Running in my head...

I know I have been infrequent in my posting but the blame goes to these exams which strangely enough just seem to not want to let go off me.News is just in that our exams for tommorrow have been post poned. Another reaosn is blogs I frequent haven't been posting regularly.(hint..hint) These probably will be my last exams of this sort. You know, theory exams and then practical exams, like a typical college exams and boy haven't these exams made a lasting impression!Ok you wanna hear about it? It all started with my first exams. As our exam centre was a good 45 min. drive from our place a few of us had hired a Qualis for the travel.So we decked up all tense and excited at the same time for the exams in the car. Everyone was going through any book they could get their hands on for covering up something of everything before the exams.It's amazing how much you can study in a few hours before the exams, it might even be more that what you study for the whole last month! Ok ...

One of the biggest questions I've faced in life is the heart v/s mind dilemma. How do you live your life? following your heart or following your mind? What do you give more importance to, love or money? I personally am one who worships the heart. I think it's what makes us human. That is the only thing that we can be proud about as humans, I feel. But then what do I know? I am stupid. I am a dumb little boy who lives more in his dreams than in real life. I am sure everyone and maybe even myself would respect a person who gave up every pleasure in his life and worked single mindedly on achieving success more than one who lived life loving dearly his loved ones. But it's so sad. Now I know if I saw a guy in school saying he's all in love and he's gonna dedicate his life to the one he loves, I'd think he's stupid. But if I see a guy who doesn't know the worth of the person who loves him dearly I'd feel he's damn stupid too no matter how successful h...

Current mood: Image Courtesy:Flickr

I am my own man. I live in my own world. I talk with me. I laugh with me. When I wanna hang out, I hang out with me. I argue with me. I discuss with me. I enjoy with me. I celebrate with me. I cry with me. I console me. I seek solace and usually get it, in me. I ask questions. I get the answers, from me. When I do something good, and yearn for attention, I get the praise, from me. I am my own man. I am my own company. I am my own friend, I am there for me. I am own man. I live in my own world. Image courtesy:Flickr

Aaaahhh.....feeling so relaxed. Actually one exam is still remaining, but I just had to pay Blogger a visit. About the exams, lets just say they were quite eventful. More details later... I had thought of many ideas that I'd like to post during the exams but I am sure I am gonna forget them till my exams get over. Ok I need you guys to do me a favour. After my exams end in January, I want to get away from it all. Any ideas? Really wanna enjoy my life before the results come out ;)... Something I'd remember for a long time. And hey guys, I've switched to beta. Finally took the leap. Thinkin of changing the template...It's been here a long time. Though I must say I love it. And going by the comments many of you do to. Hope the new look won't affect the feel of the blog. A regular post will be coming shortly.

A friend of mine told me today that according to some survey, Medicine has the highest number of people with suicidal tendencies out of any professional study courses. Now the fact that I am here blogging makes it pretty clear that I am not that kind but, today it kinda hit me. It really is a Boot camp. And what’s more, there is no target to achieve, no finish line. It doesn’t matter how much you study, and I am not exaggerating, you can never be satisfied or relaxed about your exams. It really never ends. And even if you study, what you would feel is everything, there are ways in which the examiners can make you go blank. Now during our ward exams, we have exams on consecutive days and the problem is, the exams get over by around 7-8 at night and we have to report for the next exams at 7 in the morning the next day. And we are expected to know everything, the theory and the clinical part of the subject. I really don’t how I will survive. It’s not about scoring. It’s about surviving th...

I wish I could for once, see the world through a woman's eyes. Image courtesy:Flickr

Ok, first of all. Gave all your wishes to my friend.She was very happy to get them. She is alright and discharged from the hospital now. Now this is a link to a news story of modern India and ironically, it was never covered by the media till a month afterward.But I am quite sure most of you might not even have known about it. I didn't. Something about what dalits are still going through in India. Tell me if this doesn't wrench your heart. http://www.shivamvij.com/2006/11/dalits-like-flies-to-feudal-lords.html Another example of the biased system- http://pranaytalking.blogspot.com/2006/05/this-sad-side-of-story.html Proud to be an Indian? Think again.

A friend called while I was in the library.She said that our friend is in the I.C.C.U. I was shocked. What could've happened? "She had S.V.Ts". Honestly, I kinda thought she was kidding. How could she have S.V.Ts all of a sudden? S.V.T. is supra ventricular tachycardia. It is when the atria of the heart start beating at a high rate on their own. Her heart rate was 220/min. The normal is 60-100/min. My mind was struggling between convincing myself that it was the truth and convincing this friend that it was O.K. There's nothing to be scared of. Yes I was scared. Although she was discharged the next day, she can have such an episode again. She has to avoid any stress. Any excitement. Oh and yes final exams are less than a month away. So a difficult decision stood before her. Whether to get operated to stop the medications and risk of it happening during the exams or carry on like this till after the exams to avoid complications of the surgery. She chose the former. It...

Cheap canes and steel chains won't put me down Coz I am born to grow and grow I will. Small you may think I am and laugh, but I am laughing at you from above. Steel cages and window panes won't put me down coz I am born to fly and fly I will. Captured you may think I am and laugh, But my thoughts are changing the world. Stab wounds and tearing pains won't put me down coz I am born to smile and smile I will. Sad you may think I am and smile, but that smile makes me happy. Cruel prejudice and utter disdain won't put me down coz I am born to love and love I will. Angry you may think I am and laugh, but anger this is not, it's sympathy. Coloured water and spoilt grains won't put me down coz I am born to be strong and strong I will be. Weak you may think I am and laugh, but try testing my will to survive. Shot in my heart and my friends slain won't put me down coz I am born to live and live I will. Dead you may think I am and laugh, but with every death a new me ...

I dream of a life That’s perfect. But as I see it, It’s far from it. This oyster is my world. And not the other way round. Nothing to look forward to. Ordinary is the name. Adjusting to people of all sorts, yet, none of my sort. A struggle to earn, a struggle to belong, to this world. I do not. Where’s the life of freedom? Of amazement and discovery? Where’s the life of love? Of wines and moonlit beaches? Where’s the life of passion? Of excitement and ecstasy? Am I destined for this? Then why do I dream? Why do I believe there’s still a twist in the tale, And hope, this dream will come true? Life, give me a chance… Or at least stop me from dreaming.

It's the brave that jump in a violent sea and anchor the ship to the shore. It's the great who see what we can't see and make the sea their own. -Pranay

After a lot of contemplating, guys here's a clip of my dance performance at Government dental college, Mumbai. The one I talked about here . It could well be my best yet. Hope you like it... I've kept it short so you won't have too wait too long. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg_K3YkUVRI

Guys, can't believe such things are happening. How do they take this????!!! http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2029349.cms

Prelims start tomorrow.....AAAAHH!!!!! (...runs around pulling his hair)

This is something that really bugs me.. I don't know whether it's good or bad... But this is how I am and am unable to change it even if I try. The problem is, I can't get angry. I mean I can get angry at people who are close to me but not in public. As my shyness in public is well documented, I wouldn't talk about it here. This is something that has really made me feel proud sometimes while at others all I want to do is hide my face in shame. I can't shout or fight in public or with anyone I don't know. I just damn can't. I just ignore it. Consider it a non issue keep quiet and move on.All I think about are the facts, I can never think about things from an ego sorta perspective...like," How can I let him to talk to me like that? I must retaliate." No. I just imbibe the negatives. Think about how bad the person is behaving and just move on. I mean if he's not well brought up and ill mannered why should I lose my head to correct it. All it...

Well, I've been tagged to write about what would I do if I could go back.Hmmm...I've always wondered and may be even gone back in time in my thoughts, but now when I am supposed to write it, I am lost! But I'll try, it's my first tag after all.I've always had this habit of revisiting and reliving all the good times I go through. It helps me fight out the sad parts. Genious did you say? One of the most visited times are the day when I won the cricket match for our team in first year against the third year single handedly. Wow....I was the opener and stayed on till the end. We needed 12 runs in 2 overs and their best bowler came on to bowl. I lofted the first delivery from good length to mid on and it went for four. The next delivery again just wide of mid on, another four. The pressure was completely relieved.I remember my friends lifting me up on their shoulders after the game. And all this when we were freshers...this meant a lot!! Recently I played a knock like th...

I know my posts have become very irregular but believe me it’s not as though I’ve not tried. So many things have come into my mind that I wanted to post about but just haven’t been able to write anything. I really wish I am a bit regular from now but of course it doesn’t help me that the broadband connection I signed up for 10 days ago shows no sign of coming and all my efforts in trying to reach those guys go in vain as no one picks up the phone!!! And mind you I have four numbers. Really wish I could use the RTI act to know what’s with these offices. Really frustrating … Ok now I am gonna talk about something that may raise a few objections but that’s expected. Don’t try to argue with me over this coz I myself am not sure if I am right but the fact is this is what I feel. This is a topic that a friend of mine also wrote a post about although from an opposite view. What I am talking about here is the new trend of righteous rebellious people or should I say youngsters. Let me warn...

Have been away a long time.... just don't seem to have time to sit and write.Ok here I go.. The Vande mataram controversy....what is it? Unbelievable what all can happen in this country. And for the first time I think the BJP is on the right side of the divide although the way of going about is wrong. I mean how can anyone say Vande mataram is anti Islam? First of all it were how could it have been made the national song?Where were these guardians of Islam at the time? And now that it is the national song, it is part of our national pride it is objectionable.The basic problem first of all I have is placing one's religion over their country. That I can't take, whatever religion it may be.but here apart from those who are making the objections that isn't the case.Every one sings Vande mataram. We used to sing it in our school. Did the muslim students just keep quite at that time? No.Every one sang coz whatever be it's history, the reason we sing it is patriotic. Who r...

Well…I saw Kank today and must admit I felt it. Yeah I didn’t enjoy it, I felt it. It’s definitely closer to reality than any of Karan’s movies. And It did make me think. Very well directed I must say taking into account the minor intricacies of human emotions. The characters of Dev and Maya beg to be empathized with. And I did. It’s really pretty funny how our mind works. It’s not back and white. There’s no right or wrong. Sometimes the right is wrong and sometimes all we wanna do is something we know is wrong. It’s very easy to judge and say someone’s wrong. But are they really? Is it their fault that we are made this way? So confused. So unsure. So mixed up. Yes we are. What do we do when there’s that epic battle between your mind and your heart? Who should you listen to? What do you do when it’s not working out? What do u do when you are so very different? What role does love play in the scheme of things? What is it worth? Is it worth your marriage? Is it worth your career? Is it ...

Am I the luckiest guy in the world to have you or the unluckiest one to have to let you go....

Hmm…It's raining since yesterday. The atmosphere seems gloomy. I feel gloomy. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's the atmosphere, may be it's coz I m missin her. She doesn't care is another story. Don't feel like doing anything. This weather just makes me want to leave my daily worries behind and just sit and ponder. Yeah just ponder. About anything. I think about me, love, life; of course after thinking about something I do consider it for my blog. And then, somehow it doesn't work out. But yeah, this time around it has made me sit down and write, something I thought I would not be able to do for a long time. But here I am… My life has been a roller coaster ride this past few months, it really has. Strange as it may sound, if I try to remember what all happened in the past few months, it's a blur. The memory doesn't come to me as smoothly as I would want it to. Some things do register themselves as significant events but the rest just wander off into a mi...

Man, what an experience!!!! I positively have never had such an experience and never hope to have one in the future. Ok so I was sitting in the bus, an empty bus, talking on my cell phone. At the next stop, few people got into the bus. A guy, about my age came and sat next to me. Keep in mind, the bus was completely VACANT. I kept talking on the phone hardly noticing him. I had my face down being very engrossed in the conversation. Then I notice from the corner of my eye that this guy is leaning forward to look at my face. I turned to him and raised my eyebrows as if to ask, 'What's ur problem?' He kinda smiles and raises his eyebrows as if to say, 'Hi'. I continue talking on the phone. Then, the conductor comes and I purchase a ticket. While taking back the change, I accidentally drop a coin. As I was kinda busy talking on the phone, I didn't see where it went. So after keeping the rest of the change in my pocket, I proceed to look for the coin. I looked a...

Exams have passed off pretty uneventfully. The things that are bugging me a lot these days are the egos. There are so many huge egos around. No one likes to be told what to do no matter if we are right or wrong. No one wants to discuss anything- there's no need, I know I am always right. And all sorts of fights take place out of nothing just because somebody's ego got hurt. It's really driving me crazy trying to figure out what to do. I mean I am unable to just let it be. It's so damn wrong. So I stand up and try to reason out with these egos the rights and wrong of the matter. But, not surprisingly, I end up giving some discomfort to that huge thing… the ego. And I am the one in a fight and it's just impossible to reason out things with someone who's hell bent on listening to no one else and proclaiming himself right. I should just stay away but it just feels bad coz it's so unfair. I don't know how to change these people. I mean I feel I should ta...

Hmmm…just visited a few blogs….stupid to be doing that so close to the exams? You bet it is….but then that's how I am. I really can't understand it when see stuff like 'Among the top 100 blogs' or 'top 10 blogs from India' or even when I see huge number of comments on these blogs…Hmm…Is this jealousy? Well…kinda. But then, isn't it understandable considering the huge number of comments that I get? I am hugely thankful to the people who do comment on my blog though…All 2-3 of you. My blog has gone such a huge transformation in the past few months, earlier when for 5-6 months I had absolutely no comments except for one for my first post (must admit, was very happy on seeing that) which turned out an ad for advertising. I felt like a cast away waiting for someone to be seen on the horizon. The first comment can be likened to a mirage. Then after a few posts I gave up hope of seeing anyone on the horizon. That was when I gave up all inhibitions and ran around my...

Which one is the real me? I am not sure. I am so different for different people. I don't do it intentionally. I don't like to 'act' with people. But it's as if I am programmed. May be it's true for most people. But it really is extreme for me. There are so many people who think or 'know' that I am a very shy person. I am unable to talk that I am very outgoing and naughty. I keep on doing all sorts of antics, cracking jokes freely. Whenever I am in social gatherings, all I can do is sit quietly in one corner. Similar to this are some people who think I am a man of few words. I don't like to talk too much. Instead of talking useless things I just talk to the point. There are some who think I am really sweet for some nice gestures showing love and caring. Then there are some who think I am a snob because I am unable to even wish somebody or gift on their birthday just coz it makes me uncomfortable. Some people think or 'know', playing pranks ...

Back after such a long time, well by my standards at least. Kind of happy that I was away for so long….finally acting like a medical student. Any ways let me tell there have been so many things that I have thought of blogging about. But there just wasn't any time to write. The last two times I managed to come online were in the college library and in a shopping mall. Ok so coming back to issue I was on. I saw in a serial the other day, guy was shown sitting beside a swimming pool and getting excited on seeing girls swimming, loudly passing comments and he was supposed to be married. This was supposedly a comedy serial. And this was shown as a non issue. A if there's nothing wrong. Is it really true? Do people just take it for granted and move on? How many people out of those who watched would actually have felt offended? I don't understand how they can show such a thing so casually. It's not just morally wrong it's a crime. What would already desperate guys do a...

After chatting online and stuff, I was very keen on traveling the world and getting to visit some of the most beautiful places in the world some day. In this excitement, I asked a friend of mine where she would like to go if given a chance. And guess what reply was…… "But you didn't tell me for what reason, for studies or working or what?" Now that's a typical medical student.

Finally saw The Da Vinci Code today. Glad to have gone through all the fun again. I think although Ron Howard has done a pretty good job of directing the movie, it still isn't the best it could have been. The problem it seems was that they had to fit a lot of information in a stipulated time limit. And that has led to many things from the movie to be edited off. But I feel that has reduced the whole fun of the chase and the revelations. It doesn't seem as exciting as they solve riddles in the movie as it does in the book. So sadly people who have not read the book may not be able to make sense of a lot of things and definitely will miss out on a lot of fun. The brain storming sessions in the bank and in the library have been completely deleted. In spite of this, I quite enjoyed seeing the visuals. But maybe they just wanted to cash in on the success of the success of the book and hence just made it up. But the book definitely deserves better. Was fined today as my pillion rid...

Read an article in the T.O.I written by an American tourist about her experiences in Mumbai's discotheques. It was so utterly disgusting to read this truth about our country. It really is. She says although she had experienced much more sexually colored pick up lines in the U.S., she was not at all expecting the kind of behavior that was shown in our country. There was groping and pinching and touching going on in every discotheque that she visited. Guys just took it as a free for all kind of an opportunity. She says that in a country in which there is so much moral policing going on, kisses in movies looked down upon, she definitely didn't expect anything like this. Now what do I say to this? This brings me to one of the closest subjects to my heart. I've thought about this a lot. I've been angry about this a lot. But still I don't know what can be done about it. This is one of the harshest realities in our country and one many refuse to accept. On my la...

The Magic, it's there, we just don't realize it. Have you ever paid attention to the sensation of touch? We hardly ever notice it. But it forms a huge part of how we perceive this world. If we lose it, we won't know where the ground is and walk stamping the feet on the ground. We won't feel our clothes, which you would say we never do any ways, but we do and it makes a difference. As we don't feel anything we might injure ourselves all the time. Even a simple thing like walking can injure us. That's the reason why Leprosy patients are seen with lost fingers. The injuries continue till the fingers are lost. You won't feel the water when you bathe. And perhaps the worst of all, you won't feel the touch of your loved ones. I believe in the power of touch. It is more important that we give it credit for. Touching shows affection. It does make us feel good. If we are feeling sad and a friend holds your hand or rubs your back it affects us. We feel happy. This...

Oh what a game! Argentina vs. Ivory Coast came on just when I was thinking nothing could better T&T vs. Sweden. It was a similar game with footballing giants taking on the newcomers. But Ivory Coast did worry Argentina a lot. These new teams are just so positive and motivated at this world cup that they feel no pressure playing such giants. They attack with flair and defend with strength. They don't show these teams too much respect as teams in such condition are expected to. Drogba is definitely one of the best strikers in the world. He was single handedly scaring the wits out of the Argentinean defense. Another match I saw was Portugal vs. Angola. It was a footballing 'Lagaan' virtually. Portugal colonized Angola till recently and thus there is political animosity among the countries. That made it even more intense. The Angolan players did their country proud by keeping the Portuguese players on the back foot for most of the match. Luckily they had got a goal pret...

Just watched Trinidad and Tobago(T&T) draw a match 0-0 with Sweden. Not much in terms of excitement you would feel. But I am sure it was the best match until now in the World cup. The FIFA World cup is here!!! I know everyone knows that. Even the doodhwala must be knowing it even though India has nothing to do with it. The media attention it's being getting is enormous. And am quite surprised to be honest. People who never think of football are discusssing the chances of various teams and their players as enthusiastically as though they are world renowned experts in the field. It's funny you know, how people with absolutely no inclination towards sports come and talk about football with so much enthusiasm. Not that I am complaining... I love football. Have been a football fan since about 5-6 years. That's all the time when I started playing it. My life revolved around the English premier league matches, Champions league matches and our own matches then....

This is addressed to all those who claim to be the fighting for equality in India. A Dalit in a village in Rajasthan was happy and excited as he was getting married that day. His family too was excited. They thought having the groom on a horse would be more fun, in a traditional sort of way. The news reached the upper caste people of the village. They reached the place in numbers and forcefully made the groom climb down from the horse. This was as supposedly lower castes didn't have the right to climb a horse for marriage. The groom and his family were threatened against approaching the police. They still did. The police filed a complaint according to the Scheduled castes and tribes Act. This led to a boycott of the community by everyone else in the village. They are not allowed to have anything from the shops. They are not allowed to have water from the 4 tankers in the village. The family has continuous police protection around their house fearing an attack. But the family is s...

The media has gone bonkers it seems. There are so hungry for something sensational and so busy sensationalizing every piece of crap they have got their hands on that the news gets lost in between. I remember the time when 'Breaking news' first came on the scene. It was used only when the news was really …you know…big. Like an earthquake, a war, or something. Now every new development, every new report is 'Breaking news'. It's not long before we see stuff like these…"Breaking news- Shah rukh Khan has a hair cut", "Breaking news-Sonia Gandhi uses Pepsodent instead of Colgate today.", etc... I still remember the footage when Suryanarayan's body was brought to his house. It was one of the worst things I've seen on TV. The body was brought there so that his wife could see him for the last time. But alas..several reporters witheir respective cameramen were present making the sad household a battlefield. Then the ambulance came. And as soon as...

I know we have all heard discussing is the best way to solve mutual differences. All differences can be sorted out by dialogue. I think it's a farce. It's just a way devised to avoid people from resorting to violence. It can't actually solve anything. Here's an example: Person A: I think this is the right thing. Person B: I think this is the right thing. (…referring to the opposite thing, of course.) A: No you see this is the right thing because of this reason, this reason, this reason see there are so many things that prove that this is the right thing. B: I don't think so. That isn't the right thing. What about this? And this? And this? A: What are you saying? This is so clearly the right thing. Look at all these arguments… B: No, I don't think so. I think my argument is more powerful. A: I believe you are wrong. Please try to look at it from a neutral point of view. B: No, you try to look at it from the neutral point of view. I am looking at it from the r...

Saw Fanaa today, Hmmm...I'd give it ** at the most. And the two stars too are just because of the second half. The first half is a complete 'cut-paste' from all the rosy movies you have seen. It is so rosy that it's just too freaking artificial. So sad Kunal Kohli can't even copy properly. The second half is what the movie was actually made for. The first half it seems was made just for the sake of making it. It is very evident absolutely no thinking has gone into it....except maybe where to copy it from. Aamir is his usual competent self. Kajol is ok. Direction is nothing more than less than ordinary. The story reminds you of many movies till the end. The songs suck except chaand sifaarish which is hummable atleast. The choreography in the songs leaves a hell lot to be desired. Tabu is wasted but even in that she is ordinary.The Cinematography is one thing that is good.If there's one thing that actually leaves you wanting for more is the breathtaking scenic be...

And the injustice of the media continues unabated. I am absolutely saddened and frustrated by the biased stand of the media. It's so shameful that we can't expect to get the most basic of rights- the right to information due to the selfish motives of the Indian media. I am sure every one of you staying in India must have been bombarded by images and information about the anti reservation protests going on in the country. But sadly, that's just half the truth prepared and served in front of you with added spices. There's no doubt that there are anti reservation protests going on all over the country, but what is also true is that there are also pro reservations happening all over. Sadly, no one has any clue about those. Do you really think people who get to benefit from the law and the provisions are not bothered at all? The injustice happening is obvious. We pride ourselves in having a powerful and free media but the one sided coverage by them makes me wanna hang my hea...

Seems so powerful, doesn't it? Wish the show was too… Had been to the sets of this program yesterday. Yes guys I am gonna be on T.V.! So sad you won't be able to recognize me….hehehe. A whole bunch of guys from both sides reached the spot in view of a greater platform to debate this issue than our college 'katta' with so much preparation and plans as to who was supposed to speak what…Alas all down the drain. First of all it started a good 2 hrs late that made us perspire our weight away. It really was very hot. Then finally when the preparations were all done we were called. As we moved towards the set we were stopped and told that only 10 people will be allowed to enter. We let 10 of us enter. But then we looked at the other team already sitting there and they had almost filled up the whole space. This was clearly unfair. As we tried to enter, the security guards stopped us. Some of us tried to tell the producer about the difference in numbers from both sides but w...

Ok guys reader discretion advised, some things written maybe disturbing. Today I had those moments when I feel sad that I am alive. I hate my life. Am back into a very rough patch. My rough patches may not seem too bad from the outside, but it's quite bad for me. It's coz of my mind. I am incapable of bearing any kind of sorrow or pain. But still this mind invites all this inside, like it's done right now. I look at my life and I see nothing. I see me standing nowhere. If I had to paint something that depicted my life, I would draw a boy standing alone on a barren land with nothing in sight till the horizon. Every glimmer of light comes down as a ball of fire burning me. Let me start with this. I have NO friends. I don't have a clue what am I gonna do with my life. There are things that I can't forget and the more I remember, the more painful they are. My past not only haunts me, it freaking tortures me. I am surrounded by selfishness, back stabbing and deceit. I am...

Tomorrow is my birthday. I know I should have started the post with a yippee or a hurray... but I just don't feel like it. I am not at all excited about tomorrow as I should be perhaps. I don't even know what am I gonna do tomorrow. May be what I do everyday.... just slouch around the house during the day and then go to the gym in the evening. I don't remember ever actually being too excited about my birthday. I've never really celebrated my birthday too. Part of the reason being that most of my friends would go to their native place for their school vacations. But somehow I just don't feel there's anything special in this day. So what if I was born this day? That's done and over with. I don't have any happy memories about that day, no wait.......ok right I don't. So what would make celebrate it. I don't know. I've never ever been too excited about any presents too. I get stuff all through the year from my parents. And nobody else actually gi...