Be Still and Know...Then and Now

I actually beat the birds and squirrels up this morning. They are just now emerging from from their campground homes to explore the dropped tid-bits from last nights supper. So my internal dialog is full of difficult questions this morning. Our church is struggling right now, this grieves my spirit. I feel like my family is falling apart and I am at a loss to stop it. When I look back, we have been members here for over 25 years, I remember the sanctuary bursting at the seams. Now we are a dim shadow of what we once were. This struggle has encroached upon my beloved campmeeting. I try to remain positive, yet realistically wonder how much longer it can hang on. I continue to pray, in the fall the church body will be dedicating several months to prayer as well as other actions to seek direction for our future. I know the church, overall across our nation is in decline, but this for me is personal. The momma in me wants to fix it, scold it into submission, embrace it and  comfor...

It started very early, before I even got out of bed. My thought life was going places it just did not need to go. As it does from time to time I woke with thoughts of doom and gloom. Thoughts that no mother ever wants to ponder upon. I lay there for several minutes allowing the thoughts to weigh heavy upon me, then I recognized it for what it was. Away from me Satan, it’s Sunday and I need to get ready for church. The evil one is persistent. It was a series of very small things, however it was just enough to shift my mood, my thoughts to a place where they should not have been. I got myself ready for church, I was ready to go, purse on my shoulder and the Girlchild points to my chin and announces “You have a GIANT white hair right there!” From the look on my face she then follows with “Well it’s better than waiting to point it out to you at church!” I concede to her logic and redeposit my purse and other things to the counter and go on a hair plucking mission. We managed to hit...

Yesterday was one of those days. If I picked it up I dropped it. If I walked into a room I forgot what I went into the room for. I couldn't focus on anything for more than a few moments. I had a headache all day. My child said “I heard you the first time!” and it was a supreme battle of self control not to walk over to her and rip her sweet little head right off her neck! All day long there was a rolling internal dialog of negative, angry, irrational and down right nasty thoughts rolling upon the shores of my life. Thankfully the girlchild has taken to sequestering herself behind her bedroom door for most of the day. The only thing that draws her out these days is hunger, vanity (one can not neglect ones hair or makeup) and the Taylor Lautner movie she wanted to see that was on the DVR. At the end of the day, the girlchild was still in her room and the Hubs had retired for the night I found myself alone in my quiet house. I administered a cocktail and breathed in the quiet...

Roll over and look at the alarm clock on the night stand, I slept late this morning, I’d better get up. Wow, I have a headache! I hate waking up with a headache. I'll have a cup of coffee that will help. Remember you said you were going to tackle that HUGE pile of mail today! Coffee first then the mail, my head still hurts! Bummer the coffee did not help my headache …maybe I’ll take some Goody’s…… Ok, OK, Ok, I’ll let you out….but first another cup of coffee. WOW! It feels really nice out here this morning, I think I’ll sit a bit and drink my coffee. Now it’s hot, that last about 10 minutes. Where’s my knitting, where did I leave off last night, You need to sit down and work on that pile of mail. My head still hurts, I can't open mail with a headache……..what’s on television???? Oh look Star Trek Next Generation, I love that show. I’ll sit and drink my coffee for a few more minutes and add a few more rows…. My head still hurts, you forgot to take your headache ...

Myself: What is the dog doing? Me: Get out of my flowerbed….bad dog! Myself: You don’t care what the dog is doing just go inside and mind your own business….. Me: Oh no, Mrs. Bunny has decided to birth her second or hundredth litter of bunnies in my flowerbed. Myself: Now remember you said that if Mrs. Bunny came again you were going to let nature take it’s course…. Me: Oh No Buster is now using a newborn bunny as a chew toy! Myself: Maybe Mrs. Bunny will learn a lesson and move on to someone else's back yard! Me: Look at it’s tiny terrified little baby bunny legs flailing around in a panic. Baby Bunny: Help Me! Mommy! There is a ferocious Hound from Hell tossing me up in the air like a chew toy! Myself: Seriously, I have not even had my first cup of coffee and now I have to go chase down the dog in the back yard in hopes that he has not killed another bunny! Me: Oh no…….here we go again. Buster: Kill the Wabbit ….Kill the Wabbit…..Kill the Wabbit! Myself: Remember you...