And the Knobale prize goes to…

Welcome my friends, to the Knobale Prize – Nostalgia Edition. Brought to you this year by “Ol’ Faithful Bicycles”.

Ol’ Faithful Bicycles… where everything except the bell jangles. Ol’ Faithful – you don’t need no bell!

Let’s get directly into it, shall we?

This Year’s Knobale prize for Physics goes to the man who made Physics relevant to the real life. He gave us gems like

He is mooning over her, but she is attracted towards an altogether different person.

No, my friends. That was a class on “Gravity”. The first “he” is the moon, “she” is the the earth… you do the physics.

 

The Knobale Prize for Chemistry is shared between three worthy winners. One winner is recognized for his dedication, as shown when he tried to suck concentrated HCl up a mouth pipette during an experiment.

The other two winners share the prize for discovering the must-have ingredient in any experiment – fun. The discovery occurred when they intentionally used their test-tubes for “cheers”. Unfortunately, they test-tubes were being heated on the burner at the time. Fortunately, the ruined tubes meant they couldn’t follow it up with “bottoms up”.

 

The Knobale Prize for Physiology is won by “Species transformation by DNA manipulation”.

Picture this: 10th standard class. We are learning about types of plants, types of flowers (and types of cows and buffalos for some reason, by that’s neither here or there). The types of plants part includes flower plants like tuberose, which we have just finished learning about.

Teacher walks in for the next class, and asks, “Where were we last time?” Comes the confident and sincere reply, from the last row, “tarbooj”.

 

The Knobale Prize for Literature goes to the masterful treatise, “Affairs are never fair”.

Scene: 8th std class (may even be 9th std). The students are learning English for 3+ years, but still haven’t successfully navigated the tricky terrain called “Antonyms”. Teacher asks, “Antonym of ‘fair’ is…”

“…Affair” pat comes the reply, from this courteous guy.

 

And, last but not the least, Knobale Peace Prize goes to… Yeah, I don’t think I have thought this through. And now I am short a winner. So let’s do what any self-respecting committee would do in such situation…

…and share the prize. I win for keeping the peace on the blog for last 2 weeks. And you, the readers, win for tolerating that peace and/or reading this crazy post in peace. Happy?

 

Till next time, then. Meanwhile, got any nominations/winners of your own?

 

- The Great Eagle has spoken

Chitrakatha: Story of My March

From the comments I can see that some of you have been wondering where I had been missing for the last month (As for others, shame on you for not wondering). There have even been rumours making rounds that I have hung my keyboard and retired from blogging (as if!).

So, in order to show that I am not going anywhere soon, I have decided to tell you the story of my well-earned (well, earned to be sure) leave. And I got pictures to prove it…

Rewind back to 1st March, and I was all ready for a flight to India, after more than 2.5 years. My place was all cleaned up (and I got photos to show my parents how I keep my house clean)

The bags were all packed:

And I was waiting for my cab.

And then… this happened:

That’s supposed to be the parking lot of my office. And how did I end up in the office on a Sunday, you ask? Well, as you can see, the reason was the weather. My Sunday afternoon flight was cancelled, so was the alternate flight I got on Monday. The dedicated worker that I am, I spent the Monday in office (that’s my story and I am sticking to it). Finally, I left my house 48 hours after I was supposed to.

As for the flight, almost empty plane means we can spread around a bit. So, I was not worried that my seat monitor spent the entire 15 hour flight doing this:For the people who curse Windows’ slow booting, just look at that symbol top left.

Finally, I was home, from sub-zero (Celsius, always Celsius) temperature to 27 degrees at 1000 feet in Mumbai. The stay at home was very relaxing: meeting everybody after a long time, relaxing at home doing nothing, meeting friends etc.

Let me tell you, trying to live through the air pressure changes in aircraft is very hard when you are suffering from cold. After 20 days at home, it was back to US, reaching one afternoon at 4 and starting office the next morning. How was I feeling? Well, this was the weather when I was leaving for the office after a long stay at home:

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. My contract with airlines is still valid: all bags (and their contents) came out fine in either direction.

One Inauguration, so many questions

President-elect Barack Obama’s journey to drop the “-elect” from his title started with a 137 mile train journey from Philadelphia to Washington D.C., which took about 7 hours (that’s about 32 kmph. And we Indians thought Barshi Light was slow). My question is:

Was he sitting in the train looking at his watch and going, “48 hours till I can ride the Air Force One, 47 hours till…”?

We have seen all the film award shows put musical performances before the Big Four awards to increase the suspense. Just like that, after swearing in the Vice President, there was a musical performance.

Does the president-elect think at this point, “let’s get this done already”?

Can a close friend of the president-elect (or better yet, soon-to-be ex-president) turn around and go “Once more” after the performance is over, just to pull president-elect’s leg?

After the swearing-in ceremony is over, the president was shown inside the Capitol signing some documents. Of these options discussed in our office, which do you think describe the documents he was signing:

a. Lease for the White House, Air Force One, Marine One etc.

b. HR documents

c. Benefits documents

d. Just some papers he doodled on so that photographers can get shots of him signing something.

Meanwhile, people on the ground had other concerns. Bars open 24 hours, sub-zero temperatures and (despite this being the costliest inauguration yet)  one port-a-potty for about 6000 people on an average. I will leave you to complete that thought.

And while we are on the thought of bars, the president has to attend 10 official balls on the same day. This, plus 24 hours open bars: does the entire country wake up with a serious case of Januarythefirstitis on 21st January every four years?

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

 

P.S. Obama vs Congress chess? What an idea…

Waxing Eloquent

A few thoughts from a recent office party:

Attending a party in a wax museum is extremely confusing -

• Looking from a distance, you never know if you are looking at a person or a statue. “I thought you were a statue” is not exactly a good excuse when somebody asks you why you didn't say hello.


• It is very easy to get your picture with any girl, and tell your girlfriend it's just some celebrity. On the other hand, you have to convince your girlfriend every time she sees you getting photographed with a girl.


• When you see people standing around or near a statue, you can easily mistake it for a person. On the other hand, a person standing alone...


• In the similar vein, imagine: you are standing in a group talking. You sense something and look back to find somebody standing at your shoulder. As a courteous person, you move a bit to include the newcomer in the conversation, only to realise that it's a statue. On the other hand...

And, after a long time, here's the latest edition of Quick Quotes Quill* – Celebrity edition:

• “How do they get the clothes on (the statues)?”


• “He's so short.”
  - Standing next to a Barack Obama statue


• “Next time you come here, he will be younger.”
  - Looking at Brad Pitt. (Incidentally, I have seen two museums now and why is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie the only couple in Madame Tussuad's apart from the Clintons?)


• “He should have auditioned for the part of Benjamin Button.”
  - Tom Cruise – apparently, all of his wives are 11 years younger than the earlier one.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

* Earlier editions of Quick Quotes Quill: Part I, Part II, Part III

And That Was A Great Saturday

They say that everything happens for a reason. Missing a bus last week made me catch the metro (which adds 30-40 minutes to my travelling time, and triples the cost), when I saw the poster for Armed Forces Open Day, which included an airshow.

By now you must know that for me an airshow is like offering a chance for an average Indian man to go into the dressing room of Indian cricket team. Or like offering a backstage pass for a VS fashion show to an average teenager. It took me two seconds to find a seat. It took me considerably less time to decide to attend the show.

They say that the best laid plans never survive first contact with morning (I may have been paraphrasing). I saw my "planned" metro leaving the station while still outside. Which meant I was to reach the AFB half an hour later than I intended. But it was worth it.

Spending ages in front of a flight simulator doesn't even come close to seeing the actual fighters. You have to see them up close to see how superb F/A-22 looks. Or how JSF looks. Or a C-130, F-4, Hurricane or Spitfire. Or a Harrier, F-14, cockpit of A-10 and F-16. Or how Blue Angels "perform".

Let's just say that I could not get the end of Blue Angels on ground because I ran out memory card in my camera. This was just one of those times which push me to get an SLR without looking at the price-tag.

Here's just a small sampling of my 6 hours yesterday:









Surprisingly, this was my first airshow, not counting the impromptu show we saw in Hyderabad when Suryakiran team was practising before their Afro-Asian Games performance (the ground is just round the corner from Hyd Infy office).


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. The show was also worth the knowledge that I can get sunburned. Ouch!

Quick Draw McGraw

Event: Intra-DC Charades Championships (Round: Comics and Superheroes)
Date: Regrettably Forgotten
Venue: the basement hall in one of the buildings in office

Imagine this. A team is heading back to their place after their turn, their heads bowed in defeat. Other team heads up to the podium. Two members take their places, while third member picks up the chit from the box. He turns, gestures, the name is uttered. The team heads back before the previous team has reached their places. Time taken: 2 seconds

So, was it a surprise we won the first prize?

So, let me tell you how it came about...

Our team was (hastily) selected the morning of competition. Due to the projects (all members from different projects), none of us had time to sit together and plan anything. The only planning was done while walking to the venue of the competition.


We arrived, and went through first round easily. Second round, the team before ours was on the podium, and they could not guess anything, despite energetic gesturing by the "dumb". From what he was doing, we guessed that he was trying to convey "Phantom" to his team-mates. "Why is he doing all that? I would just show a person drawing guns from his holsters" was the verdict of our discussion.

Turns out they were supposed to answer "Asterix" (or something like that), and not Phantom (which actually made it a lot "dumber", IMO). Then our team was called up. I went on the stage, saw the name given to us...

I may not have beaten the record for "Fastest Draw", but I must say, I came pretty close to it that day.



I have friends so tuned to a common wavelength that many times we just need to look at each other to get what we want to say (a thing the girlfriends of my friends rue). I have had charades adventures when the correct guesses came before any movement. I have had charades games where the opposing team got so desperate that they started giving imaginary movie names (which incidentally, we guessed, all of them). But this was the only time it was, "We came, I did (something), We Won".

Got any such "connections" and adventures to share?


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

Quote of The Day:

HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean...
- Robin

Life and Art

You do know what they say about one imitating the other, don't you?

Imagine you are watching one of the episodes of "Eureka" (more about it later) on your laptop. The story goes: People are vanishing from Eureka, and after each disappearance, only Sheriff Carter knows that there is something/someone missing.

Now, after I have watched five out of six chapters (parts), I click on the link for the sixth one. What I get is something I didn't expect, and is definitely not the video I want.

Assuming something clicked wrong, I click on the back button. Nothing... Back again and the PC flashes "Empty Folder" at me. It's like only I remember that there were 6 full videos of almost 10 minutes each in there just now.

Now tell me, how much freaking out is in order here?


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. The last two weeks have seen some major changes in the blog template, and content. Feedback welcome...

P.P.S. Stay tuned for a major announcement sometime this week. Details are being finalized as I type.

Quote of The Day:

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill

The Knight Chronicles Chapter VI

a.k.a. Knights in Swimsuits


When Deepa wrote about the problems she faced in (getting to) swimming pool, it put in my mind the times when we used to swim. Or rather, my friends. Water is not exactly my element, you know.

So, let me take you back to the time when the Knights were not yet Knights, but school kids in uniforms, riding bicycles.

Jaws IV

Once it so happened once that some of my friends had gone for a swim in a pool. The pool was crowded with people, including some girls from our rival (sister) school. Now you should know that it is not exactly advisable to show off in a pool full of people. So imagine the surprise of my friend when one of his strokes put his arm neatly round the shoulders of one of the girls, who had suddenly resurfaced near him with all the grace of a submarine blowing its ballast.

My friends recon they have never seen a better yawn-and-stretch manoeuvre carried out even consciously and on ground than this aquatic version. No wonder the girl came to be known as "Shark" during later days.

The Longest Mile

And then there was the time when my friend and his brother went swimming. After his brother was finished, he told my friend he was going ahead, with their bag. What my friend had forgotten was that the only "clothes" outside the bag were his jacket containing his bicycle keys and a towel.

The walk from the swimming pool (he could hardly ride, could he now?) wearing a jacket and towel, made my friend understand what it is to walk the longest mile.

The Fibbing Fish...

No tale of the swimming Knights would ever be complete without telling you about our friend with "asthma". While others indulged in regular pool activities (like pushing people underwater, or pulling them), he used to steer clear of any strenuous adventures. So it wasn't surprising that we never asked him to accompany us on a trek.

What was surprising for us was to find him angry with us for excluding him. When we told him the reason we omitted him, he fell down laughing. Turns out his asthma was the result of his desire to be kept out of antiques in pool.


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. Click here for other adventures of Knights of The Round Table.

Quote of The Day:

Seventy-five percent of our planet is water - can you swim?
- Author Unknown

Stat-isfactory or...

If you care about your blog as much as I do (i.e. if you crave attention as much as the next blogger), I am sure then you would be checking your stats, err... your blog's stats at least twice a day.

Pro-bloggers and serious bloggers tell me that blog stats are a good way to know what your readers are reading, and what they don't like, thereby making you more "in tune" with your readers. That doesn't mean the keeping an eye on blog stats is easy going.

To give you an example, here's today for me:

• Good: Pageviews exceeding daily average by 30% on "Lazy Habits of Thinking" within first quarter day means that I am well on way to make this second-best or even best day.


• Bad: I still don't know why the occasional spikes, so I don't know what I did (and should do) to attract people to my blog.


• Good: Coming after a particularly slow day (on account of Labour Day weekend), the spike might be expected.


• Bad: Not a single comment resulting from all those visits? More than 82% readers spend less than 30 seconds on my blog.


• Good: Some of the older posts seem to have been rejuvenated.


• Bad: As much as I want, I cannot believe people are searching the net only for one Harry Potter book out of seven, that too not the last one. So what's different in that one post? I haven't found any answer yet.


• Good: The spikes, and resurgence of some posts gave me idea to put some extra things in the post footer, like single button to bookmark the post on any social bookmarking site you want, and link for subscribing to RSS feed.


• Bad: Without feed stats on Wordpress, I cannot be sure if that is working at all.


• Good: An e-mail from the author of a book I reviewed for BlogCritics, telling me he liked my review and my blog. This has nothing to do with stats, but I must say, it was a nice feeling hearing from an author (whose book I liked by the way), not to mention reading that he appreciates the post.

So, now that you know how stat-watching is emotional roller-coaster ride for me, I would like to know more about you:

Do (blog) statistics matter to you? Do you keep going back to your stats counter again and again through the day? If you see lots of traffic on one post, do you wonder why? And if 100-odd readers leave no comment, do you despair?

Write in comments, write a post and leave the link in comments... answer any way you want and do tell me I am not alone here.


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken


P.S. Do remember to check my last year's post "A Toast to All My Teachers" on this Teacher's Day (09/05/2007).

Quote of The Day:

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995), Esar's Comic Dictionary

The Knight Chronicles Chapter V

a.k.a. The History of Knight in Split Pants


When I wrote the last post about Sir Pinocchio, I told you that he came very close to being called Sir Urmila (or some such thing). Being busy in creating my new blog meant that the story of "how" had to be postponed for some time.


Those who remember the story (others click on the link above and come back) would remember that the trek was undertaken in monsoon. That meant climbing for a better part of morning in torrential rains, and we all were completely drenched by the time we reached the top.

Before trying to dehydrate our waterlogged clothes (which led us to solve a puzzle about halving the distance involving wet jeans) and roaming around in the fort, we changed out of wet clothes. Our squire found out that the only trousers he could spare was the pair which comes with your typical 2-piece rainsuit. He thought that was a wise choice given that rain hadn't stopped yet.


Now those of you who have experience with the item in question will know that whatever else the pants are made for, they are definitely not made for climbing and heavy roaming. The result was that by the time we got back to our campsite, the only thing holding the pants together on one side was the band of elastic at the top. (Did I tell you how windy it gets up there?)

To this date our squire is greatful that some unfortunate (for us) miscommunication meant that there exists no photographic record which we can show to his wife, and that the fortunate (for him) incident of mismatched pins meant he got a better name than Sir Urmila.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken


P.S. Why Urmila? Those were the days when she was noticed for her roles in movies like "Rangeela", "Daud" and so on...

P.P.S. As part of the (possible) plan to merge my blogs sometime in future, "The Knight Chronicles" will continue on this blog from now on.
Want more exploits of the Knights? Click on the other adventures of Knights of The Round Table. (No, Blogger doesn't have an "import" function).


Quote of The Day:
Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell (1900 - 1949)

Damsel and Distress

My friends can testify (when in one of their rare truthful moods) that I am not a person who (in PuLa's words) pokes my (non-)dirty nose आपलं ज्यात त्यात ('in affairs not concerning myself', for non-marathi people). So I am still trying to find the cause of this severe epistaxis one of my acquaintances gave me today morning.

Well rested, I woke up early morning to start for the college. As I had more time that usual in the morning (by virtue of there being late quiz, not me waking up early), I decided to check if anybody is there online with whom I can chat. And I was lucky, I found my dear sis, and one of my acquaintances whom I haven’t met for a long time.

So I pinged the lady in question, while simultaneously having a pleasent chat my sister. Here’s the conversation that took place.

Me: hi....
X: sorry I will talk to you later
Me: ok.... ping me when you are free
X: ho mi akashi online bolat ahe (I am chatting akashi)

Till this point, we both were pretty polite and all was going fine. I mean, anybody can understand that if a person is busy, he will not chat with you. No problems in that. But her comment was surprising. I mean how can anybody talk आकाशी(that’s ‘sky blue’ in marathi)? Now, I can understand people talking गुलाबी (romantic). Many of my friends do it all the time… but आकाशी???

So I shrewdly guessed that this was a typo on her side, and she wanted to say that she was talking XXXX शी. But then, my puzzled mind tried to fill in the blanks, and came up blank. There was a list of possibilities, akash, akka, asha etc etc… (I did not try after this)

So, I tried to clear my confusion


Me: konashi???
X: any problem to u?

I should have known that here I was on the edge of where no man has gone before. But my enterprising early morning (sleepy) self tried to limit the damage…

Me: problem ani mala??? no
X: mag kashala ase vicharales?tuzi ani mazi titakishi olakh pan nahi (Then why did you ask? You don’t even know me that well)


Talk about being touchy... At this point of time, I was totally lost. I had heard of curiosity being a feline-killer, but this was not even a case which can be filed under that heading. The words which came into my head at that time were not exactly the ones which can be said in front of a lady, so I retired from the conversation, nursing my bloody nose.

Somebody please tell me, where I went wrong? And yes, any cures for epistaxis are welcome.

All I can say is, I should have guessed the way my day was going to be by this.


P.S. Orkut has also joined in to wreck my day. On my home page, it tells me “You have 1 fans.” On clicking on the link, the table shows “none”. I live in air-conditioned apartment, but then I would like to know the name of the person who think I am worthy of this honor. Hilfe!!!!!!
(If anybody reading this is that person, or knows that person, Sorry I could not thank you properly... but thank you very much for that gesture!)

The Separation

We celebrated our second anniversary this week. But now, its time for us to move on, and we will be separating next week. After all, we can’t carry on with the relationship when I am no longer here with her, right?

Two years of a great relationship! What memories I will carry with me! To say it was love at first site will be an understatement! I was in love with her even before we actually met. And the first meeting proved me right. We were made for each other. I was getting over my first crush.

But that didn’t mean the relationship was all a ride in the park. We had our ups and downs. There were days when neither of us could do anything wrong, and then there were days when even one word started a fight. But still, we carried on regardless. We knew neither of us was perfect, but we tried!

Two years have passed now. Almost three, if I start from the day we first met. Every day was a new experience. Every day taught me something new. Every day brought me new experiences. (We even have a foreign location song in this film.)

But somewhere, something was missing. My heart was now crying out for something different. My first crush was beckoning me. It was time to follow my heart. And so, we decided to separate.

So, finally I have resigned from my company, and going back to continue my studies in my favorite subject. Only one week to go, and it will not be “My Company” anymore, it will be referred as “My ex-“.

What I will miss in the company?

- The 4 months training with a great batch and even greater batch mates (hey, I miss it even now)



- My project and the night-outs (ok, I never stayed beyond 11.30, but still...)

- The project parties @ Planet X and the dinner after that in “Olive Gardens”

- My place, my computer and the “Pillar of PLM” in front of me (on my right hand side in photo ;))



- And last but not the least, my colleagues, who regularly come up with statements like this, and provided the targets for my “Puneri” sarcasm.

So with a sad heart, I am presenting the third (and last) edition of Tongue of Slips:

• "We will watch ‘Star of Wars’!!"
(In the climax of this film, Tom Cruise fights with Darth Vedar. May ‘The (F-)Fourteen’ be with you!)

• "We will start going home on Java!"
(Ok, I will start writing the code. Please fill in the blanks according to personal choice.
public class MotorCycle{…}
)

• "Panther को हिंदी में बघीरा कहेते हैं!" (Panther is called Bagheera in Hindi)
(Hindi Maha Pandit... Used Jungle Book as textbook)

• "We ordinary people have different nameplate template than PM (Project Managers)"
(public class The_Ordinary_Man extends The_Common_Man implements The_Software_Engineer)


Guys, keep up the good work, and Best Luck!!!

Roger, Tower, Fleiger is rolling...

If you have noticed, when you (ever!) shut down your windows PC, it goes through the following steps: Logging off, Closing Network Connections, Saving your settings and finally shutdown…

Speaking for myself, last week was my logoff period, I completed my remaining tasks. This week I am closing my network connections, will be completing some documents. Saving the settings comes next week, that’s when I will be “transferring all knowledge” (nice words, huh?) to my successor (cannot think of any other appropriate word)… And then comes the shutdown part. And finally, on 22nd July 2005, I will celebrate my Independence Day… by sending the “Last day @ ..” mail.

The story starts on a saturday in April. Bored at home, I came to office just for doing some timepass, and my mailbox had one new mail. I opened it with my heartbeat sounding like a hard rock night, and saw that it was a “Ja” instead of a “Nein”. (Let me tell you one thing at this point, getting a positive response from a university feels almost the same as getting a yes from your girlfriend. And till I get some experience of the latter, the comparison stands!)

Cut to 13th June 2005, and I was heading to American Embassy office in Pune. Submitted the form, and was presented with the question, “15th or 20th?” Amidst the worry that I may not complete my preps before that, I selected for 15th…

15th June finds me standing in sweltering heat of Mumbai, waiting for 11.15. 11:15 sees me still standing outside, contemplating a (not so) happy thought that I am gonna wait for 2 hours more. Like they say, when in India, follow IST.

I go inside the embassy @ 1:30, and then comes wait for another 1 hour. This time, thankfully while sitting on chairs under AC. The first thing you notice there is the notice boards displaying the news flashes in various newspapers… about how many people were caught for doing something illegal to get Visa. Nice way to welcome people, eh?

After waiting for some time under these conditions, my number is called. I wait in line in front of a window. The ever-present doubt about understanding the strange (to us) pronunciations and accent gets heightened by the nasal infection the embassy officer seems to be suffering from. The fellow in front of me in line gets the full brunt of his ire, and all my threat-receiver's dials start pinging at highest frequency. Trying to display a confident front, I stand in front of him. Then start the questions, for which everybody I know has tried to train me. 1 minute and 4 questions later, come the words, “I am granting you the visa. Best Luck!” and I don’t believe my ears. I am out of the embassy in next 2 minutes, still trying to understand that I have successfully passed one more hurdle for my Masters degree.

So, to cut the long story short, all the dials checked as normal, targets locked… and I just got cleared by Tower for taxiway 1.