Recently, I've been getting a lot of criticism from several friends and family members, concerning some of my actions, and some of the words I've used. In some cases, I behaved as an idiot and I deserved to be condemned, so I have taken action to try and demonstrate my sincerest apologies, for I am an imperfect person who sometimes, indeed, makes foolish mistakes.
In some other cases, I fail to recognize the crime I am being charged with, however, I have also expressed how sorry I am to those involved, for I never meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes, people see flaws in you that you're just completely unaware of.
Some of these debacles are still ongoing, and the effects of some are still being felt. However, after taking six or seven blows in the past two weeks or so, I am now numbed by the number of indictments that have been earnestly bestowed upon my conscience. All I can do is apologize, express the guilt that I feel, and assert that I will try my best not to commit the same crimes again. I cannot afford to buy anyone a new boat, or car, or even delivered flowers. Saying sorry is all I've got.
I have only ever expressed my anger at someone once in the past four months, and I assure you that this is honest truth. It was resolved the next day, they said sorry to me. And I moved on. That's all that's needed with me. I don't get angry easily, and if I do, I can forgive quite quickly. Believe it or not, even as the author of Do you hate it too?, I don't like being judgmental, I don't like making people feel bad about themselves. I tolerate the idiosyncrasies, then have a little rant on my blogs, and then get over it. This accomplishes patience.
We are all people here, imperfect, flawed, and capable of error... all I can ask for is forgiveness. If time or distance is needed, then a simple request for it would do. I don't like to dwell on things. I don't want to experience any hard feelings. I may still do so every now and then... but even so, I still wouldn't like feeling that way, obviously.
I'm done with apologizing. I've done all I can to attempt to rectify what's gone wrong. I'm tired. I'm numb. I need to spend some time now with a few people that acknowledge and appreciate my patience. I'm too tired of sitting here, bottling up everything wrong with the people around me, and letting them pour all of their hurt on me. Take your scrutinous microscope, and examine yourselves. Sometimes, it's just too darn easy to blame it on me. It really is. And that's your weakness, not mine.
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