Two choices, always

 That big bold star below, surrounded by the dark night around it, spoke to me today. 

Oh, how beautiful is the light it shines, despite feeling overwhelmed!

 Have you felt what that verse is expressing? Cut off? Alone? Alarmed?

 I don’t think I will believe you if you say that you haven’t, but since I can’t hear you, you are only speaking to yourself anyway. So, don’t lie. 

 And for the rest of us, who have felt all of those emotions and more, this Psalm is breathtaking. 

 Read it again, please. 

 Our Father God hears us, even when we think He can’t. He hears us when we have given up. He hears when we think we are cut off. 

 I had a rough day on Sunday. I had two of my seizures, which are small and wouldn’t be noticed by the world around me but which wipe me out, during opening worship. I then spent almost all of the sermon time trying to figure out who I knew and who I didn’t, and why and how. 

 As I have written on here before, memory is very important and when it decides to abandon you it is problematic. 

 I had a third seizure very near the end of the service and feel like I forgot most of everything after that. I still knew how to walk, but not well. I didn’t pee my pants, which we will celebrate since that isn’t always true. We will choose to find the good. 

 I was feeling cut off. I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling confused. 

 That pretty much sums up Sunday. Memories eventually returned. I finally gave up and asked my kids to tell me a few names of people I love a lot and could picture in my head but simply couldn’t find a name for. I woke up “all better” on Monday. But fear had done it’s dirty little job and snuck back into my safe place. 

 So, the fight against it was renewed! Remember that, please. Fight again, fight more, fight harder. 

 There are two choices:

 You can be afraid, or not. 

 You can be overwhelmed, or not. 

 You can feel cut off, or not. 

 You sometimes have to feel everything. I think it is good to accept and respect all of those emotions in every part of your life. They are healthy and manageable and good when they are just an emotion, just a feeling, just a moment. But they are not the rule, they are not the ruler. Don’t let them be. 

 Remember that He hears our cry for mercy, always.

 March 30 is my next neurology appt. Then, hopefully, we find out the next step in this battle against epilepsy. While we wait join me in the Psalms, in this proclamation of hope.

Rejoice. Make that choice!

Prison songs

This verse is not the beautiful, flowing, inspiring type of verse that you normally post in a picture online. 

 But did you really look at it? 

 They were in the dungeon, in stocks, after being beaten without a trial.

 And yet....

 They were singing and praying and encouraging those around them. Paul and Silas were in prison without trial or reason, but it doesn’t say why those around them were there. Perhaps they “deserved” to be there, perhaps they didn’t. Not for us to say. Paul and Silas definitely didn’t “deserve” it, but they were using their time there for good. They were encouraging the other prisoners, praising their Savior, lifting their concerns to Him. 

 Where are you right now my friend? 

 Feel like you “deserve” to be there? 

 That part doesn’t really matter. It isn’t the point. 

 What you do right now- around midnight, after being beaten, without a trial.

 Wherever you are - in a dungeon, far from home, surrounded by people who disagree with you or perhaps even hate you.

 Sing those hymns.

 Lift up your prayers (and then perhaps let them go?). 

 Encourage those around you- co-workers, fellow patients and the doctors who surround you, enemies, toddlers who exhaust you- whomever they are. 

 The story turns out well for Paul and Silas at this point. But later prison is the end for Paul. We don’t know where we end, or how, or when. But we do know that they were singing right that minute. 

 I want to sing too. 

 Join me! 

 Be blessed my friends, no matter where you are today. Sing! 

Goodbyes, and Hellos

 The end of the year is always bittersweet. The excitement of the coming new year is contagious, and those around me, with their courageous lists of resolutions and bright outlooks on the possibilities that await.... well, they rub off on me. But there is a part of me that mourns also. Perhaps I am a little too emotional. Perhaps I hold on too long to things that should be let go of. I think that I feel bad for the old year. Just 12 short months ago, she was greeted with such enthusiasm. She was the one that everyone had big plans for, just a few breaths ago. We blinked, and suddenly, her time in the limelight is over.

 Don't get me wrong, I am full of big plans myself. 2009 is an adventure waiting to happen, and I am eager for her to arrive. However, 2008 deserves a moment of respect. A proper goodbye, I suppose. 

 My closing devotion for the year in "Streams in the Desert" talks about the shepherds of the alpine mountains and a beautiful tradition they have of singing to one another - "The air is so crystalline that the song will carry long distances. As the dusk begins to fall, they gather their flocks and begin to lead them down the mountain paths, singing, 'Hitherto hath the Lord helped us, Let us praise His name!' And at last with the sweet courtesy, they sing to one another the friendly farewell: 'Goodnight! Goodnight!' The words are taken up by the echoes, and from side to side the song goes reverberating sweetly and softly until the music dies away in the distance. 

 So let us call out to one another through the darkness, till the gloom becomes vocal with many voices, encouraging the pilgrim host. Let the echoes gather till a very storm of Hallelujahs break in thundering waves around the sapphire throne, ant then as the morning breaks we shall find ourselves at the margin of the sea of glass, crying, with the redeemed host, 'Blessing and honor and glory be unto him that sitteth on the throne and to the Lamb forever and ever!'"

 I especially loved that last little bit. We should be like the shepherds, and call out to one another, even in the darkness (but also in the light!). Encouragement, reminders of how great our God is, simple praise for our Savior - Out Loud - so that those around us can hear, and join in with us "And again they said, Hallelujah!" Rev. 19:3

 I will do my best to be loud for you my friends. Please, when you hear my weak attempts, join with me, and make my voice stronger. Together, we are strong. Together, we are something to be feared. Let's remember that as we say goodbye to 2008 and welcome in another new year. 

 Hallelujah!!