I just started slogging through Sense and Sensibility and there are now recurring memories of why I did not enjoy even the condensed version of it in high school. Maybe I am just not intellectual enough to connect with it or perhaps it is the fact that I need to crack a dictionary several times on each page to research disused English vocabulary words. Regardless, I doubt I will be finishing it.

Recent Happenings

I've been feeling a bit bedraggled lately, but continue to press on. There is a lot of drama going on all around me and several of my friends are in the middle of a time of crisis. I do what I can to help and it does feel good to be able to see them through the tough times, but sometimes I wonder if I allow myself to get too close. One of my long-running shortcomings has been in carrying others through bad times instead of stepping back a bit and walking beside them while letting them learn how to carry themselves. It brings to mind the saying "Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, you feed him for life." I have a hard time striking a balance between giving too much, giving too little, and finding precisely what to give. I need to keep remembering that I am only human and our lives are an art which we are continually perfecting.

I just finished reading a copy of Running With Scissors lent to me by a coworker. All I will say is that it is both hilarious and horrifying, mostly due to the fact that it is based on true events in someone's life. At my sister's urging, I've finally dug into the boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia which I purchased back in early August. I am already on The Silver Chair (fourth book). I read parts of The Chronicles back in third or fourth grade as an assignment and due to the nature of the assignment, I hated the books at the time. Now I love them and find them to be a great mental vacation as well as spiritual/emotional soul food. As I've likely said many times before, I am thankful for my sister. She is very well-versed in literature and always seems to know what readings to recommend to me when I am feeling depressed or worn out.

A while back, my friends P and R hooked me up with copies of Wonder Falls and I watched the final episode last night. It had many common themes and the same general feel as Dead Like Me (not coincidental due to the two shows having a producer in common). Speaking of TV, I just read an article in a local paper where the folks in a housing development are up in arms about their cable TV rates being raised because of the recent Comcast takeover in my community. I can understand people being annoyed because of large rate increases on any utility, but what surprised me is the sense of entitlement with which they expressed their anger. Some seem to think that cable is a Divinely bestowed right and a necessity. OK, so maybe I am a little biased... I've not had any sort of paid TV programming package for over three years now because I couldn't justify paying $50 a month for a stripped package that did not come with any of the channels I wanted to see, and I DEFINITELY couldn't justify paying over $90 just to watch nature shows and historical documentaries. Not to mention the fact that my TV watching averages less than a half hour a day. I occasionally go weeks without watching any at all. TV programming has it's place, but real life is far more interesting and fulfilling than a passive, vicarious existence in front of a screen.

Head Spinning

I apologize to the few people who actually follow this compendium of personal randomness known as my blog. I've been much busier than usual lately. Between household stuff, real estate shopping, hiking, occasional insomnia, blackberry picking, reading, writing, etc... I've been very lax in putting down any of my thoughts here. My head is spinning from all the activities and opportunities on my plate right now.

Good books I've been reading:
To Try The Bloody Law by Robert S. Burgess - The story of the life and martyrdom of the Quaker woman Mary Dyer.

The Renewable Energy Handbook by William H. Kemp - A Guide To Rural Energy Independence, Off-Grid and Sustainable Living - An excellent technical guide for people like me who are researching forms of living which have a much lower environmental impact. The author really puts everything into language which is easy to understand and includes lots of simple, helpful, technical diagrams for do-it-yourselfers like me.

Dark Night Journey: Inward Re-patterning Toward A Life Centered In God by Sandra Cronk - "The dark night aptly describes the situation of those who have had a growing sense of God's presence, direction, and consolation and are suddenly bereft of that experience. Aridity, meaninglessness, loss, and pain are hardly the milestones expected on a journey toward God. The author brings a unique perspective to her interpretation of this powerful pathway, and offers sensitive guidance to dark night travelers and those who seek to understand and nurture them.


Random things I have been doing:
It looks like it is going to be another banner year for harvesting wild blackberries. Tomorrow I am hoping to go out and pick at least a couple gallons' worth with the intention of making jam with them.

At the end of next week I am headed up to Elmore, VT again for vacation with my family. I've purchased a used boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia which I intend to start reading again during my down-time.

I am working on a narrative essay detailing how the 'Ex-Gay Movement' has affected my life and my relationship with my parents & family. It describes by struggle due to the fact that my parents espouse ex-gay philosophies and I am a gay man with no desire to submit myself to the 'reparative therapy' which is promoted by the organizations in this movement. I am running into a lot of snags in writing the essay and trying to really examine myself and my life deeply so that the essay can be truthful and concise while touching on the subject of my family and parents with a sympathetic, understanding view of them. I don't believe I have ever put as much of myself into a piece of writing and it is emotionally exhausting. It is currently under review by several close loved ones and friends and I've just submitted it for consideration (and hopefully refinement) by some of the Friends who I attend meeting with. It will eventually be posted when I feel that it is ready.

Arguing With Me, Myself, and I

The property manager comes to my door the other day with some news. Apparently the house that my apartment is in will be going back on the market within the next few months. This stresses me out a little for several reasons: he currently has a high asking price and wanted to give me the right of first refusal.

One part of me is saying, "YES YES, DO IT!!! You've been wanting to own your own home for years!"

My analytical, practical side is telling me "Not so fast, the asking price is high and the building has a few issues that need to be dealt with, the taxes in this town are skyrocketing along with the property values, and do you really want to deal with such a high mortgage payment?"

Then the other part says, "but there are two units in the building, you could have most of your mortgage paid by the rent from the other unit!"

So of course my practical side chimes in,"For God's sake, you know yourself and you wouldn't deal well with the stress of being a landlord in this area, you've heard the horror stories from your friends who decided to take that route. Plus, do you really want to tie yourself down to this area for an extended period of time? I know you've been planning on breaking away at some point in the next few years."

Then the other part of me retorts,"but it's a place to call home, a permanent home. You'll have the stability and control over your environment which you've been craving for years. You can finally have dog and a nice big garden too!"

Then there's an entirely familiar, yet foreign part of me that is saying,"You may be called to drop everything that gives you stability in favor of something greater. Would it serve you well to become this firmly-rooted at this point in life?"

Piffle, piffle, piffle... there, I've been wanting to say that for no apparent reason. The prospect of possibly owning my own home for the first time, especially a two-unit apartment building is both scary and exciting. Even if I don't opt for buying it right off... let's say the house goes on the market, the real estate market in my area is starting to slide a bit, the housing bubble having burst and all. The price could drop considerably, making the purchase that much more attractive. Or it could sell right away and the person may want to either clear out all the tenants or raise the rent. I guess I just don't know what to do, I won't stress about the last two possibilities for now... if it happens, it will happen. No amount of worrying will fix it or change the outcome.

Currently reading: A Prayer For Owen Meany, by John Irving. Yet another wonderful recommendation from my sister. Really, I have no clue why I should expect less at this point, she's the smartest one in the family and she works as a librarian. Her reading suggestions are always good ;-) Love ya G!!!

Whoa, BACK OFF!!!

I'm packing up to head off to a retreat for LGBTQ Quakers this weekend. While I've been looking forward to meeting new people and having some spiritual and mental downtime for learning, sharing, and introspection, there is now a nasty bug going around my workplace and it is carrying pitchforks and torches, pounding on the front door of my immune system. On top of that, I tweaked out my back when I took a bad spill on my before-work hike the other day. I've been giving myself plenty of rest and have been blasting my body with ibuprofen, ginger, echinacea, goldenseal, garlic, and heavily curried dishes in hopes of keeping myself healthy and ready to go away this weekend. The bug now seems to be retreating back into the wild and my back is feeling a bit better. Here's hoping I keep a sound constitution for the weekend and beyond.

I apologize for not blogging more, I have been very busy with spring cleaning and computer repair projects for friends & family. I am also enjoying my new-to-me laptop as well as the enhanced lazy bum capabilities that it brings. Now I can idly surf the internet from any lounging spot in my entire household.

The rains have come and gone, and come again. The snow is completely gone in the low-lying areas around here, the corn field behind my house became a lake for a while, just like last year. Seasons changing, a lot on my mind, much to write about if I can keep my thoughts clear enough to put it all down. I am currently reading the non-fiction novel Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, recommended by quite a few friends & acquaintances as of lately and oh, what a beautiful story it is. Having been employed with a medical staffing agency and working as a LNA in various health care institutions, I have witnessed a lot of death and various stages of dying so I heavily identify with the author's unique perspective on end-of-life issues. Still, this book has taught me much despite all my experience. I wish I had read it six years ago. Then again, six years ago I might not have had the mental framework to appreciate the book or learn from it.

Well, I need to go finish some housework & packing. I have a bunch of random ideas and pictures which I'd like to chop into my next few posts when I get back.

Nonsequitur = Oblivious

Today at work I observed a whole family of people entering my department with large bruises on their foreheads... or so it appeared to me. It struck me as very strange how an entire family could have similar bruises on all their foreheads. Were they all involved in some sort of weird accident or strange experiment? I mused over this for a good 10 minutes until the answer hit me while casually glancing at the calendar: Ash Wednesday. Wow, I felt stupid :-p

Just the other day I was chatting with someone about reading and discussed how I can't read more than a couple books at once because I can't keep up if I divide my energy in too many directions... and I immediately go break that rule; just barely finished Angels & Demons by Dan Brown (yet another controversial novel that I would heavily recommend), I'm in the middle of She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb (a spot-on recommendation by my dear sister, as always), and I am also taking in snippets of the '94 edition of Quaker Faith & Practice of the Yearly Meeting of British Friends lent to me by my local meeting. On top of all of that I am reading Time On Two Crosses: the Collected Writings of Bayard Rustin. All of them of course are excellent reads so far and I'm actually keeping up with each one despite my attentions being so spread out.

Literature and Banned Books

I finished reading The Color Purple and WOW, it was one of the better novels I've tackled this year... Now getting started on She's Come Undone, by Wally Lamb (yet another wonderful book recommended by my dear sister). One interesting thing I've noted about my reading in the past year has been that many of my selections are on The American Library Association's list of most commonly challenged or banned books. I understand the reason why some of these books are frequently challenged, but some of them are at the least innocuous and at best many of them are exceptional literature. Like my sister I may not agree with some of the content in these books but I fully support one's right to read them if they choose. If you really delve into this issue and find out more concerning the entries on the banned/challenged book list (better yet, read them for yourself) you will note how many stories and tomes are considered to be subversive or dangerous (by a select few); having had formal complaints filed about them and sustained efforts to remove them from the shelves of our local libraries; all because someone disagrees with the theme or messages that they contain. It scares me how many people want a free country yet are unwilling to entertain the notion that consumption of literature and ideas, free of censorship, is part of that freedom. (I will note that I believe there are absolutes here... for example I would NOT advocate free access to things such as instructional manuals which detailed how to make psychotropic drugs or explosive substances from common household chemicals.)

Pictures and Whatnot

Last weekend I spent some much-needed down-time up in northwest VT with the family and I stayed the weekend with my sister and grandmother, I also got to visit with my aunt, soon-to-be-cousin-by-marriage (?)(sorry, her name escapes me right now), and one of the newest additions to the family, stbcbm's adorable new baby boy, Isaiah. I had a good time while up there and I've gained a lot of insight. For reasons I won't explain right now, my sister & grandmother have been a huge blessing to me and have helped me to understand the rest of my family a little better. I actually owe many positive life changes to these two fine ladies. It is because of their wisdom and example that I am not so much of an angry person as I used to be. Also my dear sister keeps recommending good reading to me which has helped me see a lot of things differently. Speaking of which, I finally picked up the book: The Color Purple, by Alice Walker. It is much better than the movie and I can't believe that I've procrastinated for so long in reading it! I am already about 2/3 of the way through and quite impressed. Further proof that just because a book is frequently banned does not mean that it is literature without high merit.

...and a few pictures from my weekend:

Hats hanging in the entrance lobby in The Lincoln Inn in Essex Junction, VT, where my sister, grandmother, and I went for breakfast (a piece of local color that I would recommend by the way, not as good as it used to be, but still worth having a meal at).

Grandmother and Sister

Grandmother and I

In random other news, I'm still having issues with my roommate's cat, Mr. Spud (previously mentioned in this posting). He is very cute and I have no desire to eject him from the household, but he is still a discipline issue. Please consider that I am very permissive about where I allow cats to roam in my household, but food-surfaces such as kitchen counters and tables are strictly off-limits. He still gets up on the counters and tables regardless of all the discipline he's had. I've tried yelling, I've tried throwing light, noisy objects, I've tried scruffing and light smacking with a rolled newspaper (whenever caught in the act). All of this to no effect. It also does not help that he literally has developmental issues and it generally takes him seven times longer to pick up behavioral cues. So for lack of any other method working, I tried something new. I've noticed that my other cats do the usual cat-thingy and hiss while showing their teeth when his roughhousing with them gets out of hand, and he understands that perfectly well. So now whenever I catch him in the act of doing something which he shouldn't do, I take a threatening posture and bare my teeth, hissing very loudly and it actually WORKS. It looks ridiculous and I hope none of my neighbors ever see me doing this... but I am glad to finally have a working method for training him.

Whitman's Wit

One of my other reading projects lately is a biography/tribute by the author Helen Nearing, written primarily about life with her late husband, the activist & writer, Scott Nearing. The book is entitled Loving and Leaving the Good Life, a beautiful recollection of her husband's passion for life. In the fourth chapter, she quotes the preface to Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. For the most part, I found this passage to be wise and well-written and I wanted to share it here:

Life is a school, exactly adapted to your lesson.
Your present life is only a chapter out of the middle of a book.
You have written previous chapters and you will write later ones.
You are your own author.

The love of one's country is a natural thing. But why stop at the
border?

So think as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon
the sky for all and everyone to see. And so in truth it is.

So speak as if the world entire were but a single ear intent on
hearing what you say. And so in truth it is.

So do as if your every deed were to recoil upon your head. And
so in truth it does.

So live as if your God himself had need of you, his life to live.
And so in truth He does.

Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms
to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote
your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not con-
cerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people,
take your hat off to nothing known or unknown or to any man
or number of men, go freely with the powerful uneducated persons
and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these
leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-
examine all you have been told at school or church or in any
book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul...

Head In The Clouds, Reading

So, I've been back to work since yesterday... and as you may know from the last post, I've been sick since Christmas Eve... it's been crazy. The non-drowsy meds just don't work for me and I have weird chemical sensitivities... which basically means that any medicine which says in the fine print that one should not operate heavy machinery while using it.... usually will send me for a heck of a loop in which I feel like a just drank a fifth of Jim Beam and my head is a hot air balloon floating around.... viewing the world through a long paper towel tube... you know, that weird almost visceral feeling like you know you're there, interacting with people and doing things, but you feel like you are watching it on film instead of actually experiencing it. While some people partake of certain substances to attain this feeling on purpose, I generally don't enjoy it. On the positive side, this was a very busy, productive day at work and it was the first day that I've not had to take anything for my symptoms. Considering that other people I know have been down flat for more than a week with this bug, I got off lucky with just a few days. Chock it up to a cast iron immune system :-) I almost made it the entire year without calling in sick to work.

I've just finished reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch and it was an incredible read all the way through. I would highly recommend it. I am currently delving into The Deep Well Tapes, a book on Archetypal Dreamwork (which seems to be based in Archetypal Psychology), authored by my own Uncle, Marc Bregman. In truth, I am not certain what to think of it yet. There is some of it that I do not understand, but some the points that he is bringing forth in the beginning of the book... are starting to make perfect sense to me as one who was raised in a literalistic, somewhat fundamentalist, closed-minded and reactionary form of Christianity, yet secretly held a mystic's point of view on the entire religion, as well as the way that it applies to humankind. Another interesting point is that many of the philosophies that he puts forth seem to align with a majority of the tenets of Quakerism (for those of you who don't know, I've been attending regular meetings at various Quaker meeting houses for the past few months). It would be entirely arrogant and premature to say that I have even a loose grasp on any of this yet, but we will see how things go in the next year or so. I have clawed as far as I can go under the old mindset and it is necessary for me to change and grow...

Which brings me to a minor point of order in my life... several times in the past year, I have felt a strong compulsion to go back and edit this blog, to remove past content or statements that I have made in moments of strong emotion, to gloss over my own reactive nature. But every time I felt this compulsion, I resisted... why? Editing history is the hallmark of fascist regimes and those who are controlled by their fear of the ghosts of what was. And because I have come to realize that it is better to own up to the past, how one has acted in the past, and it is necessary to preserve the past as it was so that one may see clearly how they were in order to work on what they are to be.

Surprise Surprise!!!

Yeah, I'm actually still alive. I know I've not written in a while. Sorry about that. Life has been very busy yet fulfilling. The other day we had a very strong autumn rain storm which removed almost all of the colored foliage from the trees. Now we are entering my least-favorite time of year, that bastard sub-season between fall and winter; when there are no more leaves on the trees, it is too cold outdoors to casually relax & enjoy oneself, everything looks drab & dead, and there is no snow to pretty things up. Last year's snowfall was a bit disappointing. At the time, I had received snowshoes for Christmas and bought myself cross-country skis in hopes that they would give me a reason not to stay cooped up indoors all winter, bouncing off the walls with a killer case of cabin fever... yet there was never more than six inches of snow on the ground (for those of you not familiar with cross-country skiing, one needs AT LEAST 9-12 inches of snow on the ground in order to minimize damage to the underside of the skis). I am hoping for a solid couple feet of snow this year so that I can do some deep-woods cross-country skiing and snowshoeing.


My "autumn foliage" party was loads of fun. It has been a while since I've had any sort of real social gathering at my home. One of my coworkers has shown me some blackmail-worthy pics of myself and many of the others there (yeah, we all had a bit to drink). I may or may not post them depending on how brave I am feeling. There was a pretty good turnout of people and a good time was had by all (who were invited)... and here is where I have a bit of a story to tell. In the wee hours of the morning, there were still about eight guests hanging around. Somebody showed up uninvited while I had nodded off in the living room. He helped himself to some of my liquors and got really drunk, belligerent, & violent. One of my friends (who had training in the management of aggressive behavior) ended up tackling the guy and dragging him kicking & flailing out of my house. The guy refused to leave even after he was barred from going back inside, fighting ensued, and the man ended up in the hospital the next day with a concussion. This is by far one of the craziest things that has ever happened at one of my parties. I am grateful that he was removed though because I don't take kindly to drunken fools destroying my property and causing a scene. Although I will say that the guy had the strength of character to apologize to the people who were involved in his removal and subsequent smack-down.

Now here is where I admit that I have an addiction problem: I broke a solemn promise to myself.... Last year I finally caved in and started reading the series of Harry Potter books that everyone has been raving about. I enjoyed them so much that I ended up reading all six books in just under two months. My head was spinning... I couldn't help it... they're like brain-candy. After I finished the sixth book, I resolved that I would not touch the series again until a month before the seventh (and ostensibly final???) book came out. Well, I had a moment of weakness at the beginning of this month... I just couldn't keep my hand from straying up to the bookshelf.... and here I am again, already three quarters of the way through the fourth book. They must have support groups for this sort of thing (haha). I've decided that I am going to take a break after this book and pursue something a bit pithier... The Poisonwood Bible , a controversial best-seller by one of my new favorite authors, Barbara Kingsolver. My dear sister and several friends have recommended it as a bit of an eye-opener.

As usual, I'm a bit awkward at ending my posts. Somebody once told me to always end on a positive note. So for now I will leave you with a video of "Cheech," a long-haired chihuahua at my workplace doing his "walk like a man" thingy.... and may I mention that I am NOT a small-dog person, but he's still pretty cute.